A couple of pet peeves in swinger profiles

[AngelandTiger 362]

Hi all.  Is it me, or is the trend toward listings such as "Her: 5' 6" 0 lbs." becoming more frequent? I'm not sure what the issue is here; it's not like we're not going to discover your proportions if we meet? I generally pass such profiles by, in the expectation that someone who posts in that manner will not be forthright on other subjects. Am I reading too much in here?

 

Another trend I'm noticing is the inclusion of the phrase "We're picky (choosy, selective, etc.) because we can be. In general, I see this used in profiles that list the authors as "Fit and work out daily as you should be". I suppose I could take this phrase to mean that the couple is picky because they're not in any hurry and they just want to be careful of their selection of play partners, but it comes across to me as rather conceited. Again, perhaps I'm reading too much in here, which is why I'm putting this out there for other folks to chime in on.

 

Thanks!!!!!

[sunbuckus 3,565]

Hi, T. Regarding the lack of weight in a profile, I think when it gets to a certain number, sometimes it can be embarrassing and they feel more comfortable just not putting it up. They might want to be judged on their personality than a certain number.

 

And for the second peeve, it comes across to me in the same manner, too, so you aren't alone. They might not mean it to come out that way (or maybe they do) but it does.

[Fundamental Law 2,812]

Greetings, T...

 

1. The weightless profile (aka "0 lb") does seem to be more frequent. Perhaps some folks see it as a way to manage our expectations. Perhaps others feel they should not be evaluated on the basis of a physical measurement. Still others may be dealing with body shame issues. None of these sound like the basis for a fun evening. And, as you point out, most folks can estimate weight to within 10% on a glance.

 

2. Not sure that there is conceit in statements about "we're picky". Such statements are unabashed strategies to manage expectations: "we're not going to get intimate with everyone". The problem lies in the coda, "because we can be". It seems to convey that "we have plenty of offers, most don't meet our standards." Conceit aside, it's a coda that lacks grace and sensitivity. Words are powerful.

[Yourdesire 19]

I prefer a picture to stats any day...... And as far as weight goes I am attracted to women of all sizes :-) More for me!

[ViSexual 1,006]

Now think about it..., women aren't going to want to say how much they weigh in any situation. There should be something else besides numbers available. Maybe SLS should have HWP, Thin, A few extra pounds or something of that nature.

 

And for the folks who put 'picky'? They're probably excluding some people that they might really like.

[M1F2KTJ 470]

I pass over physical descriptions in a profile. Even if I'm looking to give my wife a big cock experience. It doesn't matter if they send a pic. I'm always going to arrange a no sex meeting in a public place first. I'm drawn more to what people have to say. What kind of an experience they are looking for and what they expect from us.

[Hippiegirlie 276]

My first thought is... How many people are honest when they DO put a number anyway? Hell, people don't put their actual weight on their driver's licence!

[SwingSetWife 442]

My first thought is... How many people are honest when they DO put a number anyway? Hell, people don't put their actual weight on their driver's licence!

 

Some do. I am 5'9 and 200 lbs. and can/will take a pic of scale to prove it. Never been ashamed to tell my actual weight.

[SwingSetWife 442]

Hi all,

 

it's not like we're not going to discover your proportions if we meet?

 

T

 

While I agree with (what I think) you are trying to say here, I don't think proportion is the right word. I don't think you can really judge proportion based on height and weight alone.

 

I just posted my height and weight- I'm a little chubby all over (you can see my pics on sls). There is another female we just saw on sls with the exact height/weight as mine- she is more curvy. She has a larger chest, smaller waist, and a larger booty/thighs.

 

I don't trust any self reported physical descriptions. Everyone sees themselves and others differently. My idea of "a few extra pounds" is going to be very different from others.

[WV_Fire_n_Ice 15]

Greetings all. Me and my wife are new to this site, but have been in the lifestyle for a long time. Since like 1999. Lol. We are guilty of not putting weight on the description of the wife. We do list that she is a bbw, but just don't put her weight. I'd kick his butt if he did. The only site we really ever deal with anymore is SLS. We are lifetime members there and usually look to see who ever we are talking to is also, that will weed out a lot of fakes. But we very rarely look at the description and like to see 1, a pic and 2, to see if their profile is even filled out. Lol.

