A thought on newbies, and first time club outings...

[warrencouple]

So, once again, I was thinking (yes, I know, that explains the smell of burning around here... ) Namely, about what might be an easier first time outing to a club, for newbies. Obviously, there are several things that come into play in such a thing, but in general, here's what I thought...

If the newbies are ready and willing to swap (soft or full,) then it doesn't really matter, off or on-premise. If, however, the newbies are not ready for any swap (myself and the wife,) then an on-premise might actually be a better choice. Here's my reasoning, see what you think.

Going to an off-premise club, you've got a few things that would make the newbies potentially more nervous, as well as potentially opening them up for a somewhat more negative experience. First, if it's in a bar, unless it's a take over / closed door event, they have to be possibly concerned about someone they know wandering in. Second, as in order to play, you need to go to a hotel (either if it's attached to the bar in question, or at least nearby,) the newbs either need to spring for a hotel room, or hope someone would be willing to bring them along to watch / play separately (unlikely, I would expect) Now, quite likely, they'd meet people (we're presuming the newbies are at least outgoing enough to introduce themselves to others,) but once people start getting down to hooking up, the newbies would begin to find themselves excluded. Again, I can understand why the swappers would do this, they're interested in getting laid by someone other than their spouse, and the newbies in question won't help with that.

Now, take those same newbies, and send them to an on-premise. It's much less likely they'd be concerned about someone they know wandering in, after all, if someone they know is there, it's pretty obvious why. As for the play, if the newbies feel up to it, they can wander around the play areas, just watching, or enjoy themselves in the play area. They'll still meet people, but I would think they'd be less likely to get excluded from conversations later, after all, the swingers there likely already have people they can hook up with, or have already played some, and are relaxing between rounds, and might be willing to put the newbies at ease.

Cost wise, I would think it would be a wash between the options (presuming the newbies check in at the hotel), figure $60 for a hotel room + $20-30 for the event. On-premise, figure $75-100 for an event.

Obviously, depending on the crowd at either on or off-premise, the newbies could end up with a markedly different experience than posited above. They could go to the off-premise, meet a group that is perfectly willing to take the newbies along back to the hotel (imagine the desk clerks face when 6+ people go by heading for one room!) and let them watch, and not mind the newbies playing off to the side. They could go to an on-premise, and have the misfortune of running into a bunch of cliques that feel that if you aren't willing to swap, they're going to brush you off / ignore you the rest of the night.

Just some thoughts...
Jason

[LikeMinds321]

No matter what type of club, someone you know can always show up.

We've found that the number one complaint from locals who attend off-premise clubs is that people are shy about asking to hook up. It is more of a social gathering. So I wouldn't think you'd feel greater pressure to swap at an off-premise club. You just won't be able to have sex on site and give people a show, presuming you like being watched while you have sex with each other.

The off-premise clubs in our area are either businesses (they lease or own the building) that control who walks in because you have to pre-register and become a member, which comes with varying requirements, or, the club rents an entire ballroom at a hotel and has a check-in process that would eliminate the general public from getting in. Also there is always a security guy at the door to the ballroom who checks your stamped hand. Things like this are typical around here.

People often rent a room because they are used to inviting a number of people up. Early on, as newbies, we were invited up to a group room. We where told we didn't have to play, however, it was only on invitation that you could get in. Someone was always at the door to see who wanted in. The gal who invited us even walked us up the first time to introduce us to the hosts (who rented adjoining suites to accomodate a number of guests). In this room you could have easily played only with each other, if you didn't mind being watched, and people would have left you alone. If someone approached you, you could tell them no thanks and I feel sure that any in this group would have understood.

No matter what the environment, you are responsible for letting other swingers know what your playing approach is. In your case, being a "no-swap" couple is something you'd want to let people know early on if you think you are getting interested in them, or they you.

I think your concern for things being easier for you (and any newbie like yourself), or your desire to avoid a negative experience, has more to do with you being a no-swap couple.

I can't say that one club is better than the other. I'd suggest newbies check out both types of clubs, then decide which they prefer. On- or off-?...it's a matter of personal choice.

LM

[Ed & Bunny]

I see good points in both posts here. But as long term newbies there is something I would like to add.

