Hit on the wrong guy

wewannano · 02-04-2005, 07:29 PM

I have a crush on this guy who I see often and my husband doesn't mind. the guy is a flirt and I guess I thought that he would be game. He is seeing someone but I thought since he flirts so much they were just casual. Anyway I took things too far and now I feel embarrassed. I was pretty drunk and hit on him in a really obvious manner. He didn't do anything becuz of his girlfriend. Things were cool after that but then he came to my house and I was sober and I still couldn't seem to control myself, but I think he was deliberately turning me on. He said he was trying to see if we could be normal, and I didn't realise that he was testing me. If I had known that he was testing me I would have not hit on him again, but he would accidentally let my tits hit his arm, and he made some comment about a photo of mine, and how they look big etc, then he asked me if this was why i liked him and grabbed himself and asked me if my pussy was wet. I was too aggressive and was all over him again. I told him the next time I saw him that I would not touch him, if he promised not to say things that would make me horny. And I told him that I don't want it even if I could get it, because its humiliating to have to work so hard for it.

Now I feel stupid whenever I see him, I miss his friendship and feel like I fucked things up. I don't know if I am more embarrassed, or missing the friendship, or still wishing I could have him. He said we are still friends and to be cool, I think that I am reading too much into his reactions though.

northindycpl · 02-05-2005, 02:14 PM

I understand your feeling of embarrassment. i am sure it is more in your mind than in his though. I would be concerned that you have a 'crush'. A crush to me indicates a deeper connection than what would be present in swinging. Maybe this action, or inaction was fate taking it's course and you should leave it at that.

Were you thinking of having this man join you and your husband in swinging? Does he know you are in the lifestyle?

***JustAskJulie*** · 02-05-2005, 02:23 PM

Been there, done that, and lost friends because of it. If he's a good enough friend, try to talk openly to him and just be honest about what happened and your feelings that followed. If it's a real friendship you will be able to work past it and he will honor you by not teasing you.

I have to wonder, tho, if there isn't real interest on his part that is causing him to encourage you. Maybe, or maybe he just really likes the attention. I have a friend like that. He's a huge flirt and he really doesn't even realize it. Add to that that he's smokin' hot and well every girl wants him. He really doesn't realize what a flirt he is and often misleads women with his actions. This may be the case with your friend as well.

confunktion · 02-05-2005, 07:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

I have to wonder, tho, if there isn't real interest on his part that is causing him to encourage you. Maybe, or maybe he just really likes the attention. I have a friend like that. He's a huge flirt and he really doesn't even realize it. Add to that that he's smokin' hot and well every girl wants him. He really doesn't realize what a flirt he is and often misleads women with his actions. This may be the case with your friend as well.

See, now that's what I was thinking as well. From your post, it sounded to me like he was very much interested. I don't know of any guys who would go to such lengths to get a rise out of a woman unless they were interested...or really FUBAR in the head... I think his actions are too deliberate for him not to know. Let's be honest - men can be very dumb, but to be that dumb not to know that those actions would turn you on? Personally, I don't buy it.

Like Julie said, if he's a true friend, he'll be able to talk to you about it and the friendship will continue on. Best of luck!

Mr. Funk
I don't grab my crotch for just anyone.

wewannano · 02-05-2005, 07:44 PM

Thanks Guys,

I am feeling better, anyway it is not worth it to pursue. I have a feeling that I can get what I want by waiting better than chasing, as far as the crush goes, I am not too worried about that either. I have never been attracted to men on an only physical level, there needs to be something else there. But I know that even if I were not married this would never be anything more than a fling so it is okay I am not too worried about it. As far as actually swinging together goes, I am not sure if that would be too akward for him, and whether my husband would rather just hear about it. No point in considering it when it will be a long time to get down that road if we ever get down that road with this guy at all. But yeah I feel a lot less stupid now that I have some feed back. It is hard to have all these thoughts and no one to talk to besides the husband who I am sure is bored of the topic.

