Protecting Our children

[Meggybear]

We have young children and in NO WAY want to endanger them. What can I do to protect them? I mean, some could argue that participating in the lifestyle at all endangers them...

We will not have people over to our home--that's a given. Although our house *is* romantic...with the juice stains in the carpet and crayon drawings on the walls.

We will practice safe sex so that we can protect our health and thus in a way protecting the children.

What else should we do/not do?

Thanks in advance,
Meggybear

[fun4Ds]

meggybear, I'm not sure about your fears, we worried about our kids also when they were young. more so with the neighbors,people at the mall, school, stay overs and that sort. trust your instincts as a parent.

As for swingers i'll have to say that we have never met anyone in the swinger lifestyle that could be more child caring people. Most of us have children, yea ours are grown now but some of our friends have kids at home. We don't/would never do anything in front of them. Be careful and keep your kids safety in mind at all times. Anyone who doesn't understand that don't befriend them plain and simple.

[Tia Vampire]

Meggybear,I have four children myself aging from 17,14,9, and 8. I love my children and would'nt do anything to hurt them either. Even in my thread benifits of a swing club, i was saying because me and the old man need some private time without the children hearing us, so we attend a swing club. I've found it very convenient and love the nuts that i get there.Have fun with it and like always keep it safe.

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by Meggybear

I mean, some could argue that participating in the lifestyle at all endangers them...

Yeah, and some people need therapy to help manage their neuroses. :rollseyes This aspect of your sex life is not going to hurt them any more than using sex toys or tying one another up. As long as you're discreet, and don't expose them to the more intimate aspects of your sex life, there's no harm. And if you are ever confronted, you can always tell your kids that it's none of their business! Because it's not.

Originally Posted by Meggybear

We will practice safe sex so that we can protect our health and thus in a way protecting the children.

What else should we do/not do?

Thanks in advance,
Meggybear

Those are good ideas. We've entertained in our home before, but one rule that is written in stone is NO PLAYTIME WHEN THE KIDS ARE HOME. If we're going to play with our friends, the kids go visit Grandma for the weekend. No ifs, ands or buts.

Safe(r) sex is also something that we do. There is always a risk that we'll contract something, but the risk is acceptably small for us.

One thing I would suggest: you can also protect your kids by playing safe...and I don't just mean condoms. I mean don't allow yourselves to be put in a physically dangerous position. People can get really weird when it comes to sex, and that super-nice couple that invites you back to their house...way back in the middle of nowhere...may end up putting a rufie in the your margarita. So be very cautious and listen to your gut instinct.

Another thing: guard your relationship and your mental/emotional/spiritual health carefully. Do not let your communication slip, and keep an eye on any negative feelings or reactions. Watch for any negative impacts on the lives of those around you. If your hobby is getting carried away, and is taking you away from the rest of your life, you need to throw on the brakes. If you don't like the person that you are becoming, again, you need to stop and fix it. Your kids are depending on you and your husband to not fuck up your relationship through any form of neglect or abuse, so always be aware of where you stand with one another. If one person is getting the short end of the stick, he or she needs to confront the other person. And the other person needs to acknowledge and resolve the problem. One of the keys to success here is knowing who you are and what you're worth. Being a person worth respecting sometimes means alerting others to that fact. You can't have a strong relationship without strong individuals choosing to be together.

BTW, I don't mean to imply that either of you are habitually abusive, but we've all done and said things that we're not proud of. This just means taking treating one another with respect and love to a whole new level of dedication. It's the difference between 'Trying' and 'Doing'. By using swinging as your springboard, or a stepping stone instead of the stumbling block that "some people" insist it is, you can actually improve your marriage. Swinging doesn't do the improving; YOU do. And when you make the health of your marriage your passionate hobby, the way some couples are passionate about sailing or golfing or whatever, your kids - and you - are going to reap the rewards.

[Amanda69]

Maybe it would help if Meggybear explained why she thinks her children would be at risk if she is not swinging in the home?

Heck my daughter met and came to vanilla type parties thrown by my swinging friends for years...they don't eat children ya know

Seriously, is it that you don't want them to overhear something, then don't take on the phone to swingers when they are around.

Are you concerned they might find something on the computer? Then don't put anything there or create a private profile just for yourselves then they can't access things.

So if you can please let us know what you think might happen then we can answer your question a little more clearly...

[Karmickiss]

Intersting topics, as usual. I am new to "officially" living the life-style...meaning that I've only relatively recently "outed" myself, kind of like when I first concretely knew and identified myself to be bi-sexual, right down the middle, lol. But for me, in both cases, it's been a personal thing, having to do with my own spiritual growth...etc..and so now I look for a certain amount of guidance on the "issues" at hand in my life, whatever they may be, including swinging, by researching it in the best way I can, and by coming onto sites like this, which I've found to be an invaluable resource b/c most are here to share and grow in similar ways....and it's kind of the way I saw certain therapsists might have the additional benefit of experience; if they have it, and have come to a happy place with things in their own lives...then that experience can really help in a more intimate way than let's say.....looking up the problem/situation/neurosis..what have you...on page 85, chapter 2...lol...the same goes with these kinds of issues,I love hearing from different people how they deal with similar situations......

AND SO...I am new to meeting people through personal ads....and in this case,with what I'm looking for,it seems to make the best sense.I am in the process of actually meeting a couple, for the first time this way...we've been going through a nice process of getting to know each other,I think, not too long,not too short,so to speak,no pun intended... I am a single bi-female,and single parent of two wonderful boys,10 and 12, who really are the center of my universe....and through this whole process, perhaps it's kind of "where I'm at" in general, but I've let my gut, and my intellect guide me, as well as the part of me that has changed so much of what and how I do things(the parent part) for the sake of personal safety for me and the kids...and have remained refreshingly calm and allowing myself time and have not pushed myself ,so that I can hear that intuitive voice much better...and I have attacked the when and how, and what; in the same way I attack everything else of importance in my life.