We have been to both on premise clubs and an off premise party. I think the most important thing I can say is to check out more than one of each type. With the clubs our first experience didnt go well as I have posted in another recent thread. The second attempt went much better and was good for us as newbies for many of the reasons Jason listed in his post. As for off premise, we have only been to one. We went at the invite of another couple in hopes of playing with them. Alas their attraction to us was less in person than online. But we danced and did our best to have fun. Overall though it wasnt a great experience but a learning one. There was nothing wrong with the group, we just didnt fit in. It was mostly geared for and attended by those who are pretty people, aka ken and barbie which we are not. But as I said we did our best to have fun and learn so it still comes out as a good experience. Next weekend we plan on attending our second event. This one is taking over a floor in a hotel, so one way or another we will be in the center of all the action. We did a little research before hand on this one though. Those wonderfull who's attending lists do give a good idea of the type of people who may attend. This one seems to be attended by all ages and body types so we are thinking it might be a much better fit. Will we play? Maybe, maybe not. It all depends on finding that right attraction. We do plan to dance and have fun and if no couple clicks with us a little bit of watching and being watched has always lit a spark for us. Either way it is always nice to be amongst a goup of people where you can let your guard down and be the sexual being who we really are.

But back to the main point. We learned from our club experiences that all are different and you cant judge a type of venue by only trying one. The right fit is out there for anyone you just have to keep trying.

[two4youinswva]

Originally Posted by warrencouple

They could go to the off-premise, meet a group that is perfectly willing to take the newbies along back to the hotel (imagine the desk clerks face when 6+ people go by heading for one room!) ........

We generally try to avoid sticking our activities in the face of the hotel staff. They agree to allow us use their facility, which could cause them some P.R. headaches, so we try to keep a low profile like any other good guest.

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

I can't say that one club is better than the other. I'd suggest newbies check out both types of clubs, then decide which they prefer. On- or off-?...it's a matter of personal choice.

Originally Posted by Ed & Bunny

We learned from our club experiences that all are different and you cant judge a type of venue by only trying one. The right fit is out there for anyone you just have to keep trying.

These are both excellent points. People like different things, so I can't see one club, or type of club, being a perfect fit for every couple, whether new to swinging, or long term and experienced.

[warrencouple]

Originally Posted by Ed & Bunny

But back to the main point. We learned from our club experiences that all are different and you cant judge a type of venue by only trying one. The right fit is out there for anyone you just have to keep trying.

Very, very true. Thus far, we've actually been more comfortable at the on-premise (we've gone once,for a meet & greet, then issues arose with us, but she's thinking of a return,) while we were much less comfortable at an off-premise. I think we may have gotten lucky, as another couple here described the on-premise we went to as more "upscale." It was also a comparatively small place, which kept the number of people low, otherwise we might have been overwhelmed. While the off-premise was a lot of people, and both the wife and I are less then at home in crowds.

Originally Posted by two4youinswva

We generally try to avoid sticking our activities in the face of the hotel staff. They agree to allow us use their facility, which could cause them some P.R. headaches, so we try to keep a low profile like any other good guest.

Understandable, and correct. But, I also wouldn't doubt that the staff will be running mental video of what they think might be going on in the rooms when they see a group of people leave the club area, heading for the rooms.

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

Early on, as newbies, we were invited up to a group room. We where told we didn't have to play, however, it was only on invitation that you could get in. Someone was always at the door to see who wanted in. The gal who invited us even walked us up the first time to introduce us to the hosts (who rented adjoining suites to accommodate a number of guests). In this room you could have easily played only with each other, if you didn't mind being watched, and people would have left you alone. If someone approached you, you could tell them no thanks and I feel sure that any in this group would have understood.

Then I would say huzzah for you, for having that as an early experience. For us, our first, biggest problem, has been going in the door (read some of my early postings.) Neither the wife nor I are barflies, so simply going in was a big step. Again, we managed better at the on-premise, I think, because the club looks like a house, we could simply think of it as going to a party at someones house. Even at that, we almost chickened out on the doorstep...

Jason

[ALilOEverything]

As a newbie I liked the idea of an on premise because there is less time lapse in getting to a room so less time in getting cold feet! I've done one off premise where we had to drive to the hotel and I really got the jitters. It was worth it though. I did an on premise next and it was so much better. It really helped the flow of the night. The fun would get going with all the dancing and flirting and then it was just a quick walk down the hall.
It didn't give as much time for cold feet.

