Are Swingers becoming a Sex Side Show at Clubs?

[VegasLee]

Many of you know that I am connected to a large Swingers Club here in Las Vegas. I also handle the web site and the email for the club. We are noticing something that is becoming a bit disturbing.

Today alone I received three emails asking if there is a room in the club where they can just watch others have sex. The surprising part is the emails today came from Two Couples and One Single women.

I started thinking back and realized that I have been getting A LOT of these type emails in the last year. I keep ALL email that I have ever received so I decided to review this subject a bit.

I am averaging 11 of these emails PER WEEK! Very few of them are from single men. MOST of them are from COUPLES. Some from Single women. I found a total of 574 of them in my saved email for the club from the last 12 months.

About half of them stated they are NOT SWINGERS. The other half did not state if they are Swingers or not. About 10% of them stated they are "new to this" and this their way of checking things out.

Are Swingers becoming nothing more then a cheap sex side show for the rest of the world?

[PB&J]

The last time we went to a Toronto club I was surprised by how many men AND women were just standing around and watching the action instead of participating. I don't know what they're getting out of it, but it doesn't inspire me to rush back there to put on a show for them again.

[two4youinswva]

Originally Posted by VegasLee

Today alone I received three emails asking if there is a room in the club where they can just watch others have sex.
.............................................

About half of them stated they are NOT SWINGERS. The other half did not state if they are Swingers or not. About 10% of them stated they are "new to this" and this their way of checking things out.

How do you handle these emails Lee? Do you tell them to come on in, or stay away if you're only a looky-loo?

I believe that if this is the trend, it won't be long before on-premises clubs will be just people wanting to watch, and those looking to actually swing will resort to house parties and such. That is, unless some rules are dropped into place.

[largenlovinit]

I know that when my husband and I were getting into swinging we discussed going to a club and see how we felt about it, seeing people having sex. In the end we had our first experience with another couple, just having sex in the same room, no swapping.

Our reasoning behind it was we felt that if someone was going to freak out and want to back out, then no one had done anything and no one would feel like they were cheated on.

Also I have a close friend who just likes watching. eh, everybody has there thing.

[dodgechevy]

seems like an easy fix would be private areas. every club/house party we've ever been too had them.

that way the only ones giving the show are the exhibitionists.

plus i would have to guess that most beginners just go to look in the beginning.

-v

[DiscreetDesires]

I don't necessarily believe that this is a new thing or a trend.
While a full swap couple is the majority of the lifestyle, there are many other "groups" of people who make up the lifestyle as a whole.
Voyeurs, Exhibitionists, BDSM, same room sex only couples, girl/girl only and soft swap.
There are many variations, and one chooses what it right for them.

I do believe however, that most people that are interested in the lifestyle genuinely want to check it all out before taking the plunge. They visit a club and see what it's all about.. to see if it's a turn on for them in reality rather than just fantasy.

There are some couples that who choose never to actually swap partners, but going to a club and being in the non-judgemental sexy atmosphere brings a deeper passion to their marriage bed.

I think there is room for everyone.. but that's just me.

[Edison Carter]

Susan here-- Reality television is creating a culture of voyeurs. The email you've been getting is simply these types of folks wanting it in 3D.

[VegasLee]

Originally Posted by DiscreetDesires

While a full swap couple is the majority of the lifestyle,

I would be interested in how you conclude that statement.

We have one of the largest attendance of any place in the country. Avg. of 1000 people each week. We have been to 100's of conventions and traveled all over the country going to clubs. We also talk to other clubs on a regular basis.

In the "Lifestyle" today, people going to clubs and hitting the major conventions 50% to 60% of the people don't ever swap with anyone. They are there to see and go play by their self.

Now there are a few clubs that foster a different type atmosphere so you will get many full swap or those that are looking to play with the single guys, we get that also but most of the time MOST of the people at the parties don't ever don't ever have sex with anyone other then their spouse.

[SW_PA_Couple]

At the club north of us, one room has a woindow whose Venitian blind can be drawn closed or open. My wife and I opened the blind and had wild passionate sex. Dozens of people rushed the door demanding a refund

Our experience is limited, only five years, but our casual observation is that the proportion at clubs who want to see and be seen rather than to meet, greet and swap meat is growing.

[Chicup]

I'm going to guess its more due to the sample size and in part your location.

Vegas has gone back to 'Sin City' as a theme for one thing, so people will want to see that sort of thing, though they wouldn't think to even look for a place like that in their home town.

Another possible factor:

I saw a study once that said something like 2% of the population are swingers. I think that number is on the low side when it comes to FWB and the like but lets say somewhere between 1-2% are place adds go to club type swingers, maybe even less. The % of people who are 'near' swingers or want to kinda get dirty without being swingers is going to be greater.

With the internet allowing greater access to clubs and the like, you may have made it easier for people to become swingers but you also opened the door for the lookers too.

Now lets say you have 1000 people with 2% swingers and 10% lookers. We have 20 swingers and 100 lookers/wannabes. Hard to find the swingers but manageable. Added in the past it would be harder for those lookers (they would have to be braver without the net) to get to a club in the first place.

