Afraid to ask male friend for a MFM threesome

[JBirdsxs2]

My wife and I have a close friend who she adores and I think is a great guy. We eat dinner a lot together a lot, at home and on the town. We both feel he is perfect for a threesome.

The problem is he has never picked up on any hint.

We have invited him for a dip in the hot tub. Declined it.
Had several glasses of wine with supper. No help.
Spoke semi suggestively with sexual overtones. Nothing

We dont want to jeopardize this friendship but have no clue how to approach it any better. I know he finds my wife attractive. She wears stylish and sexy clothing and I see him admiring her.
We feel he could be afraid because of his profession.

How could we approach the subject with an excape to save face if needed. How could we at the same time guarante descretion.

Ideas wanted and appreciated

[cm89]

We went through the same thing...

I don't know that there is really a way to bring up the subject and then attempt to save face if he declines. We called our friend one evening and asked him if he's ever done anything like a 3some etc. He answered with a simple No. We told him we were considering one, and asked if he would be interested. He declined again as he is just gotten into a serious relationship. Since then, we still talk regularly, go out, etc.

If you ask your friend, be prepared for the rejection. You must also be prepared for the awkward meetings that will insue until everyone has put it past them.

Overall, you'll never know if you don't ask him...

[wrnakedru]

I have good friends who tried for years to get a buddy to play along. The lady even took the fella aside and asked if he just didn't find her attractive. He protested and said quite to the contrary.

With him, the problem was the idea of the three of them together. Performance pressure, audience shyness, whatever. Just wasn't used to the idea of three and perhaps had his doubts as to the focus being on the lady.

They were able to accomplish the deed, but not as a threesome. The hubby has to pretend to be "overcome" by too much alcohol and feign sleep - and then the lady was able to seduce the friend. This was always the way the deed had to be done - it just wasn't to be as a threesome.

I suppose that is quite natural, when you think about it; if the buddy was comfortable with the idea of the lifestyle, my guess is he'd be in it.

[jcbicouple]

It sounds like maybe your friend is trying to respect your friendship. Friends don't hit on other friends spouses even if there are sexual overtones. It doesn't matter how attractive they are, it's just one of those unwritten friendship rules. The only way we would ever consider that a friend was trying to pull something off like that, would be if they flat out said it.
Quite frankly, If one of our regular friends tried to hit on one of us (because they thought they "got vibes that they should") We would be pi**ed, and they would no longer be considered a friend. We only allow "play" with our SO with explicit permission. You may want to consider being upfront with the guy about what you're looking for, and talk to him about it. That way he knows that you want it, and that you are ok with it.

[PrtyinDuo]

You may want to consider being upfront with the guy about what you're looking for, and talk to him about it.


We agree with the above.Dito To you two JC!!If indeed the folks involved are good friends,then bi all means,talk about it.True friends,even if he/she/they are not into swinging for whatever reason,should be able to discuss things together w/o fear of rejection or humiliation.And if nothing cums from it,at least you know for sure and can move forward with a regular friendship.


Enjoy!!!

[EternallySingle]

Hints just don't work with men. They don't. Especially single men. We don't think that way.

Seriously, if this guy is a friend, he has already put the idea of having sex with your wife completely out of his mind. He can't fathom her wanting him over you, and can't understand her wanting to be with him and not leaving you. That is how the non-swinging world thinks:In order to have sex with someone else, you must leave the person you are currently married to. Not wanting to cause problems, he ignores her advances and treats them as jokes between the two of you or a game to see how uncomfortable she can mank him before she has to apologize. It will take first the husband, then the both of you, to explain to him, slowly and over a period of time, what it is you really want and why you want him involved.

Sorta like one partner trying to convince the other to try swinging. The only difference is this person is not a primary partner.

[Brit_Pair]

This might be something of a heretical thought, given that it's on a swingers' board, but perhaps the friend simply doesn't want to play?

[TNT]

We all have our kinks…When a single male (or married male) participates in a MFM threesome it’s because he is into group sex…it’s one of his kinks…be it a large group or just a threesome. In a MFM threesome, both male’s kinks are that they get off in some way by being watched by another male while having sex with a woman and/or watching another male with a woman.

When asking a friend to join you, you have to realize that this really might not be his thing. It has nothing to do with whether or not he is attracted to the female half of a couple or not.

We had one friend of ours that we asked to join us…he turned us down very politely and stated that it just was not his thing. He had no problem with what we did, he was just not interested in group sex of any kind.

Being swingers, we all have a hard time believing that everyone wouldn’t like having wild group sex, but there really are people out there that just don’t.

When inviting a friend to join you, you have to be extremely careful because you are putting the friendship on the line. In our case, it did not hurt the friendship in anyway. We did tell him when we asked that if it was not his thing that we understood and that we would never bring up the subject again…and we haven’t.

