Is it common or appropriate to use an alias when contacting a club?

[GoldenEars]

Greetings All,

Been reading the site for a while and wanted to pose a question. I've searched the Forum for this topic without success. Forgive me if this has been covered before.

First, my wife and I have been having the "conversation" recently. Much to my surprise she was the one who initiated it. She's been running hot-n-cold on the idea for a while. It's fun to think about but were not sure if the reality is right for us. So,.. we thought we might go to an off-premises club or a local meet-n-greet. She's curious about the lifestyle and likes the "idea" of playing with another woman or couple. Or possibly a MFM if the right situation arose. But the idea of a house-party or on-site club really intimidates her to the point of turning her off. I on the other hand, would love to explore the lifestyle in any capacity. Soft to wild I'm open to just about anything as long as she is comfortable and turned on. If the conversation doesn't lead to anything, I'm just happy to talk about it.

So,... I was assigned the task of researching groups in our area. There are several house parties and hotel events in the region but from the web site descriptions they all seem pretty intimidating for an introduction. There is however — a popular off-premises club in our area that I'd like to contact for an invitation. I'm guessing that would be the least intimidating way to dip our toes in the water, meet some folks and feel the atmosphere without expectation. We'd like to check it out sometime in the near future.

Bot of us have high-profile careers in our respective occupations. Obviously discretion is a concern for everyone in the lifestyle. But in our case it's a particular concern. We both have recognizable names. We live in a city, but it's a small town if you know what I mean. So my question; Is it common or appropriate to use an alias when contacting a club? I know the lifestyle concept is all about honesty and openness. And we are as honest as we are cautious. It would feel strange to introduce ourselves with other names,.. but with all of our anxieties this is just another layer of concern.

Have others struggled with this. I'm sorry if this seems like a silly question, but we're "babes in the woods," but I'm a firm believer that there is no such thing as a stupid question.

Thanks for reading.

[lizandtom]

You've got the right idea about crawling before walking; vis a vis off premise to check things out first before diving into the deep end of the pool. You should not need an invitation to head to an off premise club. Everything should be public and open about the club whereas a private invite isn't warranted. Check whether you can just show up, pay their door fee and maybe a once per year membership fee, and just head in. It should be as easy as that with no names required. I really wouldn't sweat the "we're too publicly recognizable to be seen" thing. It's overrated and you'll find that even if you were the mayor, it really wouldn't be a big thing because an off premise club is just another club, period.

[AdamInEve]

Congratulations...... Sounds like you have discussed things to the point you are ready to jump in. You sound very similar to ourselves in respect to finding an off premises club or a meet and greet to get your toes wet. We found several meet and greets in our area that we wanted to attend for our first foray into the lifestyle but they never seemed to fit into our crazy schedules. We ended up going to a swinger club for our for experience. It really work out well. Contrary to what we thought it was really laid back and no pressure at all. Nobody chased us around the club, we didn't play that nite, (with others or ourselves) and really had a relaxing great time. The manager of the club was super friendly and went out of his way to make us feel comfortable.

As for giving an alias, we have never done that although we don't have high profile careers either. Actually the only time we had ever given our last names was when we signed up to become members of our local swing clubs. We did have to show ID when becoming a member. But as for people we have played with or met......no one knows our last names and no one has ever asked, but I guess if you felt more at ease giving those people an alias I don't think it would be a big deal. Believe us, no one would really know or care anyway. Good Luck

[PB&J]

On our first trip to a club, which was our first exposure to the lifestyle, I insisted that he and I use our middle names, that those would be our "swinger names". That lasted 5 minutes in the door.

[arvcpl]

I think going to an off-premise club would be a great place to start and encourage you to go.

As far as the alias thing, do whatever it takes to get in the door and start meeting people. We went to a club once that stated on their website that if you wanted to call yourself Mickey and Minnie that was fine with them.

I will say that using an alias will set yourself up for more attention and more suspician and more embarrassment when your real name slips out and it will always slip out at some point.

Also, once you have gotten in the door and have used this alias for a few minutes you will quickly be comfortable enough that you will feel silly using it and will look back on it and think it was pretty silly and unnecessary.

[pervgeeks]

We're close to your area and if you're in western Mass, we could give you a few great party ideas. If in Boston, we know of some places, but haven't been there personally. As for an alias, it seems a little unusual. Don't give last names, but first names pose little problem. We also do not have non-edited face pics on public profiles. We also are professionals with relatively high profile type jobs in our community. There are many swingers we've met that are police officers, teachers, etc. and discretion IS the rule for all experienced people in the lifestyle.

