Being parents & swinging

[lauralee]

So we have found a few couples at <a href="http://swingersboard.swinglifestyle.com">SLS</a> that we are seriously considering meeting. There was one that kept wanting to meet 'for drinks'; no pressure, friends first, etc. They were rather persistent to put it mildly
Well I told them that we have a little one & we can't just go out at the spur of the moment, but my sister could watch her so we could go out meet them sometime over the weekend.
Long story short, we have not heard from them since
We are a couple in our early thirties & so were they, so I wouldn't think it would be so surprising for us to have a child...is this a normal reaction? Or possibly there was something more possibly going on with this couple. They were so big on the "No pressure, just looking for friends first" yada yada yada it seems odd that the fact we have a child would be such a turnoff.
Needless to say there is another couple who we plan on setting up a 'date' with, & now I am wary to even tell them we have a child. Should I tell them? Not worry unless asked?
Generally, what is the protocol in this? Is having children in the lifestyle a big deal?

[sexypairca]

I see no reason for the fact that you have a child to be a factor in avoiding you. Most couples have other obligations be it kids, work or other family. If you couldn't meet on the date that they have suggested then so long as you were willing to set another time that worked for you then I don't understand what their issues were. If they were that easily turned off, either because the first date that they had available and you didn't or because you have a little one, they probably saved you from wasting your time. The other possibility is that something came up in their life and they have not been able to get back to you. If after a week or so you haven't heard back, hopefully with an apology for not getting back in touch, I would suggest you write it off and move on.

Annette

[GirlieZ]

There are many ways that you could handle this situation. First is a simple email asking them that very question you posted to this board. If they were the ones being so persistent in setting up "dinner and drinks" they at least should explain why they have seemed to have fallen off the face of the earth. I would ask for a reply by such and such time. If they don't answer you back in a resonable time frame--I would chalk it up to an experience learned. I have found that many times when couples are very aggressive in setting up a "meet" and then back out at the last minute and then you don't hear from them again that they weren't that serious at all. Their loss.....

We have two teenage boys...15 and 16. We started in this lifestyle when they were 5 and 6 (OMG...time flies). The smart couples know that family comes first--that it is not always easy to get away at the spur of the moment when you have little ones running about.

Another possible take is to simply drop it. If they don't have the common courtesy to even drop you a line and say "Hey--sorry you haven't heard from us--things got busy. Still looking forward to getting together" I wouldn't even waste my time.

I know--I know people get busy and things happen...computer crashes...blah blah blah.

If you are really serious about meeting potential playmates--check out a club. Trust me..that is where we found ours!

Zgirl

[TNT]

Balancing a swinging lifestyle and children is definitely not easy. We always place the facts in our ads that we have children, are very involved in their lives as well as both of us work so our time is very limited. If people can't understand this then they are probably not people I want to have anything to do with anyway.

We have had to pass up numerous opprotunities for swinging events due to the fact that we had activities to attend with the kids. But, we did make the decision to have them and knew that we would have to give up a lot of the things we wanted and wanted to do because they have to come first. The one thing I NEVER want to do is look back and wish that I had spent more time with my children...you only have them for a few short years so you should make the most of them. (Okay, kind of a rant there on spending time with children but my wonderful, ungrateful second daughter is graduating next week and leaving her poor momma to head off to college so I have been flip-flopping from to and poor Ted has been head bang with my emotional rollercoaster for the past week so just ignore me)

Like GirlieZ said, the smart couples understand family must come first. When you run across those that don't understand this, just move on.

Teresa

[Jenanay70]

Dito We have had very similar experiences with Swing Lifestyle. We have met a lot of nice people so far, but there have been a persistant few that when we told them we had kids and had to make arrangements, we got either no response or negative ones. We have met a nice couple at a local club that we were introduced to by another couple we met at the Swing Lifestyle. They were nice enough to take us there and we met another couple who is local and who we have alot in common with.

If this couple you were talking about can't accept who you are and the fact that you have children, they aren't worth your time...period!

[GirlieZ]

Originally Posted by TNT

Balancing a swinging lifestyle and children is definitely not easy. We always place the facts in our ads that we have children, are very involved in their lives as well as both of us work so our time is very limited. If people can't understand this then they are probably not people I want to have anything to do with anyway.

We have had to pass up numerous opprotunities for swinging events due to the fact that we had activities to attend with the kids. But, we did make the decision to have them and knew that we would have to give up a lot of the things we wanted and wanted to do because they have to come first. The one thing I NEVER want to do is look back and wish that I had spent more time with my children...you only have them for a few short years so you should make the most of them. (Okay, kind of a rant there on spending time with children but my wonderful, ungrateful second daughter is graduating next week and leaving her poor momma to head off to college so I have been flip-flopping from to and poor Ted has been head bang with my emotional rollercoaster for the past week so just ignore me)

Like GirlieZ said, the smart couples understand family must come first. When you run across those that don't understand this, just move on.

Teresa

Ha ha...Just think Teresa...My hubby and I got all sentimental and thought about starting over with a new baby. That moment lasted for about 6.2 seconds when we both looked at each other and said in unison--"Lets get a puppy instead". Our friends let us get our baby fix as often as we want with their toddler (she is such a cutie--and so smart-- she absolutely loves my husband).

