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We received a response to our SLS ad, what next?

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We posted a SLS ad mostly as a way to communicate with people we meet at clubs and vacations. But we got a welcome from a couple. I will let my wife look at their site, but what do you do next? Meet for drinks? Host or meet at hotel for drinks and see if it clicks? We're new at this!

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I'm going to assume that whatever is in their profile isn't a complete turn off, so how about coffee or a drink? I think dinner is too long, unless you know that at least three of you are chatty extroverts. However, if you have coffee and discover your chemistry is hotter than jalapeños, then you can probably find a hotel nearby (you can plug the zip code you're in into hotwire.com, if you don't already know where the nearby hotels are).

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We've usually done dinner and drinks, but like the others have said, if you limit it to just drinks then you have a quicker exit if things don't work out right from the start. We've only had one time where we kind of wished we just did the drinks, but it still wasn't really bad, just that the conversation didn't flow all that well. We are very selective with online contacts though, so if we are interested in meeting to begin with, then we already have a good feeling about the couple and are willing to at least give it the time it takes to eat a meal to see if anything develops.

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You do whatever you want to do. We usually drinks or dinner, whichever you feel more comfortable with. The WORST thing that can happen is you go out for drinks/dinner with another couple and have a terrible evening...but most likely you won't. We usually let any couple we are meeting know that we don't play on the first date (in fact it's in our profile) in order to take any expectations out of the picture. Just because you MEET another couple doesn't mean that anything else will happen. We've met a bunch of nice people, enjoyed the conversation, learned a thing or two (hey, here's someone who you can actually TALK about swinging and ask 'those' questions to...a great conversation starter), and then went our separate ways. Every once in awhile, however, things do 'click'... and :wow:

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Does anyone have any safety concerns about meeting people on a site? If one then goes to a hotel after a first or second meeting, I know there are no guarantees , but do you think you "read" people enough for personal safety purposes? One of us is confident, the other is leery.

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Does anyone have any safety concerns about meeting people on a site? If one then goes to a hotel after a first or second meeting, I know there are no guarantees , but do you think you "read" people enough for personal safety purposes? One of us is confident, the other is leery.

 

No, actually I don't have safety concerns. No, you can't know everything, but if your process is reasonably robust (you have common sense generally, you pay attention to any qualms you have, even if you can't explain them, you pick a mid-priced hotel rather than a hot sheet one), I don't see any reason to be more than minimally wary. However, that said, one of the reasons I prefer a club is that staff are right there if there's a problem.

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Also, would it not be weird to not trust a couple yet still have sex with them? As you will see, the majority of couples are just normal, everyday couples who have jobs, complain about bills, and put their pants on one leg at a time.

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There was a double murder several years ago where a couple picked up a other couple, took them back to their apartment and murdered them. Swinging wasn't directly mentioned but it was obvious that is what was the situation.

 

So yeah, you COULD have safety issues if you run into a couple of sociopaths.

 

Life has some risk, and while it's never been an issue with anyone we have met or talked to, it could happen. Just go with your gut. Personally I've never worried about it.

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There was a double murder several years ago where a couple picked up a other couple, took them back to their apartment and murdered them. Swinging wasn't directly mentioned but it was obvious that is what was the situation.

 

So yeah, you COULD have safety issues if you run into a couple of sociopaths.

 

Life has some risk, and while it's never been an issue with anyone we have met or talked to, it could happen. Just go with your gut. Personally I've never worried about it.

 

Just scare everyone, will ya?!

 

It's the whole "There's always a few bad apples in a barrel" lesson.

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This is almost always how we meet people (exception being the monthly social and yearly lifestyle cruise) and we like to meet for dinner/drinks. If gives you the chance to meet them and if the dinner/drinks suck then you can still catch a movie or something else fun.

 

We have probably only met someone on a date and slept with them that very night, four times in five years and we have met hundreds of couples this way.

 

If you are worried about giving them your phone number then invest in a bat phone (un-linked cell phone with caller id block) or you can get a Google Voice number that will forward to your cell phone or that you can dial from your cell phone through the app and it will show up as the google number and not your own cell phone if that doesn't work.

 

We have come to accept the fact that everyone is batshit crazy to some degree (I'm sure people think the same about us) but we have never felt unsafe. Good luck. Hope it works out.

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As you will see, the majority of couples are just normal, everyday couples who have jobs, complain about bills, and put their pants on one leg at a time.

