Wife won't swing enough for my tastes

[neoparadigm]

I think much of our problems have to do with our appetites for swinging...
I think every other week is about right..she thinks less than once a month..
If I don't play fairly often I feel stronger temptations from others that might
play more.. If I let it go and leave it up to her I feel some resentment toward
her trying to cage or tame me..

anyone had this problem?

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by neoparadigm

I think much of our problems have to do with our appetites for swinging...
I think every other week is about right..she thinks less than once a month..
If I don't play fairly often I feel stronger temptations from others that might
play more.. If I let it go and leave it up to her I feel some resentment toward
her trying to cage or tame me..

anyone had this problem?

If your main reason for swinging is to avoid cheating because you can't control yourself, you are going to have an issue sooner or later no matter how often you swing.

While I'll be the first to say that swinging has eliminated ANY thought of cheating I could have, you have a bigger problem if you can't go two weeks just having sex with your wife without having 'temptations'.

If swinging is a selfish act on your part, and perhaps I'm reading to much into this, I think in the long run it will all end baddly when the wife pulls the plug all together.

[neoparadigm]

your probably very correct ... that things might end badly regardless..
personally my need for swinging is that I am very sex positive.. meaning
I never view sex as a negative thing if both parties are consenting..
I have never been interested in having a woman control my desire for sex...
and monogamy has never felt natural nor desirable ... I think finding a woman
with the same views would be ideal.. I am already feeling resentful about being
on this board, but i do love my gal and want things to work out.. but not just
on her terms only..

[Amanda69]

Wow anyone else seeing future issues here? As a couple in the lifestyle it shouldn't be about either individual but about you as a couple. If you can't agree on something so basic as how often what else is going to come up.

Also have to agree with a prior poster if you are using Swinging as an excuse to keep cheating legitimate it won't work for long.

I have never been interested in having a woman control my desire for sex

Supposing she gives you as much sex as you want from her, is it still about your desire for sex or your desire for sex with different partners?

[neoparadigm]

thank you Amanda69, very observant.. my quote.. she does give me all the sex I can handle..
and at home we are fine, but I travel for weeks at a time, and we are not able to always be together... with the web and AFF... sex is everywhere.. I prefer couples because I can be assured it is going nowhere... with single women, they are usually wondering if I will call again
or is this going somewhere, or am I just being used... all that .. and I don't like that.. I have a great woman now.. and she is open to me playing sometimes, like when we webcam'd but
that turned bad too..

Getting back to the quote.. I do desire other women... always have ...never will stop..
and I want her to desire others as well.. I don't believe humans are monogamous creatures,
and this has been proven on a biological level with certainty. To live in the truth is to live
in harmony with our biological heritage. Swinging is true to that call.. and I believe the most
spiritually advanced souls are swingers..

[BiloxiCouple]

Somedays I just need my wading boots.

[Sweet_Candy]

Originally Posted by BiloxiCouple

Somedays I just need my wading boots.

Not sure if we need knee high or hip waders here? :rollseyes

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by neoparadigm

personally my need for swinging is that I am very sex positive.. meaning I never view sex as a negative thing if both parties are consenting..

Actually - it is not "sex positive" it is positively selfish...

Having read you other posts, you seem to be missing the one key ingredient that healthy swinging couples have in excess - respect.

Your SO is not a consenting "partner in crime" to you - she is a ticket to the game. If what you write is true, she has a background in sex for money and probably (doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure this out) wants something with a little more foundation. Her desire for monogamy is simply her asking, "can I trust you?"

Your answer is obviously, "no."

From my experience, women can let loose and enjoy swinging most when they are 100% confident in their partner's love for them and their willingness to put the relationship above any "recreational boot-knocking."

You simply don't give her any reason to be confident about those things...

You have a sexually open, capable woman who wants to make you happy - and you are pissing it away...

We swing as much as WE want to. Are there times when I want to and she doesn't? Sure - so we rent a DVD, pop some popcorn and cozy up under blankets and laugh/cringe/cry (whichever reaction is appropriate for the movie or phone company ad) together.

