Swingers with children --- Guilt??

[eroticsensation]

I was just wondering if some of the swingers or people who have a open lifestyle ever feel guilty after a night of sex and then meeting the children the next day. I know this may sound weird to some of you but we have not had our MFM yet (we planned to a long time ago...) but I am slightly reluctant cause I may feel kind of weird when meeting my daughter afterwards (she is 6). Not that she would know obviously but it is the guilt I guess.
Be honest do any of you guys get this?

[TNT]

Honestly no, I don't have guilt feelings about swinging and having children.

We keep our swinging life separate from our family life, we are good parents with happy, well adjusted children who understand that mommy and daddy need time to themselves. We don't let our swinging life interfere with our roles as parents and always make sure that our children come first. There are times where swinging events will be scheduled on the same night/weekend that the kids have things to do and 9/10 times the kids always win out. If we have made a commitment to be at an event and something comes up that the kids have to do after the commitment has been made, we try and find a way to fulfill both. We will make sure that the kids have rides and will be well taken care of and that they are okay with us not being at whatever event they will be participating in.

Swinging with children is a delicate balancing act, but it can be done. Just put the kids first and understand there is nothing wrong with taking a night or a weekend for yourselves once in a while. In the long run, mommy and daddy will be happier and so will the kids.

Teresa

Dito

We place the same priority on swinging as we do with everything else when it comes to our kids. Second

But there is a balancing act. If our kids already had plans that would prevent us from swinging and the opportunity to attend a swinging event came up we would decline.
If we cleared a weekend way in advance for some type of swinging event and had lots of planning involved and we spent money on it already etc... and the last minute something comes up with the kids it depends what it is wether we cancel or tell them no. When we plan something out in advance we tell our oldest daughter (14) who has quite the social life that mom and dad have plans for saturday night on XX weekend, So don't plan anything. But if it is somekind of School play or soccer tournament, or cheerleading tournament or one of them is sick etc..we will cancel our swinging plans.


But as far as priorities go, after our kids swinging always comes first. Its just so damn fun!!

[4forfun]

I know where you are coming from. I felt like that in the beginning before we started swinging. When we were in talks about the lifestyle and I thought about our 2 little girls (one is 6 and the other is 3) I would have a feeling of guilt and would get emotional thinking of how our two little girl's mum and dad are doing this and would think it's wrong. But as time went on it got easier.
What I did think was that me and hubby are very much in love and very happy, the girls are happy, and it would be more of a problem for them if we didn't love each other and wasn't happy. Mrs.

[growgirl]

Guilt? no way. For us, making a date (and that's all we've done yet...) to go to a swing party is no different, as far as the kids are concerned, than making a date with vanilla friends to go out to a concert or other late-night event. The "adult" part of our adult lives is separate from the "parent" part of our adult lives and the only time we would feel guilty is if those two parts somehow collided and the children were exposed to knowledge before they were ready for it.

GG

[mwsw4ever]

No guilt here.I thought i might feel a little bit of guilt when i was gonna meet the kids, of a couple we play with, on a play date with our kids.I didn't feel any guilt,but i did feel alot closer connection with our new friends.One reason i don't feel any guilt is me and the Mrs. get a fun night out and so do the kids when they get to spend the night at grandma and grandpa's house.

[Hellboy]

hmmmm..... I think that is one of my biggest concerns as well. I have 2 daughters(3 and 4 months) but what about when they are 16? When they bring home a boy? I also have a 16 year old sister that confided in my wife that she was in a sexually active relationship with a less than ideal partner.

I guess my view is that this kind of thing is only workable (at least in the marriage context) for stable relationships and with that comes alot of soul searching and consideration before proceeding (ie Is this right for us? How will this effect us) It feels like just another step the same as making a romantic relationship sexual and those types of relationships are filled with consequences when you take that step. So, is it not difficult to say to your child that, "Yes, mom and I have sex with other people, but its in a (in relative terms) controlled, safe environment. But its not okay for you and your friend to go FMF with the high school QB"

Just some thoughts tossed out there.

[wrnakedru]

Example: I think most new husbands feel a bit skitzy being around their father-in-law right after the honeymoon [even if he and his lady have been engaging in sexual activity long before then]. There's just something different once he knows that they KNOW the act has occurred.

But there's an entirely different sort of dynamic involved when the kids are your own - and the activity is "outside the norm." I mean, here I was preaching about being circumspect in sexual matters to my daughters [and sincerely meaning every word I was saying] but at the same time realizing my behavior was anything BUT circumspect.

But then I thought ... well, there are a lot of things that I do with the maturity and decision-making ability that many more years of living have brought me the right to do. And I don't feel guilty about the difference in what sort of behavior I expect from them in those other areas.

It's not as if you are expecting them to be truth-tellers when you yourself set an example of lying. Or demanding neat housekeeping habits when you yourself live in total disarray.

It is a difference in their age, their scope of experience, their maturity level - - and what decisions they can rationally and soundly make for themselves at certain ages. Let's face it, most teenagers do NOT use their brain when they engage in sex. For the most part, they are simply giving in to their body's urges.

