Swinging with Vanilla Neighbors

[Male_23]

Ok, so here is the situation, the other day another couple that we are frinds with was over and we were alluding to some type of swinging, in our conversation, but it was a very hesitant conversation. We ended up playing some cheesey sex board game and things got a little intresting, but nothing more than a few kisses and touches happened. I think that everyone was intrested in something happening, but no one wanted to be the one to take the initiative to start it. It is a tough situation for me cause I am obvously intrested in taking it as far as anyone wants it to go, but I cant seem to get a read on where that line is. I want to know how to approach the topic with out risking either our friendship or marriage, and I would never do anything to jepordize my marriage, cause that is the most important thing in my life. I have never even really thought much about the topic till that night, cause I always thought I would have a problem of my wife and someone else, even If I were involved, but as it turns out, I didnt mind at all. In fact it was pretty exciting. I just want any type of imput anyone has on how to get this ball rolling, cause we all dig each other, but again are hesitant. Thanks in advance for help...

The more I read the posts and search around this site, the more Intrested I become, I must say that everyone seems to be very helpful and open with their own experiences, and other's questions. I really appreciate everyone in here, thanks for being so welcomeing.

[Miss_Piggy]

hmmm... those first steps are the hardest ones. I don't know if there is any one right way to do it. Every situation is different.
No doubt the first step is to talk to your wife about it. You need to be clear on what the two of your are interested in as a couple. Then you can think about approaching your friends.
And, by the way, Welcome to the board. Reading the posts here might also give you a fair idea of what swinging is all about.

[Male_23]

I appreciate the responce, after reading threads almost all afternoon, considering the response, and talking to a few people in the chat room, I at least have some clear thoughts in my head. No longer is my head swimming with, "What am I to do?". At the very least I was given a place to share my insecurities and vent my feelings and for that thank you all for being so helpful...

[Vespertine]

Welcome to the board, Male 23.

I'm glad you're finding the site helpful!

[ALilOEverything]

Personally I would recommend taking it slow at first. Read all you can and see how you feel about the information you've absorbed. This will help you formulate your rules and boundaries and give time for good conversation with your wife to be sure this is what you really want to do. You also need to make sure you're on the same page as your wife with how you go about it all. I think it's better to take it one step at a time then rusing into something and having regrets, or doubts about how everyone really felt at the time. It sounds like you've opened some doors with your friends, giving it a little time will also help them process it all to making sure it's something they really want to do. I think involving friends takes more time because you want to make sure you keep the friendship intact in the process, be sure you communicate with them too. Find out how they felt about it and if they had an fantasies or desires about more happening.

[Male_23]

Ok, so I have spoken with my wife about it and from what she has relayed to me from the other woman the other couple is into it, but is waiting for the oppurtunity to present itself again. Again, my wife sort of reiterated the same, she told me that she is intrested in seing where things goes, and when I questioned her boundries she again said she was not sure where she wants the line drawn. I am not sure how to interpret her comments. Is it just a normal hesitancy, because this is something she has never done before or is she just hoping that the situation never presents itself again? She insists she is intrested, but her unwillingness to discuss certain aspects makes me nervous. I dont know if she wants to be more excited by the spontainaty of the situation or if she is skirting the issue hopeing it will go away. I dont want to pressure her any more because I dont want her to feel that this is an obsession for me, and that I am gonna resent her or our relationship if it does not happen, because I wont. I think her biggest worry is if we do it and one of us (most likely me) gets really into in and wants to pursue it as more than just one encounter, while the other does not want to do it. I reassure her that I am comfortable with any decision that she wants to make on the topic. I am not dead set on it at all costs, but just courous and want to explore all of my sexual options. I put the ball in her court, should I now just let it go and see what happens or continue to press her for more info?

[EvilMJ]

Your first experiance sounds very much like mine, so I have only one piece of advice to give you.

Talk!!! . We spent a lot of time talking before we went any further, this was to find out what everyone is comfortable with and how far you anticipate things to go. I remember my friend saying she was up for anything, but anything to one person can be a whole different nest of spiders for another. You have to be very clear as to your boundaries and rules.

