problems with child

[thump29]

Hi there. I was hoping somebody on the board who has children may have some advice for me. My oldest son who is 9 was just recently diagnosed with bi-polar. Neither of us have it and we dont know how he got it since no one in the family has it. We have been having a hard time with him lately and the medication they put him on is awful. It helps but he is suffering from some of the side effects from it. I am going to see if they can change it. I was wondering if anybody on here had children with bi-polar and if they could offer some advice. We really dont know how to handle things with him since he does have this and it would help if I could find out how others do it. So if anybody on here can offer some advice I would greatly appreciate any I could get.

[Elusive BiFem]

I don't have kids and can't offer personal advice, but there are several support organizations for people/families of those diagnosed with bipolar disorder. This link has several you might be interested in reviewing.

I don't know what kind of treatment you have sought for your child, but I would want to be certain the diagnosis was accurate and would seek a second opinion. It never hurts.

Best of luck - EBF

[fun_pairTX]

Get a second opinion before you take any action. We went through this with our oldest daughter and ADD. All she needed not to be bored was a double promotion in school. She wound up graduating HS at 15 and is a senior at Ohio State now. People are very quick with the diagnosis and the drugs. Best of luck to you all.

[Elusive BiFem]

I'm so glad you posted that, Fun_Pair!

Bipolar disorders affect many people, but it is kind of an "in vogue" diagnosis right now. I would never accept any type of diagnosis like that without at least one or even two other opinions. Just like I would not accept a surgical diagnosis without a second opinion from a physician of my choice and exploring my options for treatment. - EBF

[angihay]

Hello! My son is 5 yrs old we are in the stages of the diagnosis but are pretty sure he is bi-polar.In my case it does run all and i mean all over my family lines I myself have symptoms as well. We are working with a therapist nad are trying to work things out the worst symtom seems to be his emotional state at times the best way to discribe it is he gets stuck on 1 thing and one thing only and it just keeps running through his head very hard at times to deal with. If the meds are the problems i would certainly ask for a different type of medication explain to the Dr. the side effects he is having i know there are several different types of medication out there and he or she should be able to give a different one that better siuts your child. I have also found that looking up children with bi-polor disorder on the computer has helped with research for me anyway and there are some support groups listed there as well so u can get in touch with othere parents who share your same issues and concerns and that my help as well. Good Luck and hope you are able to find some help to ease you into all this and help make you feel more at ease. Sincerely Angihay

[thump29]

My son was sent to a mental hospital last month and he spent six days there and the psychiatrist said he was adhd with a conductive disorder and gave him adderall and clonitine. It worked for about two weeks and then he started doing things again such as making threats to hurt people, hurting his brother etc. The doctor here said he was bi-polar and put him on adderall 30 mg and depacote 250mg x 3 a day. He stopped eating with the adderall so they have now took him off of it and left him on the depacote, but he still is doing those things and we are beside ourselves. It killed me to have him put into a mental hospital for 6 days and now they are saying if he keeps it up they will put him in a juvenile faciltity for troubled kids. That will break my heart. We have tried everything they have asked us for almost 5 years now and nothing seems to do the trick.

Thankyou all for the advice I sincerely appreciate it and to anybody else that has any advice it would be greatly appreciated too.

[OhioCouple]

Mr. and Mrs. Thump,

While I've never had a child diagnosed as being bi-polar, I've often wondered about my middle child. I want to say that I can empathize with the situation you are going through....only in a different manner.

When my middle child was a baby, she often exhibited behavior that was destructive and abusive, to not only herself but those around her. By the time she was 12 months old she had been hospitalized twice for seizures, thus began the ordeal of different medications. The phenobarbital (sp) turned her into (in my opinon) something worse than what she was prior to the seizures. She seemed drugged all the time and incoherent. After two years, I decided to stop giving it to her as she no longer had a personality. (The seizures were determined to be caused by anger and fear, not a brain malfunction). She continued to have grand mal seizures up until she was about 9 years old and they always occurred whenever she was really angry (which was often) or afraid. There is nothing worse than watching your child in agony and not knowing what to do to help them.

