Making new friends at a house party.

We are a little new and have only been to 3 or 4 house parties. Everytime we were uncomfortable at several points in the evenings. We think the club scene is much easier on us as far as meeting people goes. Here's our problem with the parties we've been invited to....At every one of them we have only known and/or played with one other couple prior to the party and didn't want to be glued to their sides or make them feel responsible for our good time. So, we try to approach people and mingle a little but the conversations are shallow and short. Everyone else seems to already know pretty much everyone there and are involved in their own conversations/flirting or they've even gone off to a bedroom together.
There are times when we would just prefer to sit by ourselves on a couch or something, but we don't want to appear unfriendly. Okay, we did end up doing that for a few minutes here and there at the last party we attended. It's just so intimidating to keep approaching new people all night long. At the last party, I started having a great conversation with a really nice person, but my spouse was not attracted to their spouse, so I had to cut it short. Anyway, we need some advice on how best to get ourselves "into" these established groups so that we feel welcomed among them.
I think we're both eager to make friends, attractive, fun loving, like to dance, laugh and aren't in the least straight laced or judgemental so why should it be so hard? I would like to think that if I hosted a party I would introduce the new people around to some people they might like and get a conversation started or maybe play some ice breaker games, but we haven't had this happen yet in our experiences.

[MrkLin]

Welcome to the board. Please take the time to register - you won't regret it. I'm sure you've already seen that the people here are friendly, and can offer some great advice, but it would be nice to know how to address you.

Originally Posted by Unregistered

At every one of them we have only known and/or played with one other couple prior to the party and didn't want to be glued to their sides or make them feel responsible for our good time. So, we try to approach people and mingle a little but the conversations are shallow and short. Everyone else seems to already know pretty much everyone there and are involved in their own conversations/flirting or they've even gone off to a bedroom together.

This happens on occasion at our parties. We do try to introduce new couples to everyone, but at some point you have to mingle and socialize on your own. It's no different than a club in that sense. Yes, it seems like everyone else already knows everyone else, and that's probably true. Now they have to get to know you too. Just keep doing what your doing, and the conversations will get deeper and longer as they get to know you.

It's ok to hang close to the couple you've already played with. No, don't glue yourselves to them, but to become part of any group, you have to join that group. Knowing somebody in that group is your way in. You're not making them responsible for your good time - you're increasing the likelihood that you will have a good time. You're not only socializing with that couple, you're also socializing with everyone they're socializing with.

Originally Posted by Unregistered

At the last party, I started having a great conversation with a really nice person, but my spouse was not attracted to their spouse, so I had to cut it short.

Why did you have to cut it short? This is what we like about parties as opposed to clubs. If Lin isn't particularly attracted to the spouse of the lady I'm talking to or playing with, she knows that there are plenty of other willing gentlemen there. There have been plenty of cases where she has gone 'down the hall' with someone, and I've stayed out in the living room, talking to two completely different people. There have also been times that Lin was on our bed with a gentleman, and I've been right next to her with some other lady. Heck, there's been a time or two in a situation like that where we've traded around so that the other man and woman have gotten together while Lin and I play together. At a party, you're not restricted to playing with one particular couple. Mingle, converse, and if someone catches your eye, there you go. Nobody is obligated to do anything with anyone - or anyone's spouse, for that matter.

Originally Posted by Unregistered

Anyway, we need some advice on how best to get ourselves "into" these established groups so that we feel welcomed among them.

As I said before - keep doing what you're doing. You have to get to know these people, and by the same token, they have to get to know you. It does take some time, but if you've been to the same host's party 3 or 4 times, folks should have gotten to know you at least a little bit by now, and you should have at least some idea as to who you'd like to play with.

Originally Posted by Unregistered

I would like to think that if I hosted a party I would introduce the new people around to some people they might like and get a conversation started or maybe play some ice breaker games, but we haven't had this happen yet in our experiences.

You're absolutely correct here, in that the hosts should introduce you to their other guests. That's just common courtesy. Then again, they can't hold your hands all night long. At some point the two of you will have to fly solo, and make your own conversations.

Some people like ice breaker games, and some don't. At parties where just about everyone knows everyone else, they're sometimes seen as not necessary. I think that's a mistake, but that's just my opinion. Why not ask the host if you can bring along an ice breaker game, or if you have an idea for one, suggest it. As hosts of house parties, I know Lin and I welcome suggestions like that. I make it well known that if anyone has any ideas, comments, or suggestions, please, by all means, speak up. We want everyone to feel comfortable and have a good time. I'm sure the hosts of the parties you've attended will welcome any comments or suggestions you may have to make any party a better experience for everyone.

House parties offer a no-pressure atmosphere where folks can let go and do pretty much as they like. They offer folks the opportunity to have fun - what you do with that opportunity is completely up to you.

[Willing29]

We have also had similar situations/ experiences since we have only been to two house parties and the first one Mrs. Willing was on the sidelines due to medical reasons so we both agreed that we were to really only be oral players (even though we we still soft swap at the time) although we did enjoy ourselves very much. The second one we went to was basically the same group of friends who knew each other very well and have been to many parties together. Let me also say that Mrs. Willing and I had agreed ahead of time that this might be our first full swap night, if we felt OK with it. We did hook up with others that night but I (he) felt a bit shy and didn't really approach many women for the reason that I was under the impression of club rules, 'no touching without being asking'. So I stayed around the lady that I had soft swapped with before or Mrs. Willing being that I was very comfortable with both of them. Although it seemed that many folks were just going up to others and kissing or touching in mid-stride and with no invitation. I am just coming to the conclusion that this group is OK with that and it is not at all like club rules. So next time I will just try to break out of my shell and just go for it. Has anyone else been in this situation or have any advice? BTW, our first full swap was very good for both of us.

