just discovered daughter/son-inlaw

[RMRx2]

hmmmmmmmm, just learned that my daughter and son inlaw are flirting with, if not already pretty involved in the lifestyle and have lifestyle friends they are meeting with,,,,,a surprise to say the least, especially given my daughters fairly straight laced "public" history to date. Type A , hard worker, family and career driven, and a bit proper. Thing is, never thought much about bumping into friends or family in our large city becuase any friends I have, I wouldn't be concerned about knowing, most already do. Isn't a lot of family near by and pretty sure most go no where near the lifestyle. Son is in another state, and we're close enough to discuss such things. But daughter and son in law, they live CLOSE. I am just not sure how I feel about this. I mean, even thinking about your parents naked and having sex , let alone with others is not a vision even open minded folks like to conjure up. So discussing such things dosen't seem appropriate. Leave the information alone, and we are very liable to have a very embarassing chance crossing. hmmmmm still thinking about this one. I mean I am happy to learn my daughter is loosing up a bit and living a little,,,,,probably has all along,,, more than I thought. Not so wierd talking with my son about such things,,,,,,just totally different with my daughter. Oh well. Hugs to all, the rmrx2's

[two4youinswva]

Wow, that does present a conundrum, doesn't it?

Just a couple thoughts to toss out:

If you were in their shoes, and your parents were swingers, and found out you were too, would you want them to approach you in order to make "arrangements"?

Depending on how well you two communicate, maybe all you need to do is let them know it would probably be wise to "coordinate" when you are planning a night out. Something like "We're going 'out' this weekend, you guys weren't planning anything similar were you?"

Maybe having Mr RMRx2 talk to the son-in-law is an option. All this of course depends on your particular dynamics and how well you interact.

We wish you the best of luck with this!

[couple_ps]

Hello,

I have always been told that how calm a lake is does not say anything about its depth.

My thought: now that you know they are in the lifestyle, I think it would somehow be easier for you guys to communicate.

Best of luck.

[JustAskJulie]

First question (which may help answer your question) how did you find out about their interests in swinging?

[RMRx2]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

First question (which may help answer your question) how did you find out about their interests in swinging?

Well first, haven't kept up here in awhile, but we really appreciate the feedback and all the great people here on the board. Let's just say with all of the boards help and great people, the journey took us to being busier meeting people and enjoying the lifestyle with a decent degree of success.

Hi Julie! well different dynamics in each of the two relationships with adult children. While I do not profess to know everything about my son, our relationship is much more down to earth and open. And as such we talk about nearly everything. My daughter on the other hand, the relationship is a bit more superficial. She has been making efforts to get closer and open up more to her brother, and to me as well. She recently told her brother, who yesterday let it slip to me.

another reason I really think it best not to bring it up to her,,,,,at least first,,,her brother did not intentionally mean to let that information slip,,,,,,,or at least I think it was unintentional,oh gosh maybe I am just a naive parent.

in another state, we could run around the lifestyle circle and I would think it completely okay to both act like we know nothing about the other,,but here,,,,,living 20 miles or so apart

it may, however, explain why we are blocked on one and only one profile on Swing Lifestyle,,,,,and we never communicated with those folks,,,never met them,,,,and it has been buggin the crap outta me who might have blocked us for no apparent reason the rmrx2's

[JustAskJulie]

If you are right about that profile then she already knows. Does your son know about your own involvement in the lifestyle?

I have a good friend who is a swinger (with her husband) and who found out that her mother was also involved after her mother came over around the holidays and saw a (very discrete) Christmas card from the local club they attend. The mom having recently gotten involved in swinging, herself, recognized the club name and things went from there. However, I do think that my friend and her mother were probably already on more open terms than you may be with your daughter. Where I was hoping to go with that is that MAYBE (just maybe) if you can both open up about this, it really might help your relationship open up. Granted, no one wants to think about their parents having sex, and I doubt most parents really want to think about/ know about their children's sex lives. But, it could be that both of you trying to keep this secret from each other is only increasing that space between you, wheras if that information were shared, it could help you get closer together.

That said, how do you bring it up? At this point the only way to do so would be to open up to her about your own sex lives. I don't know how that would happen. I know with my own mother sex has always been a very taboo topic, however since I've grown up (and moreso since I've gotten divorced and moved back to the area where she lives) it's a subject that every once in a while magically appears. It's awkward (VERY) and I wouldn't broach swinging with her (although it's been broached due to a slip on my part several years ago - which is why I wouldn't do it again), but there is a much higher level of openness overall than there was when I was younger.

