Telling the Kids

[bear_n_bunny]

I've read a few threads about the subject of kids lately, I even went through the archives. Opinions seemed mixed about telling the kids. I have a very curious 13 year old who probably has a better sex education than most of the kids at her school. Unfortunately, this is an education she is more than willing to share with most of her classmates. It's caused no end of dilemmas in our house when she shared the fact Mommy had told her not only where babies come from but about erections and STDs. Or when she told the five year old what condoms were. It's now been made clear that it's up to every childs parent to take care of their sexual education.

My parenting technique has always been if a child is old enough to ask the question, then they are old enough to hear the answer. Yet, I don't think I'd feel comfortable in telling her about Mommy's new hobby.

My questions on the matter are the following:

Is it better to tell your kids rather than let them find out?
If so, at what age?
If you did tell your kids, how did it work out? Good, bad, other.

Thanks for the advice.

[alabamafuntonig]

I dread the day when I have to school my children on there parents sexual habits. You make a valiant point on the subject of sex education and when to tell them. I’M not sure I would ever clue them in on my own sexual practices I believe it is a personal thing and my children have no right knowing. But kudos for being so open with your children. One day we can only hope to be more open like you.

[OhioCouple]

I have always been very open with my girls in regards to sex. So much so that they tell me way more than I need to know.

Not long ago, my youngest and most spiciest dropped in a couple of hours to early and I had this board on the screen. She asked me about it , with a wierd look on her face and I immeditaley hit the off button on the power strip with my foot. It did not stop her from going home and bringing up this website and asking why I would visit a place of this nature. Whether or not she has read my postings? I don't know. Do I want to tell any of my kids? No. Will I maybe have to tell my youngest? Perhaps, though I'll be uncomfortable about it all the while.

I'd personally rather that my kids NEVER found out, but then how realistic is that?

[dreamers]

WOW! '
I fully agree, my kids would never understand either and really I have always firmly believed that some things should just be kept private from your children.
Our kids are all teens and early 20's, we live in an area that to be known as "swingers" would not go over well at all, so it would be awful if our kids found out too.
I believe that like alot of things in life you can prepare them, tell them what's out there, explain all the facts, and hope like hell they are prepared before engaging in any type of sexual activities themselves.
Whats more important though I feel is never looking down on any type of sexual practices, to each his own right? Then if they decide later in life to try something they wont be going in thinking it's wrong or disgusting to try.....I believe openess and awareness about sex and the different aspects of it are much more important then telling them what their parents are doing....lol

[twopeople2]

Kids catch on fast. My 10 year old must have walked by when I was looking at pictures on a profile since he asked later why I wanted to get a boob job!??! He catches on quick....he also wanted to know what the "serious board" was.

I don't think it's something I'd want the kids to know for a long time. Probably more for their sake than mine. Young kids are cruel and this would be very hard to explain to a group of 4th or 5th graders. I agree some thngs are just better private.

[pna42]

Several years ago, there was a piece on 48 Hours about Swingers. In the hour they interviewed one couple who had 2 teenage sons who were aware of mom and dad's "lifestyle" and the boys thought "it was cool that mom and dad were so open". Then to top it off, they showed the boys watching good ol' mom getting ready to go to the local swing club and the boys telling her how "hot" she looked. How would you like to have been these poor kids the next day at school? I bet they became popular with the other boys at school. These people are fucked up in the head. I don't care how open and honest you are, ya don't tell your kids about swinging. I know a woman in this area who has her 15 year old daughter "in the lifestyle". It sickens me.

[bear_n_bunny]

Thanks for all your feedback. Dispite my general policy of honesty, I'm going to do my best to make sure my daughter does not find out about Mommy being in the lifestyle. There is simply no positive spin I can put on her knowing. Being well informed about sexuality doesn't mean she has to be informed about Mommy and Daddy's private time. She has however made it clear she knows we are not always napping because of the noise. If she only knew how very quiet we were being. I did offer to get her ear plugs.

However, I'm going to have to be a lot more careful about where I surf and what I leave out. She's a bright kid, and with enough clues she'll come up with a theory. I'll simply not correct her if she's wrong, nor tell her if she's right. Thankfully, she doesn't know what swinging is. Thanks to the first couple we met, we just call it The Hobby.

Bunny of Bear and Bunny

[CanadianCouple]

If the kids find out, they find out, but I can't fathom any reason why parents would volunteer information about their private sexual habits to their kids.

Dan

[CanadianCouple]

Originally posted by bear_n_bunny


My parenting technique has always been if a child is old enough to ask the question, then they are old enough to hear the answer.

Keeping in mind, of course, a wise parent will tailor the answer to suit the child's age and level of maturity.


Dan

[CanadianCouple]

Originally posted by pna42
I know a woman in this area who has her 15 year old daughter "in the lifestyle". It sickens me.

Please tell me you're kidding.

Dan

[BradAndJanet]

We are very careful about what we do, so they don't find out. Fortunately, everybody had their own PC, with WinXP, which is locked down tight. We keep the discussion to a minimum when the kids are in the house (Imagine our horror on Friday when we discovered Boy was asleep in his room, not over at his friends house. We had to replay the entire conversation to make sure we hadn't said anything compromising I don't think he heard a thing.)

When they are adults, if they find out, I'm not going to worry about it. But, I'm not going out of my way to tell them. It's our business, not theirs.

-B

[CanadianCouple]

About two years ago, we met another lifestyle couple while we were searching for potential partners. We were surpised and somewhat shocked when they told us they'd informed their adult children of what they do. Their reasoning was 'in case they popped in unexpectedly', but I suspect the real reason was a deep rooted need for acceptance of what they do, from those closest to them.

Dan

[Roxysbayou]

Wow, I don't know how I will handle this topic if it ever should arise. I think that I will keep it a private matter for as long as possible. If the question would ever come up and they are old enough, I would be honest and probably explain how and why we ended up here.

[pna42]

Canadian Couple, I wish I was kidding about the woman and her daughter. And it's only the tip of the iceburg with this woman. Not to be gotten into here.

[perlwizard]

While learning this about my parent(s) would not bother me, I certainly wouldn't ask. Sex was a very taboo subject when I was growing up.

It's amazing how liberal I have become, along with my mother. In fact we were in Seattle a while back and she looked over and pointed. I looked and she said "that's the hotel your sister was conceived in".

Thanks mom.