Propositioning vanilla women?

[arvcpl]

Hi everyone, I just want to get some discussion and feedback on a conversation my wife and I have had a couple times in the past. We prefer couple/couple activities by far but are ok with the idea of occasional FMF or MFM. Like everyone knows there are very few single fems in the lifestyle and of the ones that there are we have been less than impressed with and not only do we find most of them unattractive and flakey but the competition for them is very stiff and we don't feel like fighting tooth and nail over what we have seen so far. To further complicate matters it seems most of the single women are in the lifestyle for girl/girl and my wife isn't all that bi although she is fine with the idea of FMFs. While there are very few single women actually in the lifestyle there are millions of single vanillas out there, many of whom are straight or do not desire lots of heavy bi activity. Have any of you had any experience or luck with inviting a single vanilla woman to join you? What is the best way to invite a vanilla but still maintain some discretion and privacy? Are there any particular tricks or methods to getting a vanilla to join you? What are some of the hazards and pitfalls in doing so? Any thoughts and advice will be much appreciated.

[jnhinsd]

Bump****

I agree....good question

[BiloxiCouple]

The ultimate question and I know the answer.

[Edison Carter]

Susan here-- Well, the first tip about inviting 'vanilla' women is to notice if they ever flirt or have any attraction to your husband. Of course, there's always the moment when you have to pose the question of threesome play. Personally, I find asking the 'question' as a big, serious moment brings too much gravity to the moment. Nor is there a perfect moment. I simply ask, in a playful way,"If you'd ever like to join me in having sex with my husband, I'd think we'd have a great time."

There's no perfect way to approach someone. But if you don't ask, you don't know. The couple of times the answer was 'no' and I replied,"Of course. We just think the world of you and still do." As long as I act like an adult, things never changed. in both cases there were questions like ,"Do you do this alot "? I'd reply with,"We simply think you're great and wanted to something very fun with you." Then, I'd redirect the conversation or answer any more questions in a sincere, courteous way.

Now to the two women that said 'yes'. First, and I cannot emphasize this enough, keep the evening fun. In one case we ended up with a regular playmate. In the other case, once was enough. In fact, most people that try a threesoome, never do so again. They learn that they aren't 'wired' for it. It was a great night, but it wan't something she wanted to continue with. The friendship stalled a bit after that, then rebuilt, which is not unusual. Simply stated, we had crossed into new territory with a sexual relationship and had to rebuild the old platonic friendship after that. Again, very normal.

Also, Edison, to his credit, never mentioned that night with her again. It was a great night, he rocked her world, but he has appropriately treated it for what it was. A nice moment from the past.

With the vanilla women I never played bi with them or have tried to. They're straight. If they ever want to try more, well, I'll make the cum like a freight train .

Good luck.

[SuAndBud]

You can sometimes get vibes from a single female that she may be up for playing, but usually it will be with the female of your partnershio rather than the male (just talking from experience, here, not claiming it's a given).

But, how you can subtely ask her if she wants to share your bed without "outing" yourselves is absolutely beyond us.

Serious repercussions may occur if she stumbles home alone but remembers your invite next morning.

[WonderWhat]

Originally Posted by BiloxiCouple

The ultimate question and I know the answer.

OK, I'll bite: What's the answer?

[WesternSwing]

We have had luck in that arena and I'll tell you it's been Mrs. WS that has sealed the deal every time. First, she's very outgoing in party and club situations, and she says I'm charming... so there you go.

How it all happens, I don't know. We meet someone and strike-up a conversation, Mrs. WS invites them to sit with us at the night club and we talk and dance and the next thing you know we're all in bed together.

If I had to tell you step-by-step how we got there I'd probably over think it and kill our chances in the future. It just happens, it just is, and I'm not questioning it any further.

But again, it's all Mrs. WS.

Mr. WS

[lovinher]

Originally Posted by BiloxiCouple

The ultimate question and I know the answer.

Still waiting!

[cubnamy1995]

Ah...finally a topic I can speak with experience about. Weve had a few FFMs and FMFs, and every single one of them were vanilla women. We have found that the single vanilla women are quite flattered, and although it is hit and miss, just like dating, we have had way more success with finding unicorns by going outside the lifestyle. Dont rule out vanilla clubs! You can really clean up!

[Alura]

Laura would ask: "How do you feel about threesomes?" I'd just look at Ms. Vanilla and smile.

