Swinging Solo and the Implications

[akamgaxoxo]

Hi to all!! I have been researching solo swinging all morning here and trying to come up with conclusions of my own.
Though solo swinging sounds deliciously exciting to me facelick (being the F half) this is not necessarily the case of my SO. Personally I would just be happy if our friend came to our house for a little fun, and not that I left my SO home by himself to knit all night. This makes me feel uncomfortable.

Having said this, I would love to hear from some people out there who have been solo and describe some of the conversations you had with your spouse leading up to and deciding if solo swinging was for you both.
What types of things are there to consider? Is trust a huge issue? Meaning to trust your spouse to tell you the dirty details later, or trusting the person you will be swinging single with? Does swinging solo mean that you are not including your SO? I can also see that jealousy or nervousness about the SO not being there could be an issue...does this seem to be the case in the beginning?
I would love to hear from others...please fill me in!
Thanks

[JustAskJulie]

When I was with my ex we both swung solo occasionally. It wasn't about leaving the other one out as he enjoyed hearing the details of the encounter and I enjoyed telling him... and great sex would follow. It worked both ways.

I'm a little confused on this comment...

Though solo swinging sounds deliciously exciting to me (being the F half) this is not necessarily the case of my SO. Personally I would just be happy if our friend came to our house for a little fun, and not that I left my SO home by himself to knit all night. This makes me feel uncomfortable.

Are you saying that you are ok with the idea of him going out alone but he's not ok with you going out alone or vice versa? Is there some reason why the guy can't just come to your house and everyone join in? Or some particular reason why you are looking at swinging solo?

[akamgaxoxo]

Oops, maybe I wrote that comment backwards..?? Yes I am interested in the solo swing for myself...a little added fun etc...and yes this friend currently comes over to play on occasion already. I guess the solo swing is for curiosity to how the experience would be and a more.

When I mentioned that I would be fine if the friend came over, I meant that I would prefer he come to play here in our home, and not request that I go out to meet him somewhere while leaving my hubby home by himself. The idea of him being by himself at home while I am out on the town bothers me I guess? If the shoe was on the other foot and my SO was asking to do this, yes these same questions would come up and we would be discussing them. However he is not the one interested in solo for himself....

[JustAskJulie]

So if you are swinging solo and the guy is coming to your house, where would your hubby be?

And did I get the right impression that your hubby is not cool with the idea of you playing solo?

[WesternSwing]

If I'm understanding you correct by "going solo" you mean having sex only with this other guy while your husband watches or is in the other room watching TV? I take it this way since you don't seem to want to leave the house and meet this guy alone, which is how I've come to understand the term "swinging solo".

My wife and I have decided not to swing solo (away from each other completely) because of jealousy issues that could arise. The mind is a powerful tool and can conjure up all sorts of images while your spouse is away.

We have some friends that she swings solo but she does not want him to, for she gets really jealous. This seems to work for them. She plays and then comes home (or he does after the guy has left) and they play their own little game of "you've been a dirty girl, haven't you..." and they bang like bunnies for days afterwards. He seems to be very voyeuristic and really gets off on hearing the stories of her adventures. I'm sure the day will come though, where he'll want the same consideration in return.

I think trust is THE issue when swinging solo. You can't see anything your spouse is doing, so you really have to trust that what they are doing is within the boundries you've set. It is probably the ultimate form of trust.

I admire those that can swing solo.

Mr. WS

[akamgaxoxo]

We have not swung solo yet....eekkks!! No this is more ground work to decide if this is something that is for us....when I am referring to this, this would be on special occasions like when hubby is out of town, or a once in a blue moon thing.
Yes you have the right impression, hubby is not cool with this idea, we are discussing this and all the implications that may come up. Not meant to be a pressure/convince him to let me do it thing either. Neither one of us like to work on those kinds of grounds. Makes for a bad relationship to pressure someone to do that.

[Mrs Spoomonkey]

Akamgaxoxo, all I can tell you is what we have chosen to do as a couple like Westernswing did.

We don't play solo, not so much because of trust although that can play into it when your spouse is out with someone else. Maybe the jealous factor a little bit (more for me than Mr Spoo) but the real reason we always play together is because we got into this for us. We do everything together so it would be out of character for us to play solo or separately. We enjoy watching each other when we are with a couple and when we are with a single . . . . well it is just fun all around!

Mrs Spoomonkey

[stoutgatte]

First and foremost understand that playing solo is not really swinging. Swinging is for couples who play with others as a team... Playing solo is actually a form of an open relationship. But that is just semantics...

