Wife wants me to have sex with other women and tell her about it

[PiercedTedyBear]

I'm not really sure that this swinging but it could maybe lead to it.

First of all let me start by saying my wife and I are both in the military. Due to this we are apart for long periods of time, from time to time. She is currently away on training, I too will be away from home and in the general area of Mardi gras during the festival. My wife told me that I had better bring her back some beads, So jokingly I said that I would have to flash someone to get them. She replyed that she didn't care if I had to sleep with someone to get them ! I just had better come home with some beads. Her tone was not one that impied that she was kidding, So I of course asked are you serious ? She said that she was very serious, and that she would not mind if I slept with another women as long as there were no feelings involved, Just sex. Of course I initally thought this was a set-up. But after a long talk, she assured me that it was not.
I was totally floored by this, I mean my wife of seven years just dropping this on me. We talked about the subject for at least 2 hours. She told me that She had no interest in sleeping with other men and she really wanted me to do this. One reason she stated was the fact that she had several more partners than I did before we got married and she felt like I missed out on the fun and experiences that she had. She tells me that I am the only man for her and she wants me to experiment with other women to make sure she is the one for me. She said that she just wants me to tell her about my encounters and if I felt comfortable enough to let her watch that would be kind of exciting for her. She has also hinted around to being Bi-Curious a few times, But isn't sure if she could ever cross the line when it came down to it.
She also told me that she has been thinking about this for the last six months or so and was just waiting for me to bring it up to say anything.

I must admit that this whole idea is all I've been able to think about all day.
I'm very turned on by the whole idea of being free to sleep with other women and the posiblility of helping her fulfill some of her fantasys with other women. Iam on the fence about the whole thing because I love my wife with all my heart and don't want to lose her. But, at the same time she seems to really want me to do this.
Does my situation sound like how anyone else got into swinging?
I would really like to hear from a women who has similar feelings as my wife.

Thanks
: )

[PiercedTedyBear]

Any words of encouragement or advice would be much appreciated.
Thanks

Sorta sounds like swinging.

But before you go out and get some and come back and tell her about it, I would do it together first.

There is a BIG leap between words, fantasy, and reality.

This is something you want to do together. If it doesn't work out and she doesn't like it as much as she thought she would at least you went into it holding hands. You did it together.

Very important in my opinion.

[CowboyBob]

I remember reading a book a few years ago called, "The Lifestyle" which talked about the history of swinging, and it seems it gained popularity at Air Force bases where test pilots and their wives lived. Seems everybody had a "live for the moment" mentality and that life was potentially too short to not indulge the urge to have sex with someone else every once in a while.

I agree with the other posters. If you get into this type of thing you ought to include her as much as possible. It just seems more fun that way.

[PiercedTedyBear]

I agree, But at this point it feels to me that she wants to get me more use to the idea of having other women. Then she would be able to live out some voyouristic fanstasys and then be able to come into a FFM kind of situation.
Because she hinted around to her being with another women was something she thinks of often and is very turned on by.

does that make sense?

[djjwp]

Sounds to me like she has an interest in other ladies and if you do too, both of you will win. The one thing I have noticed is that the majority of women are BI and the men straight in the lifestyle. By opening this door to you, she can come right in behind you if you like it or stay where she is if you do not. My suggestion would be to just flat out ask her the objectives she has and do it together from the start. Decide what you want too and if this is what you want as well, go for it. If not, you can buy beads you know!

[JustAskJulie]

Personally, I think that after you've been married for 7 years (or after you are married at all) it is the wrong time to be doing anything with the purpose of making sure that your partner is the RIGHT ONE FOR YOU.

THat said, if she is ok with you have sex with others, and you want to then go for it. Is it swinging? It really depends on who you ask. I think most would classify it more as an open-marriage since it's not really something you are doing together.

[PiercedTedyBear]

I have no doubt in my mind that she is the women for me.
But right now she wants me to go out and have some fun. Then she said she may like to play later too. I really want to do this with her from the start but she wants me to start alone first. She has intersest in experimenting with other women but is still waiting to cross the line.
Could she just be wanting me to start out first so she see's that I'm ok with it and save herself the rejection if I was opposed to the idea ?

