what do you say to the kids?

darling · 12-02-2002, 03:48 PM

While this internet may be a blessing to swingers in one way, it isn't always. My 17 year old son got nosey when he found our club membership card in his dad's wallet and looked it up on the internet. (yes his father told him to get money from the wallet). the name on the membership card was not a clue, but the internet site told him everything.

Now I'm not sure what to say to him or how to act when he knows we are going out (we stopped for a while because of this and even now don't go but about once a month). We live in the bible belt and our families have always been religious. I have tried to raise the kids based on a religious background. My son looks at me differently now and when we do go out, he teases us about "getting our groove on" and other remarks. My husband explained to my son when we first knew he was wise to us, that we went to the club where we just danced and watched. I don't think he quite buys that. My husband says the best course is to just ignore the whole thing. I did try to discuss it with my son once and he said he didn't want to talk about it. Should I just let it all drop?

ciscosv · 12-02-2002, 04:16 PM

The gig is up. What's wrong with a dont' ask don't tell policy? Being honest is the way to confront your situation. But how much info is too much? The best thing about the clubs to us that we can be adults and party around peers without feeling like we are different or imoral. Some clubs are meat markets and just are not much of our scene. Hope it all works out though.

SweetOne · 12-02-2002, 04:32 PM

I haven't came acrossed this yet cause my daughter is just a little one but i am in a part of the bible belt and have a very religous family and i know i would feel the same way you do..
But I think you shouldn't have to explain yourself to your son. i know if i was him i wouldn't want to know but if i did find out i wouldn't want to talk about it.. Kids seem to find all the things you don't want them to find out. but about his comments i wouldn't pay attetion to it.. just tell him to think what he wants to.. that will normally stop him. did me when i would pick on my folks about our pool..

Sweetone

***JustAskJulie*** · 12-06-2002, 04:55 PM

He already knows, I'd say sit him down and fill in the rest. He's old enough to deal with it and I'd think you'd better off to answer his questions and get it out in the open than to have him wondering and at the same time making yourselves feel worse about what you are doing or trying to hide something that is already known.

The jokes and comments from him are his way of dealing with the situation and partially because he doesn't really understand. If you want it to be a dropped issue and something that isn't talked about then you need to let him know that as well. Overall, it sounds like you guys are bothered by this more than he is. Are you worried that you will have to explain how you can be religious and be swingers? If so, then maybe you still have some questions to answer for yourselves?

Mariposa_y_Oso · 12-09-2002, 03:08 AM

I agree with Julie...I think you're more worried about this than he is. If he's joking with you about going out to "get your groove on", it sounds like he's accepted it and is just teasing. Of course, the WAY he says it (tone of voice, etc.) may tell you otherwise.

Mari and I have talked about what we'll tell the kiddos when they finally get wise to us being in the lifestyle. We're sure they will eventually, we aren't raising any dummies!

The conclusion that we finally came to was that we'd let them know we'd be more than willing to answer any questions they might have, but we're not about to tell them more than they want or need to know ("Uncle" Bob likes to be spanked and "Aunt" Jane loves anal!

). We figure that if they see they have two parents that obviously love each other and respect each other, that's much more important. We're pretty open with our kids about sex in general anyway, so it's probably easier for us than it may be for other parents...

Concerning the religion thing...ugh. Both of us come from Roman Catholic homes and I'm sure that there would be plenty of guilt trips and candles being lit for us, but if it happens, it happens. We're at peace with ourselves and how it all fits in with our beliefs....

Cheers!
~Mike

Quin · 12-18-2002, 07:52 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by SweetOne
I haven't came acrossed this yet cause my daughter is just a little one but i am in a part of the bible belt and have a very religous family and i know i would feel the same way you do..
But I think you shouldn't have to explain yourself to your son. i know if i was him i wouldn't want to know but if i did find out i wouldn't want to talk about it.. Kids seem to find all the things you don't want them to find out. but about his comments i wouldn't pay attetion to it.. just tell him to think what he wants to.. that will normally stop him. did me when i would pick on my folks about our pool..

Sweetone

You're right on the head by saying that they shouldn't have to explain theirselves to their son. They don't have to. They are the PARENTS and the son is their CHILD. I don't care if the son is 45 years old, he's still the child in this relationship and quite frankly, it's none of his business.

While we all like to think we're friends with our kids and some even claim that their child is their best friend, it's impossible. You will always be the parent and they always the child first and foremost. My daughter and I are very close...but there are things that I talk about with my best friend that I would NEVER EVER discuss with my daughter. My daughter knows her place. If she gets a case of the noseys, I just tell her that it's *adult* business...that's her clue to back off and leave the room.

Quin
()()

RnKin Fla · 12-19-2002, 08:47 AM

Reason # 1,312,467 for us not to have kids!

flacpl736 · 12-19-2002, 09:12 AM

We ran into this problem when our daughter was in college and started "snooping" on our computer when she came home one time. She saved the info to try and use later when she needed some leverage (when she was in trouble for sneaking home from college to sleep with her boyfriend) - not because she had anything negative to really say about the Lifestyle. Anyway, when she finally decided to "play this card", we just told her that if she wanted to do some research on it - go ahead but that we didn't answer to her about our personal life and that it was none of her business. It's been a "dead" subject since then and she's never brought it up again.