I think it is correct to say that the decision to pursue lifestyle activities comes only after a great deal of communication involving a lot of thought from both parties. And the communication continues to be crucial to keep the primary relationship in tact and free from harm. I don't find guilt to be consistent with anything that we engage in with such a high level of consideration for one another. I also don't feel a justification via an explanation of that to be necessary to anyone. The sharing of the sexual segment of our beings is not required of us regardless if it involves others, or just one another.

If you don't feel guilty facing your kids when you and your mate have ravaged one another the night before, then I don't think you should feel guilt if you decide to involve others.

WR

P.S. I realize it is easier to say that you should not feel guilt than it may be to actually not feel it. I don't think the feeling of guilt is an indication that you aren't "right" about your chosen activity. It may be an acknowledgement that if your child knew, it could alter their opinion of you. All children want and expect their parents to be perfect. Their acceptance of the less-than-perfect real people their parents are will come in time and is a more comfortable situation for all.

[Alura]

Nope! No guilt.

But with one kid in football, the other in scouts and both in the band, there's also no time for swinging.

Maybe, if I can still get it up, when they've graduated we'll have time to play.

Mr. Alura

[Hellboy]

hmmm, well, just thought I'd drop my 2 cents worth. Its not as if we have time with a 4 month old baby right now anyhow. Just finding time when she and the 3 year old are both asleep or with a baby sitter is hard enough. Think it would be kinda weird to tell prospective partners that my wife's breasts are off limits because she is breast feeding. . . . Damn, I haven't gotten to play with them in months. Don't know where this relates to guilt, but I was too lazy to start another topic.

[hytril]

Originally Posted by Hellboy

hmmmm..... I think that is one of my biggest concerns as well. I have 2 daughters(3 and 4 months) but what about when they are 16? When they bring home a boy? I also have a 16 year old sister that confided in my wife that she was in a sexually active relationship with a less than ideal partner.

I guess my view is that this kind of thing is only workable (at least in the marriage context) for stable relationships and with that comes alot of soul searching and consideration before proceeding (ie Is this right for us? How will this effect us) It feels like just another step the same as making a romantic relationship sexual and those types of relationships are filled with consequences when you take that step. So, is it not difficult to say to your child that, "Yes, mom and I have sex with other people, but its in a (in relative terms) controlled, safe environment. But its not okay for you and your friend to go FMF with the high school QB" Just some thoughts tossed out there.

If I am not mistaken 16 is still a minor in most states. And there is a big diff between 4 adults and 3 HS kids bumping ugly. mainly leagality. We have no guilt about what we are doing even though we have kids. Just as they dont need to know nothing about My wife and my sex life. They dont need to know that we have sex with other couples either. Actually we prefer other couples that have kids as they understand the complications of kids.

[two4youinswva]

No guilt for us. We have friends that know our kid, and we know theirs. As far as the kids are concerned, these are just "my parents' friends". We show affection to our vanilla and our playfriends (hugs when we meet, say goodbye), so that isn't a problem. The only thing we have to watch is when all of us are together is where the conversation leads. We wouldn't discuss sex obviously, but it's easy to slip into talk about the next club social event, etc so you have to watch your words a bit more.
Just like the previous posts, when it comes to our events/dates crossing times with our child's events, she wins out unless alternative arangements can be made. We really want to go to our club event this Saturday, and there has been A LOT of logistics involved in making sure she gets to go to her school dance, her weekend tutoring etc, with our involvement. We don't want her to feel like she is an afterthought and Mom & Dad's fun comes first. As far as she's concerned, she's happy because she gets to spend the night with either grandma or a friend. (When you were little wasn't that the coolest?) If we couldn't have worked it all out, we wouldn't attend the social.
We also like hanging out with couples in the same situation. Everyone is sympathetic to the other couple's priorities.

[JKBertha]

Maybe I have some guilt...but I think we are good parents to them, and they feel secure, and loved, and cared for. So, as of now, a wee bit of guilt, but not enough yet to sway us.

[tazzie_n_truck]

We never have had any guilt. We have a 6 year old a 2 year old and a 3 month old, and when we are out with another couple we don't swing with the kids around. But even after seeing the kids the next day we havn't felt guilty because they don't what we did, and they wouldn't understand it.

With us as long as our kids don't know about what we are doing, we won't be guilty.

[intuition897]

"Just as they dont need to know nothing about My wife and my sex life. They dont need to know that we have sex with other couples either."

That says it exactly! When you're telling your kids about the birds and the bees, you don't get into the nuances of blowjobs, sex toys and anal intercourse, do you? No! In my opinion, swinging is an advanced sexual practice that should only be done within a solid relationship of some duration, with full knowledge and consent, honourable intentions, and by mature adults. This isn't kids stuff!! They shouldn't be doing it, and they certainly don't need to know everything about it until they're old enough to handle it maturely. My husband and I generally avoid swinging couples in their early to mid 20's as we feel they just don't have the life experience (in our opinion) to really get the most out of the lifestyle.