Got to the club but couldn't go in

[tazzie_n_truck]

With us, where we live, the closest swingers club is quite a drive for us, and personally, we just don't feel ready to do the club scene. We are just more comfortable with meeting another couple, 1 on 1. As of yet, we have not branced out from us swapping with another couple. We have discussed a get together with us and 2 other couples, making it the 6 of us, but with us we want to make sure that everyone is all comfortable with everyone. Don't want to get started and then someone back out because they don't feel right with someone. So for now, we just need to make sure that everyone is comfy with everyone before doing anything along those lines.

Posted by Bear:

Bah. Every damn time I have bucked my instincts in a given situation, I lived to regret it. I don't explain it, I just report it.

Sorry to hear that. I have not found that to be the case but everyone is different.

[meowkittyhascla]

We have never been to a club and now I know why. We were invited to a "party" with a couple and accepted the invitation. When we got there, it was us, the other couple and five other guys. We were not told it was a gang bang. We were under the impression there would be other couples. Hubby was very uncomfortable with the idea of sharing a woman with five other guys. He prefers one on one. We left quickly and talked about it on the way home. We both decided we would rather have more private encounters. We don't want to be totally involved with a couple, however, we are more comfortable with couples and more privacy.
I on the other hand am more adventuresome, but I respect his limits and am totally supportive of his needs. I think couples really need to discuss these things and know each others comfort zones. This is just my opinion.

[De and Ci]

Originally posted by yawanna
and if she didn't know how to swim..would you throw her off the dock?

Huh? I didn't force her to ride the bike, should I have just her crash into the wall?

[Spoomonkey]

So - she rode the bike of her own free will?

Does that mean that she could have chosen NOT to ride the bike? Even after you taught her how to clutch, brake and shift? Would you have supported her desire to NOT ride the bike - even after you had spent so much time teaching her to ride? Would you have simply kissed her on the cheek, realized that anytime spent together is time well spent and encouraged her that she can ride when OR IF she ever gets ready?

If that is the case, then that is the point that most of us are trying to make.

By saying that you didn't force her to ride the bike - that is what you mean, right? Otherwise, backing out would be a rather irrational and silly decison that would have met with your state of "peeved-ness"... At which point, you might have demanded an apology and told her she needed to get back on the bike and ride it... In that case - she had no more free will... Or at least - that's the advice you gave GirlieZ.

Spoomonkey

[De and Ci]

GirlieZ,

Sorry for berating you and I'm glad your hubby was understanding and not a "selfish dickweed" like I'm supposed to be. But its really easy to give warm and fuzzy advice. I was just expressing how I would have felt in that situation-whether I'm right or wrong.
Years ago, I had a girlfriend who was married-she and a guy who was also married, agreed to go a motel for some booty, They made it to the bed and he backed out at last moment-got scared and said they shouldn't do this. She was pissed-said he led her on, etc.. Yes he had every right to say no and what they were doing wasn't right. But he shouldn't have led her on like that. To be honest, I was single at the time and ended up banging her-that was wrong, But it would also be wrong for me If I had misled her

Say what you mean and mean what you say

[De and Ci]

Originally posted by Spoomonkey
Otherwise, backing out would be a rather irrational and silly decison that would have met with your state of "peeved-ness"... At which point, you might have demanded an apology and told her she needed to get back on the bike and ride it... In that case - she had no more free will... Or at least - that's the advice you gave GirlieZ.

Spoomonkey

She wanted to ride, I got really peeved because she convinced me she was ready, As a result of her panic, she nearly got herself killed-I was scared and angry. She insisted on trying the next day. If she would have said never again-I would have respected her decision without getting angry at her

[yawanna]

"Say what you mean and mean what you say"

For some reason, this reminds me of teaching my wife how to ride a motorcycle, I get her a Honda XR100, explain over and over the throttle, brakes and clutch. She knows how to drive a standard auto. Sure enough, she clutches the handgrips, inadvertently cracking the throttle open, releases the clutch and freezes, luckily the ground was wet, able to knock her off the bike before she crashed into the side of the house, left a big mark in the yard. Ughhhhh! Well she eventually learned how to ride.

This was the analogy used to respond to a posting about a wife being too scared of the 'unknown' to enter a swinger club.
If we take

, luckily the ground was wet, able to knock her off the bike before she crashed into the side of the house, left a big mark in the yard. Ughhhhh!

which to me reads as the only reason she didn't crash into the house was because of wet ground, not that her husband was taking care for her.... and the next comment of "Ughhhh" reads like her learning to ride a motorcycle was a huge disappointment to her husband, who takes no ownership in her failure, or success.

"She insisted"... so.. if the evening at the club went horribly wrong or YOU Mr. Husband had issues arising from the evening, only the person who insisted on trying something new or checking out a venue you've discussed, are the ONLY person to be held responsible for the failure of the exercise.

