Friends: Possible Playmates?

[Ave Satanas]

Hello all, I've got another rousing thread to start for all of you (especially those who read my first thread, which is now buried somewhere in the new swingers section).

Now, this is bearing in mind that most swingers I have spoken to here have acknowledged the existence of a sort of generational gap as far as our preference of swinging partners goes: they prefer strangers, which I suppose allows for a nice, no-strings-attached romp, while I think (and this is someone who has had no more experience than discussing the possibility with my love) I would rather swing with a fairly close friend, who I can place some degree of trust in so as to keep the situation within the parameters that I want. Call me a control freak, but it makes me more comfortable.

Well, there have been some minor developments since that thread died out. My lady has become more and more open to the idea (mostly the FFM scenario, lucky me ) and has begun to discuss the idea of potential playmates for us. She has one particular girl picked out who she is convinced would go along with the idea and who I find reasonably attractive, although I can't honestly say that it matters too much to me; I'm so ridiculously in love with my girl that other women just don't stand on the same level as her. I can judge on a level of physical attractiveness, sure, but in the end, to me, no one can compare.

Like I mentioned before, I find this suggested girl to be reasonably attractive, although we saw another girl a few days ago that we know who seemed to stand out to me, and who my girlfriend said 'would totally do it, too'. She hasn't been brought up since, however, and it worries me to bring it up for fear of freaking my lady out. Basically, I could use some tips on a diplomatic way of bringing the idea up.

Changing gears, when the subject of a MFM scenario came up (something that still intrigues me), it seems that all my previous ideas have been thrown out in favor of one particular friend. Not that this is a problem for me, he's a good friend of mine, but I suppose I feel a little uneasy at the fact that she jumped straight to him. I don't know if I just need to organize my thoughts and emotions on the whole thing more or what; when I asked her "why him?" she responded with "I dunno, I just feel like I can trust him enough". Which is good, I suppose, but I worry because as far as I know this guy has little to no experience, and I'd kind of prefer he didn't lose it to my lady, if only because I fear he might grow some sort of undesired attachment. But as plenty of time stands before we'll do anything in this area, he can go out and do whatever he wants. In the end, he's a good buddy, and I know that even if things go terribly and we fight it out, we'll be friends after as well. Besides, I've done ju-jitsu 3 years longer than he has, so I know I can take him

But all this talking of potential partners has led me to wonder how exactly to bring this forth to them. I'll likely leave the girl to MY girl; she's better friends with the subject and knows how to work a conversation like no one else I know. However, when the time comes in the future to bring up the idea with someone else, how would you suggest going about it?

Thanks in advance for any responses. I'm going to bed!

[ViSexual]

If you think your girl is going to be better at approaching potential playmates, then let her do it first.

Do the FMF with the girls then tell youe male friend about it.

And, even mention that you might consider a MFM too in the future.

Trust me, if he's at all interested, he'll approach you.

And one more thing. You sound like you and your lady aren't married yet? My friend, if she's half as cool as you make her sound then you better marry her quick before some other guy steals her away from you!

[VegasLee]

People want to party with people that they are attracted to. That is why your lady picked the guy she did and the same with you. You found one certain lady attractive so you wanted to pick her.

To do this you have to be able to be honest with your lady. Tell her that you find the women attractive and that is who you would like to party with. If you two are not able to honestly talk about it then you are not ready to do it.

As far as your male friend goes you seem to have some concern about him becoming attached. You know him best and I would not do it because of having those thoughts in the first place. Why change messing up a friendship over this. You state you two can battle it out and still be friends but you would be surprised who things change once they have sex with your girlfriend.

As far as marrying her before you lose her goes. That paper is not going to save her at all if someone wants to steal her away. She can not be stolen unless she wants to. There is no lady in the world better then my Laura. We raised Six kids and now have eight grandkids yet we did not get married until last summer and I was NEVER concerned about her being stolen away. I knew she wanted to be with me and never worried about it for one moment. Over they years she has partied with ??? guys and she never even thought about being "stolen away" by one of them.

Do what works for you and be totally honest with each other about EVERYTHING and this might work out for you.

Good Luck.

[Ave Satanas]

Ha, I'm not worried about someone stealing her away too much, but it's always good to hear someone tell me she's great.

But after thinking about it a bit more, I decided to tell her today that it's alright for her to tell me straight up who she finds physically attractive, provided that I may do the same, so it's only a matter of when we have sex next before the girl I had in mind comes up.

I believe the quote was "I think Keira Knightly is hot as hell, but I wouldn't trade one of you for a million of her, and I trust that it's the same for you"

I'm wicked slick.

Thanks for the feedback guys.

[BCinIN]

Excellent! You found the solution to your own problem, which is communication. It works wonders with all sorts of problems.

Now as for attachment...don't worry about the other guy getting attached. If she doesn't get attached to him it won't go anywhere. But here's my advice: if there is any, and I mean any, reason to believe that she even might get attached to him (or that she already is), you're playing with fire. This is not to say that her finding him physically attractive is a reason to believe that (she should find play partners attractive, or she won't have any fun and neither will anyone else really), but if she's picking him because he appeals to her on some other level, be very careful. I've personally seen swinging destroy over a dozen couples because they picked someone whom one or both of them knew well already, without enough communication beforehand, and/or without a complete lack of interest in the other person (e.g., a couple inviting a man for an MFM and the woman already being interested in him even slightly more than not at all).

You know, I just realized...the swinging that I've seen destroy couples has been threesomes in every case, too.

[socolais]

I see lots of wisdom in the comments above and I think the best thing I can add is a reminder that this is really just an experiment to see if you want to pursue further opportunities with a more open relationship. How yall deal with both the positives and negatives of the individual sessions can be a positive influence in the depth of your relationship.

My gut feeling is that you'll have a high probability of success (however you choose to define success).

[WildMainePussy]

If this guy is your best buddy, what would happen to the friendship if you thought he was coming around more for your girlfriend than you? There would have to be some sort of understanding/limit I would imagine if you didn't want your friendship ruined.