Emotional & logistical problems of an open marriage

[LokisFemaleHalf]

Thank you, and love you. I love people who can think outside thier own box and embrace what others do with maturity. Let's face it; sex outside marriage is just that, no matter how you go about it. The important thing here is that hubby and I discussed it, encouraged each other, and were both fully aware of the plan. That means we did it together, whether we were in the same room or not. And when his turn comes, we will both be back here, hoping the more open-minded people will support us once again.

You ROCK!!!

[LokisFemaleHalf]

I have not been offended, but thanks for the thought. I take advice, make choices, and live with the consequences of those choices. I will not say that this has not been an emotionally exhausting experience for me and hubby, because it has. It would have been the same in a traditional swinging situation because we are the same people in any situation. But the beauty is the closeness and emotional bond we have strengthened is irreplaceable. As for the people who questioned this action on the heels of severe marital discord, I agree with you. I had the same issues. But I finally said, WTF, if he loves me he still will, and if doesn't we move on. Thanks for all the advice, folks. We don't have to agree, but we do need to respect each other as adults, and most people here did that. ((Thumbs Up)

[mixtupcpl]

Well said... Glad you guys are good. You know you can post in between situations too (you dont have to wait until Loki's turn to jump into hanging out and chatting)

Open marriage is not all that common even here and its good to have someone else who has experienced that variation to give opinions when the topic comes up.

I think I've only seen a few others here other than you guys and me and Mrs Mix. (although we've closed it)

[LokisFemaleHalf]

You closed it? Why, if I may be so bold as to ask......

[mixtupcpl]

To do this instead

We had it going for 10 years! Lots of drama over time and lots of singles that, while they said they "got it", really didnt. I think its just the nature of it. People are interested, you say "hey, I'm married, but we keep it open, so I can have some fun but this ultimately is JUST fun" and they just hear "yes, Ill go with you"

Down the road it seems they always get attached. For me, a ONS is not a big deal (although I dont make it a habit), but for the Mrs, thats not satisfying for her.

We decided it was time to just not be embarrassed to identify as "swingers" (yes, I know this is weird) and just have fun together. When we first opened up the relationship we were both pretty clueless and using it to "repair" past history (that didnt work). We've been together since we were teens, so neither of us are going anywhere, but in that much time you inevitably have shit that has to be worked out and often gets buried. We've since really bonded more closely than ever and slayed our demons, but the relationship was already open and working so we left it (even after getting married and having a kid).

To be kind of blunt about it, we just recently were in bed and I brought it up sort of like "so you fuck other people, I fuck other people, it seems to cause more trouble then its worth... Maybe we should just try to be normal." Then we both agreed that there is no way in hell we can ever be remotely "normal", but that this arrangement had worn thin. I kind of jokingly said "maybe we're swingers!" And we had a good laugh because it sounded ridiculous. Then I started checking out this board and said "holy shit these people are like me and the Mrs!" and realized that this IS us. Thats about it.

We did lose a friend closing it, possibly. It was already platonic with him at this stage, but he got weirded out by a bunch of different things that came up.

[LokisFemaleHalf]

Loki would rather me be involved, but I am going to send him off to play alone. I am sure this will start another firestorm, but it is only fair to him, and I am fine with it. He deserves it. Look what he did for me.

[2inSanDiego4u]

Originally Posted by LokisFemaleHalf

He deserves it. Look what he did for me.

Been reading this entire thread with much interest. What he wants and what YOU think he deserves are entirely different. Why not give him what he says he wants? Maybe you'll find that this works better for BOTH of you in the long run.

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by LokisFemaleHalf

Loki would rather me be involved, but I am going to send him off to play alone.

That has me confused as well I'm a guy, I'm just saying I dont understand.

[PB&J]

Maybe Loki does know what he wants here... my husband says that half his pleasure during playtime this weekend came from watching me. Why deny Loki that pleasure?

[mixtupcpl]

Maybe she's not bi-curious at all? I know Mrs Mix isnt at all, so a FMF becomes a kind of a weird thing if you think about it. With MFM the guys can just not be involved with each other at all pretty easily (another great advantage women have )

It seems that with FMF, both ladies really need to be at least somewhat bi. I may be wrong here though, so feel free to correct me

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by mixtupcpl

Maybe she's not bi-curious at all? I know Mrs Mix isnt at all, so a FMF becomes a kind of a weird thing if you think about it. With MFM the guys can just not be involved with each other at all pretty easily (another great advantage women have )

It seems that with FMF, both ladies really need to be at least somewhat bi. I may be wrong here though, so feel free to correct me

Ill correct you then, Mrs fun is bisexual and has a close bisexual friend we have played with a number of times. We can testify that there need not be bisexual activity though. I know, we also have a single female friend that is as straight as an arrow..... Its all about me It does work both ways.

[mixtupcpl]

I guess... It may also be a general lack of interest in 3 somes altogether. I think the Loki's are similar to the Mix's in some ways. Neither Mrs Mix nor I really have much interest in either MFM or FMF.

I would like to ask more about the dynamic of 2 women who don't want to be intimate with each other taking care of one guy, but it may get graphic! LOL Maybe Ill have to find somewhere to watch that

[OnHArry]

Like the mix's we have done the open marriage thing and have pretty much stopped. Basically the other guy, became a pain in the ass, and also started treating the wife like a doormat, which doubtless explains why he had row or three previous wives and a number of failed relationships.

I am glad it worked out good for you, and the only thing I would suggest you do differently should you do something else, is that hubby meets the guy first, in person, does not have to be a threesome but it does help reassure him, and it also reinforces to the other guy that you are married and a couple and he is the other guy.

The other guy in our life could not function if I was in the same house, let alone do a threesome, which we have also done.

Good for you guys and enjoy whatever it is that floats your boat. I find it odd that some if us swingers who already fly under the radar would be so adamant that you should follow their rules. Having said that however you really should try so called conventional swinging as well, it can be real fun. Would love to share a bottle or two with you guys anytime.

[LokisFemaleHalf]

Originally Posted by 2insandiego4u

Been reading this entire thread with much interest. What he wants and what YOU think he deserves are entirely different. Why not give him what he says he wants? Maybe you'll find that this works better for BOTH of you in the long run.

Originally Posted by fun4Ds

That has me confused as well I'm a guy, I'm just saying I dont understand.

Originally Posted by PB&J

Maybe Loki does know what he wants here... my husband says that half his pleasure during playtime this weekend came from watching me. Why deny Loki that pleasure?

Ok. The only threesome I would participate in is one with a more casual choice than BD is making. He is choosing to pursue one of our best friends, someone we share life with, the kids play, etc. I am not comfortable playing with this friend. If she is his choice, I back him 100%. I would rather it not be his choice, but now it is his turn, and I am going to support him. Now, if it was the hot waitress at the italian joint, or a less than close friend, I could play above the waist and give him his threesome. But it aint gonna happen with his choice, and I am not one who is bi or bi-curious. He sent me away for three days with someone I adore. The least I can do is return the favor...Hell, we are breaking out of the monogamous mold..What else do ya want?

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by LokisFemaleHalf

What else do ya want?

Oh I dont know, being there with them might be fun. I like MFM playing as much as Mrs.fun does Unless you just need a camera guy. I would like that also

Enjoy