***JustAskJulie*** · 12-19-2002, 12:11 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by RnKin Fla
Reason # 1,312,467 for us not to have kids!

mao. This is a line that we use quite often. Like whenever we encounter a brat at the mall or any other thing that comes up regarding the downside of kids.

**Alura** · 12-19-2002, 02:00 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by RnKin Fla
Reason # 1,312,467 for us not to have kids!

Back in BC (Before Children) Mrs. Alura and I used to say similar things. Once I read an article that showed how much it cost to raise a kid through college. "Hey, that's the same amount a Ferrari costs! Hell, I'd rather have the Ferrari!" That became my standard reply when folks wanted to know when we were going to have kids.

Well, that was a long time ago and we now have two of 'em. We wouldn't trade either one for two Ferraris. My, how attitudes change!

Mr. Alura

TeamSoBe · 12-19-2002, 02:45 PM

I'm still a kid myself, I'm not qualified to reproduce yet.

Handyman69 · 12-19-2002, 09:39 PM

We have a 2 sets of kids here....teenagers (16 & 18) then go down to 5 yrs old triplets. We know someone has been snooping around in our internet connections and pretty sure it was when the 22 yr old when she was home watching the household, as she is the only one who can get online without our help. So far, she has stated nothing. My husband comes from a religious household and we are bring up our children the same. When confronted, we will talk about it but it will be known that it is our private life not theirs. I certainly will not let them hold this over our head.

Should be interesting when the conversation comes up. We also know that our kids are not dumb by no means and sooner or later. they will more than likely put 2 and 2 together. Till then we will keep this between us.

Rhonda

Handyman69 · 12-19-2002, 09:44 PM

Boy guys, I apologize for my previous post. Spelling and everything was out of wack. Guess my thoughts were coming faster than my typing.
Hope you understood it anyway.

Sorry again, Rhonda

**Alura** · 12-19-2002, 10:03 PM

Very wise response, Rhonda! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Alura

babydragon · 12-22-2002, 01:15 PM

My kids are still too young to understand even if I knew how to explain it. I only know that if they even start to ask questions I have a rely already figured out (forward thinking at it's best). "Your father and I have a life outside being your parents and it's one we prefer to keep seperate from parenting"

I have tried to raise my children to be able to ask any question they want, so we can answer as honestly as we can.

You wouldn't sit down and tell your kids all about your sex life with your other half, this is no different.

As we are the parents we still have the rigth to some privacy.

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12-02-2002, 03:48 PM	#1 (permalink)
darling Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 180 Location: Ohio Status: Couple	what do you say to the kids? While this internet may be a blessing to swingers in one way, it isn't always. My 17 year old son got nosey when he found our club membership card in his dad's wallet and looked it up on the internet. (yes his father told him to get money from the wallet). the name on the membership card was not a clue, but the internet site told him everything. Now I'm not sure what to say to him or how to act when he knows we are going out (we stopped for a while because of this and even now don't go but about once a month). We live in the bible belt and our families have always been religious. I have tried to raise the kids based on a religious background. My son looks at me differently now and when we do go out, he teases us about "getting our groove on" and other remarks. My husband explained to my son when we first knew he was wise to us, that we went to the club where we just danced and watched. I don't think he quite buys that. My husband says the best course is to just ignore the whole thing. I did try to discuss it with my son once and he said he didn't want to talk about it. Should I just let it all drop?

12-02-2002, 04:16 PM	#2 (permalink)
ciscosv Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Apr 2002 Posts: 755 Location: Redford, Michigan Status: Married Couple	The gig is up. What's wrong with a dont' ask don't tell policy? Being honest is the way to confront your situation. But how much info is too much? The best thing about the clubs to us that we can be adults and party around peers without feeling like we are different or imoral. Some clubs are meat markets and just are not much of our scene. Hope it all works out though.
	__________________ M&M Melts in your mouth, not in your hand

12-02-2002, 04:32 PM	#3 (permalink)
SweetOne Active Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 14 Location: Wedgefield SC Status: Couple	I haven't came acrossed this yet cause my daughter is just a little one but i am in a part of the bible belt and have a very religous family and i know i would feel the same way you do.. But I think you shouldn't have to explain yourself to your son. i know if i was him i wouldn't want to know but if i did find out i wouldn't want to talk about it.. Kids seem to find all the things you don't want them to find out. but about his comments i wouldn't pay attetion to it.. just tell him to think what he wants to.. that will normally stop him. did me when i would pick on my folks about our pool.. Sweetone
	__________________ I'm sweet till the last drop

