How do you approach other couples at clubs?

[Nitati]

The hubby and I went to the local club we enjoy again last night and had tons of fun together, as usual. I'm *so* glad he's back! However, we were curious about something that we've noticed continues happening to us (well more specifically, to me) and if it is "normal" swinger behavior.

Several times last night I was approached while alone, waiting for the bathroom, by the male halves of different couples. While they were very polite & friendly, it was a little disturbing to us because they were approaching me 1) without their significant other and 2) only when I was away from my hubby. We thought that couples approached other couples for play... not that men approached the women??? It makes me uncomfortable, and the hubby is getting offended because they (meaning the other guys) were often near enough for all parties to have a conversation, but these particular men only seem to approach me when I'm alone. Only one of the guys actually approached me when I was with my hubby, but this was after he'd already approached me when I was alone on two separate occassions.

Now, it is completely possible that these are some of the guys who partner up with a girl for the night, just to get into the club as a couple. But other people we've noticed as "regulars" seemed to know them and enjoy talking to them. I was very polite to these men, and answered each of them with a "Thanks! But we're not playing right now " but all that seemed to do was make way for the next guy... or a guy from earlier to try again.

Am I sending off a "hey, I'm young, buxom & available to fuck" secret signal or something? I did spend large amounts of time being overly affectionate with & grinding half naked on the hubby. But so does everyone else at the club LOL! Do I appear innocent and naive? Are my "thanks, but we're not playing right nows" too passive? Should I not smile and be myself and hold a conversation with anyone who approaches me? Is that misleading behavior to actually talk to someone who talks to you? I was born & raised here in NC, so that's what we do LOL.

Anyway, this happened when we'd go before the hubby left too... but not quite so many times as last night. Could it be a result of the show we put on last weekend, too? As I've mentioned, we're delving more into putting ourselves out there with hopes that we finally find a compatible couple to play with, but I am really starting to feel like this is yet another thing adding to our "pickiness" factor... and we're picky enough to begin with lol

Thanks for reading!

[BiloxiCouple]

The situation you have described is called "ambushing". They do it for a multitude of reasons, none of which I have come across that I really like.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

[The Fuse]

Originally Posted by Nitati

Several times last night I was approached while alone, waiting for the bathroom, by the male halves of different couples.

I think this is really in poor taste. While you're waiting for the bathroom? Not only are you alone, but you can't walk away without unfairly inconveniencing yourself. In my opinion, this seems like it has an undercurrent of aggression. Someone with the least bit of class would wait until you were out of the restroom. Then, while they might introduce themselves to you while alone, would not wait more than a minute before expressing interest in meeting your husband and having him meet their wife or girlfriend. Respectful people are always conscious that this is a couples activity, and they don't try to poach.

Once, I might let slide... twice, it starts to get annoying... more than twice shows a pattern of bad behavior among the men. Don't be too nice. If it is making you uncomfortable, don't feel bad about approaching the event staff/organizers and letting them know how their guests are acting, in a nice way of course.

By the way, this has only happened to me once. The guy was actually pretty grabby and obnoxious. He earned the nickname "Totally Inappropriate So-and-So".

[ncmd_couple]

Nitati,

Honestly, it can be a number of things. As you mentioned, it might be that he is with a gal just to get in the club. Or it might be that he is the active member of the couple and the wife is passive. Or like so many, they are looking for a FFM or FMF situation. I wouldn't change who I am because other people are idiots. I would probably tell them, "Nice to meet you, my husband and I will stop by to visit in a little bit." Then I would do just that and find out what the situation is. That is unless you are totally uninterested in the couple.

S

[screaminggood]

To be the devil's advocate...it may be intimidating to walk up to a couple, so people go up while just one is there and stay to be introduced when the other comes back. We've had it happen more with women coming up to my husband while I'm gone....It's if they run away when I walk up that I wonder what the heck they're trying to do!

[good times]

This happens all the time, in our experience. Personally, while it used to bother us when we were new, it really doesn't bother us any more. The reason for that is that I think I have come to an understanding of why people do this so often. And for the record, in our experience, women do this just as often as men do.

My take on it is that a person tends to be less intimidated by the prospect of being rejected privately, or one on one, than they do being rejected in a group. Another factor is, often times when someone is dancing and visiting it is hard to find a way to tactfully approach them. Whereas, if they are standing waiting their turn for the bathroom, or some other situation where they are not interacting with others, it is easier to get a word in with them.

For us this most often happens when Mrs. GT steps out to the smoking room. More often than not, that is when the male or female of the other couple will approach one of us. And, this has resulted in our hooking up with another couple and having a great time as often, or more often, than any other way we have been approached.

Bottom line is, for us, if we meet them and end up having a great time, we really don't care how they do it. If they feel less intimidated or are more comfortable approaching one of us separately to see if we are interested, what difference does it really make? Personally, I think if you let this bother you to much, the only result will be that it limits your options.

This is kind of like the folks that complain that they have a hard time hooking up with people, and then when you talk to them you find out they have a list of rules a mile long. It shouldn't take a lot of thought to realize that the more rules you have, the smaller your pool of available playmates will become.

Who made a rule that couples had to only approach other couples together anyway? It isn't one I ever have heard of. And if their were such an official rule, my estimate is, we would have hooked up with less than half the folks than we actually have over the years.

[The Fuse]

Originally Posted by good times

For us this most often happens when Mrs. GT steps out to the smoking room. More often than not, that is when the male or female of the other couple will approach one of us. And, this has resulted in our hooking up with another couple and having a great time as often, or more often, than any other way we have been approached.

