Anyone see the part about Threesomes on Dr. Phil?

[Couple Nxt Door]

Did anyone see the bit about threesomes on the Dr. Phil show yesterday? I catch the rerun at night when I can, and yesterday's show was about wives who want more sex. It seemed to be more about sex troubles in marriage in general. In one couple, the husband gave his wife an ultimatum that if she didn't find a woman to have a threesome with in the next 30 days, their relationship was over. There's more to the story that I don't have time to write right now, but I was curious about other's thoughts on Dr. Phil's comment that in the 30 years that he's been helping people, it has never worked to invite someone else into your bedroom (even when both parties in the couple want to). He said that one or both people in the couple *always* end up feeling bad about it later on and that it seals the fate of their relationship. Now I realize that swinging certainly wouldn't solve any existing problems and in a troubled marriage could create problems, but I'm wondering if it really kills marriages as Dr. Phil says. Or, is it just that he only sees people who were already having problems? Thoughts?

I haven't seen it but from what you describe it sounds like they were focusing on couples where only 1 is interested and pushing or forcing the other into it. In cases like that it would probably be a safe bet that all those relationships eventualy fail.

But his comments on how it NEVER works even when both are open to the idea shows his ignorance. It wouldn't take that much research by anyone let alone a relationship Dr to know that just isn't true.

Sounds like trash TV to me and someone who is looking to get his ratings up.

[munk33kitt3r]

I can see most people regretting it, but it was there descision in the first place.... I would rather do this with my fiance and knowing that he and I are happy doing this together and not 5 or 10 years from now not knowing where the other one is and cheating with another person. But if a trouble married couple goes out and does it of course it is going to end in divorce because there are just added onto the problem and not solving it... But mostly i think Dr. Phil is jealous

[desert_dwellers]

Dito to what the Naughtys said - It sounds like Dr. Phil is playing to the stereotypes. Not necessarily based in reality but makes for better ratings.

[Miss_Piggy]

I also think that Dr. Phil's experience might be slightly tainted. He only sees people who have problems. That means that he only sees people wanting 3somes who have problems. I'm doubting that happy stable swinging couples are going to Dr. Phil for help.

[akamgaxoxo]

Originally Posted by Miss_Piggy

I also think that Dr. Phil's experience might be slightly tainted. He only sees people who have problems. That means that he only sees people wanting 3somes who have problems. I'm doubting that happy stable swinging couples are going to Dr. Phil for help.

Dito
I have to agree here, I read this thread to my girlfriend and she and I both said the same thing!!

[good times]

I've only seen one of Dr. Phil's shows and in that show his ideas went so contrary to my experiances in regards to what I know to be true in relationships I will probably avoid watching his show again. I think the guys an idiot that from the show I saw will say anything to add sensationalism to his show. So its no surprise to me that he would say something like that.

By the way, in the show I saw he also had a couple on whose wife had had sex with other men outside the mariage, initially with the husbands blessing, and then later without his knowledge. Its possible it was the same show you saw.

In the context of relationships, I'm always skeptical when so called experts use words like "always" and "never", as I am pretty sure nothing two people can do is that clear cut when applied to everyone.

[Couple Nxt Door]

Originally Posted by desert_dwellers

Dito to what the Naughtys said - It sounds like Dr. Phil is playing to the stereotypes. Not necessarily based in reality but makes for better ratings.

It sounded like this particular couple had lots of problems in and out of the bedroom. Most of the focus was on the bedroom because that was the topic of the show. I think a lot of the focus during this couple's part was on the threesome because of the outrageous ultimatum that the husband had given.

Apparently, the couple had talked about having a MFF over the course of 10 years. The wife had fantasized about it on numerous occasions. However, when it came down to it, the wife wasn't as interested in making the fantasy a reality as her husband was. She felt pressured by him to go through with it. They did have a threesome, and the wife enjoyed it, according to her husband. However, she says she regrets doing it and is not interested in doing it again. Her husband is very insistent that they have another threesome.

When they were discussing whether the wife really did want to turn the fantasy into a reality, Dr. Phil did start to say that if a threesome was what she really wanted, then that was OK. But he stopped midway and said there was no way he could tell her that because in the 30 years of his practice, he's never seen it work. So it seemed like he was trying to keep an open mind but just couldn't.

For this couple, it did seem like a really bad idea because they had so many problems. And it seemed like they were trying to use swinging to solve some of their problems. But it does make me wonder, being new to all of this, what the different reasons are that people get into swinging and if sometimes people get into it for the wrong reasons. It sounds like Dr. Phil was saying there is never a right reason.

[robnbarb]

I hate when so called "experts" say "always" or "never" A first year Psyce 101 student knows the flaws of the science, Physics needs a 99% probability to become an accepted theory, Biology 95%, chemestry 90%, however the social Sciences (Payce, Soc ect) need only 40%. I guess always is less than half.