 

Well I've been known to when I'm feeling lazy (or like every morning) to put them on both legs at a time. Which I suppose either makes me weird or talented...take your pick ;).

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Well I've been known to when I'm feeling lazy (or like every morning) to put them on both legs at a time. Which I suppose either makes me weird or talented...take your pick ;).

 

I say both. ;) Also, I want to see how you do this sorcery!

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I say both. ;) Also, I want to see how you do this sorcery!

 

Though it is somewhat of an ancient art, I can tell you that it is not too difficult to master whilst in a sitting or lying position. Now as far as when standing...I shall take that secret to my grave :lol:. Beside I much rather demonstrate my uncanny ability to take them off then on :kissface:.

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This is good stuff. We are relative newbs - a few years ago we put a profile up on SLS because we met a fun couple who had one, we weren't in the LS but they were, and just put one up talking about the wife being very Bi but never expected it could be anything but a fantasy. After all, all those stories of that stuff, well, that's just in magazines and books, right? LOL! We actually ended up meeting a couple we clicked with, met in a bar, and actually the ladies played that night. Played one other time, but then we had to move away (job thing.)

 

So now, several years later, we scrunched up our courage, went to a club a few hours away, and much to our surprise met and played (soft swap, everything but cross couple penetration) with another fun couple. Went a second time and didn't really meet anyone so played in the group room with each other (also hot.) But the first couple had a profile on SLS, so we put one up. We have had, in the last 4 weeks since we put it up, some odd emails ("Hey - let's meet tonight!" from a couple with two pics total. not much in the profile, and she is 19 - we're in our early 50s) and one from a woman who wanted to meet and said it's just her because her Hubby has health problems but he's cool with her playing. Both are polite no's. But three couples who sound interesting, one we have had a few long email exchanges with and sound very compatible (for friends if not more) another has only one pic, her in her bra and just her chest in the picture but the profile looks interesting, they seem very anxious to meet for drinks but would like to see more pics but hate to sound shallow enough to say hey, only if we see more pics, and another couple that also looks and sounds interesting. With the first couple, we've just been upfront - hey, in a club its easy to mingle and say "Hey, we need to freshen up our drinks, catch up with you later!" and walk away, but one on one we don't want to have that awkward meet where you guys immediately know we're a "no" for some reason or we do but the other couple is just wondering, etc.

 

So, for us, fwiw, we finally came to the conclusion - when we go to a vanilla bar, we tend to have a good time with all kinds of couples we end up sitting with. And sometimes after we tell each other ooh, they were hot! So we're just gonna treat this the same way. It's drinks or drinks and dinner or lunch. Just some fun chatting with a new couple. Then if anything clicks, that's just a bonus. We're not concerned with the other couple deciding it's a no on us (this is harder than just looking for G/G!) for any reason - hey we get it. What we're more concerned about is we meet, have drinks, and either 1. They like us and want to play and make it clear, e.g. "Well, hey, we really would like to take this to the next step!" - how do you say "Not us, sorry" without hurting feelings? or 2. (and this would be easier I guess) the same thing afterwards, they email and say "Hey, we liked you guys, let's play!" and we have to reply in email it's a no for us. Both would feel awkward for us, but the one face to face would be the most awkward. Not sure how you say that in a nice way.

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I and my husband both had this take on that. We were just forthright and said the first meeting is not a play meeting...maybe some flirting or touching, but no obligation of play...the purpose is to screen for compatibility.

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The "first meeting" strategy is a question that appears with some frequency. Fortunately it's a question that admits to some reasonable structured responses.

 

We try to get to know people through profiles and even a phone conversation. Nevertheless, there's no substitute for meeting folks in person. We always choose a public place, preferably for drinks/dinner, and we always do so with the explicit statement that our first meeting is a plain vanilla meeting. No expectations of anything other than "hello".

 

When we meet new couples, there's always a mutual assessment. After all, that's the purpose of meeting for the first time. There are four things we are thinking about, in addition to just having a nice time and a pleasant meal.

 

1. How do the husband and wife treat each other? What can we learn about their dynamics? If there is not genuine affection and, more important, respect for each other there won't be a second date. We are interested in couples who are secure in each other and in their relationship.