So I am feeling better now.

duwannaball · 02-06-2005, 05:52 AM

What is FUBAR?

NJ Couple · 02-06-2005, 07:45 AM

fubar = fucked up beyond all repair

turnuptheheat · 02-06-2005, 08:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wewannano

I have a crush on this guy who I see often and my husband doesn't mind. the guy is a flirt and I guess I thought that he would be game. He is seeing someone but I thought since he flirts so much they were just casual. Anyway I took things too far and now I feel embarrassed. I was pretty drunk and hit on him in a really obvious manner. He didn't do anything becuz of his girlfriend. Things were cool after that but then he came to my house and I was sober and I still couldn't seem to control myself, but I think he was deliberately turning me on. He said he was trying to see if we could be normal, and I didn't realise that he was testing me. If I had known that he was testing me I would have not hit on him again, but he would accidentally let my tits hit his arm, and he made some comment about a photo of mine, and how they look big etc, then he asked me if this was why i liked him and grabbed himself and asked me if my pussy was wet. I was too aggressive and was all over him again. I told him the next time I saw him that I would not touch him, if he promised not to say things that would make me horny. And I told him that I don't want it even if I could get it, because its humiliating to have to work so hard for it.

Now I feel stupid whenever I see him, I miss his friendship and feel like I fucked things up. I don't know if I am more embarrassed, or missing the friendship, or still wishing I could have him. He said we are still friends and to be cool, I think that I am reading too much into his reactions though.

Couple of flags to me.
First, is this crush just lust (a good thing) or real feelings (possibly a bad thing)?
Second, he was/is playing head games. In a relationship based on mutual respect, bad omen.
My .02

EvilMJ · 02-06-2005, 08:57 AM

I guess two things stuck out in my mind after reading your post.

1. Are you and your husband active swingers..or in the just thinking about it stage.

2. Is his girlfriend aware of the things he is saying or his action. If not this guy smacks of great disrespect for both his girlfriend and you. If he is not a swinger, then he is a cheater and you don't want to get involved with that.

Flirting is pretty addictive. There is nothing like the feeling you get when you flirt with a guy and he responds, I guess there are worse addictions to have

, so just becareful with how far you let this go.

Oh and any man who has the audacity to tell me he is 'testing me' can head for the door, I don't have time for crap like that...

Note to Mr. Funk.....I am glad to hear you don't grab your crotch for just anyone...that comment just made me giggle.

confunktion · 02-06-2005, 02:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NJ Couple

fubar = fucked up beyond all repair

Yup. I believe it started as an unofficial millitary term, but I could be wrong about that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by EvilMJ

Note to Mr. Funk.....I am glad to hear you don't grab your crotch for just anyone...that comment just made me giggle.

Nope. That show is for VIPs who make reservations only.

Mr. Funk
No, I don't look like Michael Jackson when I grab myself...I still have my nose...

**two4youinswva** · 02-06-2005, 02:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by confunktion

Yup. I believe it started as an unofficial millitary term, but I could be wrong about that.

You are correct about FUBAR. Coincidently, the word SNAFU is another military term that means "Situation Normal, All Fucked Up".

I always laugh to myself when I hear little old ladies and TV anchors use that word, oblivious to its nefarious origin.

WesternSwing · 02-06-2005, 07:47 PM

It sounds to me like he was not testing you, but teasing you. He was testing himself. If something had happened he could rationalize it in his head that he wasn't at fault. It was a game for him to remove any responsibility from his shoulders if you two had sex. You were a pawn in his twisted little game of indecision and guilt. Don't worry about it. If this wasn't the case, and he didn't want to have sex with you, he wouldn't even had come over to your house begin with. He should be the one feeling guilty over messing-up the relationship. It was a cheap shot to protect himself while possibly getting a piece of ass from you.

