When your kids find out...

[Jaz Kansorka]

Well sooner or later it was bound to happen...our children now know that their parents hang out with swingers at a swing club. They are not aware that we swing. We live by the motto "admit nothing, deny everything, immediately begin counter accusations". That came into play!

It started a bit over a week ago. I'm a member (well was) of Jay Boy Productions myspace friend list (www.jayboyproductions.com) cause I think the clothes rock and Jay Boy is a friend and autographed my shirt at a public appearance. Well...my 16yo daughter is also on the list of buddies, since she too owns a Jay Boy Productions shirt. One night late when she could not sleep she was browsing the friends list on everyone and their brother she has on her buddy list. While going through the Jay Boy list she saw my profile picture. Ok that is the pic that is currently on my profile, the clear high heeled shoes, green ankle bow. The shoes had been confiscated from her as she only needed them one time, and she was with me when I purchased the bow for St. Patty's day.

At the time there was no face pic in my other pics, just the pic of me in the white lingeree that is there now. She looked at the background and recognized my room. She emails me on this ID with, "ehem....those are MY shoes and OMG please say you did NOT wear that out in public!!" I'm busted and Jon is less than a happy camper. He tried to warn me...yada yada yada.

We talked to her, she had no questions but we are certain a boat load of assumptions. Immediately she began going down a list of friends of ours and asking "are they swingers???" We explained that we like to hang out at a swinger's club, Club 440 at The Main Event, for the atmosphere, sexy fun etc, but that we do not sleep with the people there. Ok we don't...just our friends! And only a select few. (admit nothing, deny everything....)

This all was well and good till her 22yo brother got wind of it. He and the fiance dropped by one night last week. I had told the fiance we were going to a theme party and dressing as pirates. She has this never ending collection of sexy clothes and brought me some stuff she no longer wears that would help complete my costume. While they are there and she is showing me these things in front of my son, and he starts into cop mode (of all professions he had to pick that one).

SON: Exactly what are these ho clothes for? <EG>
MOM: Dad and I are going to a theme party.
SON: And this party is where?
MOM: At a bar
SON: what bar would that be?
MOM: its on the east side of town you've never heard of it
SON: WHAT bar is it?
MOM: ok its more of a private club
SON: the name of the club would be???
MOM: don't worry about it you've never heard of it.

At this point he glances at his little sister who is ready to burst...that was all she needed, she busts out laughing rather hard at the corner I've been backed into, finding it highly amusing.

SON: Well try me, what is the name of the club? (now giving me the cop stare)
MOM: Club 440 at The Main Event
SON: What? what the hell is that?
MOM: (back to the wall) Its a swingers club
SON: OMG!!!!

With that he ran up to the kitchen and pulled out the potato chips and starts to chow. How cute, he is a comfort eater like his mommy! After a few chips he is looking at me, then shaking his head grinning...and blushing. Its tough to make him blush. His fiance is busy saying how cool that is and how it seems mom and dad are having way more fun that the son and fiance. Then she says she would like to check it out sometime. PANIC!!! I told them no, that is MY playground. They asked a lot of questions. Again we told them we go, dance, mom pole dances and lap dances for dad, we dress very sexy and flirt, tease etc but we do not play with all those people. (just a few select...Admit nothing, deny everything....) Later that night the fiance sends me a text that says the son is not half as wigged about it as he is jealous.

SO...now the kids know where we hang out. We're fairly certain that they also are not stupid enough to believe we don't play...but they didn't ask and we aren't telling. The nice part is now I don't have to sneak around to pack up my club wear for the night, try to explain why I'm taking a cooler of beer to a "bar", and no longer have to make up stuff about where all these friends are coming from.

What about you? Do your kids know?

Hugs & Licks,
Jaz

[TNT]

Originally Posted by Jaz Kansorka

What about you? Do your kids know?

