Custody and the lifestyle

BodyScape02 · 09-09-2002, 12:45 AM

Hello one and all ...Cat here with some bad news from Bodyscape02.

I am afraid due to the fact I was once married to "the poster child from hell” we have had to temporarily close our website (that was linked via our signature), and discontinue the display (if not the creation) of our erotic art project.

Satan jr. has decided to sue for custody of my children, making it a necessity to play it safe (pun intended). Once this issue is resolved we anticipate getting back to normal.

My question is...Has anyone else faced this dilemma? The lifestyle is not something the children are involved in or aware of in any way...but were we live the provincial attitude toward it could produce devastating repercussions in court. If anyone has faced this same issue I would really appreciate your insight.

I am aware the lifestyle is technically legal and should not be of consideration as to my fitness as a parent, but I am not so blind as to assume it can’t be used against me.

Quin · 09-09-2002, 01:19 AM

Sorry to hear about your impending custody fight, BodyScape. It's never a pleasant situation for anyone. I hope things go in your favor and that your children come out of this with as little damage as possible...it is always hardest on the kids (especially when one of the supposed *adult* parents is Satan, Jr.).

I wish I had some insight or advice that could be useful or even just something that could put you a little at ease about the situation, but I don't. I suppose I was lucky in a way. My daughter's father never gave me a bit of trouble because his cocaine was the most important thing in his life. The only time he did act up would be when child support would catch up with him...then he'd pull the kidnapping threats (which was enough to scare the bejebbers outta me regardless that my brain knew he would never ever even attempt).

Good Luck!! Remember, we're here...even if you just need to vent!

Quin
<img border="0" alt="[Smiley_sex]" title="" src="graemlins/smilysex.gif" />

OhioCouple · 09-09-2002, 01:42 AM

The antics that non-custodial parents pull truly is beyond belief. I feel for you. Although I was not part of a swinging lifestyle when divorcing the father of my children, he pulled every antic possible to try and make my life miserable.

There is no way to be delicate about the fact that you face a long road ahead of you. I pray that you will be able to keep your chin up and that neither you or your children will suffer the ill effects of not only the custody issues but
but the emotional ones that go hand and hand with it.

As Quin stated, we are always here in case you need to vent and please do not hesitate to do so.

Lori

BodyScape02 · 09-09-2002, 01:57 AM

Thanks Quinn,

I appreciate your support. I think it is the fear of what harm he can do to my children by publicly crucifying me that concerns me most. He is no angle, but unfortunately, he is the proverbial “big fish in a small pond.”

Were I live there is a church on every block and they do wonderful things like picket adult content book stores, buy the property out from under them and shut them down, and bully the local convenience stores into not selling Playboy. All while screwing their neighbor’s wives and visiting rural strip clubs after they make a good show in the front pew on Sunday.

Ooh, sorry I am sounding a tad bitter. The hypocrisy just gets to me. I wish I could tell you how many of the good little husbands have hit on me, or shown up at my door, thinking just becasue I was divorced and a hottie that they were in like Flynn(they were all sent packing). How many of the women hiss and move closer to their husbands and defend against me as if being a single sexy babe was a sin!!

It is absurd to live in a world were being a sensual human being is considered…improper. (lol) All I can say is thank god for D2 ( my other half, my match , my mate), without him I think I would loose perspective on all this.

The ever curious…Cat

BodyScape02 · 09-09-2002, 02:09 AM

Thank you Ohio couple

I have actually been divorced for 7 years. My ex gave me the choice between the life of my unborn child or a chance with him. Oddly that is the child he is now suing for custody of.

[ September 09, 2002, 02:12 AM: Message edited by: BodyScape02 ]

OhioCouple · 09-09-2002, 02:53 AM

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by BodyScape02:
Thank you Ohio couple

I have actually been divorced for 7 years. My ex gave me the choice between the life of my unborn child or a chance with him. Oddly that is the child he is now suing for custody of.<hr /></blockquote>Until the day my youngest turned of age to rally for her own rights, my ex never missed an opportunity to try and gouge me. He never really wanted any of our children to live with him but he constantly fought me for them anyway. As a matter of fact the two older children did live with him for a while (at my insistance after getting fed up with the "my dad this my dad that" syndrome), both came running back home begging me to never let them make such a foolish mistake again. My youngest never went through that phase.

I hate to make assumptions but the fact that he is suing for custody of a child he never wanted to begin with just screams out insincerity on his part. His goal is to hurt you, not benefit your child. My heart goes out to you. I've been there and done it.