[xyzzy07]

We started by going to a hotel party in another city. We did use our full names to register because they wanted to see IDs, but I used a nickname for introductions (mainly to make it easier for people to remember). Don't be put off by hotel parties. The scene in the ballroom is reasonably tame, and you can leave the secure after-party area whenever you want. Even there, things don't get at all crazy. It's just that you're likely to see some public displays of affection.

You'll enjoy the dirty dancing even if you decide to go no further. That was our plan the first time, but a woman approached my wife in a very easy going way, and my wife ended up with her very first girl-girl experience. Worked out great.

By the way, we've been going back to party with that same group and have met many fine couples.

[ncmd_couple]

My wife has a rather unique first name, so we use her family nick name on the sites. When we meet in person, we use our real first names mainly because it is just easier and natural. An on-premise club isn't really more daungting than an 0ff-premise club.

S

[crazi429]

We are having trouble getting started but mostly schedule and what to try first. I figure If reds bi co-worker would have said ok we would have already had a FFM encounter. I hope to get her to go to one of the clubs in Dayton and see whats its all about. But with her working 6 or 7 days a week its kind of hard to do. As for names and faces we are just a couple Crazi common people that no one would ever notice.

[Mr.Essex]

If I were in your shoes, I'd spend a weekend in a larger city and make plans accordingly. It's far easier to be anonymous in a place like New York. You could travel south for a few days, visit one of their clubs and take it's measure, then go home with (presumeably) noone the wiser. Worst case scenario, neither one of you enjoys yourself (unlikely, but possible) and you won't have to deal with savvy owners deciding to send "discreet" flyers to your door. And before I forget, a "play" E-Mail address is a lifesaver. Ten minutes on Yahoo or Google to set up an account, and you can be sure to receive any new offers or party information without worrying about a snoopy housekeeper or relative being wise.

[PB&J]

Yes! Definitely have a separate email!! It can be as fake name as you want it. It amazes me how many playmates use their real name on their email when it's so easy to make it fake. Which can be a godsend on initial communication with people "out there" that you don't know, and may not want to know.

[GoldenEars]

Thanks everyone -
When I read back my post not only did it seem like a silly question, I was concerned it may have come off a little "self-important" as well.
It's not like we're anchors on the Evening News or anything. But both of our names are unusual and in some circles recognizable. With all of our anxieties, discretion is high on the list. We have a lot at stake professionally, that's all. I appreciate all of the feedback and suggestions. This board is a great resource for folks like us. I'm really glad we found it!

[JustAskJulie]

You're question isn't really that uncommon, nor is using an alias to some degree within the lifestyle. I think most people tend to use some form of alias online (whether only going by their nickname or using their initials only to sign emails when communicating with people they don't know yet. As far as using an alias at the clubs, as someone else pointed out most clubs will ask for your ID at the door (this is a legal issue so just expect it) and the name on the ID needs to match the membership info they have you fill out (again for legal purposes - they are a private membership club and therefore need to have accurate membership info). That said, once you get inside the door how you introduce yourselves is completely up to you.

There are a couple of other threads about the use of alias names that you might find helpful as well.

Alias Names
Do you use Alias Names

[cplnuswing]

Originally Posted by PB&J

It amazes me how many playmates use their real name on their email when it's so easy to make it fake.

We received a message on Swing Lifestyle one time from someone local who had just put up a profile. One of those "Hi, we're just getting started, etc." We weren't interested for a number of reasons, the first of which is we don't play that close to home, and second, this user had the initial feel anyway of a fantasizing husband, not a couple.

We replied "sorry, too close to home, but good luck". The answer we got back was something like "I understand, discretion is very important to me too, especially in such a small town. But, if you ever change your mind, just email me at ..." and then he gave a ISP email address that included his name. The Mrs thought a minute, then said "I know who that is, he's the minister at so and so church!" My answer was "well, he won't be for much longer if he makes that mistake again" I kinda felt sorry for the guy - assuming he realized his mistake, you talk about having an "oh shit" moment!!

[SexyRedmondCpl]

When we first started out, we had talked about going by some sort of alias. That lasted maybe until we pulled into the parking lot. It's just too much work to maintain that sort of thing... of course, it could also make for some fun role-playing. The same thing for us with masking pictures on Swing Lifestyle or the like. We both figure that if you can't afford to get caught, you shouldn't be doing it. Period.