[TNT]

Originally Posted by Willing29

Although it seemed that many folks were just going up to others and kissing or touching in mid-stride and with no invitation. I am just coming to the conclusion that this group is OK with that and it is not at all like club rules.

Ummm, just a few words of caution here. Just because you see others going up and kissing/touching without a direct invitation, please don't assume this is okay to do or that it's the "norm" of the party.

What you've seen is more likely that those going up kissing/touching without invitations are doing so with people that they know very well. We attend quite a few house parties...if you happened to be at one you'd see quite a few men coming up to me touching, grouping, grabbing, kissing...whatever but...what you wouldn't really know is that those that do so are men I'm comfortable with and/or have possibly previously fucked. Should a man I wasn't comfortable with or didn't know try the same thing just because he had seen others do it and "thought" it was the norm for the party, he would probably come away with a sharp spiked heel through the top of his foot.

When attending house parties, they are like any other aspect of swinging...you're only going to get out of them what you put into them. You will have to approach people and strike up conversations to get to know them and allow them to get to know you. Some conversations will be shallow and short, others may evolve into deeper conversations. If you sit in a corner all night looking unapproachable, people won't approach you. If you're taking a break sitting on a couch remember to smile as people walk by and say hi...nothing makes anyone more approachable than a smile.

Remember, it's a party and you want to have fun but to have fun you have to take the initiative and get involved, mix, mingle, say hi, ask questions such as "is this your first time at this party"? "how long have you/ya'll been swinging"? And... SMILE.

Teresa

[Willing29]

Originally Posted by TNT

Ummm, just a few words of caution here. Just because you see others going up and kissing/touching without a direct invitation, please don't assume this is okay to do or that it's the "norm" of the party.

Teresa, I might have not been as clear as I could have been in some of my last post. We really feel as if we were already included/ accepted into this close group of friends and no one in this group has an issue coming up to my wife and copping a kiss or with me for that matter. It's not like someone is going to stick a finger where it doesn't belong or a tongue in a special place with out acceptance. I don't think there are any spiked heeled issues with this group, it's sort of like a family or close group of long time friends. But if we are at a party with you guys I'll watch my feet. Just kidding, thanks for the advice.

[Tia Vampire]

We have been in this situation many times when first starting out. Just keep going to the club so that the people there get to know you. after they feel more comfortable with you, they will open up to you. Just think of it like being the new kid in school.

[lustylearning]

Awww I feel for you. The thing about house parties is, every one is different, and the dynamics in each party can hinder or help meeting new people. If you have been to three or four that you've felt uncomfortable in, then maybe the house party isn't the best way for you to get to know new folks. We prefer clubs or meet n greets to get to know people. It's just been easier for us that way. We've only been to one house party in which we knew a single couple, and it turned out fine, but that was the luck of the draw. House parties, by their very nature are less structured and predictable than different swinger "events."

[MrkLin]

I'm with Teresa on this one. You do have to go with the flow, but you also need to get to know folks before taking certain liberties. I'll give you an example...

The male half of a lifestyle couple we've known for about 3 years now is absolutely infatuated with Lin's nipples. As a result, Lin and I both know that within 2 minutes of him walking in the door, he's going to have his lips wrapped around one or both of them. Everybody's fine with this, and to be honest, it's like a running gag between the 4 of us. Now, were someone we didn't know that well to try that with her, not only would the proverbial ship hit the sand, but said individual would find himself waking up in the front yard.

The thing is, to get to know people no matter whether its at a club, party, or event, you have to get into the conversations, mingle, and yes, play. Our nipple loving friend didn't get to the point of having his head buried in my wife's cleavage by acting shy and retiring. He was respectful, and Lin did make the first move with him, but he was engaging without being overbearing.

I'll also reiterate that our parties are almost always attended exclusively by people we've known for a year or two. There will be 2 new couples coming to our party next weekend, and that's a record for us. Other than those two couples, everybody else is someone we've all played with before (in various combinations,) and we're all very comfortable with one another. A quick kiss, fanny pat, or even crotch rub is very common amongst us all, and it has led to some serious groping on the sofa a time or two. Not that I'm complaining, you understand...

The two new couples are 'friends of friends' and this will be their first house party experience. Thankfully those mutual friends will be here, so some of the ice will have already been broken. As hosts, however, we will make sure they're welcomed, introduced, and made to feel at home. We'll move on to the nipple sucking from there...

[Willing29]

Thanks for the great advice and I can understand the part about small talk and flirting first, then who knows where it will go from there. The next house party I am at with this same group I should be less shy and more outgoing. Also Mrs. Willing has offered to be my lifestyle coach (although we only both started this like six months ago, but she is more outgoing) Oh BTW, did I mention that his was generally a drop your cloths and fuck party . Or at least after the first hour when almost everyone was naked including myself,so I guess I really wasn't too shy.

[JustAskJulie]

I think if you know/feel that you are "one of the group" and others are already coming up to you and making their presence known... at the very least you can follow their lead and do the same to those who have done it to you.

It's all too easy to stay in your comfort zone... but to have a really good time eventually you do have to step out of it.

[Willing29]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

I think if you know/feel that you are "one of the group" and others are already coming up to you and making their presence known... at the very least you can follow their lead and do the same to those who have done it to you.

It's all too easy to stay in your comfort zone... but to have a really good time eventually you do have to step out of it.

I have to agree with Julie on this one. I would say that if they are already coming up to my wife (men and women, alike) then we are "one of the group" already and I just need to be more outgoing and put myself out there a bit more.