Just for example: She is definately not bi, and she made it clear just how far she would go. and I am glad she did, as I would have gone a lot further than her, how uncomfortable would that have gotten if we hadn't made that clear to each other. Talk about a mood killer

Same thing goes for the men..are they open to full swap? or just soft. What do they anticipate being an area that they might have some concerns with. It best to know all this before you do anything and I guarantee you will have a lot more fun, as you won't spend a lot of time wondering..."should I do this, will so and so get mad at me if I do that." There are a lot of questions that are going to come up if you sit and think about it..

SO that is my suggetion, communicate and lots of it... and then enjoy the ride. (pardon the pun)

[SexhoundDog]

Male 23,
Good advice so far, and I kind of get a feeling where you are. It seems like nobody wants to take initiative and make the first move, at least the women that you know of. Perhaps they don't want to appear "slutty" or else they could be worried about how each of you husbands will perceive it. You guys are a bit nervous for what your wives will think.

From what I read into it, someone has to take the lead. You might talk to the other hubby next time you're out for a drink or on the golf course and just say "So, that was a pretty hot little board game we played last time. Sure would be fun if the girls wanted to take it a bit further. What about you?" Or something like that. I think once you and him get talking, if he's truly interested as well, you'll hatch a plan for something "spontaneous".

You'll certainly find out if he's as interested as you are right away I'd think, particularly if the conversation leads itself to a point where you can say "You're sure you'd be alright having your wife's legs wrapped around my head?" If he says yes, I'm assuming he'll turn right around and ask you the same thing.

The one thing everyone else alluded to is to go slow. I think if you want the wives to buy into it, you may want to stop at soft swing the first time and set the limit no further than oral sex or mutual masturbation or something. If the girls want to go further, either you or the other guy set your hard-on aside for a minute and say "OK girls, are you sure? This is a good thing so far and neither of us sensitive type guys wants you to feel guilty in the morn, and we damn sure don't want to endanger a great friendship."

This lets them know you're thinking with your big heads instead of just your little ones and it opens it up after a little playing around for some communication right then and there.

Damn, I think I give good swinger advice, how come I ain't one?

[SexhoundDog]

So, who's got some suggestions for something really sexy that's "spontaneous"?

[JustAskJulie]

There are a lot of things to consider here and I think they have crossed your mind. The subject of swinging with friends has come up frequently and while it works for some people it can be disasterous for others. Situations like yours where both couples are new to swinging is typically one that most will say to avoid.

Before you attempt to take things any further the first thing you need to do is talk to your wife and make sure that the two of you have your boundaries and comfort zones set on what is and is not ok. Until you can do that then you shouldn't attempt to proceed with things because, as you mentioned, neither of you want to jeapordize your relationship or the friendship with this other couple.

Is your wife closer to the other woman than you are with the guy? Or are you both equally friends with this couple? If you are both equally friends then I would suggest that you sit down with the guy (and her with the female) to initially make sure everyone is up for it. Then all 4 of you sit down together. Yes, it may be awkward but doing so may save you a lot worse awkwardness in the future if things don't go well.

The other option: Skip all the talking, invite the other couple over and pop in a porn and let things take their course.

[Male_23]

Yes my wife and the famale are better friends, however we are all very close, we have only been friends for about a year but have always been very open and comfortable with everything. In fact they are the only people that know about some of those embarassing stories that only your wife knows... We are definitely close enouigh to have the conversation and in fact have lightly discussed the idea of intrest but have yet to set up boundries etc. I think this will happen at some point in the very neer future for the reason that every conversation is more and more probing. Thanks again for the reply.

[lizandtom]

It looks like the talking has been gone over already. I think that you have to read the other 3 people very carefully when the next "get together" occurs for body language. If you sense things are heating between him and your wife, just say to him "would you like to kiss ____ (your wife's name)" or if you sense attraction between the two ladies, same thing; "would you like to kiss ___ ?" THEN SHUT UP and wait for them to speak; either lust will take over, or they are not thinking the same thing as you are; either way you will get an answer and not look like a dork, just asking a simple question which may be on your friends minds also. This is what I did this summer when my wife and another girl were "chatting..." ; it was so apparent in their body language that they wanted more to happen, but both just couldn't let loose enough to attempt it. I simply said to the other girl, "____, would you please kiss my wife already..." . She then asked my wife if she would like to be kissed. My wife said yes, but not right there (at the bar of a resort); so off they went to the beach and the rest is history. Good luck!