Lori

JMR · 09-21-2002, 06:43 PM

My ex and I were together for 3 years and we had a baby in that time. The year that our son was born he started to use cocaine, he started out slow but after time, he started to use it more and more. I told him that he had to stop because it was breaking apart our family and we were fighting just about everyday. He didnt believe me when I said that I would leave because I moved out and back in several times. I finally left about 2 years ago and I have since then gotten married. My husband has been wonderful to me and my son. Since our break-up, my son's father has not done anything for our son and now 2 years later he is talking me to court for joint custody and since we were not married when I had our son, he wants to have his last name changed to his name because I have gotten married and no longer have the name my son has. It really makes me mad because it has been 2 years and now he wants to try to be a father. The things that he is taking me to court for really piss me off. He only pays $16 a week for child support and he wants all of these rights.

the2ofus · 09-21-2002, 11:43 PM

I could take pages on this subject. To keep it brief, my wife and I have been thru he** by the court system. She lived in another state when we met. She moved here to where we now live, but her X took issue with that. He took her to court, and she was forced to move, not only back to the state, but the same county that she left. We were married by that time, but that didnt matter. Naturally, we appealed, and ultimately won that appeal, even though he took us to the state supreme court where he lived. My point in all of this is be prepared to fight, and have lawyer bills greater than most people have mortgages. We dont know when we will pay the lawyer bills, but at least we are happy and together.
Good luck to you from someone who has, and is still there, he is still fighting her every week.

OhioCouple · 09-22-2002, 02:07 PM

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by JMR:
It really makes me mad because it has been 2 years and now he wants to try to be a father.<hr /></blockquote>In my personal opinion, this is not a case of him *wanting* to be a father. He is only *wanting* to disrupt you and your new life in anyway possible at the expense of your son. In broken relationships there is a tendency to not want the other party to be any happier than their own miserable lives are.

Unfortunately the children suffer the most. $16.00 a week does not give him parental rights, for that matter neither does $1000.00 a week. Parental rights belong only to those that choose to be responsible and caring for their offspring. He lost his rights when he chose to put *coke* up his nose and ignore his responsibilities. You did the right thing by leaving him and finding a good life for yourself and your son.

It is great that you have a wonderful and supportive husband who cares for the both of you. My suggestion to you would be to not let the fact that your ex is a bio-logical factor be allowed to get in the way of your own families emotional needs and happiness.

Wishing you the best,

Lori

SR71 · 09-23-2002, 12:14 PM

I was the child stuck in these cases... anyway if you live in the kind of town you say you do then yes, please cover your tracks. The last thing you want is for some Hic ultra coservitive judge to say "well this isn't healthy for the child". I do agree with the2ofus about lawyers, get one if you have too. Your ex just wants to hurt you and is going through your child to do it. God do I remember those days. Your child is 7 or 8 right? I know in Cali you had to be 12 to make the decision on who you want to live with. You may be fighting for 4-6 years but it damn well worth the fight. Now that my father and I are both adults, mid you it took him longer than it did me to become one, he has apologized to me about all the hastle and told me that he was glad my mother fought for me because he would've never been able to give me the life I deserved. So maybe there is still hope for your ex. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="frown.gif" />

09-23-2002, 01:42 PM

I can say this is be careful. Check in your local library or the internet under law for your state. You might be get some info. on the subject. Ex-spouces can be a pain in butt at times.

JMR · 09-23-2002, 03:22 PM

It is very infortunate that the children suffer. My husband and I both do our best to give him what he needs. If I had my way, I would not let my son go to see his father, but the court system says that I have to. I worked full time up until the day that he was born and when it was time to go back to work I did, not his real father. He did not want to work nor did he want to watch his own son while I was at work. The only person that could watch watch him was his paternal grandmother. You would think that she would do this for free, but she charged me weekly. I would have liked for my family to watch my son, but they all had to work and I could not afford daycare for a newborn. I really wish that I could go back in time and change the way I lived my life. I love my son with all of my heart and I can not picture my life without him. My son's real father did one good thing because having my son is the best thing that could have happened to me.

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09-09-2002, 12:45 AM	#1 (permalink)
BodyScape02 Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 556 Location: off the board	Custody and the lifestyle Hello one and all ...Cat here with some bad news from Bodyscape02. I am afraid due to the fact I was once married to "the poster child from hell” we have had to temporarily close our website (that was linked via our signature), and discontinue the display (if not the creation) of our erotic art project. Satan jr. has decided to sue for custody of my children, making it a necessity to play it safe (pun intended). Once this issue is resolved we anticipate getting back to normal. My question is...Has anyone else faced this dilemma? The lifestyle is not something the children are involved in or aware of in any way...but were we live the provincial attitude toward it could produce devastating repercussions in court. If anyone has faced this same issue I would really appreciate your insight. I am aware the lifestyle is technically legal and should not be of consideration as to my fitness as a parent, but I am not so blind as to assume it can’t be used against me.