I know that emotional roller coaster--It is starting now--My youngest will be a freshman next year and the oldest is making plans for his future. I'm excited, elated--yet sad and yearning for those two curly headed blonde boys playing outside in their tonka truck dirt pile. I'm happy..because they are growing into independent young adults with their own views on the world. I'm excited for what the future holds.

I wish your daughter the best--trust me--she knows what you have done for her and will thank you one day.

[2neophytes]

Lauralee, we've experienced the same thing. We generally just write them off. There is not enough time to waste on wishy-washy people. Granted something could've happened, but use your own judgement.

We kinda steer away from folks that overplay the no pressure thing. We were "dating" a couple that touted that no pressure thing, and it was completely bogus. They had a date progression thing set up. For example, on the first date we hang out and talk, second date we get naked and that's it, the third date we kiss, yada, yada, yada, until date 6 when we would do the full swap. Well, I felt pressured. It was like 6 weeks to full swap, not to mention everything had been planned for us.

ZGirl suggested going to a club. I have no experience there.

Anyway, everyone has given you good advice.

good luck in your search!

2N

[catinmobile]

We have 2 lil ones and have been in the Lifestyle for 6 years. We have had very few problems with couples not understanding that our family comes first. The longer you are in the LS and the longer you talk to really great people, it gets very easy to determine who the pushy, overbearing people are. It just takes time but you will get there!! We only get out a few times a year but damn its fun when we do!!

Cat

[yawanna]

Family comes first. Be that a husband, wife, dog or children.

Anyone who drops out of sight after you've said you need to make child care arrangements, blow them off (and not in a good way ). Anyone who continually requests last minute meets, whether sexual or 'get to know you' ones, isn't ready to participate in these activities.

Now me? I'd send one last email asking 'what happened?' purely for closure. No response? figures. They want to meet up again? I'd reiterate the ground rules and see if they can respect those. In this instance tho'...I doubt they would.

TNT.... I have a now grown son in college and I'm having a hard time learning that he isn't a little kid anymore. He had to tell me point blank that he is now an adult and makes his own decisions....stated as kindly as he could to his pushy Mom . It's hard to let go, but let go we must.

[TNT]

Originally Posted by GirlieZ

I wish your daughter the best--trust me--she knows what you have done for her and will thank you one day.

Thank you...she's not really ungrateful. We are actually enjoying the fact that they are all getting older and we have some of our freedom back. Even though we still are fully involved with all their activities, the youngest is old enough to stay home by himself so we no longer have to worry about babysitters.

Yawanna, your right, we must all let go sometime.

So, for all you out there with little ones...it does get easier to arrange play dates...just hang in there.

Teresa

[NotsoNew]

A view from a couple that have no children...

We don't have a problem with couples who have children. Sure, there are sitting issues and it takes a bit more time planning a night out but that is okay with us.

I don't know why that couple reacted the way they did. Perhaps they had second thoughts. But for us if we are really interested in a couple, it is worth it to wait until all are ready for the night out. Would hate to rush it just to have the other couple worried about their children if they are not comfortable with the sitter.

[BradAndJanet]

Originally Posted by TNT

... the youngest is old enough to stay home by himself so we no longer have to worry about babysitters.
...

Dito , and that is so nice, isn't it?

lauralee, we can't understand how anyone would cross you out based on the fact that you have kids. We'd probably just move on...

-B

[hmr]

lauralee,
I can't imagine anyone in the lifestyle being turned off by the fact that you
have kids. I would hope that there was something more going on with this couple. Having three kids ourselves, we know what it is like to juggle family, friends, work, and swinging. Sometimes feces occurs... I always give the other couple the benefit of the doubt, once! I'd drop them a note, if you are still interested, and ask them if they were still interested in meeting. If they respond cool, if they don't then you know where you stand. They aren't worth any more time and trouble, and who really cares for what reason they decided to disappear.

To answer your original question, in our experience that is not a normal reaction when people find out we have children. We have met a number of couples on Swing Lifestyle and at clubs. Everyone in the lifestyle we have met seems to have been very flexible, or understand our limitations in this area.

Don't let this one couple sway you. Always be upfront about your children when you are talking to others! Anyone who doesn't understand, you don't want to meet anyway!

mrs hmr

To the original post...
We have run into the same thing several times On Swing Lifestyle .

They want to meet NOW they want to FUCK now!!!!

We say the next couple of weekends are full but we would like to make plans....

Hear nothing from them again.

Well I say Fuck em!!!

We put in our profile that we have kids so planning is important. If not being able to meet them right away pisses them off there are only a few reasons for this:

1) they didnt read our profile. So if they couldnt be bothered to do that : Fuck em

2) They read our profile but didnt care what we put, in which case : Fuck em

If thats the attitude they are going to have its a good thing we didnt have that weekend open because those are not our kind of people.

[butterfly29]

Most couples we have met have had children. We have one at home ourselves. We usually meet couples at the club, where we get a chance to talk to them for awhile and there we can exchange numbers and make plans to met at a later time. I don't think that it is all that uncommon to have to wait to see someone for a couple of weeks.