Signs of unapproachability

[socolais]

I know this is a serious thread, but I just gotta say, wearing a surgical mask at a house party would equal unapprochable, in my opinion.

I think many ladies generally put more "meaning" in their laundry than men do. I think a woman's attire should compliment her personality and mood. If I like what I see, I'm likely to approach and attempt a conversation. A long skirt or button-up corset would be unlikely to change my opinion about approaching. I think a well-fitting pair of jeans looks pretty good. I guess color and texture of the garmets might play a role at the subconscious level.

[NCfuncouple98]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

I don't think that jeans/pants alone determine how people perceive your approachability... but I do think that it in combination with other things can definitely have an effect. As I was reading Mark's post, I felt like I could relate, because I do feel like FOR ME wearing jeans is like a sign saying "I'm not available for play tonight, so don't bother". I'll wear jeans now if I'm on my period or for some other reason have no interest in playing that night.

Agreed - and I do tend to see that at our on-premise club, at least with those that have been in the lifestyle a while. Wearing jeans typically does mean, for them, "Not available tonight".

I tend to go out of the house in bluejeans, so as not to raise questions from my children as to why I now wear miniskirts again, when they've never seen me do that! So once we get to the club, look around, maybe have a drink or two, I head upstairs to the locker room and change into a sexy skirt and blouse.

[LikeMinds321]

ownerspet
Ring My Bell?


Ownerspet's avatar and tag line has given me an idea!

I could alter all my jeans and sew in a zipper in the crotch. It would unzip front to back and I could hang a little tag on the pull tab that says "Easy Access."

LM

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

ownerspet
Ring My Bell?


Ownerspet's avatar and tag line has given me an idea!

I could alter all my jeans and sew in a zipper in the crotch. It would unzip front to back and I could hang a little tag on the pull tab that says "Easy Access."

LM

You should totally do that!

[xyzzy07]

Sitting at a table is a good way to not be approached (standing at a high table is not quite as bad). We've learned to walk around and smile if we want to meet new people.

I hadn't thought of a lady wearing jeans as a negative, but a slinky black dress and a sassy attitude is a sure positive!

[JustAskJulie]

I wanted to this up and get more of your thoughts on what makes others seem more or less approachable.

[ALilOEverything]

Lack of eye contact with no smiling face makes someone unapproachable. When we went to the club last month I didn't bother talking to anyone who avoided eye contact. I would try to make eye contact with every person I found attractive while I walked around and if they made eye contact I would make sure I smiled and said hi.

[NCfuncouple98]

This is something we've looked at within ourselves. "Are we approachable?". The more we've been to our local club, and other meets, we've realized how much body language and eye contact does make a difference. So we try to meet eyes more often, watch our posture and body language, and get up and move around and mingle.

So to all of the above: If a couple is sitting very close together, doesn't look around much, has their arms folded or crossed, and never moves from their table....they appear unapproachable, even if they're just being initially shy. Then again, let them break out of their shells on their own if it's just shyness, that's what we had to do! It's called "stepping out of your comfort zone". Although I'm not above at least saying hello and introducing ourselves, and from there judge how "approachable" they really are.

Mrs. NC

[exploringRM]

Originally Posted by CXXC

Mrs. CXXC just chimed in with, " A smile and eye contact are true signs approchability.

Geez, took my words almost exactly. I try to make eye contact with people on the dance floor or just walking around. If I get a long eye contact from a women, that's a plus for me. Of course that guarantees nothing from their viewpoint as well as the Mrs liking the husband but I have a pretty good idea of what she finds attractive (well perhaps more of what she does NOT like).

Course after posting I realized the question is signs of unapprochability. So failure to give eye contact, or lost in themselves.

But I do remember meeting a couple back in December, and we danced. The female half seemed to have no interest in me, just sort of dancing there not a lot of interaction. We've since gotten to know the couple much better and we actually talked about that night recently. We were sort of thrown together by another couple, like here meet so and so and she was also quite drunk. So first impressions really can be misleading.

[sweet_tna]

As Mr. Sweet and I have yet to visit an on-premise club, I never gave much thought to our clothing making us seem more or less approachable. But then, we're the friendly and outgoing sort, and have no trouble mingling with others. I/we almost always participate in any of the "reindeer games" that are organized by our hosts, too.

I typically wear a short skirt and tight/low cut blouse (or a costume if it's themed event). Once in awhile, I'll wear slacks, but they're usually low-riders.
What someone else is wearing only registers as far as whether they look like they've made some effort to look nice.

We are more likely to approach people who are sitting/standing in open areas and are smiling.

=)

[exploringRM]

Another thought on unapproachability. I like people that put an effort into their appearance. This doesn't mean costly clothing , but just sme thought is put into looking nice.

[WonderWhat]

Body language and the direction of the gaze does it for me.

People closed up in a group? Avoiding looking at others' eyes and faces? Hunched over something or someone? Those don't want to be approached.

Laid back, smiling, people-watching? Very approachable.

I personally think that jeans don't signal "unapproachability", but are just neutral. Light, airy, slightly loose clothes signal positively; I always try to use linen pants and shirts when on a playdate. Besides signaling approachability, it looks great and doesn't get in the way of feeling through the fabric .

Disclaimer: I have a very inexpressive demeanor, and it's quite unconscious. Therefore, I always make a conscious effort to smile and look approachable. I'm also very oblivious to when someone flirts at me, and Mrs. W has to point it out.

[Ed & Bunny]

I think we made a mistake in where we decided to sit at the last event we attended. Both Bunny and I love to dance and the nudist resort we usualy go to for that has a very tight seating arrangement so we tend to look for easy access to the dance floor. This may have hurt us and wasnt necessary as there was ample space between tables. Next time we attend one of this groups parties we plan to park our butts as close to the food tables as possible as that is where most off the attendees sat and it is guaranteed that most everyone will pass close by throughout the night.

As for unaproachable we saw the poster child couple where the woman in the couple never smiled or made eye contact and just plain looked like she didnt want to be there.

[GomezAddams]

This is the most valuable stuff I've ever read. Morticia and I married young, and before that dated though college- never had any need to be approachable! I don't like noisy environments and have a (thankfully non-visible) foot issue so I prefer to sit away from the noise. We must have been transmitting "Stay Away" at 50,000 watts. That 'splains lots of stuff.

In retrospect, it should have been obvious. Guess I'll have to suck it up and wade further into the crowd!

[SexyRedmondCpl]

This is honestly one that we struggle with a lot. I (Mike) am extraordinarily shy, which can make meeting new people hard. I can hold a conversation and show interest once someone else initiates, but I have never been an instigator. Just not in my comfort zone. Although we've not had bad luck in the lifestyle, I feel like we'd have better luck if I'd suck it up and pretend to be outgoing for an evening.

We have a friend who insists she's an introvert too. Her strategy is to force herself to talk to people that she doesn't know. She's actually avoided us some nights because, in her words, "it would be too easy to get caught up with a group that's comfortable and not meet anyone new." Wish I were so bold.