That was an amusing story...no our children do not know...suspicious yes, but know 100% ? No, or if they do they respect our privacy and know that we love them, so it obviously doesn't matter enough to them to ask (we're fairly sure our two adult children know).

Should the day come that one of them does ask, it will greatly depend on the age of the one asking as to what answer they would receive and how the conversation progressed...basically it would come down to we're adults and what we do is none of our children's business.

Teresa

[EvilMJ]

Originally Posted by TNT

Should the day come that one of them does ask, it will greatly depend on the age of the one asking as to what answer they would receive and how the conversation progressed...basically it would come down to we're adults and what we do is none of our children's business.

Teresa

I agree. I think the minute I got grilled by my son about where i needed sexy clothes and what bar i was going to, I would tell him that unless there was some cosmic shift in the universe that were were still his parents, full fledged adults and intitled to our privacy. If I felt that particular piece of information was his business then I will divulge that information to him. Otherwise, don't ask something that you don't really want the answer to.

But hey that's me.....infact I think I used that explaination the last time my mom started grilling me about where we were going on Satruday night. - minus the you are my child comment. I think it was more like--I'm 34 now mother, I think I can make decisions now without clearing them through you first.

[jedi6942]

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you. I really needed to read that today. I have ten kids; mostly grown now, that never seem to tire of knowing my business. Some of my twenty-somethings think they are bright enough to figure out whatever dad is always up-to. So far, they are either less intuitive than they suppose or more kind than to let me know that they know.

Though I have often reminded them that "I" am the parent, they continually try to play connect-the-dots.

I sure did enjoy your story.

[SAMnTINA]

Well our kids know (at least the older ones 17 & 18) the 11 year old may have caught us on TV with his friends while on a school field trip but told his friends that only looks like my parents talking about sex on TV and turned the channel.

When we told our older kids its was because we were asked to do the Oprah show and we wnated them to know and agree before we agread to do it. We felt they could be effected and they should have some say.

Our approach was do you know what a swinger is? Well you mom and dad are swingers. After there reaction of Yuck parents and sex TMI (Too Much Information). We told them we had been asked to be on Oprah our daughter wanted to know if this ment we would get free stuff and our son wanted to come along to rase money for the high school band.

As far as what happened next well we can not say to our kids that you should only have sex with who you marry or no sex for you two. But they can talk openly and ask questions. Our daughter is very open with her mother and lets her know what she is up to. We do not say no sex we say be careful and remember sex is not love school and grades should be number one and a little fun is ok just stay safe.

Today life is much simpler the kids still think parents having sex "YUCK" and they don't ask any questions they don't want answers too. One is off to college and our daughter will start in the fall.

We don't go into details with the kids they "Don't want to know" but we do have a great relationship and their friends all think we are the cool parents, as we would rather the kids have condoms and play safe than pretend that they are not having sex and that if they can't get condoms they won't have sex. Our kids have we guess be supplying there friends as well.

To us we are doning nothing wrong as are not ashamed of anything so why should we hide. By the way our kids think they come from a strance family as they all have the same parents and their folks have been married over 24 years and still like each other. Its has taken them awhile to get over the fact we still hold hands and we even kiss in public. But that was a problem before they know we were swingers (just a think teens have they like there parents to like each other just don't want their friends to see that thay do) :rollseyes

Steve & Terri

[Jamie&Kieth]

Rule #1, kids know more than you think they know, and if you lie to them or do not discuss the situation with them then I think there is a lack of trust between the parent and child. Just my opinion.

No we not open with our children but feel if they are old enough to ask the question then they are old enough to receive the correct answer. Yes my two oldest children know we have group sex with others, our third child I think is becoming a little circumspect. We explain the difference between love and sex and yes we do discuss sex with our children along with many other potential issues about life.

I think that lying to your children or dismissing the subject only leads to greater issues and problems. Again my opinion take it with a grain of salt if you like.