[tonto&thetease 20]

I have pet peeves, but a weight not being listed isn't necessarily one of them. I have a bigger problem with it being assumed because we are free members on SLS that we are fakes...Really? Or, how about this one, because we are not overweight we are too in to ourselves and our appearance and therefor ... we are fakes. This couldn't be further from the truth. Because we are comfortable in our own skin, we are able to be ourselves and really enjoy life.

I want to read a profile that tells me about the people writing it, not a profile telling me everything I should be ... afterall, we know ourselves.

[Sunflower 22]

I understand not putting the weight, but I'm not afraid to put mine and I am a very BBW. I figure the LS is supposed to be about honesty and being up front, so why not put my weight. That way when someone contacts us, they have an idea of what they are getting. My pet peeve is that there is never a pic of the guy on the profile, just the girl. I'm interested in both and want to see pics so I can see if there is some kind of spark to make me want to meet. The pics don't have to be x rated, just something to give me an idea. Even then sometimes if I like how the profile reads I'll still meet with them and see what happens.

[JnJ74 15]

Sunflower has it right. Own your own fucking body. If you feel your sexy you will come across as sexy. If you don't like your body, are ashamed of it, other people will pick up on that. To me confidence is the sexiest thing a woman can have.

[SwngrsWarehouse 15]

Hi all,

 

Is it me, or is the trend toward listings such as "Her: 5' 6" 0 lbs." becoming more frequent? I'm not sure what the issue is here; it's not like we're not going to discover your proportions if we meet? I generally pass such profiles by, in the expectation that someone who posts in that manner will not be forthright on other subjects. Am I reading too much in here?

 

Well, women usually tend to be more sensitive about their actual weight. Even if they do have good proportions, it's been my experience that they're still not comfortable disclosing their weight. I've seen some women with great bodies but still embarrassed about the numbers on the scale. I'll blame it on the media, but there seems to be a certain number that women would like to be under on the scale. Some even don't care if they look better or worse, it's all about being under the number.

 

I'm over in south Florida, and I believe this is a trend in any place that's warm and encourage the people to use the least amount of clothing possible.

 

 

On the lighter side of things, it could also be that they feel it's just a profile and the specific numbers don't matter as long as everything checks out, E.g. looks, interests, etc...

 

Another trend I'm noticing is the inclusion of the phrase "We're picky (choosy, selective, etc.) because we can be. In general, I see this used in profiles that list the authors as "Fit and work out daily as you should be". I suppose I could take this phrase to mean that the couple is picky because they're not in any hurry and they just want to be careful of their selection of play partners, but it comes across to me as rather conceited. Again, perhaps I'm reading too much in here, which is why I'm putting this out there for other folks to chime in on.

 

Thanks!!!!!

 

T

 

I agree. I think some couples do come off a little conceited, perhaps it's the way they word things or maybe I'm a little sensitive reading into it. But you know what? At the end of the day it's just a profile and you don't really have to deal with that person/couple in the first place lol. Not everyone we meet will have the same outlooks and we all know how difficult it is to teach people otherwise.

[AngelandTiger 362]

Thanks for all of the thoughtful replies! I just wanted to be sure to mention that I don't, per se, put any credence into a "weight" expressed in pounds or kilos. Seriously, despite residing in a reasonably constant gravitational field with an average acceleration of 9.8m/sec^2, what really matters, at least in terms of that number, is who the person is and how THEY feel about their particular body shape. I do indeed understand the reluctance of some women to post numbers and be judged by that alone...a practice which I find rude at best. The particular issue I'm seeing more of lately relates to completing a profile without a weight entry AND without any pictures...even body shots. Now, I'm not an appearance alone kind of guy and neither is Angel that sort of girl....however, we all know that attraction often STARTS at appearance, and that it does factor into it (although intellectual attraction can weigh MUCH more heavily than physical attraction). I'm wondering what's driving this particular trend.

 

I agree that at the end of the day, a profile is a profile is a profile, and I'm happy to bypass those that come off as "we're God's gift to swinging, and you should be too." I think it's more amusing than anything else, but I do feel a vague uneasiness when I read such profiles. I think that these tend to be the profiles of younger swingers (not that I am characterizing young swingers as inherently conceited or rude...) who have yet to understand the implications of time's unyielding assault on our physiology. I've noticed that more mature swingers, even those that are quintessentially "HWP and Fit", take a softer and less urgent approach in their stated playmate requirements.

