Asking one partner to play solo

kerrimyberry · 05-10-2007, 09:53 PM

My husband and I recently spent some time with another couple. She and I played then went back to our partners. We didn't swap, although it was a time issue and not that we didn't want to. We talked about getting together again, etc... My question is this: Two days later the other wife started calling my husband asking if he made house calls (meaning alone). He declined, as I would have expected, but I'm really disappointed that she would even ask. Am I being silly or jealous or possessive in thinking this was overstepping the "swinging" thing? Asking a married man to cheat just because she thinks maybe its' okay?? I don't know what she was thinking really, but I don't want to play with them now anymore. I feel disrespected by her.

Any thoughts? Thanks. We're new to this.

lovinher · 05-10-2007, 10:10 PM

Quote:

I don't want to play with them now anymore. I feel disrespected by her.

You shouldn't and you were. I suppose it's possible that maybe she thought you guys played alone but it's a huge presumption on her part. Does this couple play alone? If not then it goes without saying that she was willing to cheat on her husband. I doubt many couples around here would want anything to do with them.

spectraschain · 05-10-2007, 10:12 PM

It wouldn't bother us....but we're NOT new to this.
We've run across many different situations in our journey...i really don't believe the "swinging thing" has many well-defined boundries.
Of course, our profile states that either of us may play alone...so I suppose this is a moot point in our case.
Being new, don't be afraid to express your concerns to playmates...as in, "we don't play alone" or something to that effect...
If you like this couple, I see no need to feel disappointed or betrayed....just be sure to make your feelings known...it's all about communication in this game.

spectraschain · 05-10-2007, 10:17 PM

Quote:

If not then it goes without saying that she was willing to cheat on her husband.

Talk about presumptuous....as I stated...communication is the key.
Jeeze........................

lovinher · 05-10-2007, 10:19 PM

Quote:

It wouldn't bother us....but we're NOT new to this.

So I was wrong. That was quick!

For me, respect is everything and this woman showed none.

lovinher · 05-10-2007, 10:25 PM

You conveniently left out this part

Quote:

Does this couple play alone? If not then it goes without saying that she was willing to cheat on her husband.

How is that presumptuous?

spectraschain · 05-10-2007, 10:25 PM

Perhaps she didn't know what to respect....

Your rules are not ours...if in fact someone has written a cliffnotes on swinging I suppose we'll need to obtain a copy...

lovinher · 05-10-2007, 10:27 PM

Let me ask you then is something you would do?

spectraschain · 05-10-2007, 10:29 PM

Yes ma'am....would....and have.

spectraschain · 05-10-2007, 10:30 PM

...on both sides of our coin...BTW

BradAndJanet · 05-10-2007, 10:35 PM

kerrimyberry, I can understand why you're upset. Your understanding of the 'rules' obviously doesn't jibe with hers, perhaps because it was never discussed between you. One way to handle it would be to take the high-road, call her and explain your feelings. Hey, I'll bet you know he's a good lover so it's no surprise she would want more of that, right?

Try gently clearing the air with her and you may find out she'll apologize for presuming. At least you'll get a chance to find out more about the kind of person she really is.

-B

spectraschain · 05-10-2007, 10:40 PM

Quote:

Try gently clearing the air with her and you may find out she'll apologize for presuming. At least you'll get a chance to find out more about the kind of person she really is.

Yet another voice of reason...well put

N&G · 05-10-2007, 10:41 PM

Many people play solo so she may have been simply asking. It's hard to tell whether the woman was asking him to cheat or not but she should have asked when everyone was together. This avoids the impression of being sneaky. If the other couple are newbies I would tend to give them the benefit of the doubt. If they aren't she should have known better and I would be more suspicious of her motives.

lovinher · 05-10-2007, 10:41 PM

Wow! I guess we need to ask if they had a discusion with this couple regarding their rules. From the sounds of it the poster does not play alone. I'm assuming, maybe wrongly that this woman knew that. Most people would have that discussion I would think. If not, they should have.

lovinher · 05-11-2007, 12:14 AM

Quote:

Your rules are not ours...if in fact someone has written a cliffnotes on swinging I suppose we'll need to obtain a copy...

The only "rule" mentioned here is respect. I don't need cliffnotes for that, apparently you do.