[curiousRI]

I'm new here as well, and no expert by any measns but this doesn't sound like my initial thought of what swinging is. I thought it was about couples doing this together. Like Julie said, It sounds to me more like an open marriage type of thing. Except that she's not saying i'm going to be with other men. This is kind of confusing to me.

[24play]

Originally Posted by PiercedTedyBear

I have no doubt in my mind that she is the women for me.
But right now she wants me to go out and have some fun. Then she said she may like to play later too. I really want to do this with her from the start but she wants me to start alone first. She has intersest in experimenting with other women but is still waiting to cross the line.
Could she just be wanting me to start out first so she see's that I'm ok with it and save herself the rejection if I was opposed to the idea ?

I don't wanna start trouble here - but are you sure she hasn't perhaps already had an experience with a lady, and want's you to explore to make here feel better? I just can't understand why not do it toghether??

[DBL D]

This sounds intriguing but very odd.

I also had the thought that she'd had some play time with a gal or even another guy. She has had the "fun" and wants you to sow some oats as well. I initially thought that she would be a prime candidate for the swinging world.

If not...she is taking a big chance and must have tons of confidence in your relationship to let you go it alone.

Male D

[Atilla]

hmmm, something sounds fishy to me

Why don't what you propose is a MFF with her included. That way if she chooses to expore her bi curious part of her, she can. If she doesn't want to, then she'll still get to see you doing it with another woman. Maybe just explain to her that you don't really want to just go out and have sex with another woman without including her in on the fun.

I'd be afraid that she's testing you by letting you go out and play with another woman. KWIM????

[Fireman412ntee]

Well, I was in the same situation. I am also in the military and go away from home for extended periods at a time. I was also not sure when my wife, girlfriend at the time, said I could play on the side. We had been married for about 3 years when she brought it up agian. I didn't do anything until we had been married for about 11 years. She really enjoys the idea of me pleasing another woman. Like many men get off on watching their wives. Recently she decided to join in and play along, having her first bi experience. She loved it and we plan on doing it much more often. She has no desire to play with other men and is not interested in playing on her own. This is just something that we do for the two of us. I can still play on my own should I choose to but for the most part, We play as a couple.

[WesternSwing]

Is it swinging? It sounds more like an open relationship to me. Some things I'd be concerned with though. Things, that like others have said, sound great in fantasy but are different in reality.

Originally Posted by PiercedTedyBear

She told me that She had no interest in sleeping with other men and she really wanted me to do this. One reason she stated was the fact that she had several more partners than I did before we got married and she felt like I missed out on the fun and experiences that she had. She tells me that I am the only man for her and she wants me to experiment with other women to make sure she is the one for me.

To me this should have been something to figure out seven years ago. Swinging is not having sex with other people to figure out if the one you're with is THE ONE.

Originally Posted by PiercedTedyBear

She said that she was very serious, and that she would not mind if I slept with another women as long as there were no feelings involved, Just sex. Of course I initally thought this was a set-up. But after a long talk, she assured me that it was not.

I don't think it is a set-up either, but be ready when she feels like you are getting the better part of the deal and wants in on the action, with women or men. And if you have a pass to have sex with other women solo, then you better be prepared to give her the same consideration someday down the road when she asks for it.

To us, swinging is something we do as a couple, whether it is with another couple or if it was with a single male or female. The emphasis being on "something we do as a couple". But everybody makes the rules in their own relationship, and what works really well for some doesn't work at all for others.

She could be wanting you to have sex with other women for the voyeuristic aspect of it. It is more common with men to want to watch their wives have sex with other men, but it is the same concept. My wife is turned-on by watching me with another woman. We entered swinging so my wife could explore her bi side, but she wanted to be active in it.

Taken at face value I'd say your wife is thinking like many men I know: the thought of their spouse having sex with someone else is exciting, whether in front of them, or alone and then telling them about it. I don't think she has any alterior motives, but be prepared for when she calls-in the favor someday and wants to be alone with another man. It may never happen, but I think there is a good chance it will.

Mr. WS