Now lets say today you have 10000 people interested because of the net. You have 200 swingers and 1000 lookers. Same ratio but the feeling is a lot more lookers than swingers. Its a perception thing. You could go to a club and only run into lookers (been there).

I'm a bit saddened that swinging does not seem to be increasing in numbers, despite it being so easy to hook up. I'd say the only real increase I've seen based on adds is in the urban black community. Looking through the adds now seem no more than their were 10 years ago, and we see the same people a LOT.

[sahajacpl]

Originally Posted by VegasLee

Now there are a few clubs that foster a different type atmosphere so you will get many full swap or those that are looking to play with the single guys, we get that also but most of the time MOST of the people at the parties don't ever don't ever have sex with anyone other then their spouse.

Perhaps, a reflection on the whole society. More watchers than those who actually play and swap mates with another couple/s for enjoyment of recreational sex.

[socolais]

I think this is one of the significant reasons we like house parties, "lookers" are overwhelmingly out numbered.

[VegasLee]

Originally Posted by two4youinswva

How do you handle these emails Lee? Do you tell them to come on in, or stay away if you're only a looky-loo?

If they tell me they are not swingers and not looking to become a swingers I advise them that we are not there to provide them with their cheap thrills and suggest they find some other place to visit.

If they do say they are "new" and checking out the Lifestyle I do a couple of things. One is telling them Swingers are not a side show. How would they feel knowing that everyone else there was just there to watch them have sex?

Most often when someone "new" writes to me I send them a link to Swingers Board. Honestly, as a host it is my job to see people are comfortable with what goes on at the party but it is not my job there to teach them to be a swinger. When you deal with 800 to 1000 people each week you really don't have time to be a mentor to a lot of those people. We will do what we can buy if they get in touch on line I send them here. There is years of great advise here and they should check it out.

If they don't tell me I try to read what I can in their email and go the best way I can. I tell all, use manners, keep your comments to your self and give people space.

Seems at times we find people that like to watch also feel the need to make comments and try to get the players instructions. When we hear/see this going on we tend to escort those folks to the front door and advise them where a good Adult DVD store is.

We have private rooms so those that want to get away from the "watchers" can go there. In the couples only area we have cured the problem also. You can be in the couples only lounge area with your clothes on. If you want to go into the couples only play area you MUST be naked. That has cut the viewing problem way down. For a while it got to the point that we would have one or two couples playing and TWENTY couples standing fully clothed watching and crowding around. No more of that. Seems that many of the watching crowd won't take their clothes off. Now you will have a few couples playing and one or two watching. Seems to work much better.

[two4youinswva]

Originally Posted by VegasLee

If they tell me they are not swingers and not looking to become a swingers I advise them that we are not there to provide them with their cheap thrills and suggest they find some other place to visit.

If they do say they are "new" and checking out the Lifestyle I do a couple of things. One is telling them Swingers are not a side show. How would they feel knowing that everyone else there was just there to watch them have sex?

Most often when someone "new" writes to me I send them a link to Swingers Board. Honestly, as a host it is my job to see people are comfortable with what goes on at the party but it is not my job there to teach them to be a swinger. When you deal with 800 to 1000 people each week you really don't have time to be a mentor to a lot of those people. We will do what we can buy if they get in touch on line I send them here. There is years of great advise here and they should check it out.

If they don't tell me I try to read what I can in their email and go the best way I can. I tell all, use manners, keep your comments to your self and give people space.

Sounds like you handle it in the best way possible.

Seems at times we find people that like to watch also feel the need to make comments and try to get the players instructions. When we hear/see this going on we tend to escort those folks to the front door and advise them where a good Adult DVD store is.

That's got to be in my Top 5 of "Things That Piss Me Off".

We have private rooms so those that want to get away from the "watchers" can go there. In the couples only area we have cured the problem also. You can be in the couples only lounge area with your clothes on. If you want to go into the couples only play area you MUST be naked. That has cut the viewing problem way down. For a while it got to the point that we would have one or two couples playing and TWENTY couples standing fully clothed watching and crowding around. No more of that. Seems that many of the watching crowd won't take their clothes off. Now you will have a few couples playing and one or two watching. Seems to work much better.

I like this as well.

[DiscreetDesires]

Originally Posted by VegasLee

Seems at times we find people that like to watch also feel the need to make comments and try to get the players instructions. When we hear/see this going on we tend to escort those folks to the front door and advise them where a good Adult DVD store is.

This is one of the main reasons we do not go into the voyeur room very often. Nothing is worse when you are in a good groove and you hear the onlookers talking about everything under the sun!
Come on people.. be a little quieter, and enjoy the show if you want, but keep the mood sexy and not about baseball or what you are doing the next day!

The one thing that we do like about the clubs here in the Houston area, is that single men aren't allowed on Saturday nights. No if's and's but's.. so the whole place is filled mostly with couples or single females.
Single males are allowed in every other night, but are still limited in their entry into the VIP areas and must be invited.