Swingers Ads	Swinger Pics	Swinger Stories	Shopping	Search Swingers	Swingers Clubs	Swinger Articles	Dictionary	FAQs	Swinger Links
Forums	Register	Swinger Events	Search	Today's Posts	Mark Forums Read	Chat Room

05-10-2007, 09:53 PM	#1 (permalink)
kerrimyberry Registered User Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 1 Location: Upstate New York Status: couple	Asking one partner to play solo My husband and I recently spent some time with another couple. She and I played then went back to our partners. We didn't swap, although it was a time issue and not that we didn't want to. We talked about getting together again, etc... My question is this: Two days later the other wife started calling my husband asking if he made house calls (meaning alone). He declined, as I would have expected, but I'm really disappointed that she would even ask. Am I being silly or jealous or possessive in thinking this was overstepping the "swinging" thing? Asking a married man to cheat just because she thinks maybe its' okay?? I don't know what she was thinking really, but I don't want to play with them now anymore. I feel disrespected by her. Any thoughts? Thanks. We're new to this.

05-10-2007, 10:12 PM	#3 (permalink)
spectraschain Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 245 Location: central ohio Status: couple	Re: post-swap etiquette? It wouldn't bother us....but we're NOT new to this. We've run across many different situations in our journey...i really don't believe the "swinging thing" has many well-defined boundries. Of course, our profile states that either of us may play alone...so I suppose this is a moot point in our case. Being new, don't be afraid to express your concerns to playmates...as in, "we don't play alone" or something to that effect... If you like this couple, I see no need to feel disappointed or betrayed....just be sure to make your feelings known...it's all about communication in this game.
	__________________ resident martian anthropologist...observing the hole.....er.....whole.

05-10-2007, 10:25 PM	#7 (permalink)
spectraschain Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 245 Location: central ohio Status: couple	Re: post-swap etiquette? Perhaps she didn't know what to respect.... Your rules are not ours...if in fact someone has written a cliffnotes on swinging I suppose we'll need to obtain a copy...
	__________________ resident martian anthropologist...observing the hole.....er.....whole.

05-10-2007, 10:27 PM	#8 (permalink)
lovinher Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 1,008 Location: cleveland area Status: married to lovinhim	Re: post-swap etiquette? Let me ask you then is something you would do?
	__________________ I know I was born. I know that I'll die. The in between is mine. (PJ)

05-10-2007, 10:29 PM	#9 (permalink)
spectraschain Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 245 Location: central ohio Status: couple	Re: post-swap etiquette? Yes ma'am....would....and have.
	__________________ resident martian anthropologist...observing the hole.....er.....whole.

05-10-2007, 10:30 PM	#10 (permalink)
spectraschain Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 245 Location: central ohio Status: couple	Re: post-swap etiquette? ...on both sides of our coin...BTW
	__________________ resident martian anthropologist...observing the hole.....er.....whole.

05-10-2007, 10:35 PM	#11 (permalink)
BradAndJanet Only slightly cracked... Join Date: Jul 2001 Posts: 7,071 Location: Seattle Status: Married Couple	Re: post-swap etiquette? kerrimyberry, I can understand why you're upset. Your understanding of the 'rules' obviously doesn't jibe with hers, perhaps because it was never discussed between you. One way to handle it would be to take the high-road, call her and explain your feelings. Hey, I'll bet you know he's a good lover so it's no surprise she would want more of that, right? Try gently clearing the air with her and you may find out she'll apologize for presuming. At least you'll get a chance to find out more about the kind of person she really is. -B
	__________________ "If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." - Mark Twain All about us...

05-10-2007, 10:41 PM	#13 (permalink)
N&G Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jul 2003 Posts: 151 Location: Northern New Jersey Status: Couple	Re: post-swap etiquette? Many people play solo so she may have been simply asking. It's hard to tell whether the woman was asking him to cheat or not but she should have asked when everyone was together. This avoids the impression of being sneaky. If the other couple are newbies I would tend to give them the benefit of the doubt. If they aren't she should have known better and I would be more suspicious of her motives.

05-10-2007, 10:41 PM	#14 (permalink)
lovinher Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 1,008 Location: cleveland area Status: married to lovinhim	Re: post-swap etiquette? Wow! I guess we need to ask if they had a discusion with this couple regarding their rules. From the sounds of it the poster does not play alone. I'm assuming, maybe wrongly that this woman knew that. Most people would have that discussion I would think. If not, they should have.
	__________________ I know I was born. I know that I'll die. The in between is mine. (PJ)

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

LinkBacks (?) LinkBack to this Thread: http://www.swingersboard.com/forums/swinging-separately-open-marriage/33392-asking-one-partner-play-solo.html
Posted By	For	Type	Date
Swinging Separately/ Open Marriage [Text Version] - The Swingers Board	This thread	Refback	05-09-2009 05:59 PM

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
Awkward: work situation and ex play partner	Tybee Swing	Swinging and the Workplace	15	08-27-2007 03:01 PM
Partner is passive about finding others to play with	crazykatie	Finding People to Swing With	18	01-12-2007 01:08 PM
Husband getting too involved with play partner	pumpkins1970	Cheating VS Swinging	24	07-21-2006 06:21 PM