Advice to newbies on going to swinger clubs

[NCfuncouple98]

We went for the first time about 2 months ago, and like the other advice here, we went with no expectations. Ours is on-premise. This club puts a "star" on your nametag to flash the neon NEWBIE sign. But, we are glad they did. After sitting alone for a while at the bar and taking it all in, an older couple (we are 30's, they are 50's), came and talked with us. They probably stayed an hour, and we just talked about the club, the lifestyle, etc, and it really helped us feel at ease. I was MRS VANILLA for the first 10 years of marriage, so I needed to adjust to what we were considering doing!

The back bar we sit in, the smoking bar, is also clothing optional, and we did see many partakers in that! After a while we went into their theater room and pleasured each other orally. Ok, now that was a first! In public! And people did come and go, but we didn't let it bother us.

So in summary, our first experience was exactly what we needed it to be - a fun, no pressure atmosphere with a great crowd. And then we went to the hotel continued with each other till about 4am!

We went back last week, on a Friday, and it was pretty empty. This time we went all the way in the theater room, with another couple across the room. So we are getting our feet wet!

Tonight we are going again - but we may be meeting another couple there (awaiting confirmation). So we'll see.

PS - no way you could call me Vanilla anymore!!!

[twoforone100]

All good advice.. we would also say if you have met a couple who goes to said club it helps as well.. A few introductions goes a long way...

email the club for what to wear..

other than that just go and have a good time.. know that everyone there was just like you at some point...

Most will talk with you... some won't just like everyday life.

[lolagirl]

Since we are absolutely new to this, I feel better after reading everyone's posts that we should go to an on-premise club to learn, observe, get more familiar and become comfortable. I researched the two clubs in the Nashville area. One seems more low-key and the other seems more formal. I think we should go to the more formal club - any good reason to really dress to impress. Plus, it seems like a Saturday night might be the best night for our first visit.

[NCfuncouple98]

Good luck lolagirl. I know it's nervewracking the first time, but as long as you go with no expectations, and just relax with each other and have a good time, you should enjoy it! Let us know how it goes!

[bendmeovernow]

well i was overly body shy when we started out. we started at an on prem club and have gone there as our club home for 3 yrs now. the trick is to talk to the hosts.. talk to the people there that are core (regulars). they will give you sooo much info it's crazy.
call a few clubs and ask them about your concerns... ask them what most wear... most are a casual but kinda dressy for the guys and something sexy or comfy for the ladies. at our club home we see people in slacks and polo shirts to shirts and ties.... (my husb is the shirt and tie..) but he works there too. hehehe the ladies i've seen from the little black dresses to a skirt and sexy top... and after hours a knitted mini and bra.. hehehehe not much to the imagination for sure. hehehe
the best advice is to just go on a slower night.. (depends on the place.. most fri is slower) and just go to have fun... don't worry about finding someone... just go to get out of the house and have some fun. (fun not always being sex) there is one cpl at our club that goes for the boobs... they like to see boobs.. that's it.. they go out there and look at boobs and suck a few willing ones... and go home and fuck eachother...
find a club that is your body type of a mix of them... that way if your body shy you know your not the biggest or smallest person there. that's a BIG help for those like me... BBW
THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE..... if you have someone that is more pushy and you have tried to get rid of them... talk to the host or one of the core people there. they will help out and if it continues throw them out... we have sooo many people see that we go to a club they had issues at and i've asked them who they told this to... and they say ohhh we didn't say anything we didn't want to rock the boat and all that. do you know that many issues can be resolved and all will be happy if you just say hey... this person is bugging me.... soooo PLEASE... IF YOU HAVE ISSUES WITH A PERSON AT A CLUB..... TELL SOMEONE THAT'S WORKING THERE OR THE HOST.... think of it this way... you do met a guy upstairs that you 'gave into' and he starts getting out of hand... and you don't want to continue.... and someone does help youout of the issue.. and your safe... and later you find out that someone had the same prob earlier with the same guy... that could have been prevented if the first person said hey.. that guys a creep and needs to be tossed out...
and the last thing i guess would be make sure your on the same page as your spouse or date is... so that you don't go find them in bed with someone if you didn't agree to that... make sure that you tell or ask the other if it's okay for you to go upstairs with this person or if your playing as a cpl... and what you can and can't do with someone else. okay.. i hope this all helped out.... i'm getting writers cramp and going to bed. heheeh

[bendmeovernow]

also.. when we went.. we agreed that i'd not get pissy and uptight and worry about anything... so i put myself in a state of mind that i was a sexy momma and that i wasn't as shy as i really was... for us it was a surprise visit.. i told him he could call the club and he made sure to tell them we'd be out there that fri night... much to my shock. but i guess he knew me well... i did have fun and i soooo enjoy how i am today then back then. as he said that night... leave the worries and drama at the door... just go to have fun and not worry about it...