I am currently in the States and away from my wife... This situation lead us to the can we/do we want to play solo question. My wife has always been very comfortable with the idea of me playing solo, but I've always felt it would not be fair towards her to pursue it if I didn't want to allow it.

So we had a long big talk about it, I thought about it for a couple of days, and realised there are certain limits to what I'm willing to allow in playing solo. They are mostly directed towards a relationship forming between my wife and the other guy. We decided to allow solo play under the following rules:
1. Like with any couple, if an emotional involvement occurs from any side we terminate all contact. This is a trust issue, I have to trust her to break off the contact.
2. There may only be one date and one night of passion... After this, all communication is broken off. This, again is a trust issue.
3. Actual intercourse the same rules as when we swing... This is also a trust issue.
4. Distribution of solo play must be equal, if she wants to she can easily find a guy to play with, I will struggle since there is so much more competition. Not really a trust issue, but I'll get jealous if I feel left out by her playing too much on her own.

So, in our case, if I trust her enough to follow these rules, she can play alone... At the moment I do. I knew when I left that she would probably play with someone while I am gone, and she did. I'm very comfortable with that even though I am a bit nervous, I'm perfectly willing to guess that any guy in this situation experiences some nervous reaction for the first couple of times.

We allow solo play because we are comfortable with it and sometimes (not every week) there are circumstances where it can be fun. Even though your spouse is not there in person, it doesn't mean that they won't share in your fun, they do that after...

But it is definitely not for everyone...

[good times]

We tried solo play once each and decided we didn't like it and won't go their any more. For me, I just worried to much while she was with the other guy and it took any fun their might be out of it.

[robnsusan60]

My wife and I were always together or very nearby while participating in the lifestyle with one exception as I described in one of our stories. It was a very safe situation because she had known him long before I met her. When we decided we would explore, and during one of our discussions on the subject, I asked her if she had anyone in mind that she would consider as a potential play mate. She told me about a former male acquaintance and said, yes, she would like to give him a try. They had had a few dates long ago but nothing beyond dinner, etc. She asked me if I'd really be ok with her seeing him again, it'd been ten years since she last saw him socially. I rather nonchalantly, heart racing, replied, "Sure, I'd be ok with that." She did, she loved it and so did I. I waited at home for her, not knitting, but with much anticipation, glances at the clock, and pacing. Their thing went on for years afterward ocurring only 1 or 2 times per year due to geographical considerations, but just as exciting everytime it did happen.

Rob

[JustAskJulie]

Playing solo once in a while when one or the other is out of town or something similiar I think is a bit different than a totally open relationship... although it is all just semantics.

When it comes down to it, it has to be something you are BOTH ok with, unless that is the case then you are best to only swing together.

[akamgaxoxo]

Thanks to everyone for all your posts...my hubby and I looked at this thread together...I really think he enjoyed what advice we have received thus far! As far as swinging solo is concerned, we really haven't come to any conclusion yet if this is for us. So we are just doing our usual thing.....

Again, thanks!!!!

[Teresa's Ted]

Originally Posted by WesternSwing

She plays and then comes home (or he does after the guy has left) and they play their own little game of "you've been a dirty girl, haven't you..." and they bang like bunnies for days afterwards. He seems to be very voyeuristic and really gets off on hearing the stories of her adventures.

Mr. WS

We have discussed this very scenario and decided that while it turns us on in theory, in actual practice worries about her safety would drive me nuts. If we ever get close enough to one of our single males it could happen, but it's not a thing I would expect reciprocation on.

Ted

[Chemistry_0518]

Each of us has played alone on occasion but the circumstances were specifically agreed upon by both of us, mostly for safety concerns. My Princess has on occasion arranged a meeting for me with her girlfriends when she is traveling extensively. I have also agreed with her meeting AND PLAYING with someone that we consider a close friend.

The point here is that we KNOW these individuals well and are not overwhelmed with jealousy because we are comfortable with these individuals. A stranger might be a different issue for each of us, which I am at a loss to explain why, but we both agreed that it would/could be. But by the same token, we have agreed to discuss the "stranger" situation and evaluate it on it's own merit with each incidence.

[Miss_Piggy]

Kermit and I have discussed this fairly extensively. For us, we see no reason not to go solo every once in a while. We figure, that should any issues arise we'll deal with them as they come. So far so good (*cross fingers*). The point is that you must set up a situation that each of you is comfortable with.