 

As HWP and reasonably fit folks (although Angel does suffer from Fibromyalgia), we enjoy others of all body types. We would much rather concentrate on interests, sense of humor, honesty and communication in looking for partners than worrying about BMI, chest-waist proportion or Glomerular Filtration Rate for that matter [with thanks to Jaffé and also to the Isotope-Dilution Mass Spectrometry-Traceable Enzymatic Creatinine method].

[AngelandTiger 362]

Greetings, T...

 

1. The weightless profile (aka "0 lb") does seem to be more frequent. Perhaps some folks see it as a way to manage our expectations. Perhaps others feel they should not be evaluated on the basis of a physical measurement. Still others may be dealing with body shame issues. None of these sound like the basis for a fun evening. And, as you point out, most folks can estimate weight to within 10% on a glance.

 

2. Not sure that there is conceit in statements about "we're picky". Such statements are unabashed strategies to manage expectations: "we're not going to get intimate with everyone". The problem lies in the coda, "because we can be". It seems to convey that "we have plenty of offers, most don't meet our standards." Conceit aside, it's a coda that lacks grace and sensitivity. Words are powerful.

 

Agreed, FL. The coda is what struck a less than enthusiastic chord with me.

 

By the way FL, sorry to have been gone so long (life tends to come first), but I'm glad to hear from you again! Hope this finds you and yours happy and well!

 

T

[enhancer 1,541]

We use Aff, because where we live it is the most active lifestyle site! We have some pet peeves on there as well.

 

First one is when people have prefer not to say on all their stats! Sexual orientation = prefer not to say, circumsized = prefer not to say and so on. If that is the case then sorry, but prefer not to talk to you. It is not that hard to fill in the blanks.

 

Next one is people that do not say anything about themselves or what they are looking for in others! If all they have written on their profile is "we so horny wanna fuck" then again we are going to pass.

 

Then we got the ones with "We are an above average looking couple, looking for the same" followed by a list of what you must be to contact them! Holy shit is that a turn off to read. Funny part with that is we have had some of these couples contact us with a message like "You two look fit, did you want to talk some more". Our profile is clearly written about who we are and we have close to 50 pics showing who we really are and we are not what they describe in their profile. We don't care if they have really great bodies and are hot! We would have zero to talk about with them and if we can't talk to someone we sure are not going to want to play with them.

 

Profiles with no pics! Sorry to sound vain and no looks are not everything, but if a profile has no pics we will not waste anytime with them! There has to be something so we at least have an idea of what a persons appearance is like. We give lots of ourselves to save people time and appreciate the effort back! We like lots of different shapes and sizes, but there needs to be a start. Also if it is a couple there needs to be picks of both people and not just their cocks, pussy's and boobs! We have no problem seeing those things as long as we see what they are attached to. Even though my lady is very bi and does want to see the other lady she isn't just going to have sex with the husband, to play with the woman so pics of him matter just as much to her. There is a crazy number of profiles out there with dozens of pics of the lady and nothing of the guy except maybe his cock cumming on her! Come on really is that going to work for anyone?

 

One last one then I will end my rant! People that are listed as just a woman with nothing but her stats and pics! Then you read the profile and there is the by the way we are a couple and I will only play with him involved. Oh you mean the him there is nothing else in your profile about? Sure we are in, lol.

[81lizard69 469]

We tend to look at profiles as illusions. Profiles are really put out there to attract rather than to be real. We all see ourselves differently than how others do. Most of us see ourselves how we want to. It's not a bad thing, it just happens.

 

I know that (pickiness cause we can) thing just screams insecurity to me... I don't know about you... but for me it does. Would we pass over them for writing that no. They are probably real and just made a bad word play.

 

A new trend that annoys me is the phrase (we are a low circulation couple). Never mind that their profile says we have been swingers for 20 years, belong to ten swinger sights and have just returned from Club Hedo... LOL. After reading that I was confused but turned on.

 

Or the couple profiles where the wife does not play any more its just the male playing and he does not tell you till you set up a time to meet you and his wife can not make it.

[Looking43 15]

We have a few.

 

1. Profiles with no pictures, or just pictures of the female half of a couple.

2. People that send you email and don't open their face pictures. We could really care less about seeing pictures of your private parts.

3. People that don't even bother to read your profile before emailing.

4. Single men hiding behind couples profiles.

5. People that don't answer email. How difficult is it to say "You guys are ugly!"

6. People that cancel at the last minute or stand you up. Or email "Wanna fuck tonight!" We have lives and need to make plans in advance.