My First Time at a Club: Is This Normal???

[SnowwwWhite]

This is not that big of a deal, but I did feel a little uncomfortable so I figured I'd find out what's considered normal behavior.

I've just been to an on-premise club for the first time (yes, I'll relay the story in another thread!) and there was this male who was wandering around without his partner all night. I never saw him with a female so I don't even know he actually had one except that this particular club doesn't allow single males... but it was weird because this guy was ALWAYS by himself... even in the downstairs public area.

And it wasn't just a casual walking around sort of thing. He would stop and leer at people while they were playing... he actually came up to me and my partner while we were "occupied" and kept asking in a really loud voice "Are you having fun? Are you having fun?" This may not sound like much, but it made me feel pretty uncomfortable. I didn't feel like I was in the presence of swingers enjoying the view, I felt like I was on display in a zoo. This guy's "energy" seemed so out of place... everyone else was laid back, relaxed, sensual, and having fun... and here's this mouth-breather wandering around with his tongue hanging out and talking to people while they're playing.

And he was also doing the same thing later in the private area upstairs... while we were playing with another couple in one of the rooms and this guy showed up and started basically doing a play-by-play! Ick!! His voice was annoying, out of place, and interrupting the flow. I was starting to feel turned off!

This was clearly a couples club. EVERYONE was coupled up, not hardly any single females, either.

I guess I was just wondering two things:

1) This was the only guy all night I saw repeatedly alone. What do couples think about men wandering around without their female? Regardless of whether they're "nice" looking or "creepy" looking. Is that smiled on or frowned upon?

My personal take is that I wouldn't be interested in playing with someone without their other half. (Even if a guy just wanted to ask me to dance I'd really prefer if he would come up to me with his partner to flirt!) This guy wandering and approaching alone gave me the impression that he got in with a ticket, or that he just wanted to get a show or get laid without any effort. I would think that if you're a legitimate swinger you'd have your partner with you and you'd want to present yourself as a package deal, especially in a primarily couples' club.

2) What would an experienced swinger do if this happened? Ignore the guy or mention it to the owner? (Is it possible he's a friend of the owner and slipped in that way?) Just curious if anyone else has experienced this and how did they handle it?

Trust me, this guy was not some innocent newbie in awe. He had "uncool energy" and creep written all over him. I really did feel uncomfortable. He may have come in with a partner, but he definitely gave off a single guy vibe. (It makes me think of how people have complained in the forums about single men at the swinger's resorts who come around the pool to watch with their mouths hanging open. Now I GET it!)

[realcplub2]

Snow,

Personally we both think you should have brought it to the attention of someone in management.

We all know or hear about single guys who bring a woman to get into parties or clubs.. And if 20 minutes later she leaves he is in..

The bouncer or whoever is on the door is usually occupied and a single woman leaving by herself wouldnt raise and eyebrow.. Its probably a situation similar to that..

In either case, Don't let that one ASSHOLE ruin your evening, or your curiousity about clubs. As far as getting creepied out, if a single guy were to approach you, its as simple as get your girlfriend/wife, and we'll make it a foursome.. if they leave and dont come back you know why.. and if they do.. then you know the answer that way too..

[SnowwwWhite]

Thanks, good advice!

I didn't let the guy ruin my experience, though. I was pretty caught up in the excitement of my first time at an on-premise club so there was a lot of stimuli! I was having a great time and there wasn't any "mental space" for getting worked up over someone else's behaviors. It's after I had time to reflect on the night that I started to wonder if that was normal. The guy would have had to touch me or something really overtly bad before I'd think to complain to the owner while on-site.

But I can say that if I see him again I'll be going the other way. I really liked the club owners and next time I'll probably ask them what I should do if I feel uncomfortable... and maybe briefly mention that guy as an example... and see what they say.

[two42lovers]

if a single guy were to approach you, its as simple as get your girlfriend/wife, and we'll make it a foursome..

Careful - you may get much more drama than you bargained for if you encourage a guy like that to pay special attention to you. Might be better to say, "we'd prefer to not have you there watching us, can you please go somewhere else?" If the guy doesn't leave you alone, complain to the management/hosts.

[SnowwwWhite]

Yeah, I doubt I'd say "go get your girlfriend" if I wasn't interested (which I was definitely NOT!).

This was the kind of guy you don't want to give any encouragement to.

[Chicup]

All of the clubs in our area are 'couples only' clubs, at least the on site ones.

That being said at all the clubs there have been single males. All of them claimed to have wives involved but they couldn't make it that night.

Normally they are long time friends of the owners, hosts, or maybe work there and as such they get a pass on the couples only rule.

This guy sounds like one of those types (maybe not, maybe his wife went to play leaving him in the lurch) and the issue is that if he is the owners may well not respond to complaints about him.

[SnowwwWhite]

I'd be really surprised if the owners didn't respond well to a complaint about him. I also can't imagine they'd intentionally let a guy like this in without a partner, as it's bad for business. On their website they claim they have a zero tolerance policy to any disrespectful or drunken behavior.

And anyway... I wouldn't "complain" per se. It would be more of a "what should I do if I ever feel uncomfortable?" And then mention that there was a guy who was wandering around without a female and acting either drunk or just basically loud and lecherous.

[good times]

I agree with Chicup, sounds like a single guy who either works there or is a friend of the club hosts. And yes, this is pretty common in our experience. In fact, every club we have went to that was couples only usually had a couple of single guys around who either worked there or agreed to help the owner/hosts out around the club in exchange for admission.

That being said, all the guys we have met in this situation have been nice respectful guys. If they weren't, you can bet your ass, especially if it was a couples only party, that we would be discussing it with the hosts at the first sign of creepyness or inappropriate behavior.

Beyond that, because you didn't choose to discuss your experience regarding this guy with the hosts, any other speculation I might make here regarding this incident would be pointless, in my opinion.

[SnowwwWhite]

Well again, I didn't think of reporting it at the time. It was my first time to ever visit a club, and there was too much going on. Once I had a chance to review my evening I realized how I had felt at the time but just ignored it.

It's over and done with, but next time I'll ask the owners how to handle an uncomfortable situation and give a brief description. Not a big deal.

[JustAskJulie]

We've seen this too often, and not just guys wondering around by themselves, but as a couple and doing the same types of things. It can be very disconcerting. In your case, since it's a couples only club (or in our case if this was happening and it was a guy by himself in the areas that only allow couples) we would definately alert management. The club we frequent has rules that couples have to be togethr in the couples areas, just because you show up as a couple doesn't mean the guy can wonder off into the play areas by himself (or the woman either for that matter).

[BiloxiCouple]

It's never too late to let the owners know. It may be his first incident or his last Besides if they deal with it, someone else may be able to avoid a situation like you found yourself in.