 

2. Will they hold a conversation about something other than the weather and the LS? We're not looking for politics, religion or nuclear physics here. But is there something in their experience--a book that they've read, movie they have seen, a hobby they pursue, a funny or challenging episode in the workplace, a crazy cat-lady in the neighborhood--something that tells us about them? One dimensional couples hold no interest for us. You might see things differently.

 

3. How do they treat the (anonymous) waitstaff? You learn a lot about how you will be treated by watching how they treat others. Kind? Engaged? or Cold and dismissive? Do "please", "thank you" etc ever get uttered? At some point this other couple will lose interest in you and they will think of you and treat you just like they are treating the waitstaff.

 

4. Is there chemistry? Now that we have met in person, do we still feel the same way as we did when corresponding or speaking on a phone? Some folks look quite different from their photos and are simply less interesting. And there has to be a four-way sense of comfort and attraction. No one should be "taking one for the team". This is more than a compatibility screen. It's a "would we look forward to being naked with these people" screen.

 

Maybe this is being too selective. We find that having a few close couples that we see regularly and genuinely look forward to seeing is where our comfort zone lies. Keeping these four points in mind had stood us in good stead.

 

Your mileage may vary.

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1. How do the husband and wife treat each other? What can we learn about their dynamics? If there is not genuine affection and, more important, respect for each other there won't be a second date. We are interested in couples who are secure in each other and in their relationship.

 

 

 

This. So. Much! We have left so many dates and looked at each other and shuddered! It's amazing how many couples we see that don't even seem to LIKE each other! Not interested in their drama!

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The "first meeting" strategy is a question that appears with some frequency. Fortunately it's a question that admits to some reasonable structured responses.

 

We try to get to know people through profiles and even a phone conversation. Nevertheless, there's no substitute for meeting folks in person. We always choose a public place, preferably for drinks/dinner, and we always do so with the explicit statement that our first meeting is a plain vanilla meeting. No expectations of anything other than "hello".

 

When we meet new couples, there's always a mutual assessment. After all, that's the purpose of meeting for the first time. There are four things we are thinking about, in addition to just having a nice time and a pleasant meal.

 

1. How do the husband and wife treat each other? What can we learn about their dynamics? If there is not genuine affection and, more important, respect for each other there won't be a second date. We are interested in couples who are secure in each other and in their relationship.

 

2. Will they hold a conversation about something other than the weather and the LS? We're not looking for politics, religion or nuclear physics here. But is there something in their experience--a book that they've read, movie they have seen, a hobby they pursue, a funny or challenging episode in the workplace, a crazy cat-lady in the neighborhood--something that tells us about them? One dimensional couples hold no interest for us. You might see things differently.

 

3. How do they treat the (anonymous) waitstaff? You learn a lot about how you will be treated by watching how they treat others. Kind? Engaged? or Cold and dismissive? Do "please", "thank you" etc ever get uttered? At some point this other couple will lose interest in you and they will think of you and treat you just like they are treating the waitstaff.

 

4. Is there chemistry? Now that we have met in person, do we still feel the same way as we did when corresponding or speaking on a phone? Some folks look quite different from their photos and are simply less interesting. And there has to be a four-way sense of comfort and attraction. No one should be "taking one for the team". This is more than a compatibility screen. It's a "would we look forward to being naked with these people" screen.

 

Maybe this is being too selective. We find that having a few close couples that we see regularly and genuinely look forward to seeing is where our comfort zone lies. Keeping these four points in mind had stood us in good stead.

 

Your mileage may vary.

 

This is what I was saying only exact! Lol!

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I will sometimes play on a first meet. Typically those I play with at that first meeting are those with whom I feel an instant chemistry, but little beyond the attraction, to be honest. More often than not, those encounters end up being great one night experiences and do not develop into anything beyond that day. The people I am most attracted to are those that I find a spark with that isn't purely physical. With those, I typically do not play "on the first date" and take time to get to know more about them than their sexual appetite.

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I will sometimes play on a first meet. Typically those I play with at that first meeting are those with whom I feel an instant chemistry, but little beyond the attraction, to be honest. More often than not, those encounters end up being great one night experiences and do not develop into anything beyond that day. The people I am most attracted to are those that I find a spark with that isn't purely physical. With those, I typically do not play "on the first date" and take time to get to know more about them than their sexual appetite.

 

Thank you for sharing what you wrote...I found it quite interesting. :)

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Upon reflection, meeting at a socia/house party, we tend to be more open and sexual than in a restaurant/bar situation. Maybe we should take that into consideration during the meetings.

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