You live in a large city so it's entirely possible that you could both swing for years and never run into each other.

[RMRx2]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

If you are right about that profile then she already knows. Does your son know about your own involvement in the lifestyle?

I have a good friend who is a swinger (with her husband) and who found out that her mother was also involved after her mother came over around the holidays and saw a (very discrete) Christmas card from the local club they attend. The mom having recently gotten involved in swinging, herself, recognized the club name and things went from there. However, I do think that my friend and her mother were probably already on more open terms than you may be with your daughter. Where I was hoping to go with that is that MAYBE (just maybe) if you can both open up about this, it really might help your relationship open up. Granted, no one wants to think about their parents having sex, and I doubt most parents really want to think about/ know about their children's sex lives. But, it could be that both of you trying to keep this secret from each other is only increasing that space between you, wheras if that information were shared, it could help you get closer together.

That said, how do you bring it up? At this point the only way to do so would be to open up to her about your own sex lives. I don't know how that would happen. I know with my own mother sex has always been a very taboo topic, however since I've grown up (and moreso since I've gotten divorced and moved back to the area where she lives) it's a subject that every once in a while magically appears. It's awkward (VERY) and I wouldn't broach swinging with her (although it's been broached due to a slip on my part several years ago - which is why I wouldn't do it again), but there is a much higher level of openness overall than there was when I was younger.

You live in a large city so it's entirely possible that you could both swing for years and never run into each other.

Ah yes, you see why this has me floored. All of the (akwards) (very's) I agree, if we talked more like my son and I it would be great. It is just thinking about those akwards, very's that have me freaking a bit.

yes, my son knows of our lifestyle/ swinging and has since we headed off down this road. he has been supportive and if he has turned away from any converstion about it, I think it has been becuase he has been a bit jealous. his relationship is not doing so well currently and it appears divorce is on the horizon,,,,,,,if not imminent.

Come to think of it,this also explains my daughters interest in mrs rmrx2's new FMP's and where she got them,,,,,actually I was telling my wife that I was a little worried what my daughter my think of em,,,ain't that funny now! rmrx2

[JustAskJulie]

What's an FMP?

[Pepper & Drew]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

What's an FMP?

Sorry to cut in, but it's Fuck Me Pumps.

[JustAskJulie]

ah, may have to add that to the dictionary (damn acronyms...lol).

Yeah, I'd say if your daughter was interrested in your FMPs then she's either a stripper (or wants to be) or a swinger.... or she's single and just enjoys going out with the girls dressed up slutty.

[two4youinswva]

Originally Posted by RMRx2

it may, however, explain why we are blocked on one and only one profile on Swing Lifestyle,,,,,and we never communicated with those folks,,,never met them,,,,and it has been buggin the crap outta me who might have blocked us for no apparent reason the rmrx2's

It could be, or it could just be a couple only interested in the single bi-female.

Of course, you know, she could be a member here, and therefore aware of the entire situation.................
--Not that you don't have enough to worry about already!

[tnohcpl]

my personal opinion is that if i were you i would approach your daughter in a mature and honest way about this. if she is the one that has a block on you on the site, maybe that is why she has distanced herself as she is dissapointed that you have never opened up to her about it. i feel that this approach would definately be better and more comfortable than to be in a club in the middle of some action and look up to see them there. Surrender just my 2 cents worth good luck

[good times]

Ah, I wondered what FMP's were too. We call them CFM's (come fuck me shoes) out here in the west.

[curious24]

Hi RMRx2! Long time no see.

Just a suggestion because I haven't read in this thread anything about it, but have you thought about possibly talking to your son about your daughter's attitude towards discussing the lifestyle with you? Maybe he knows something that might help you approach your daughter about this.

I think I would ask him if he's comfortable talking about it with you since he let it slip he might not be willing or want to talk about it. However, if you express your concern to him I think he'll open up and let you know what she is thinking. Maybe he can be the middle man between you two until you and your daughter feel comfortable enough to talk about it.

I think that's the direction I would go if I were in your shoes. Just my .02

[Jessie B]

It’s an interesting coincidence that this thread should show up at this time. Just last week, out of the blue, my son told me that he’d had a friend over for the evening recently and they’d both wound up screwing his (my son’s) wife.
I couldn’t tell if he was just trying to shock me so I told him he’d better not tell his father about this: - that he is a bit of a prude about such goings on and wouldn’t dream of my screwing another man who didn’t bring his wife to the party.