[WildMiCouple]

No, our girls(17 and 15 yrs) don't know.....or maybe it's just that we don't know they know . We're pretty open with them about everything regarding sex.....just not that we have sex with others. They even know we party nekkid for a week whenever we go to the Hedonism resorts

The oldest gave me a scare just last nite though. She was watching this tv show called "Life of Brian" or something like that. I stopped to talk with her and watched a few minutes of the show. The segment was about one of the buddies of Brian that had an open marriage. He was concerned that his wife was cheating on him, so here were all the buddies following her around to see. My daughter comments "Dad, an open marriage is kinda pointless, isn't it?" I just stood there not knowing what to say.....wondering where this was heading. She then continues "Why get married if you don't don't want to be with your husband. It's not like swingers, where they do it together." She caught me sooooo off guard, I couldn't say a word. I just said "Yep" and walked away It was the perfect opportunity to ask "So, what do you know about swinging?" but I froze. Maybe I didn't want to hear that she new we were Although she is the most non-judgemental young lady I know, and would probably say something to the effect of(if she found out) "Oh, you guys are swingers....figures. Just don't tell me when you're going out." :rollseyes

But in a way, I envy you Jaz, as you don't have to sneak around with regards to your family. I've got a feeling everything will work out just fine with you guys. Great story too.

Brett

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by WildMiCouple

"Why get married if you don't don't want to be with your husband. It's not like swingers, where they do it together."
Brett

She's HOW old?? The young may lack life experience, but then again, their clarity of thought hasn't yet been jaded by life, either. This is an observation that many of us have tried in vain to drill into some folks' heads, but they've become so bogged down with "should's" and "shouldn'ts" of the grown-up real world that they've lost the ability to recognize and appreciate simple realities when they are faced with them.

My 9 year old is oblivious, but my not much gets past my 11 year old. As far as I know, she doesn't know. At least not the specifics. Her grandmother has had a lot of influence on her morals, however, and already she is idealizing strict monogamy (she sure doesn't get it from me!). For example, if we're out shoe shopping together and I happen to mention that the shoe sales guy was kinda cute (it's girl bonding time! You know??), well, she's just mortified! "MOM!" she scolds, "You're not supposed to be looking at other men!" I told her I'm married, not dead, and her Dad doesn't care. I also tell her that I don't care if her Dad looks at other women, either. I haven't said anythig beyond this of course. College age, maybe we'll be a little freer in our opinions.

She also knows that I'm always on this message board. I have told her to not read over my shoulder because it is an adult message board, and is too mature for her.
"Oh let me guess! It's about SEX, right??" [indignant pose, arms crossed]
"Yes, it is."
"Why do you go on there??"
"Because it's an interesting topic and I enjoy talking to others about it."
I'm not about to apologize for being a sexual person, or enjoying discussions about sexuality. Screw that. That part of my personality is my own, and is not available to be scavenged or locked away for their comfort. My kids are not allowed to expect that of me. A crying baby used to make ME uncomfortable, but I didn't expect the baby to stop the crying simply because of that. I didn't resent the growing phases of their lives, or try to quell them because it was disconcerting, difficult or uncomfortable. This is part of my growth as a human being. It's not subject to negotiation.

[WesternSwing]

Wow... what a story. You handled it quite well if you ask me.

Do our kids know? I don't know. I think the 15-year old suspects something but is living in a "don't ask don't tell" mode. The 12-year old doesn't want to know. The 4-year old only wants to be cuddled and wants daddy to bring home a brown horse... or maybe a zebra, she hasn't decided yet.

But, I know that the 15-year old has snuck-up on me when I've been posting here and momentarily seen the screen... so who knows. They also wonder where we are getting all these new friends.

But until they come out and ask we aren't telling them anything. All they need to to know it that mommy and daddy are very happy and have a great marriage and that they never have to worry about us splitting up like our parents did.