09-09-2002, 01:19 AM	#2 (permalink)
Quin Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 1,136 Location: Ohio Status: Single Female	Sorry to hear about your impending custody fight, BodyScape. It's never a pleasant situation for anyone. I hope things go in your favor and that your children come out of this with as little damage as possible...it is always hardest on the kids (especially when one of the supposed adult parents is Satan, Jr.). I wish I had some insight or advice that could be useful or even just something that could put you a little at ease about the situation, but I don't. I suppose I was lucky in a way. My daughter's father never gave me a bit of trouble because his cocaine was the most important thing in his life. The only time he did act up would be when child support would catch up with him...then he'd pull the kidnapping threats (which was enough to scare the bejebbers outta me regardless that my brain knew he would never ever even attempt). Good Luck!! Remember, we're here...even if you just need to vent! Quin <img border="0" alt="[Smiley_sex]" title="" src="graemlins/smilysex.gif" />
	__________________ One thing about me is that I'm consistant in my behavior, my thoughts, and my posting. I don't sell out or change for any reason outside of my own self wanting to. What you see is what you get: today, tomorrow and every day after that.

09-09-2002, 01:42 AM	#3 (permalink)
OhioCouple Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Dec 2001 Posts: 6,619 Location: Ohio Status: Married Female	The antics that non-custodial parents pull truly is beyond belief. I feel for you. Although I was not part of a swinging lifestyle when divorcing the father of my children, he pulled every antic possible to try and make my life miserable. There is no way to be delicate about the fact that you face a long road ahead of you. I pray that you will be able to keep your chin up and that neither you or your children will suffer the ill effects of not only the custody issues but but the emotional ones that go hand and hand with it. As Quin stated, we are always here in case you need to vent and please do not hesitate to do so. Lori
	__________________ Remember that human beings are complicated creatures. We like our bedtime routines but dislike routine in our bed times. - Sallie Foley, M.S.W.

09-09-2002, 02:09 AM	#5 (permalink)
BodyScape02 Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 556 Location: off the board	Thank you Ohio couple I have actually been divorced for 7 years. My ex gave me the choice between the life of my unborn child or a chance with him. Oddly that is the child he is now suing for custody of. <small>[ September 09, 2002, 02:12 AM: Message edited by: BodyScape02 ]</small>

09-09-2002, 01:57 AM	#4 (permalink)
BodyScape02 Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 556 Location: off the board	Thanks Quinn, I appreciate your support. I think it is the fear of what harm he can do to my children by publicly crucifying me that concerns me most. He is no angle, but unfortunately, he is the proverbial “big fish in a small pond.” Were I live there is a church on every block and they do wonderful things like picket adult content book stores, buy the property out from under them and shut them down, and bully the local convenience stores into not selling Playboy. All while screwing their neighbor’s wives and visiting rural strip clubs after they make a good show in the front pew on Sunday. Ooh, sorry I am sounding a tad bitter. The hypocrisy just gets to me. I wish I could tell you how many of the good little husbands have hit on me, or shown up at my door, thinking just becasue I was divorced and a hottie that they were in like Flynn(they were all sent packing). How many of the women hiss and move closer to their husbands and defend against me as if being a single sexy babe was a sin!! It is absurd to live in a world were being a sensual human being is considered…improper. (lol) All I can say is thank god for D2 ( my other half, my match , my mate), without him I think I would loose perspective on all this. The ever curious…Cat

09-09-2002, 02:53 AM	#6 (permalink)
OhioCouple Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Dec 2001 Posts: 6,619 Location: Ohio Status: Married Female	</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by BodyScape02: <strong>Thank you Ohio couple I have actually been divorced for 7 years. My ex gave me the choice between the life of my unborn child or a chance with him. Oddly that is the child he is now suing for custody of.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Until the day my youngest turned of age to rally for her own rights, my ex never missed an opportunity to try and gouge me. He never really wanted any of our children to live with him but he constantly fought me for them anyway. As a matter of fact the two older children did live with him for a while (at my insistance after getting fed up with the "my dad this my dad that" syndrome), both came running back home begging me to never let them make such a foolish mistake again. My youngest never went through that phase. I hate to make assumptions but the fact that he is suing for custody of a child he never wanted to begin with just screams out insincerity on his part. His goal is to hurt you, not benefit your child. My heart goes out to you. I've been there and done it. Lori
	__________________ Remember that human beings are complicated creatures. We like our bedtime routines but dislike routine in our bed times. - Sallie Foley, M.S.W.