I've never been to where it was actually hosted at a hotel.

[Ed & Bunny]

Originally Posted by ALilOEverything

I've never been to where it was actually hosted at a hotel.

There are a couple of groups here in Mi that take over floors or the entire hotel. Check the events section on Swing Lifestyle or the swinger clubs section here on this site list some of the groups and the websites to check out. 616 and Cap city are two groups I know that do the takeovers.

[ALilOEverything]

Originally Posted by Ed & Bunny

There are a couple of groups here in Mi that take over floors or the entire hotel. Check the events section on Swing Lifestyle or the swinger clubs section here on this site list some of the groups and the websites to check out. 616 and Cap city are two groups I know that do the takeovers.

I knew that 616 did and even though it's probably the closest for me I've never been there. Does it have the feel of an on-premise then?

[TheMiddleDoor]

from personal experience (being security at an on-premise, and doing security for several hotel events) the on-premise parties make ME less nervous.

in an on-premise environment, usually there are no rooms a security person can't get into in a few seconds. at least, their shouldn't be any. at a hotel party, I hear screaming behind a locked door it's 10-15 minutes before I can get past that door..if at all. most hotels don't respect event security, or for legal reasons can't help you get past that door without the police.

"whoa..hey..we said "SOFT SWING"! she said NO!" and trying to get someone to get the hell off your wife in a hotel room...you're on your own.

in an on-premise party..you open the door to your private room and you get security to help take care of it...and usually the other patrons will help out too if security is a little bit out of reach.

knowing there is backup if something happens you don't want to happen can be very comforting.

now, I'm not saying any of this sort of thing happens often. it doesn't. I think in the 7 years I've been doorman I've had to open 2 locked doors. but that couple and that single woman were very happy I could.

Allen the Doorman

[Mr. Truelove]

I would say I think the best club initiation would be the same one we had. With a bunch of board friends. Our first club outing was on one of the swingersboard meetups. No pressure, no scare of running into people we knew. It was still nerve racking, but was very fun.

Looking back, I'm not sure how we would have gone to the club without having done that. Courage in numbers.

Now we are pretty at home in a club even though we've only been there a handful of times.

-Mr. Truelove

[warrencouple]

Originally Posted by Mr. Truelove

I would say I think the best club initiation would be the same one we had. With a bunch of board friends. Our first club outing was on one of the swingersboard meetups. No pressure, no scare of running into people we knew. It was still nerve racking, but was very fun.

So, any plans to have a meetup in the near future in the rustbelt?


Ohio / Illinois / Indiana / Michigan area?

Maybe I could get the Mrs to go for that...


Jason

[Mr. Truelove]

I don't know. It's been a few since I've visited this board. Not sure if they still do meetups, I'd have to poke around the forum a bit.

[rpu3]

Originally Posted by warrencouple

So, any plans to have a meetup in the near future in the rustbelt?


Ohio / Illinois / Indiana / Michigan area?

Maybe I could get the Mrs to go for that...


Jason

We have a Meet-Up forum which discusses upcoming and proposed meetups, not that every Meet Up necessarily ends up a swing club, mind you.

There was a meetup in Gatlinburg a couple of weeks ago, and people from Michigan did show up. It was a reasonable drive from this part of the Rust Belt.

Maybe your wife would be interested in attending for the sake of meeting people from the Board, which is more the intent of a Board "Meet Up", rather than having to "get her to go for that..."

[warrencouple]

RPU:
Shortly after I posted above, I went looking in the Meetup section, to see what might be going on, read the threads on meetup etiquette, etc.

I think, possibly, regardless of whether or not we go with the swinging, we might show up at a meetup, just to meet some of the wonderful people from here. I think too, even if we decide not to pursue swinging, if the meetup moved to a swing club, we might still tag along, as long as no one would mind the "weird couple over there that's just watching, and watching over drinks for people." ;-)

Jason

[Rackir]

Originally Posted by warrencouple

RPU:
Shortly after I posted above, i went looking in the Meetup section, to see what might be going on, read the threads on meetup etiquette, etc.

I think, possibly, regardless of whether or not we go with the swinging, we might show up at a meetup, just to meet some of the wonderful people from here.

Jason

That reminds me of something an old friend of mine used to say;

"They always say thier just here to check things out..,,5 minutes later, BAM, they're at the bottom of the pile!