At least the smoking room is a place where people normally socialize. There is just something yucky about approaching someone who has to pee, since their options for ending the conversation are limited! They are not trapped, but...

And as sexist as this statement is, if a woman is the one doing the approaching, that is not usually a problem. If a man is approaching a woman to express interest without his wife or her husband present, that might not necessarily be a problem, but I would consider it bad manners. An approach to say hello and "hey, we'd love to talk to both you, hope to see you back in the ballroom" would be perfectly fine. But I didn't get the idea that's what the OP was talking about.

I'm sure I overreacted though... it happens .

[Nitati]

Thanks so much for all the responses so far! Just to clarify: these guys are not saying "Hey, my s.o. and I would like to talk to you & your s.o when you come back to the main room". It was always more along the lines of, "Hey, do YOU want to go back to a private room with ME?" Never "with US." Heck, they didn't even introduce themselves! Not a single one actually took the time to shake my hand and offer his name and ask for mine in return. That can't be normal behavior... can it? At least it isn't from what we've seen & experienced so far.

I can't help feeling like it's just kind of disrespectful to me & the hubby. If this were something that had only happened once, we wouldn't have been wondering about it. I don't like feeling "cornered" (and you're right Mrs. Fuse, it especially sucked b/c each time I was on my way to go pee!) and each time we've overheard other couples hook up their discussion was amongst all 4 parties...

[NakedInSeattle]

Our favorite "opening" is Mrs. Naked and I walk up to the other couple, introduce ourselves, and, if it is at a dance, ask if they would like to join us on the dance floor. If it isn't a dance, could we share some conversation.

This is, of course, if both partners are mutually attractive to us. If only the lady is attractive (as does happen), I wait until Mrs. Naked is busy dancing (or other) with someone and I go and introduce myself to them both and say that my wife, ___, is busy and would you two mind if I danced with this lovely lady?

I think this is the appropriate way to show respect for all parties, don't you?

[TNT]

I'm with GT on this one.

It happens a LOT and it's really nothing to get upset over. Just figure out how you want to handle times like this and then go on about your fun for the night. We can never control how others act we can only control how we act and react.

Hell, Ted's had women push him into bathrooms before (on more than one occasion) and attack him...it's really funny to me when he comes back to the table and says "I was molested in the bathroom"...with a big grin on his face Now there have been those times when it wasn't wanted on his part and during those times he's always been polite and made his exit.



Teresa

[VANudistcpl]

We have been approached both ways, one on one and by a couple. Both times it turned out that we had a very good time.

For us to approach another couple, we have found that having Mrs. Nudist approach them is the best and easiest. Most people aren't intimadated by her.

[j&rcouple]

Not nice to do approach a woman waiting for the bathroom best way is to have the wife approach the woman and talk in the bathroom then come back to the table and introduce her and her husband to to other half works most of the time

[TravlParty]

At one of the clubs we go to, the only place you can hear the other person talk is in line for the bathroom.

I can't tell you how many contacts I've made while in the ladies room. It just seems to be the place where ladies congregate.

As far as men accosting you while you're waiting in line and asking you to go off with them alone, that's just wrong. It would be different if they asked you if you'd like to dance later or come talk with their SO, along with your hubby.

Overall, I think you handled it very well. Take it as a compliment that you're desired, and think up a good comeback line. Maybe something along the lines of, "We'd love to talk to you and your SO." Only if they interest you though.

Good luck and thank you to your hubby for his service to our country.

[fun4t&c]

Well, we haven't swung, yet. However, even as normal club-goers, that's UNSAT, meaning Unsatisfactory. There's no legitimate reason for a guy to approach a woman while she's stranded in a line to pee. That's just plain cheesy and cheap. I think it shows weakness and shows hostile intent to your hubby. If the guys had any class and confidence, they'd show some confidence and respect and approach you while you're with your partner. Hitting on you while you're in line is indicative of a gang banger, punk mentality, which should turn any discerning woman off.

Just my newby 2 cents as someone who's manlier than those men.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by Nitati

Thanks so much for all the responses so far! Just to clarify: these guys are not saying "Hey, my s.o. and I would like to talk to you & your s.o when you come back to the main room". It was always more along the lines of, "Hey, do YOU want to go back to a private room with ME?" Never "with US." Heck, they didn't even introduce themselves! Not a single one actually took the time to shake my hand and offer his name and ask for mine in return. That can't be normal behavior... can it? At least it isn't from what we've seen & experienced so far.

I can't help feeling like it's just kind of disrespectful to me & the hubby. If this were something that had only happened once, we wouldn't have been wondering about it. I don't like feeling "cornered" (and you're right Mrs. Fuse, it especially sucked b/c each time I was on my way to go pee!) and each time we've overheard other couples hook up their discussion was amongst all 4 parties...

What you are describing here is NOT normal and it IS disrespectful. It's one thing to approach someone seperately, we do this on occasion and when you are in line to get drinks/ice/bathroom you typically are alone so if you see someone you want to talk to, it's better now than later. But, that's not what you are describing.

I do think that your "thanks but we aren't playing right now" is too passive of an answer for these types of jerks. It implies that you might be playing later. Or worse, that when you are playing you'd be interested in them. If someone approached me in that way, my response would be more along the lines of "excuse you, who the hell do you think you are and what makes you think that I'm going to go play with you, who I haven't even met, without my husband?" Or a more simple "Did you notice that I have a husband? Well, we don't play seperately and for that matter we don't play with presumptious asses who can't even introduce themselves".