Alura

[BiloxiCouple]

Originally Posted by WonderWhat

OK, I'll bite: What's the answer?

If I tell you then the whole world will know and my monopoly of the answer will be over

[WeMayTryIt]

This is the Mrs., and we actually succeeded at picking up a vanilla woman the other night. It was very easy actually and surprised us both. We went out for drinks, with no plans on playing that night.

We sat and drank and there was a table of 3 women next to us. One of them leaned over to me and asked me something about the song that was playing. We visited back and forth a bit. We commented on the women dancing together. She asked if I had danced with women before, and I said just a couple times. I mentioned something about "let's see if those two kiss," and she asked me if I'd ever kissed a woman.

I told her I'd kissed a few women and that it was nice. Then I basically just came out and said, "If you're open to it, maybe the 3 of us could get together and have some fun sometime." She looked at me a bit shocked, then said, "Is he OK with that?" "Have you done that before?" I assured her we both were fine and had played around like that a few times before. The next two hours she was basically deep in thought, trying to decide if she wanted to do it. We didn't push her, just visited and drank. Her friends got ready to leave, and she asked if we could take her home. At that point, I knew we had her! The Mr. was charming but not pushy. He complimented her, but not over the top. He never touched her until we all danced together. She liked that.

We danced some, closed out the bar and went back to her place. She asked a few questions on the way there, and we were totally honest with her and let her know that at any point she could back out and everything would be fine. We just tried to make sure she was completely comfortable with what was going to happen. She was satisfied with our answers and we all had a good time.

Of course if she had not have been open to it, then it wouldn't have gone so well. I think the secret of picking up vanilla women is to just ask, after small talk etc. It''s pretty easy to drop some well-placed, fairly generic but relevant questions or comments and guage the reaction.

I don't know how often we will try this, but it just seemed to flow the other night and we went with it.

[WesternSwing]

Exactly, WeMayTryIt. Every FMF we've had has been with otherwise 'vanilla' women that we've met in non-swinger situations, like run-of-the-mill nightclubs, bars and other places. Keep your eyes open and the opportunities present themselves.

Mr. WS

[WeMayTryIt]

Mr TryIt here--Maybe we shouldn't make a hard opinion on this just yet, since it was only one night, but it seemed too easy. We actually could have gone home with another woman in the same bar. She openly hit on both of us and made it clear that she was up for some fun, but she wasn't our type. We'll have to test the theory further . I almost think it would be easier to pick up a woman than a man. The guys seem to stay way far away from the Mrs. when I'm around, even if she makes some fairly flirty advances. Maybe it has something to do with me being 6' 4", 225 lbs.

[iapr]

Originally Posted by WeMayTryIt

Mr TryIt here--Maybe we shouldn't make a hard opinion on this just yet, since it was only one night, but it seemed too easy. We actually could have gone home with another woman in the same bar. She openly hit on both of us and made it clear that she was up for some fun, but she wasn't our type. We'll have to test the theory further . I almost think it would be easier to pick up a woman than a man. The guys seem to stay way far away from the Mrs. when I'm around, even if she makes some fairly flirty advances. Maybe it has something to do with me being 6' 4", 225 lbs.

We too had an experience with a vanilla woman, when she put two and two together and figured out we were swingers and that we were interested in her she practically dragged us into our own bedroom. The defining moment was when my wife said she could do with me whatever she wanted.

I think you and Mrs WeMayTryIt may have the key for both male and females. Mrs 'Tryit stated it was she that approached the woman and you mention that guys stay away from her when you are around even what she makes advances. This makes sense. That she was the one that approached the woman shows that she is a consenting and active player in this and that it is not just you being a horndog trying to score some extra ass.

It is also not suprising that a vanilla male would be leary of a woman in a bar flirting with her husband around. Any guy that hangs out in bars for any length of time knows there are a lot of disfunctional wives and couples out there and are afraid of getting a stomp down from the husband once he has had enough of her antics. If on the other hand it was you that made the offer and indicated that you were also interested in a MFM they would probably go for it. That would show it wasn't just a bored wife trying to flirt up some schmuck in a bar to get her husband jealous to show her some attention.


This has been an interesting thread but I am wondering if the real question we should be posing is IS IT OK to hit on vanillas rather than HOW to hit on vanillas?