Mr. WS

wewannano · 02-07-2005, 06:56 PM

Hey Guys,

Isn't it funny what a few days will do, I am relieved that I have not made an ass out of myself from worrying too much about this issue. Sometimes I think that the biggest problem is not what actually happens but how much time you spend worrying about it afterward. My friend and I were hanging out today and he kept up his end of the bargain as did I and it is almost like our close call never even happened. I don't think our friendship was fucked up, and I think we are safely back in the "just friends" catergory. I am going to avoid flirting becuz I don't want to open this thing up again, but it looks like things are going on good.

Talk to you later people.

knightmare · 02-07-2005, 08:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NJ Couple

fubar = fucked up beyond all repair

Quote:

Originally Posted by confunktion

Yup. I believe it started as an unofficial millitary term, but I could be wrong about that.

You're correct except the 'R' is 'Recognition'. I forget which war it originated in but it was a term for a body that couldn't be identified as in "Fucked up beyond all recognition."

***JustAskJulie*** · 02-08-2005, 07:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wewannano

Hey Guys,

Isn't it funny what a few days will do, I am relieved that I have not made an ass out of myself from worrying too much about this issue. Sometimes I think that the biggest problem is not what actually happens but how much time you spend worrying about it afterward. My friend and I were hanging out today and he kept up his end of the bargain as did I and it is almost like our close call never even happened. I don't think our friendship was fucked up, and I think we are safely back in the "just friends" catergory. I am going to avoid flirting becuz I don't want to open this thing up again, but it looks like things are going on good.

Talk to you later people.

Glad to hear you were able to put it behind you - both of you.

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02-04-2005, 07:29 PM	#1 (permalink)
wewannano Active Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 13 Location: Michigan Status: Couple	Hit on the wrong guy I have a crush on this guy who I see often and my husband doesn't mind. the guy is a flirt and I guess I thought that he would be game. He is seeing someone but I thought since he flirts so much they were just casual. Anyway I took things too far and now I feel embarrassed. I was pretty drunk and hit on him in a really obvious manner. He didn't do anything becuz of his girlfriend. Things were cool after that but then he came to my house and I was sober and I still couldn't seem to control myself, but I think he was deliberately turning me on. He said he was trying to see if we could be normal, and I didn't realise that he was testing me. If I had known that he was testing me I would have not hit on him again, but he would accidentally let my tits hit his arm, and he made some comment about a photo of mine, and how they look big etc, then he asked me if this was why i liked him and grabbed himself and asked me if my pussy was wet. I was too aggressive and was all over him again. I told him the next time I saw him that I would not touch him, if he promised not to say things that would make me horny. And I told him that I don't want it even if I could get it, because its humiliating to have to work so hard for it. Now I feel stupid whenever I see him, I miss his friendship and feel like I fucked things up. I don't know if I am more embarrassed, or missing the friendship, or still wishing I could have him. He said we are still friends and to be cool, I think that I am reading too much into his reactions though.
	Last edited by wewannano; 02-04-2005 at 08:15 PM. Reason: Too personal

02-05-2005, 02:14 PM	#2 (permalink)
northindycpl Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 1,425 Location: Indiana Status: Blissfull SITCOM Swing Lifestyle Name:northindycpl	Re: Hit on the wrong guy I understand your feeling of embarrassment. i am sure it is more in your mind than in his though. I would be concerned that you have a 'crush'. A crush to me indicates a deeper connection than what would be present in swinging. Maybe this action, or inaction was fate taking it's course and you should leave it at that. Were you thinking of having this man join you and your husband in swinging? Does he know you are in the lifestyle?
	__________________ Mrs. Indy

02-05-2005, 02:23 PM	#3 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 29,211 Location: In my House Status: Female Swing Lifestyle Name:swingersboard	Re: Hit on the wrong guy Been there, done that, and lost friends because of it. If he's a good enough friend, try to talk openly to him and just be honest about what happened and your feelings that followed. If it's a real friendship you will be able to work past it and he will honor you by not teasing you. I have to wonder, tho, if there isn't real interest on his part that is causing him to encourage you. Maybe, or maybe he just really likes the attention. I have a friend like that. He's a huge flirt and he really doesn't even realize it. Add to that that he's smokin' hot and well every girl wants him. He really doesn't realize what a flirt he is and often misleads women with his actions. This may be the case with your friend as well.