By the time she was thirteen and after endless counseling and therapy sessions, she was still no better in controlling her anger although the seizures stopped. At this age, I had no choice but to put her in a mental hospital to try to help as she was destroying all of us. So I understand the pain of having to do so. It goes without saying that it was the worst day of my life, but for the first time in years, I had a peaceful nights rest. Unfortunately things didn't get much better after her 30 day stay. We went on to more years of counseling and having to put her in foster care for a while too. When she turned seventeen a doctor finally diagnosed (and the name escapes me now) a brain disorder and she has been on medication since. It had something to do with the electrons not connnecting normally in the brain, therefore causing her to "act" rather than "react". She went on to finish high school, has some college under her belt and is married with two children. She no longer exhibits that kind of behavior and seems 'normal' as long as she takes her medication.

As the others have told you, seek that second opinon or a third or a fourth, (I didn't know any better 22 years ago), most importantly...as much as it pains you to make decisions on behalf of your son, you must make them with the entire family in mind. And sometimes that means separation, but if it will help him to help himself, you are doing the right thing.

I can only imagine the years of turmoil my daughter went thru in her own mind, as your son must be doing also.

My heart goes out to you.

Mrs. O

[DragonsLair]

Last year my son was diagnosed as ADHD and was put on Adderall as well. We kept working on getting the dosage correct but his behavior never really changed. He's been thru therapy and always manages to get the therapist wrapped around his finger. When we talked to our family doctor, she said his problems sounded more like bi-polar, which his biological mother is (I'm the stepmom). I have to make an appointment with a psychiatrist to have him tested for bi-polar and to rule in or out the ADHD.

Definitely get another opinion. And talk to your doctor about the meds and how he reacts while on them. If your doctor won't make changes, find another doctor. From what my family doctor said, bi-polar and ADHD can mimic each other and it can be hard to tell the difference.

Best wishes to you and your family. You've been thru a lot and will probably have to go thru a lot more until he gets the help he needs. But do what's best for him and your family.

Hugs to you.

DragonsLair

He is T. I am A.

[biblonde]

hi I know what you are going through. My oldest son was diagnosed 11 years ago with ADHD and just a few years ago with having bi-polar. Alot of times they go hand in hand. For the bi-polar he is on neurontin and he takes dexodrine and clonodine for the adhd. For now the doses are working but he is a major hand ful and now at 13 .....you can imagine. We have been seeing a couple doctors for it since he was young and lots of counciling which works. We get lots of good advice on dealing with problems that arise and different ways to handle it. He keeps us going for sure though but is now learning how to control himself for the most part. He doesnt suffer from any side affects except at night his meds help him to calm down enough to sleep. We have dealt with this for many many years and although it has been lots of trial and error and lots of stuggles i think we are doing good as a family. These kinda kids are a lot to deal with but the rewards are endless. Feel free to email me if you have any questions cause chances are we have been there done that! LOL best of luck and strength to you and your family. best of luck...s

[thump29]

I took my son in to see the psychiatrist again today and he said that they would have to try him on some other drugs. Now they are wanting to put him into the mental hospital for 6 months and there isnt anything we can do to get him out this time. I know he may need this but I cant help to feel horrible about this I am his mother and I should be able to help him. He has a bad habit of hurting his little brother which he is only 4 and cant take care of himself and I know I need to do this for his sake but I cant help thinking what did I do wrong to make my son like this. I dont understand bi-polar too much but when I was pregnant with him I didnt smoke or anything I got great prenatal care and everything. The doctors assure me that nothing could of been done to prevent this. My doctor wants to put me on antidepressants but that wont help the problem any. I appreciate all the help you have given us, we are at our wits end and dont know which way to turn anymore. We have had problems with him since he was 5 but now the problems are more serious in nature he is making threats to hurt people including me and my other son so we cant ignore it anymore. Another concern is I keep wondering how much he will hate us for letting them put him in a mental institution for 6 months its not like we have a choice any longer because of the threats there is nothing we can do about it. He doesnt understand that and he keeps saying we hate him, have anybody else heard this from their child. I hear it about 20 times a day no matter what it is that is going on. This morning I wouldnt let him watch tv and he went off for about 3 hours straight. Im trying to learn all I can so I can help him. Thanks again for all the advice you dont know how much we appreciate it.

[DragonsLair]

Thump,

You didn't do anything wrong. These things happen. And we don't know why.

Try not to take your son's telling you he hates you to heart. He's not in control of his life, thoughts or feelings right now and he's lashing out at anyone he can. And you are the perfect target. And if your other son doesn't have these problems, your older son may be jealous that his little brother is "normal" and he's not.