ANyway I also don't like Dr. Phil cause he puts dumb ideas in peoples heads, I wish I had a dime for everytime someone said "Dr. Phil said..." and I responded "what do you think?" and I get the responce "he's an expert" I always wonder, why is he an expert. How many relationships has he crashed and burned to gain this wisdom of solomon he professes to have? Why should I listen to him over my bartender, who makes just as much sence?

OK sorry, I am very uppity about pop-culture Psycoanalists.

[mustang3]

My Aunt is always quoting Dr. Phil. She loves him and she's becoming very annoying. First of all, this man is not a Doctor. He's a theripist who got his start on Oprah. Secondly, his 1st marriage crumbled because he was a CHEATER who got caught by his wife with his pants down. Oh yeah, this is a guy I'm gonna take advise from. I don't think so. LOL

[JustAskJulie]

Actually he's a con man. He is a very charismatic person who knows how to convince people of things. If you ever get a chance to watch the Biography on him on the Biography channel or the E True Hollywood Story (either one) do it, it's very interesting to see what he was doing before he hooked up with Oprah. I'd rather listen to Dr. Laura than him.

As far as the comment he made goes, I have a tendancy to think that a) he hasn't seen many "patients" over the course of 30 years - maybe the last 10. b) that probably most of those he has dealt with have been on Oprah's show or his own and that alone tells you that they were already having problems.

[Miss_Piggy]

Originally Posted by robnbarb

I hate when so called "experts" say "always" or "never" A first year Psyce 101 student knows the flaws of the science, Physics needs a 99% probability to become an accepted theory, Biology 95%, chemestry 90%, however the social Sciences (Payce, Soc ect) need only 40%.

Reputable Psychology Journals require a probability level (that is the probablility that their findings will replicable when tested again) of between 95-99%

Anything lower is of no interest to psychologists. Let's remember that registered psychologists do require a Ph.D. in order to call themselves psychologists. We can call them "so called experts" if we want but really they have done a lot more work than you or me in the area in question. If anyone is going to be called an expert it's them. You may not agree with everything a specific psychologist says - but make no mistake, they take the science very seriously. Granted, Dr. Phil is somewhat of a pop psychologist. He is looking for ratings. But please don't generalise what you see Dr. Phil doing to all of psychology and the social sciences.

Originally Posted by mustang3

First of all, this man is not a Doctor. He's a theripist who got his start on Oprah

Dr. Phil has a Ph.D. and he is a registered clinical psychologist.

sorry I'll hop off now - soapbox

[WesternSwing]

First off, I think Dr. Phil is off-base more often then not. I personally know someone that has been on his show, and then they did a follow-up a month later to show how they were "cured". Nothing has changed with them. Dr. Phil was spot-on with their situation, but he didn't fix anything in their relationship.

Once again it is people talking about what they read, rather than what they've experienced. And Dr. Phil doesn't have an open enough mind to comment on half the stuff he does. Besides, he panders to Oprah, and his opinions are remarkably close to hers.

When swinging doesn't work, and when it is harmful to a marriage is when both parties aren't into it. When one person is pushing the other to do something they are uncomfortable with. But this holds true with anything, not just swinging. I think anyone who swinging works for will tell you that their relationship is better for it. I've wrote about how it has for us on other threads.

I agree with the naughties, it is trash TV to promote ratings. If there isn't drama there isn't a show, so of course they are never going to show people who swinging works for. Besides, once again, that doesn't promote the conservative nature of Oprah and Dr. Phil. They think it's bad, so they will find ways to make you think it's bad too.

Mr. WS

[Atilla]

I found the link that everyone is talking about if you're interested.

Personally, and I don't mean to offend anyone, Dr Phil is like a cult. People who are so wrapped up in him will believe anything that he says. I, for one, can attest to the mear fact that he isn't all he's cracked up to be. After all, he says you can potty train a child in one day. BULL CRAP!!!! I tried his system and it didn't work, so there, he's a load of it.

Oh yeah, here's the link
http://www.drphil.com/show/show.jhtml?contentId=3010_omagmoresex.xml

Tracy

[lovefest04]

This stuff really get my shorts in a knot actually I kind of like the feeling.

Hold on a second, I have to get my soapbox out, where the hell did I leave it, oh there it is, hold on a minute while I get on top. OK...

Dr. Phil and "Dr." Laura are both TALK SHOW HOSTS. Their only motivation is selling advertising time and the more people they have listen to their BS the more advertising they can sell and the more money they make.

I hope I don't sound to cinical, but lets be clear about their motives.

This issue holds true for most areas of our lives, but specific to this boards vision. I think its true that "most" people (more than 50%) would have difficulty with swinging in whatever form. As an individual and a couple you have to first come to terms with so much we are all taught about love, marriage, and monogamy. Thankfully, many people (lots here on this board) have taken the time to research this lifestyles, to get educated, to talk about it and then to come to their own decision about whether its right for them or not...regardless of what Dr. Phil says. So give yourselves a hand, your individuals who think independently and take responsibility for your own actions.

Frankly, I don't care what anyone, especially, the self proclaimed experts have to say. Is a threesome right for everyone, probably not. Can it be right for some , you bet.

Ok, now it your turn to get on top!

with love,

steve