12-06-2002, 04:55 PM	#4 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 29,288 Location: In my House Status: Female Swing Lifestyle Name:swingersboard	He already knows, I'd say sit him down and fill in the rest. He's old enough to deal with it and I'd think you'd better off to answer his questions and get it out in the open than to have him wondering and at the same time making yourselves feel worse about what you are doing or trying to hide something that is already known. The jokes and comments from him are his way of dealing with the situation and partially because he doesn't really understand. If you want it to be a dropped issue and something that isn't talked about then you need to let him know that as well. Overall, it sounds like you guys are bothered by this more than he is. Are you worried that you will have to explain how you can be religious and be swingers? If so, then maybe you still have some questions to answer for yourselves?
	__________________ Julie - your hostess The Swinger Manual - all the info from the Swingers Board in one convenient book

12-09-2002, 03:08 AM	#5 (permalink)
Mariposa_y_Oso Here to Stay Join Date: Dec 2002 Posts: 76 Location: El Paso, TX Status: Married Couple	I agree with Julie...I think you're more worried about this than he is. If he's joking with you about going out to "get your groove on", it sounds like he's accepted it and is just teasing. Of course, the WAY he says it (tone of voice, etc.) may tell you otherwise. Mari and I have talked about what we'll tell the kiddos when they finally get wise to us being in the lifestyle. We're sure they will eventually, we aren't raising any dummies! The conclusion that we finally came to was that we'd let them know we'd be more than willing to answer any questions they might have, but we're not about to tell them more than they want or need to know ("Uncle" Bob likes to be spanked and "Aunt" Jane loves anal! ). We figure that if they see they have two parents that obviously love each other and respect each other, that's much more important. We're pretty open with our kids about sex in general anyway, so it's probably easier for us than it may be for other parents... Concerning the religion thing...ugh. Both of us come from Roman Catholic homes and I'm sure that there would be plenty of guilt trips and candles being lit for us, but if it happens, it happens. We're at peace with ourselves and how it all fits in with our beliefs.... Cheers! ~Mike
	__________________ "Morality is your agreement with yourself to abide by your own rules."

12-19-2002, 08:47 AM	#7 (permalink)
RnKin Fla Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 201 Location: North Florida Status: Couple	Reason # 1,312,467 for us not to have kids!
	__________________ We like to do things a little differently...

12-19-2002, 09:12 AM	#8 (permalink)
flacpl736 Registered Join Date: Dec 2002 Posts: 5 Location: Jacksonville, FL Status: Couple	We ran into this problem when our daughter was in college and started "snooping" on our computer when she came home one time. She saved the info to try and use later when she needed some leverage (when she was in trouble for sneaking home from college to sleep with her boyfriend) - not because she had anything negative to really say about the Lifestyle. Anyway, when she finally decided to "play this card", we just told her that if she wanted to do some research on it - go ahead but that we didn't answer to her about our personal life and that it was none of her business. It's been a "dead" subject since then and she's never brought it up again.

12-19-2002, 02:45 PM	#11 (permalink)
TeamSoBe Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 507 Location: South Beach, Florida Status: M. Half of Couple	I'm still a kid myself, I'm not qualified to reproduce yet.

12-19-2002, 09:39 PM	#12 (permalink)
Handyman69 Here to Stay Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 553 Location: MI..God's country.so we thought. Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:handyman69	We have a 2 sets of kids here....teenagers (16 & 18) then go down to 5 yrs old triplets. We know someone has been snooping around in our internet connections and pretty sure it was when the 22 yr old when she was home watching the household, as she is the only one who can get online without our help. So far, she has stated nothing. My husband comes from a religious household and we are bring up our children the same. When confronted, we will talk about it but it will be known that it is our private life not theirs. I certainly will not let them hold this over our head. Should be interesting when the conversation comes up. We also know that our kids are not dumb by no means and sooner or later. they will more than likely put 2 and 2 together. Till then we will keep this between us. Rhonda

12-19-2002, 09:44 PM	#13 (permalink)
Handyman69 Here to Stay Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 553 Location: MI..God's country.so we thought. Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:handyman69	Boy guys, I apologize for my previous post. Spelling and everything was out of wack. Guess my thoughts were coming faster than my typing. Hope you understood it anyway. Sorry again, Rhonda

12-19-2002, 10:03 PM	#14 (permalink)
Alura Just a hick Okie Join Date: May 2001 Posts: 8,135 Location: Tulsa, Oklahoma Status: Widower	Very wise response, Rhonda! Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Alura

12-22-2002, 01:15 PM	#15 (permalink)
babydragon Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 102 Location: U.K Status: couple	My kids are still too young to understand even if I knew how to explain it. I only know that if they even start to ask questions I have a rely already figured out (forward thinking at it's best). "Your father and I have a life outside being your parents and it's one we prefer to keep seperate from parenting" I have tried to raise my children to be able to ask any question they want, so we can answer as honestly as we can. You wouldn't sit down and tell your kids all about your sex life with your other half, this is no different. As we are the parents we still have the rigth to some privacy.
	__________________ Always try things three times: 1st time to try it out. 2nd time to see if it's better. 3rd time just to recap 1st and 2nd.

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