02-05-2005, 07:44 PM	#5 (permalink)
wewannano Active Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 13 Location: Michigan Status: Couple	Re: Hit on the wrong guy Thanks Guys, I am feeling better, anyway it is not worth it to pursue. I have a feeling that I can get what I want by waiting better than chasing, as far as the crush goes, I am not too worried about that either. I have never been attracted to men on an only physical level, there needs to be something else there. But I know that even if I were not married this would never be anything more than a fling so it is okay I am not too worried about it. As far as actually swinging together goes, I am not sure if that would be too akward for him, and whether my husband would rather just hear about it. No point in considering it when it will be a long time to get down that road if we ever get down that road with this guy at all. But yeah I feel a lot less stupid now that I have some feed back. It is hard to have all these thoughts and no one to talk to besides the husband who I am sure is bored of the topic. So I am feeling better now.

02-06-2005, 05:52 AM	#6 (permalink)
duwannaball Active Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 47 Location: Northern California Status: couple	Re: Hit on the wrong guy What is FUBAR?
	__________________ When life gives you lemons make breast squeezed lemonade.

02-06-2005, 07:45 AM	#7 (permalink)
NJ Couple Active Member Join Date: Aug 2000 Posts: 23 Location: NJ	Re: Hit on the wrong guy fubar = fucked up beyond all repair

02-06-2005, 08:57 AM	#9 (permalink)
EvilMJ Pure Evil..In a cute suit Join Date: Aug 2004 Posts: 2,497 Location: Nova Scotia Status: Couple	Re: Hit on the wrong guy I guess two things stuck out in my mind after reading your post. 1. Are you and your husband active swingers..or in the just thinking about it stage. 2. Is his girlfriend aware of the things he is saying or his action. If not this guy smacks of great disrespect for both his girlfriend and you. If he is not a swinger, then he is a cheater and you don't want to get involved with that. Flirting is pretty addictive. There is nothing like the feeling you get when you flirt with a guy and he responds, I guess there are worse addictions to have , so just becareful with how far you let this go. Oh and any man who has the audacity to tell me he is 'testing me' can head for the door, I don't have time for crap like that... Note to Mr. Funk.....I am glad to hear you don't grab your crotch for just anyone...that comment just made me giggle.
	__________________ "Well! Evil to some is always good to others." - Jane Austen Last edited by EvilMJ; 02-06-2005 at 08:06 PM.

02-06-2005, 07:47 PM	#12 (permalink)
WesternSwing South of disorder Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 2,973 Location: Utah Status: Single Male	Re: Hit on the wrong guy It sounds to me like he was not testing you, but teasing you. He was testing himself. If something had happened he could rationalize it in his head that he wasn't at fault. It was a game for him to remove any responsibility from his shoulders if you two had sex. You were a pawn in his twisted little game of indecision and guilt. Don't worry about it. If this wasn't the case, and he didn't want to have sex with you, he wouldn't even had come over to your house begin with. He should be the one feeling guilty over messing-up the relationship. It was a cheap shot to protect himself while possibly getting a piece of ass from you. Mr. WS
	__________________ "Sex is something you do, sexuality is something you are." ~ Anna Freud

02-07-2005, 06:56 PM	#13 (permalink)
wewannano Active Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 13 Location: Michigan Status: Couple	Re: Hit on the wrong guy Hey Guys, Isn't it funny what a few days will do, I am relieved that I have not made an ass out of myself from worrying too much about this issue. Sometimes I think that the biggest problem is not what actually happens but how much time you spend worrying about it afterward. My friend and I were hanging out today and he kept up his end of the bargain as did I and it is almost like our close call never even happened. I don't think our friendship was fucked up, and I think we are safely back in the "just friends" catergory. I am going to avoid flirting becuz I don't want to open this thing up again, but it looks like things are going on good. Talk to you later people.

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