Swinging is about us - and there will be an "us" long after there is no longer swinging. If having an "us" is not important to you - quit manipulating, cut your loses and let your SO find what she is looking for in someone else...

Spoomonkey

[neoparadigm]

yes..no doubt that trust has been a huge issue.. she does not trust me and in many ways I
am not sure she should. I do want to be 100 percent honest, but when I tell her the truth,
I get slayed to death... it is not what I was taught in counciling, (acknowledge and re direct)
it is very difficult to tell the truth when you know you are about to walk into a firing squad...
and having to give up amazing sexual opportunities is not easy.

For instance, there is this 26 year old girl that really likes me to attend her gangbangs. She
said I am the first that gets called, because for one...I show up.. am respectful, and perform well.. she is smoking hot, thin with a perfect body, takes DP's, loads of cum in her mouth
and face, just the nastiest, hottest sex I have ever seen, on film or not.. I have expressed
my desire for these experiences with my gal, and she just hates her.. thinks she is ugly,
too nasty, and can't believe she is raising children. I think her comments are unjustified,
and not sex positive. I can't imagine why my gal is so negative. The girl is married, her
husband is there, she can watch it on webcam if she wants, I am not leaving to be with
her and break up her marriage, no way.. but I absolutely love fucking this hot little body,
that does all the things most women won't do.. when I get home all I want to do is fuck
my gal senseless for weeks, I am so turned on.. My gal has expressed no interest in gangbangs
and I don't want her to do that if she is uncomfortable with it.. but I absolutely love it..

My gal fantasizes about being with two bi guys... I want her to have that, but not with me
because I am not bi.. she is free to go do that all she wants, and I will love and support her..
just not my thing, but if they all agree then that is sex positive for them..

If my gal's reaction was more like, "I know you like that gangbang slut, so go do your thing
because you won't get me to do that, guess it's good there are girls out there to fufill that
niche. Just wear lots of condoms sweetie, I'll see you later". or something along those lines..
but she is completely in rage.. and I am being truthful..

it sucks..

[Sweet_Candy]

:slam"

[neoparadigm]

Do men actually think of their woman as just a ticket to go?
sounds pretty degrading to me..

[Thrax]

Originally Posted by BiloxiCouple
Somedays I just need my wading boots.

Originally Posted by Sweet_Candy
Not sure if we need knee high or hip waders here?

While you're at it, you might want to get a sturdy poncho out, too.

Thrax

[samv]

WOW that is so true...that is exactly...exactly how i feel..you need to talk to my b/f...i tryed to explain it so many times..and you sumed it up in a few sentances WOW....

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

Actually - it is not "sex positive" it is positively selfish...

Having read you other posts, you seem to be missing the one key ingredient that healthy swinging couples have in excess - respect.

Your SO is not a consenting "partner in crime" to you - she is a ticket to the game. If what you write is true, she has a background in sex for money and probably (doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure this out) wants something with a little more foundation. Her desire for monogamy is simply her asking, "can I trust you?"

Your answer is obviously, "no."

From my experience, women can let loose and enjoy swinging most when they are 100% confident in their partner's love for them and their willingness to put the relationship above any "recreational boot-knocking."

You simply don't give her any reason to be confident about those things...

You have a sexually open, capable woman who wants to make you happy - and you are pissing it away...

We swing as much as WE want to. Are there times when I want to and she doesn't? Sure - so we rent a DVD, pop some popcorn and cozy up under blankets and laugh/cringe/cry (whichever reaction is appropriate for the movie or phone company ad) together.

Swinging is about us - and there will be an "us" long after there is no longer swinging. If having an "us" is not important to you - quit manipulating, cut your loses and let your SO find what she is looking for in someone else...

Spoomonkey

[neoparadigm]

how often do most couples swing?
attempting and actually hooking up are different things..

[Edison Carter]

Have you just considered a different job where you don;t travel so much ? Or, is the job simply part of the justification to cheat and your SO just justification to cheat with her in attendance ? Too me this looks like: "Gee, I can fuck other women in front of their husbands when I'm out of town and I can fuck other women in front of my SO when I'm in town--what a life !"