Now that I'm getting to the nitty gritty of making times, (this weekend hopefully) and working out the details, my children are kind of like basic guides.I have a feeling I'll take this like I take alot, as an individual case by case thing...but partly why I was attracted to this couple, was the fact they have three kids of their own, around the same range of age...and the way they wrote their profile, very much mentioned them as the center of thier universe,*click, first commonality*...so luckily things seem to be going well, and most of the way we feel, including how much we tell or rather don't tell or expose our kids to, are the same for both sides...so that's been the point of least conflict thus far.... I know it wouldn't go far if I felt that my kids were in any way not respected as my number one...but I too,am curious to follow this thread,and see what might be more of the points of concern around the kids....good luck with everything, by the way!!

[LFM2]

Hi Meggybear. Welcome to the board! Glad to see you here!

We have three kids, only one at home and he's a junior in high school, so it will be a couple years yet before he leaves. I can only see one of our kids totally understanding our lifestyle and that's our oldest. She's 25 and a bit more wild and worldly than the other two. Our second one (she's 21) is very straight laced. She definitely knows how to party, but is more of a one man kind of woman. Our last one, (he's 16) follows in his second sisters footsteps. He can hardly bring himself to think about dating other girls but, he might understand.

They know about our toy chest and in fact, they are sometimes scared to enter to bedroom, because we sometimes don’t put our toys away like we should. They know their parents have sex, but they have verbally and repeatedly I might add, do NOT want to know anything about it. We live in a pretty small house; the noises don't have to travel that far. With parents like us, they know all about sex, and hopefully we've raised them with the open mind that we have about sex. We want them to understand that sex IS and SHOULD BE fun, not a chore or a duty that their Catholic grandmothers have told them.

How do we protect them? Our son might already know, but if he does, he doesn't say or he doesn't know what to say!! We don't talk about our lifestyle in their presence. We save the talking for more intimate times when we're alone. We practice discretion. When we're heading out to meet a new couple or when we go to play, we tell them we're going on a "date" by ourselves. (Our son asked us why he couldn't go one night and we jokingly told him to get his own date and take her out.) Potential couples have our cell number if they need to get a hold of us. We would never give out our house number. They also don't know our last name. That is something that won't be revealed until we get to know them REALLY well.

What would we do if our kids found out? We'd sit down and talk to them about it. One thing I can say about our kids is that they are extremely well rounded and they know how much their father and I love each other because we openly show it in public and private.

We have always done our best to make sure that our kids could talk to us about anything at any age, and they seem to do that without hesitation. They don't have to accept it but hopefully, they would be good enough to allow us to live our life without being too judgmental. We wouldn't stop just because they disapprove. They are old enough to either accept it or not.

I do, however, think that they would listen to us and would try to understand.

[Meggybear]

Originally Posted by Amanda69

Maybe it would help if Meggybear explained why she thinks her children would be at risk if she is not swinging in the home?

Most of my fears are pretty "what if." Such as this:

I feel that hubby and I are putting the children at risk by having many sexual partners. I mean, we are are a condoms only couple, but still there are chances and risks. I would just feel awful if one of us got a disease and somehow didn't live as long because of it or something. That would really be cheating our children.

There are other concerns too, but I suppose those can be nearly eliminated by playing it safe and smart. It's not actual people that concern me, but that somehow I'm cheating my kids by engaging in something that is generally viewed as risky behavior.

And who the hell brainwashed society to think that way anyway?
hehehe
Meggybear

[Meggybear]

I just discovered this part of the swingers board with similar archived questions for those interested:

http://www.swingersboard.com/forums/...splay.php?f=61

(I hope that link works...)

Meggybear

[Amanda69]

Sounds like you are working your way through the fears and concerns. Yes it often is the little voices in our head left over from childhood and society in general that make us more concerned than maybe we should be at times.

I often say to parents if it makes you happy, hence a somewhat better parent then how can it be hurting the children. Just keep a good balance in your life and keep them a priority...

Have fun and play safe...

[LFM2]

Originally Posted by Meggybear

Most of my fears are pretty "what if." Such as this:
I feel that hubby and I are putting the children at risk by having many sexual partners. I mean, we are are a condoms only couple, but still there are chances and risks. I would just feel awful if one of us got a disease and somehow didn't live as long because of it or something. That would really be cheating our children.

Ultimately, what you are referring to not how to protect your children, but yourselves so you can protect your children? Well, the ultimate protection you can use against STD's is abstinence. Secondly, be monogamous. If you're wanting to explore playing past that, condom use is your next good bet.

There is no single form of protection, other than the first two mentioned that will cover you 100%, intercourse wise.

Originally Posted by Meggybear

There are other concerns too, but I suppose those can be nearly eliminated by playing it safe and smart. It's not actual people that concern me, but that somehow I'm cheating my kids by engaging in something that is generally viewed as risky behavior.

Mr. LFM and I play safe and smart. We meet the people before we play and we NEVER play on a first date. Here in Idaho, I believe it is a felony to have sex with someone else knowing you carry an STD such as HIV, Hepatitis, Herpes, etc. Such things should be divulged in the other persons profile, anyway. We also play for fun. We do this because we love to have fun and we love sexual freedom that we give each other.

As far as cheating your kids out of something, that might be an issue you two will have to work out between the both of you. I don't view Mr. LFM and I playing as risky behaviour. We play smart and we play for fun.

Again, just my humble opinion.