Did you start with "Vanilla" friends?

[havefuninsun]

Mr. Fun and I were talking this past weekend about how to meet fun couples to hang out with. We've been a couple for a little over a year and a half, and we don't have many "our" friends. We have my friends, we have his friends, we have work friends. But besides meeting couples through Swing Lifestyle, we are looking for new ways to meet people.

We then started wondering how many people had their first "swing-type" encounter WITH vanilla friends? Like, "yeah, one night we were at Bobby-Jo and Jim's house and were in the hot tub, and things just heated up more than the water!"

We really like the idea of friends with benefits. We know a lot of folks on this board do not -- so I'm not really debating the good, the bad, and the ugly of swinging with friends, I'm just would like to learn how many folks started by "fooling around" with vanilla friends first.

(One of the recent swinger specials -- can't remember if it was the WE one or Primetime -- estimated 17% of the population were swingers (I think) -- I thought that number was high at the time, but a lot of you said, "I'd bet the barn it's way higher" -- so my guess is that when this close encounter of the vanilla kind happens, those people may or may not CONSIDER themselves swingers).

[good times]

Well, the first time we did anything "swinging like" was what we came to know as soft swap with some vanilla friends. It turned out to have been a real bad idea as I have related several times on the board. We have been on barely speaking terms with this couple ever since. So now we prefer to make friends of our swinger partners but leave our vanilla friends as just vanilla.

As far as how to meet new friends goes, I can't really give much advice for that as we have never really experienced that problem. Due to our hobbies and interests outside of swinging we meet a lot of people, many of which eventually become good friends. It probably helps that we are both pretty outgoing people but our biggest problem is just fitting in time for our friends not finding new ones.

Now if you want to meet friends that you can also swing with, that is easy, just become regulars at a swingers club. After about 5 years going to clubs regularly we have a pretty nice group of swinger friends, some we play with, some we just do vanilla activities with. Either way they are all what I would consider good friends.

[ohash01]

Before we knew what we were doing was really "swinging" we had hooked up with J.'s best friend since 1st grade. It was a ton of fun, and I had assumed (and did until right now that he was vanilla, so that's how I voted). I just asked J., however, and he said that Matt has now decided he is a swinger and he recently started dating a girl that has prior swing experience. So I'm not sure if my answer is right or not. But - I can't wait til the next time we see them!

We also prefer the "friends with benefits" route. If they start as swingers, we want them to be our friends in the end. If they are friends first, well, that's okay too, as long as all parties are ready for the swinging.

[havefuninsun]

Originally Posted by ohash01

Before we knew what we were doing was really "swinging" we had hooked up with J.'s best friend since 1st grade. .

That's what I'm guessing has happened a lot. When I was married, we had neighbors with a hot tub ... we'd all get frisky in the hot tub, but it never went farther than that (the other wife wasn't attracted to my husband). I could easily see how we all could have had a lot of fun, and I'm not sure I was focusing on the word "swinger" at that point, either.

Maybe 17% of couples SAY their swingers, but maybe 80% wish they were ... we're so lucky!!

[undercovercpl]

We have a vanilla rule...... Don't try to convert LOL

[ShellyM]

Nope, to date we have never played with a vanilla couple. We have a rule that swingers can make great friends, but friends don't make great swingers. So we leave the lifestyle aspect of our life as our private matter.

[sweet_tna]

I had to answer "other" because Mr. Sweet and I were the vanilla friends that GOT converted. I can totally see why many think it's not a good idea to play with vanilla friends. And I can't see Mr. Sweet and I playing of our vanilla friends.

In defense of our friends, they told us with NO intention of playing with us. The husband just wanted someone for his wife to talk to about their new lifestyle. They were VERY surprised to learn we (especially I) would ever be interested. And Mr. Sweet and I had already decided we'd start swinging before we were "converted". Our friends just ended up being the first ones up to bat.

~Mrs. Sweet =)

[cubnamy1995]

Our very first experience was with a male co-worker of my wife. We didn't know the lingo, and he was just a guy she worked with that she thought was cute. We did threesomes for a while before we discovered swinging, not realizing that we already had some experience. Until we discovered the lifestyle a couple of years ago, we spent about 5 years just playing with vanillas. We didn't know you weren't supposed to do that

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by sweet_tna

I had to answer "other" because Mr. Sweet and I were the vanilla friends that GOT converted. I can totally see why many think it's not a good idea to play with vanilla friends. And I can't see Mr. Sweet and I playing of our vanilla friends.

In defense of our friends, they told us with NO intention of playing with us. The husband just wanted someone for his wife to talk to about their new lifestyle. They were VERY surprised to learn we (especially I) would ever be interested. And Mr. Sweet and I had already decided we'd start swinging before we were "converted". Our friends just ended up being the first ones up to bat.

~Mrs. Sweet =)

Thats cool!! We live in a pretty small town. Its a college town but still pretty conservative, catholic...and I have a huge family. Everyone is into everyone else's business LOL. Add to that that I know half of who I am not related to LOL means we keep it quiet and usually out of San Marcos. Once we move to Pennsylvania I think it will be easier because Allentown is such a huge city. Right now though we lay low and usually play in Austin or San Antonio just for discretion.

[sweettn]

Originally Posted by ShellyM

We live in a pretty small town. Its a college town but still pretty conservative, catholic...and I have a huge family. Everyone is into everyone else's business LOL.

Not to drift from the main topic, but that sounds exactly like our situation, Shelly. So true that it's almost not funny. We're also only comfortable meeting out of town and very, very rarely locally. We would love to have more freedom in our community, but we know our family, and even some friends wouldn't understand our sex life.

Back to the topic at hand... we're not much on swinging with others who aren't experienced in the lifestyle. For us, there are too many unknowns with a vanilla couple/single. We love our vanilla friends, but believe we wouldn't enjoy swinging with them. Our "first time" was with someone who had been in the lifestyle for a few years prior to meeting us, and it actually made the situation much more comfortable than what we were expecting.

[WesternSwing]

The first couple we ever played with we met at a non-swinger party, though they were swingers. We became friends and about a month or so later took a weekend trip out of town together and the rest is history.

Mr. WS

[sweet_tna]

Originally Posted by ShellyM

Thats cool!! We live in a pretty small town. Its a college town but still pretty conservative, catholic...and I have a huge family. Everyone is into everyone else's business LOL. Add to that that I know half of who I am not related to LOL means we keep it quiet and usually out of San Marcos. Once we move to Pennsylvania I think it will be easier because Allentown is such a huge city. Right now though we lay low and usually play in Austin or San Antonio just for discretion.

Did you just say Allentown? We're only about an hour away . . .

~Mrs. Sweet =)

[SandJinVT]

We've always tried to keep our vanilla and swinging lives separate. We have vanilla friends who know we're swingers (they found out by accident, more or less). But we feel our private activities need to stay that way. Our very first couple ended up being lifelong friends. I guess we've been lucky that way.