09-21-2002, 06:43 PM	#7 (permalink)
JMR Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 103 Location: michigan Status: married	My ex and I were together for 3 years and we had a baby in that time. The year that our son was born he started to use cocaine, he started out slow but after time, he started to use it more and more. I told him that he had to stop because it was breaking apart our family and we were fighting just about everyday. He didnt believe me when I said that I would leave because I moved out and back in several times. I finally left about 2 years ago and I have since then gotten married. My husband has been wonderful to me and my son. Since our break-up, my son's father has not done anything for our son and now 2 years later he is talking me to court for joint custody and since we were not married when I had our son, he wants to have his last name changed to his name because I have gotten married and no longer have the name my son has. It really makes me mad because it has been 2 years and now he wants to try to be a father. The things that he is taking me to court for really piss me off. He only pays $16 a week for child support and he wants all of these rights.
	__________________ Us plus You = a whole LOT of fun!!!

09-21-2002, 11:43 PM	#8 (permalink)
the2ofus Active Member Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 10 Location: Va	I could take pages on this subject. To keep it brief, my wife and I have been thru he** by the court system. She lived in another state when we met. She moved here to where we now live, but her X took issue with that. He took her to court, and she was forced to move, not only back to the state, but the same county that she left. We were married by that time, but that didnt matter. Naturally, we appealed, and ultimately won that appeal, even though he took us to the state supreme court where he lived. My point in all of this is be prepared to fight, and have lawyer bills greater than most people have mortgages. We dont know when we will pay the lawyer bills, but at least we are happy and together. Good luck to you from someone who has, and is still there, he is still fighting her every week.

09-22-2002, 02:07 PM	#9 (permalink)
OhioCouple Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Dec 2001 Posts: 6,619 Location: Ohio Status: Married Female	</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by JMR: <strong>It really makes me mad because it has been 2 years and now he wants to try to be a father.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">In my personal opinion, this is not a case of him wanting to be a father. He is only wanting to disrupt you and your new life in anyway possible at the expense of your son. In broken relationships there is a tendency to not want the other party to be any happier than their own miserable lives are. Unfortunately the children suffer the most. $16.00 a week does not give him parental rights, for that matter neither does $1000.00 a week. Parental rights belong only to those that choose to be responsible and caring for their offspring. He lost his rights when he chose to put coke up his nose and ignore his responsibilities. You did the right thing by leaving him and finding a good life for yourself and your son. It is great that you have a wonderful and supportive husband who cares for the both of you. My suggestion to you would be to not let the fact that your ex is a bio-logical factor be allowed to get in the way of your own families emotional needs and happiness. Wishing you the best, Lori
	__________________ Remember that human beings are complicated creatures. We like our bedtime routines but dislike routine in our bed times. - Sallie Foley, M.S.W.

09-23-2002, 12:14 PM	#10 (permalink)
SR71 Active Member Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 30 Location: Cali	I was the child stuck in these cases... anyway if you live in the kind of town you say you do then yes, please cover your tracks. The last thing you want is for some Hic ultra coservitive judge to say "well this isn't healthy for the child". I do agree with the2ofus about lawyers, get one if you have too. Your ex just wants to hurt you and is going through your child to do it. God do I remember those days. Your child is 7 or 8 right? I know in Cali you had to be 12 to make the decision on who you want to live with. You may be fighting for 4-6 years but it damn well worth the fight. Now that my father and I are both adults, mid you it took him longer than it did me to become one, he has apologized to me about all the hastle and told me that he was glad my mother fought for me because he would've never been able to give me the life I deserved. So maybe there is still hope for your ex. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="frown.gif" />

09-23-2002, 01:42 PM	#11 (permalink)
<bambi> Guest Posts: n/a	I can say this is be careful. Check in your local library or the internet under law for your state. You might be get some info. on the subject. Ex-spouces can be a pain in butt at times.
<bambi> Guest Posts: n/a

09-23-2002, 03:22 PM	#12 (permalink)
JMR Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 103 Location: michigan Status: married	It is very infortunate that the children suffer. My husband and I both do our best to give him what he needs. If I had my way, I would not let my son go to see his father, but the court system says that I have to. I worked full time up until the day that he was born and when it was time to go back to work I did, not his real father. He did not want to work nor did he want to watch his own son while I was at work. The only person that could watch watch him was his paternal grandmother. You would think that she would do this for free, but she charged me weekly. I would have liked for my family to watch my son, but they all had to work and I could not afford daycare for a newborn. I really wish that I could go back in time and change the way I lived my life. I love my son with all of my heart and I can not picture my life without him. My son's real father did one good thing because having my son is the best thing that could have happened to me.
	__________________ Us plus You = a whole LOT of fun!!!

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