Betrayed - Wife of Swinging Couple had sex with our 19 year old kids

[the2ofus]

This is a long story, but I will try to keep as brief as possible, if I leave out a detail that someone needs, please let me know.
We have been in the lifestyle for almost 3 years, and have made many great friends. We got started when a couple that we were friends with told us they were swingers. That got us talking, and after many talks between us, setting our rules, we decided to try. We remained friends with the couple, but we have never had the opportunity to do anything with them(another long story). My wife has kids from a previous marriage, and one of our unbreakable rules is that the kids not be present, not even in the same house, when something happens. My wifes 19 year old son, a friend of his, and my mother came for a visit with us. We all were invited to our friends one Friday night for a swim, and all had a good time. We were invited back Saturday night. I didnt go(another story), but everyone else did. My wife woke me when they got home, and informed me that while she and her mother were in the house, the wife of the couple had sex with the 2 19 year olds there in the pool. She called my wife the next day and wanted to talk about it. My wife did not want to talk on the phone, but rather face to face, and told her so. We tried to call them several times, but they dont return our calls. We feel so betrayed at this point that we feel it is up to them to make the first move, but even then, the friendship will never be what it was, if it survives at all.
Sorry to be so long, thanks for any replies and/or questions.

[the2ofus]

Sorry, in my earlier post, I said my mother, it should have been my mother and law. Sorry for the confusion.

[Alura]

Did your wife and/or Mother-in-law witness the sex? If not, how did they know about it?

Mr. Alura

[OhioCouple]

Is this the same couple that got you started to thinking about swinging? Is that whose house the swim party was at or was it another of your friends?

Lori

[the2ofus]

Thanks for the questions.
My wife walked out, heard what was going on, and a comment that was made, then walked back in the house.
Yes, this was the same couple that got us started talking about swinging.

[OhioCouple]

the2ofus,

Thanks for the additonal information. Should I have encountered something of this nature, I don't know that I would feel betrayed so much as I would feel angered that this woman took advantage of two young mens raging hormones, much less the fact that one of them happened to be my son. I would be hopping mad! And like your wife, I would not want to discuss the matter by phone, I would insist on a face to face discussion. The fact that they are not returning phone calls, says it all to me...they were wrong and they know it.

In my experience, I have known very few young men, who at the tender age of 19 can turn down a glowing opportunity especially when it is being thrust in their face.

What I find most appalling is that this sexual escapade took place with not only the mother but the grandmother nearby. That is just downright wrong. If she wanted to play with them, she should have invited them over at another time out of your view with you none the wiser. I am not foolish enough to think that my son never had sex before he married. Quite the contrary, as I happened upon an unopened condom while pulling clothes from the dryer when he was about 17. I never said anything to him, as safe sex was better than unprotected sex. To this day even though he is married now, I have never experienced accidently walking in on my son or any of my other children involved in their love making.

(For the record though, I will say it would not bother me at all now as they are all grown and married.)

Certainly the young men are just as responsible for their actions, although I do feel to a lesser extent. Your friends are professed swingers, these young men were young and vulnerable.

Would you mind sharing why you did not ever have an opportunity to swing with them? You stated it was a long story...we are all ears here...type away. It may give everyone a better understanding of the entire situation.

Lori

[ciscosv]

It doesn't sound like these two should be your friends anymore. Does this womans husband know about what she has done?

[TeamSoBe]

This is just amazing, I can't believe that anybody would do such a thing. We don't have children and we don't have any friends that do, so I don't have any useful input here.

I just wanted to point out, though, that from the 19-year-olds' perspectives, the situation certainly doesn't suck. If they were virgins then it's actually helpful for a young guy to be introduced to sex by an assertive older woman, and 19 is old enough by just about anybody's standards to start learning. If they weren't virgins then they weren't exactly corrupted or anything. I'm 28 now, so it wasn't long ago that I was a 19 year old guy myself, and you can pretty safely assume that they are experimenting with threesomes and that kind of thing in their dorm rooms at college or at parties or whatever anyway. Part of being young. Some of us never outgrow it. Horny, experimental people breed horny, experimental offspring.

I shudder to think about exactly how bizarre and creepy it would be to discover that your parents are swingers because one of their friends comes on to you though. Did the boys already know about your lifestyle, or was that how they found out?

[the2ofus]

Lori,
I dont mind answering at all. The reasons we never got together are health and kids. They have 2 boys age 9 and 11, and we have custody of my wifes twin 9 year olds. Whenever they had a sitter, we didnt, and vice versa, so kids were always around when we got together. She also talked to my wife about a year ago and said that they were slowing down for a brief period of time. Secondly, I got hurt, and had to have 2 major surgeries in the past year. That has hurt our playing, not only if/with them, but with anyone else.

[the2ofus]

m&m, he was there when it was happening.

[Greg & Sheryl]

You have our utmost sympathy. If we were in your shoes, we wouldn’t be as angry over the sexual act as we would be hurt over their inability to face us afterwards. We get the impression from your posts that you feel the same way.

We must agree with OhioCouple that the other couple is quite aware that they did something wrong. Our guess is that when the offending female called your wife the next day, she was calling to apologize. It’s certainly not unreasonable for your wife to want to discuss the incident in person, but we bet the other couple is too ashamed of what they did to face you, right now. That’s why they’ve resorted to avoiding you.

Perhaps a “cooling off” period is in order. Our recommendation is that you give up trying to contact them for several weeks or months. It’s possible they will eventually get in touch with you. If not, then you can try to reach them one last time if you are so inclined. Maybe then they will be willing to repair and resume your friendship.

Interestingly, we know of two couples who went through a similar period of separation when one couple did something wrong to the other. Couple A made the mistake of posting online photos of Couple B without Couple B’s authorization. When Couple B tried to discuss the issue with Couple A, Couple A started avoiding Couple B. Several months later, the wife of Couple B expressed to us how much she missed the wife of Couple A. Through us, we were able to get them talking to one another, again.

[JustAskJulie]

Ouch. I can definately understand why you would feel betrayed on many levels.

I don't have kids so I may not see it quite the same as those who do but to me the issues would be that they showed a lack of respect for you and your family by having sex with your son and his friend, especially with you there. To make matters worse your mother-in-law was there (I'm not sure from what I read.. your mother-in-law caught what was going on?), so in addition to your son and his friend being involved. There is now the issue of your family being made aware of your lifestyle because of this couple's actions.

This couple knows they did wrong, your best bet at this point is to just part ways. Couples who are willing to put their lifestyle needs above their family and friendship needs have their priorities really screwed up and probably aren't the kind of people you really want to be friends with anyway.

[BG_Gloryhole]

I say cut any ties with them, move forward and start healing.

Talking with them will not help, in my opinion, because she knew what she was doing and given the chance, would probably do it again.

Just because she is a bad seed doesn't mean another couple will be. It's sad when you can't introduce your family to friends after you become friends for fear they'll attack them... was there never an indication of this kind of behavior? She never came onto either of you inappropriately, or asked if you friends?

Good luck.