It seems as if you are playing your cards real close to the chest. If he is a good friend, just flat out ask what his opinion is on group sex. If it’s positive then you could go on to telling him that you two would like for him to join you. If it’s a negative response, then you know that it is time to move on and find someone else.

Teresa

[Couple_N_Ark]

Some night when you are all out, you could pretend to have had one too many drinks....at that point, the male can simply leave the room for a bit, or pretend to pass out, while the female half tries to seduce the friend.

Of course if the friend protests, DO NOT force the issue.

After all is said and done and the friend does not partake, you can "blame it" on the alcohol, and apologize.

If things work out and he takes the advances, you can then approach him and tell him how much you enjoyed it (assuming you did), and maybe talk more about it happening again without the alcohol.

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by Couple_N_Ark
Some night when you are all out, you could pretend to have had one too many drinks....at that point, the male can simply leave the room for a bit, or pretend to pass out, while the female half tries to seduce the friend.

Ouch. I would have to disagree fully with that scenario. In the perspective of the female half of a couple, should a good male or female friend come on to me like that, in an alcohol induced state or not, I would be appalled and frankly we would most likely never have the friendship we had before. It is one thing to probe for possibilities, quite another to thrust your desires upon some one.

[fun_pairTX]

Just ask, nothing beats being up front and honest. If they are really a friend they will accept you as you are and maintain the confidence even if their answer is no. If not, then they weren't that good of a friend to begin with. Also this fits with the male mentality as well. We agree with our friend in Detroit, ES, people waste money being subtle to men every day. Men need BILLBOARD ADS not hints...........................LOL

[jcbicouple]

Originally posted by Couple_N_Ark
Some night when you are all out, you could pretend to have had one too many drinks....at that point, the male can simply leave the room for a bit, or pretend to pass out, while the female half tries to seduce the friend.

Of course if the friend protests, DO NOT force the issue.

After all is said and done and the friend does not partake, you can "blame it" on the alcohol, and apologize.

If things work out and he takes the advances, you can then approach him and tell him how much you enjoyed it (assuming you did), and maybe talk more about it happening again without the alcohol.

Have to agree with Ohio couple. We totally disagree with that kind of approach.
That is being manipulative and dishonest. Afraid that's not the kind of "friends" we'd want around. Plus if the guy took her up on it: He would be thinking that he was cheating with his friends wife! The poor guy is probably going to go through one hell of a guilt trip and feel like shit. Either that or it's not going to bother him a bit....and what kind of friend is he if you can't trust him to be alone with your wife? After all: He didn't know you planned this which would mean that even if you said "No" he'd still be trying to get in her pants.
Not to mention the fact that if he turns her down and you use the "I was drunk" as suggested: He's going to think your wife wants to cheat on you.

[Brit_Pair]

Dito the above three posts. If you really want to involve this man in your extra-curricular playtime, then just pick an appropriate time and place, and broach the subject. Honesty has a far lower potential for a damaging backfire than the "husband's drunk - let's play" seduction routine.

As to "don't hint - billboard!" . . . men may well be less adept at spotting subtle signs, but don't forget the confidence factor. There are those of us who do manage to pick up on the hints, but then - for whatever reason - lack the conviction to follow them up. "Is she / Are they really saying that they want to..." To pick up on and act upon a hint is to take something of a gamble, and you have to be willing to risk losing in order to win big.

[Vjklander]

I'd agree the easiest way is just to outright ask him. Just say you and the wife have decided to engage in a threesome, and you would really like it if he would agree to be the third.
Or you try the old tried and true method. Leave a Penthouse Letters open to a 'best friend" 3-some letter in the guest bathroom and see if he gets the hint.
J

[b smith]

It sounds as though there are three options available to you. One option is continue the way you are going but plan a seductive type of evening. Maybe do some research before hand by finding out what gets his blood boiling and plan the evening around that. Mak sure the evening includes very obvious signals and cannot be confused for something else. Sexual suggestions or subtle hints do not always register unless quite obvious. From your posting it sounds as though you have tried it with little success. This option depends on how much further you want to take this route and how much planning you want to put into it.

Next option is being direct with him both verbally and nonverbally. This is the most obvious route and has worked for us. However the real disadvantage is that if not done correctly can cause you to loose him as a friend. It sounds, based on your post, the messages are getting mixed-up. He maybe looking for a confirmation signal from the two of you. To you, it may seem as though the hints are obvious but to him he may not see it as such. He maybe pulling back until he gets the obvious signal. Have the misses make an obvious move while signaling your approval. This may be what he is looking for from the two of you.

Finally the both of you may feel he is compatible but he may not be interested. This is something else you will need to consider and needs considering when deciding on the extent you want to pursue him. The best thing here maybe, is pulling back from the hints and see if he begins coming around a bit. Maybe start a discussion in very braod terms about threesomes in an effort to gauge his interest. It may take him a while to figure things out but may be worth keeping him as friend in the mean time.