Hooking up separately

[CyranoDB]

My wife and I are new swingers in Austin, TX, and we're still figuring out the whole scene. So far, we've been to a local swinger club once; we enjoyed the experience and will go there again this weekend, but we haven't hooked up with any couples yet.

After much discussion we decided we are open to fooling around with other people separately as well as in couples. My wife slept with a close mutual friend one night and told me all the details. I was pleased to find that it didn't bother me at all and I actually enjoyed hearing about it.

Being the giving soul that she is, my wife is now working on her best friend to sleep with me, but I'm not sure if that is going to work out. I propositioned a girl I know socially, and got politely rejected on the grounds that she's uncomfortable with the idea of open marriages. That about taps out the people I already know who I'd be interested in. So I'm trying to figure out how I can meet new people.

I'm well-spoken, funny, and reasonably good looking, but I've always been a bit of a nerd and didn't date very much in high school and college. So although I'm confident of my bedroom abilities, I haven't got any skill or knowledge when it comes to meeting people in a dating capacity. I don't know where to go; I don't know when it's appropriate to bring up the subject "Say, I have an open marriage, would you be interested in an affair and/or a threesome?"

If anybody's got any experience with this sort of thing, or can point me to any sites or books that they found useful, I would love to get some feedback and advice.

[jnhinsd]

buddy im in the same boat you are......

[GotBatteries?]

This is going to sound AWFUL...
Dont tell them you are in an open relationship. I am NOT suggesting that you lie AT ALL, but you simply do not need to give out that information.
If you are trying for the threesome...eh, they might catch on that your wife is okay with it
The girls that are going to sleep with married men suddenly disappear as soon as they realize its all on the up and up and totally ok with the wife.
Mr used to have women falling all over him. Sitting on his lap at the bar, playing grab ass, making offers. All while I was around. After a few times of making offers within my hearing and having me tease them about delivering on all those promises and offers...well, it kinda ended our fun. Vanilla people think its weird. Playing around with a husband behind the wife's back (or so they think) makes more sense to them.
*shrug*
I am well aware how awful that sounds, really, I am.

[JTcamp05]

Think Gotbatteries is correct on this one. It just takes all the excitement away when they know its ok with your spouse..... Go figgure some people don't think like us!!

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by GotBatteries?

This is going to sound AWFUL...

And it does...

But not as a commentary of you; from you it is just an honest assessment. Vanilla folks would rather have a home-wrecking affair than consentual play.

Wild...

And swingers are the warpped ones :rollseyes

Spoomonkey

[ShellyM]

Hey, I work in Austin, Texas!!
How do you do, neighbor
Shelly

[ShellyM]

I have no personal experience with this, but I wouldn't just come out and say that you are in an open marriage...I'll be honest, the whole "cheater" alarm system will go off in a woman's head. My friends do this, but they have a couple that they monogomously see separately as well as together. I don't know how it came up actually, I'll ask next time we talk.
Which club did you go to? We are going to the club this sat. I want to go to Dantes, but I think we'll end up at our usual haunt Aphrodites lol.
Well, best of luck to you
Shelly

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

And it does...

But not as a commentary of you; from you it is just an honest assessment. Vanilla folks would rather have a home-wrecking affair than consentual play.

Wild...

And swingers are the warpped ones :rollseyes

Spoomonkey

Why do you suppose that is, exactly? I mean, you hit it on the head. They are okay with banging the secretary in the office without their wife knowing, but you dare mention having sex with someone in a consentual manner and they tell you you are a bad girl. I don't get that at all.

[GotBatteries?]

The entire idea of 'cheating'-even letting someone else THINK that we are cheating-skeeves us out and we wont go there, we wont mislead. But I do *feel* that those 'nillas are weirdos with this issue. I cant get my head around how cheating is ok but honesty isnt....eh.

We do have some very close friends in the lifestyle and we are hoping (since the issue has been brought up and tap danced around) that maybe we can get to the point where seperate play is an option we can explore. Thats how we are opting to give it a try

[WesternSwing]

Ya' know CyranoDB, it seems to be that way all the way around. There is no shortage of single men we know that would love to be with Mrs. WS, and we have several single women friends that know we are swingers and love to come to parties with us and such, but they won't go there with me, again, because they are not comfortable having sex with someone else's husband. Now if they meet a single guy at the party, it's game-on! So go figure...

Mr. WS

[Miss_Piggy]

There are single gals out there who can deal with this though. We've been fortunate (or more Kermit I guess ) enough to encounter a few such women.

Just so you know, if you keep trying you'll eventually find that they are out there.

[ohcpl43952]

Man do I feel your pain. Same situation here. No problem for wifey to find playmates. A stiff dick has no conscience. But I might as well give up.

[sexcupid]

Originally Posted by WesternSwing

Ya' know CyranoDB, it seems to be that way all the way around. There is no shortage of single men we know that would love to be with Mrs. WS, and we have several single women friends that know we are swingers and love to come to parties with us and such, but they won't go there with me, again, because they are not comfortable having sex with someone else's husband. Now if they meet a single guy at the party, it's game-on! So go figure...

Mr. WS

To the OP: Howdy from San Antonio!

Western Swing...a couple of years ago, my now ex-husband had a bit of a thing (crush sounds so immature) for one of my friends here. He thought she was very sexy. All three of us used to go out and dance (we danced, he was our DD and enjoyed going places with 2 women *lmao*), hang out, ect.

We had a girls night out and after a few drinks we of course started talking about sex///I can hear it now...you find it hard to believe /// and I made her aware of his interest, knew he would be too shy to act on it and basically told her if she was interested, that he was a good play partner and to go for it, no hard feelings from me. She didn't really respond that night, but later she told me that it wasn't that she wasn't interested, but that she respected the friendship more than just a booty call. Basically she didn't want to make the situation feel awkward (ie: after it happened maybe she and I didn't deal well with it...what if the hubby wanted to keep playing and she didn't...or he kept making overtures and she didn't want to again) and possibly lose a good friendship.

So if the playing with your wife's BF doesn't pan out, she may have some of the same concerns. My friend at the time knew I was playing with other people (so did the hubby...he liked to hear the stories, he thought it was hot and really added to our playtime after something like that would happen) so it wasn't like she didn't know that the relationship was fairly open.

Anyway, good luck finding playmates. And let us know how the club scene is in Austin.

Maria

[ohash01]

I don't know if Mr. and I would ever do this. But I think it would have to be tough for the guys. In college, I worked with a group of guys who were all my best friends...they spent half the night at work complaining about how easy it was for me to hook up and how hard it was for them and woe is me and all that.

I can't imagine it's any easier for men who are married than it is for guys who are in college without kids and have all the free time on their hands to go LOOKING. Plus, if we weren't swingers who understood, I'd probably be weirded out by a married man coming up to me saying "Hey...no...it's cool...I'm allowed to play by myself."

[sexyshelby]

It's actually easier for my boyfriend to hook up than it is for me..at least that's the way it's been in the past year or so. As soon as I tell a guy that I have a boyfriend, he seems to back off and run away. But my boyfriend has had no problem with the ladies...and yes, he does tell them that he is in a relationship. Maybe it has to do with circumstances, maybe he's just been lucky in picking the right women...who knows?

~SS