Swinging is a TEAM SPORT. Not Fear Factor.

[De and Ci]

Originally posted by Spoomonkey
So - she rode the bike of her own free will?

Does that mean that she could have chosen NOT to ride the bike? Even after you taught her how to clutch, brake and shift? Would you have supported her desire to NOT ride the bike - even after you had spent so much time teaching her to ride? Spoomonkey

To be honest, I would have been pissed if she had backed out after going throught the trouble and expense-that very well may be wrong but we all have our faults. But I would have not have forced her to ride and would have respected her decision after I vented.

[De and Ci]

Originally posted by yawanna






which to me reads as the only reason she didn't crash into the house was because of wet ground, not that her husband was taking care for her.... and the next comment of "Ughhhh" reads like her learning to ride a motorcycle was a huge disappointment to her husband, who takes no ownership in her failure, or success.

".

I now understand what politicians mean when they say they were quoted out of context, mischaracterization, etc....

[yawanna]

To be honest, I would have been pissed if she had backed out after going throught the trouble and expense-that very well may be wrong but we all have our faults. But I would have not have forced her to ride and would have respected her decision after I vented.

Very nice.

If I've gotten any of the 'context' wrong.. this is the place to state in no uncertain terms (be clear in what you say) your position and to clear up for us all any misconceptions.

We are a good group of folks. I for one took issue with the 'tone' of your responses. Tone being based upon choice of words.

If we have you completely misconstrued, I'll be the first to say I had you all wrong.

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by De and Ci

Years ago, I had a girlfriend who was married-she and a guy who was also married, agreed to go a motel for some booty, They made it to the bed and he backed out at last moment-got scared and said they shouldn't do this. She was pissed-said he led her on, etc.. Yes he had every right to say no and what they were doing wasn't right. But he shouldn't have led her on like that. To be honest, I was single at the time and ended up banging her-that was wrong, But it would also be wrong for me If I had misled her

Say what you mean and mean what you say

Okay, in this circumstance this reads as there are at least two people who are cheating and maybe a third. The girlfiend on her husband, you with the girlfriend and the other male on his wife.

Cheating has no place in swinging. Or have you missed that point?

Seems to me that the guy with the bigger 'head' made the wisest decision that night and exercised his right to say no. Just because you went on to bang her because you didn't want to mis-lead her, doesn't make you a martyr. Please don't expect to convince me that you did the 'saintly' thing. I've a hard time believing after reading your prior posts, in this thread, that this third party wasn't coerced into bed by you and your married/cheating girlfriend.

If you mean what you say, as you have said it, I'm distancing myself as far away as possible from any place called Hutto.

[De and Ci]

Originally posted by OhioCouple
Cheating has no place in swinging. Or have you missed that point?

I wasn't seeking advice nor discussing cheating and swinging. Yes its wrong to cheat, and I shouldn't have participated. I said I was wrong, and he did the right thing. Nevertheless, I understand why she got upset.

I'm sure we all have issues that make us upset, mad, etc. when we shouldn't, whether right or wrong. I just shared some of mine

This was a lively thread, and appreciate everyone's input despite some of the harsh criticism I received.

[JustAskJulie]

It seems to me that by saying he led her on you would also agree that no woman has the right to ever "stop" things once they get started at all?

If she can't even say no to going to a swing club, then what about once she gets inside? Well she's there, so she if she doesn't meet someone, she's led her husband on. Well they've met someone, if they don't have sex with them, then she's led everyone on.

That is the way that your comments come across.

I can see your point that by backing out at the last minute it is dissapointing to whoever else may have been involved, but EVERYONE has the right to say NO at any time. Whether it's at the beginning of the night or at the end.

[GirlieZ]

Originally posted by De and Ci
I wasn't seeking advice nor discussing cheating and swinging. Yes its wrong to cheat, and I shouldn't have participated. I said I was wrong, and he did the right thing. Nevertheless, I understand why she got upset.

I'm sure we all have issues that make us upset, mad, etc. when we shouldn't, whether right or wrong. I just shared some of mine

This was a lively thread, and appreciate everyone's input despite some of the harsh criticism I received.

When I started this thread I asked a rhetorical question that you jumped on. You went on to say in further posts that I was "nuttty", "illogical", "freaked-out", and "stupid". What I simply wanted from posters was their take on the "club" scene~~not your Lucy VanPelt five-cent psychological analysis.

Every person on this board, with the exeption of you, encouraged me. I really appreciate everyone who gave me good, sound advice.

You, on the other hand, really did nothing to explain the club scene.

I guess that you can dish out the harsh criticism...but you can't take it. I'm sorry that you feel so picked on~~but when you come off like a sphincter, you get treated like one.