[GreatCoupleNY]

We are new to the lifestyle. In fact so far we (I) am investigating it
while informing my wife about everything that I'm finding out.
Checking the club listings I see one off premises club not too far
away. About an hour away and one on premises club farther.
About 4 hours.
On paper this is probably good since my gut feeling is that we would
rather go to an off premisis club first and simply meet people and get
comfortable with the idea and go home and talk about it.
Sadly the off premesis club around here does not sound entirely like
our type of place while the atmosphere described for the on premises club
sounds more like us. Oh well nothing is simple I guess.

There are still some things that we plan to try out first. One hobby that
we have is Motorcycles. We go on get-aways where we ride 2 together. Recently we went on a
poker run that was put together by a local strip club. I had a flyer in my
pocket which my wife found. She suggested (god lover her) that WE go.
I was blown away. We went on it and she had the chance to set foot
in her first strip club. This has opened the doors to a lot of honesty and
probably is the root of our new attitude and the reason why we are
investigating "the lifestyle". But now we plan to go to another strip club
and go a bit further with that, which I think would be very fun and exciting
for both of us as a very cautious start.
While I feel ready to adjust my attitudes, I admit that like perhaps many or
most men I am vulnerable to feelings of Jealousy. I think she is also.
Hence the "Finding" the flyer in my pocket. The good thing is the way
that she has responded. So far this new found honesty has been the
best thing for our relationship in years. We are moving cautiously and
tryna find exactly what it is that we are looking for. This board is just
an awesome resource helping with that.

[whoopie_pie]

Originally Posted by TNT

Don't be afraid! Seriously, we attended our local social last night, and it came to me while sitting there holding two beautiful women on my lap that the people we party with are truly other than my brother the best friends I have. One of the women attends as a single when her husband has to work and requests that Teresa and I escort her as they don't play alone. The level of trust in us that this implies touches me, but even more lets me know that my behavior is correct. For us the clubs are just a meeting place with like minded friends( insert theme from Cheers here) and one of our ambitions is to operate a club. Many of the people who come as newbies are unsure what to expect when attending a club or social. Here goes:

1. We recommend an off premise club for your first experiences. Besides being much easier to find, they offer a no pressure environment as no sex is allowed, only good conversation and sexy dancing.

2. The people there will not jump you when you come in the door.
Most clubs offer an orientation meeting for first timers and will offer to introduce you around, but if your wish is to sit and observe you can do that too.

3. One of the most common complaints about any club is the "cliques". We have never had that problem, but we TALK to the regulars at a new club. Understand that many of these people are old friends and perhaps intimates. Introduce yourself and become part of the clique.

4. No expectations. On your first visits go with no plans to have sex with any one but your SO. Some people are disappointed when their fantasies are not immediately fulfilled, but hey, you should just have had a good night. Go home and make mad passionate love together while whispering about which of the people you met would be fun to fulfill those fantasies with.

5. Use the people you meet as a sounding board much like this forum. We have spent many nights at a table with a newbie couple just answering questions and giving them the benefit of our experience. We have the tshirt from most experiences and hell, if you talk to the newbies, when they are ready you usually get picked for that first time because you made them feel comfortable.

Any questions?

Ted

My bf and i are wanting to find a club for fun. we are both fairly new to charlotte on the SE side. Where can I find a list of clubs and dates for gatherings?

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by whoopie_pie

My bf and i are wanting to find a club for fun. we are both fairly new to charlotte on the SE side. Where can I find a list of clubs and dates for gatherings?

THere is a club listing on this site (under Swingers Clubs on the top menu) and you can also check Swing Lifestyle as they typically have the most up to date party listings.