But if they ever do ask, we will be honest with them. We can't lie to them and expect them to be honest with us about when the become sexually active, and with three girls we need all the honesty in that area we can get.

Mr. WS

[RnLinohio]

Originally Posted by WesternSwing

But if they ever do ask, we will be honest with them. We can't lie to them and expect them to be honest with us about when the become sexually active, and with three girls we need all the honesty in that area we can get.

Mr. WS

Dito

We have three girls also. The oldest is 14, and the other 2 are 8 and 6. I think the 14 YO suspects somthing is going on. Hubby asked the other day if we should tell her, I told him I wasn't going to volunteer the information, but if she asked me about it I wasn't going to lie about it. I have always tried to be open and honest with her, in the hopes that she is will be the same with me. And not be afraid to come talk to us.

Ok have to tell a funny story. May 5th was our 16 year anniversary. In the 14 years we have had kids not one time have we been walked in on . On our ann. We were in the room playing around. Forgot to lock the door.... and the 14 yo wants to complain about something the computer is doing wrong so in she barges right while i was giving hubby a BJ. She opens the door yelling "HEY MOM!!" and stands there ... and as she realizes what was going on i said "what???" she says "yeah.... I am gonna go it, can wait."

Hubby and I are laughing so hard, and he asks.... When it finally happens, why couldn't it have been one of the younger ones that wouldn't remember or really know what is going on, not the one old enough to know.... LOL Surrender

Robin

[Chicup]

Remembering back when I was 14 or so all I can say is that I would NOT have handled knowing my parents were swingers well (they weren't) and for me the best thing would have been lying.

Knowing your mother is having sex with strangers can be quite traumatic I think, most kids have a hard enough time accepting that their parents have sex.

Really I can see little good comming out of it in the best situations and a lot of harm in the worst.

[EvilMJ]

Originally Posted by Jamie&Kieth

Rule #1, kids know more than you think they know, and if you lie to them or do not discuss the situation with them then I think there is a lack of trust between the parent and child. Just my opinion.

No we not open with our children but feel if they are old enough to ask the question then they are old enough to receive the correct answer. Yes my two oldest children know we have group sex with others, our third child I think is becoming a little circumspect. We explain the difference between love and sex and yes we do discuss sex with our children along with many other potential issues about life.

I think that lying to your children or dismissing the subject only leads to greater issues and problems. Again my opinion take it with a grain of salt if you like.

I don't full agree or disagree with you on this one. But I fully respect what you have to say...so I am not flaming you at all.

I am not lying to my child if I don't tell them about my sexual activites. If they ask a question about sex or have a concern about sex I will be open and give them the information they need. However, I don't feel that my personal life is anyone's business but my own, and that includes my child. If by chance they find out about what we are doing, then they deserve an honest answer and I will be upfront with them, however at no point will I ever volunteer that information unsolicited.

[Amanda69]

Mine is 19 now and when I first started attending clubs she was 12. At first I used to try and hide the outfits, one day she saw me trying different things on.

Interestingly enough she just gave me some ideas of what to wear, took my word I was going to a dance club and said I looked great. Course later she wanted to also borrow some of the outfits...good thing they can't talk.

[WildMiCouple]

Originally Posted by intuition897

She's HOW old?? The young may lack life experience, but then again, their clarity of thought hasn't yet been jaded by life, either.

Intuition, when I told Tammy what our 17 yr old had said, she looked at me and said "Well, that's her way of telling you she knows." So, maybe she does know

Originally Posted by intuition897

I'm not about to apologize for being a sexual person, or enjoying discussions about sexuality. Screw that. That part of my personality is my own, and is not available to be scavenged or locked away for their comfort. My kids are not allowed to expect that of me.

I would expect nothing less from you, Girl

Brett

[couplewanting50]

Originally Posted by Chicup

....most kids have a hard enough time accepting that their parents have sex.

Why is that? Really, why is that?

I am not saying that I don't believe it. I just don't understand it.