My wife and I have been married over 13 years (no kids) and are potentially new swingers. We are good friends with a couple our age. We went on a vacation with them this summer and regularly have dinner and drinks with them. They sometimes make comments about having great sex with each other or experiences with prior partners of theirs before they married. They have also mentioned small things here and there that have made me think they might swing.
A few weeks ago my wife and I were talking and realized that we both were thinking at some point we would all end up naked together. In fact, both my wife and I are very interested in the idea of swinging with this couple. After we discussed this and talked about swinging, I have to admit that we had some of the best sex of our marriage. We have both been reading this and other forums and feel that our marriage is fantastic and that having some play time together with this couple would be very fun.
We have never done this before, and want to capitalize on this possible opportunity.
So is there a good way to ask? Are there other "tells" we should look for, or is there something we should do that shows that we are interested?
Only after you've had lots of long, honest talks about what you expect from swinging and can both come to an open and complete understanding of what each desires and what each is willing to tolerate with the other, then you might agree to let the situation happen with the other couple. You do have to give some thought to what kind of relationship you want or woudl expect with the other couple if something "lifestyle" did happen. Once again, if after thinking about it, it still seems like a good idea, then the best bet is to get all four of you into a hot tub, with lots of good music, good booze, and everyone getting comfortable... very comfortable... Hottubs have an odd effect on people, especially couples who enjoy lifestyle fun. If things are going to happen, before long, tops will be coming off and touching will take the place of talking...
Sounds like a good idea! I think someone needs to speak up and ask! One way would be for just the male of you to run it by the male of the other couple, or for the women to talk by themselves. You might ask, "We've all talked about sex before. Have you ever thought about the four of us getting together for some touching/feeling/etc.?" You might not mention the word "swinging" because it can conjure up the wrong idea. Their response might surprise you; they may be thinking along the same lines! Or, you'll get a response like "I would love to, but I know he/she wouldn't" to which you could reply "Maybe you two should talk about it." Or, you'll get a totally negative response at which, no harm done, thank you very much.
You both need to thouroughly discuss exactly how far you want it to go. Be aware that this could very well change your relationship as friends. We know two "friend" couples who were swinging and it got real ugly, both couples divorced and one now married to the other! They "fell in love" so you have to watch out for that. But they were all spending almost every day with each other, and that was inevitable. It doesn't have to get that far and I don't want to scare you. Chances are you'll all have a great time!
I like NandT's approach, but if you even want to play it safer, you could talk to the other wife and just say, "Bob and I have had amazing sex lately ... we've started talking amongst ourselves about the possibility of playing with others. Have you ever had that fantasy?" See where the conversation goes. That way, you haven't outwardly asked "you guys wanna play with us" and have them taken aback.
I think a lot of people when first considering swinging have the desire to start out with some friends they already know. Most of the time it is a disaster, and often after approaching their friends they are no longer friends any more, that is what happened to us. So the basic advise is, don't try to make swingers out of your friends if you value their friendship.
That said, we used NandT's approach with our friends. That was 6 years ago and they haven't associated with us since. If you absolutely have to do it, I would use havefuninsun's approach and broach the subject with them obliquely without making any commitment or actually suggesting up front what your ultimate goal is (having sex with them). If you use more of a "what do you think about married people having sex with others?" approach, you can easily back out when they get an appalled "that is such a repulsive idea I want to puke" look on their face.
You've been reading, so you already know the approach is risky. You value their friendship just the way it is currently. Even your question is likely to change that friendship in some way - better or worse, depends on whose perspective.
You guys haven't tried swinging yet, you're not completely certain you'll like it in the long term. Sure the fantasy is great, and reality can be too but it's not a given. I'd suggest locating an experienced swinging couple to improve your chances of having positive swinging experiences early in the game.
When you're ready to approach your friends, you'll know how to word it and if they agree, you'll know what reactions to look for to avoid trouble.
Some people learn to swim by jumping in the deep end, some take lessons.....
As for a sign that shows you're interested in party sex - install a hot tub in your backyard
Our first experience was with friends, we broached the subject by simply suggesting a game of strip poker one night while we were all drinking. We did not play that evening, but after several nights of "cards", it eventually lead to touching and ultimately to playing.
There was a problem with that approach though. My wife and I were totally into it and ready to add that to our marriage, but it turned out that they were not, a year later they divorced. Now I am not sure it was because of playing, in fact they said it was not, but I do have my suspicions.
My point, I guess, is that be prepared for the reprecussions that my come up from playing with friends.
Thanks for the inputs. We'll have to give this some more thought. One thing we seem to have going for us is that my wife and are planning to move to a new state next summer, so even if things go wrong in some of the ways described above, it might not be disastrous. And if things go well we can always keep vacationing with them.
We did the same "risky" thing as being considered. As others have said, we never really considered our friends because we value their friendship so much, we were (are) like family. Thankfully, we never had to bring it up to them as they busted us. Then implied interest, so that was that. And so far, it has been well worth the risk!