I can't imagine just what you're going thru. Our problems with our son seem very small now compared to yours. And I guess I have say we're lucky, even tho it doesn't feel like it most of the time. Just a matter of perspective, I guess.

Hospitalization sounds very scary, but if your doctor thinks it's for the best, it must be. Your son can't be allowed to hurt you, his little brother or himself. Maybe he needs this change in environment to help the meds to work. And he'll be surrounded by professionals 24/7 who've been trained to help people just like him.

Thump, as you've seen from the responses here, you're not alone. Please feel free to post here as much as you need. We'll be here to give you support and comfort. You have friends here who care.

Please take care and try not to beat yourself up over this. It's not your fault.

Hugs.

DragonsLair

He is T. I am A.

[Elusive BiFem]

Thump, read again and again what DragonsLair said. And then read it some more. I don't know what is going on with your child, but you can't blame yourself. If indeed it is a bi-polar disorder going on, it is associated with a chemical disorder in his brain. Nothing that you did.
I can imagine how painful it is for your entire family to have a child admitted to a psychiatric facility, and especially when he is telling you he hates you for it. But think of this. If your son had a ruptured appendix, you would admit him to the hospital for surgery to save his life, wouldn't you? He would be afraid, the surgery would be painful...and depending on his age, you would have a hard time explaining to him why you were letting doctors "hurt" him. But you would do it anyway to save his life. Mental illness treatment is the same exact thing. It is an illness that requires treatment. Just exactly like any other illness or injury.
As for you taking anti-depressants...you may want to consider that. Most people know I'm not a huge advocate of medication usage, but there are times when they are extremely beneficial. And this just might be one of those times. A short-term anti-depressant could really do you a lot of good right now. You are going through some really stressful times just now and they would allow you to see things more clearly and cope better with all this stuff for your sake and for the sake of your entire family.
Take care, and again, don't blame yourself for things that you have no control over. - EBF

[OhioCouple]

I am in total agreement with both DragonsLair and EBF. It is NOTHING that you did wrong. I spent years beating myself up over my daughter. I did everything to a tee, healthy pregnancy wise (which I did not exactly do with the other two) and it didn't change the fact that she had problems that were unassociated with us. After all, if the other two were okay, then I couldn't have been doing anything too wrong. (It took me a long time to realize that)

As hard as it is to realize, you are not the cause of this and as DragonsLair said, being in the hospital with 24/7 care will give them an opportunity to monitor his behavior and perhaps find the right combination of drugs or therapy that he needs. Keep first and foremost in your mind that you are doing this to help him. I hope that he will not have to go through the years of anguish that my daughter did. Medical techology has come a long way since the troubles with my daughter. If you can get a solution to it now, those 6 months will seem like nothing compared to the lifetime of joy you will receive afterwards.

Mrs. O

[biblonde]

I have to agree....you did nothing wrong. I spent a lot of years blaming myself for how my son was. He has had problems since he was 2 with anger and his temper. I had a very bad dilivery with him and that is what caused some of his problems but sometimes this just happens. I have learned alot from my son about this beleive it or not. He now knows how to put into words how his is feeling and he knows he cant help some of the stuff he does. He has trouble at school but knows how to tell now when he is gonna have a problem and tries to avoid it. It doesnt always work but he does try now. He gets real frusterated easily and that is when he has a bad time. Bi-polar is a hard one to understand..I see him going through it and it kills me towatch at times because there is nothing you can say or do that helps much. He has days where he is angry at the world then is the sweetest kid on earth.He can be very hateful and mean at times and that is something you have to set aside as "not coming from him".It tears your heart out to hear i hate you from your child but they dont mean it.
We are lucky his psycologist and psychyitrist (spelling??) work with us very closely and are very supportive of everything. I am not real sure about putting kids in hospitals but if it is a situation where there is a chance for real danger in the house it may be best. Just make sure that you say i love you as often as you can!!!best of luck s

[thump29]

Hi! I just wanted to let everyone know that was so thoughtful to give us advice on this problem with my son, that I took him to the doctor and he said that my son was allergic to the depacote and that it was making him sick and making him worse. He goes again tomorrow and they are going to try some different medication on him and hopefully this time it will work for him. I will keep everybody posted on how it goes with him and I want to thank everybody that took the time to give us advice. We greatly appreciate it. I thought i was the only one going threw this kind of problems because nobody else i know has been threw this. Thank you all again and I will let everybody know how it goes.