Clubs and Cliques

[Atilla]

Does anyone notice that if you visit a club that it tends to be a bit cliquey? We've been to Calgary Adult Playground twice now and neither time have gotten layed.

The first time, small crowd and people wanted to dance and socialize. The second time, very large crowd but everyone kept to their own and played with their group, no interest in the fresh meat on the floor (us...and we're not hard on the eyes either).

I'm so discouraged by it all that I won't be returning to that club, it was a waste of $80 to get in the door. We'll be trying a different club next time we're there.

[BiloxiCouple]

Clubs are cliquey. Life is also cliquey. Be positive, the cliques have probably known each other for quite a while. Get out of the chair and mingle. This is advice for everyone.

Atilla: We've been to Calgary Adult Playground twice now and neither time have gotten layed.

There is more to going to a club than to get layed in my opion.
They are socializing, mingling and getting layed. Don't forget that if you brought someone with you they didn't get layed either? Hmmmm....

The last time we were at an on site club we got layed, by each other That is more important than anyone else that might have been there.

Bottom line you got to socialize and meet the people that are there. They are under no obligation to go meet you and you have the same rights. You get out of it what you slide into it.

[VegasLee]

Since I have been hosting in a club that has been around for 25 years I have heard this same things 100's of times.

I have always had the same response to everyone that says it.

The place I host at has 50% regulars and 50% tourists. There are new people each and every night with over 900 people each week.

Many of the regulars hang in groups because they know each other, some of them will take time from the groups to go introduce their self to new people but no one is required to do so or should be expected to do so. They are there for the same reason that the new people are, that is to have fun.

The tourists that have fun are the ones that realize that this is an adult party and that any party is only as good as you make it yourself. The object of a on promise club/party is to provide a safe, clean place that ADULTS can come have fun without having to worry about others judging them for their lifestyle choices.

Those that are social, introduce their self around always seem to have a great time. I can stand back and watch people each night sitting at a table by their self or standing off in the corner and know that those are the ones that are going to either leave early or at the end of the night express that they did not have the time they "expected" at a swingers party.

We can not "make" you have the night you want or make you have a good time, you have to do that yourself.

[good times]

While I can see why the average person that goes to a swing club might get this impression, we have never experienced this ourselves. The reason for this is that we are pretty outgoing people and have no problem going up to people and introducing ourselves. This does not seem to be the norm though, we see a lot of people come to the club and not interact much with the others there. So, in my opinion, it really does boil down to what BiloxiCouple and VegasLee said in that you get out of it what you put into it.

The thing that makes a lot of people assume that the clubs are cliquish is that they don't realize that a lot of people there are regulars and already know many of the other patrons. Because of that they are often busy visiting their friends and have less incentive to actively pursue conversations with others than a new person does who doesn't know anyone. Unlike a true clique though, if approached these people are usually more than willing to talk to you and introduce you around to their friends if you approach them initially. So, if you go to the club and are just waiting for someone to come up to you and get the conversation going, you will probably be disappointed at any club, as that just doesn't happen very often.

I doubt if you will find it much different at other clubs, while their are differences between clubs, they all have their regulars that might appear to be cliquish to someone that isn't willing to jump right in and introduce themselves. Our experience is limited, as we have only been to 5 on-premise clubs and several house parties but, so far, they have all been pretty much the same in this regard.

[LOL_OMG]

Clubs can be great if you approach them with the right attitude. We have been to many clubs in the last year and a half and have not once met a 'new' couple and had sex on the spot. What we have done is meet some great people, find out that there is a 4-way connection, then have the good sex at a later date. We have experienced the cliques as well, and every once in a while it can make the night disappointing, if you let it. Keep your eye out for other people that are on the fringes of said cliques and if you see some that appeal to you approach them, they will probably be very eager to talk to someone themselves. Otherwise do as previously posted, let the atmosphere get you worked up, then molest each other. Hope this helps if even in a small way.

Mr. Lol

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by Atilla

The first time, small crowd and people wanted to dance and socialize. The second time, very large crowd but everyone kept to their own and played with their group, no interest in the fresh meat on the floor (us...and we're not hard on the eyes either).

Originally Posted by LOL_OMG

Clubs can be great if you approach them with the right attitude. We have been to many clubs in the last year and a half and have not once met a 'new' couple and had sex on the spot. What we have done is meet some great people, find out that there is a 4-way connection, then have the good sex at a later date. We have experienced the cliques as well, and every once in a while it can make the night disappointing, if you let it.

We've experienced much the same thing, and we believe it's for only one reason...we cannot be "regulars" anywhere, because of distance, time and money. There are no real clubs near us - going to any of them requires a trip.

We're social, we love to dance, we smile a lot, and we think we're not hard on the eyes. We like to feel a connection and get to know people (much like LOL OMG described), but due to distance and infrequency of attendance, that doesn't happen much for us. Many people at the clubs seem to be there with others (a tight-knit group or on a "date" with another couple), and we feel we're imposing if we walk up and try to mingle with paired-off people. Others are glued to one spot all night, looking frightened or apprehensive. Because we need to be attracted to them as a pair, this makes it much more difficult to make a connection when we do get a chance to go. When we get to go, we don't have any expectations at all. We get to have sex every time though...at least with each other.

If we had the ability to be regulars at a club, I'm sure we'd have a lot more interesting interactions and/or connections with others. I don't think that most couples are interested in strangers, even friendly ones.

[Tia Vampire]

I'm usually a very social person, but i have seen these thing happen in clubs too. The way i look at it is if the music is right and they serve the kind of drinks i like, i will have a good time. I don't go in wanting to get laid. If it happens, it happens. My fiance on the other hand is not that social at all. Sometime him not having a good time makes it hard for me to have a good time. So not only may the clubs that you attend may seem cliquish, but you have to make the most of it also. As everyone else here has said, you have to mingle.

[des1re06]

When we first mentioned going to our favorite club, we heard, "you don't want to go there, they're very cliquish." We went with the attitude that we were just going to have fun together. We did! We danced the night away and had a great time, all by ourselves. We did our own thing , and it was so hot just being around other like-minded people. The next few times, people recognized us and said hello and joined in our dancing. It took a few visits before we actually became "regulars". Now, we hardly go anywhere else, unless we're traveling.

As far as the price, it's far less than going to a vanilla bar and paying $8 per watered down drink and a cover charge, and not having the opportunity to meet our dream couple.

Give it some time, unless you really get bad vibes about the people there.

Mrs. D

[good times]

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

If we had the ability to be regulars at a club, I'm sure we'd have a lot more interesting interactions and/or connections with others. I don't think that most couples are interested in strangers, even friendly ones.

As a person who is a regular at several clubs, I have to say that I disagree with this. When you go to a club and see a group of people that are obviously friends that are hanging out together, just remember they were all strangers to each other at one time too. When we go to a club, we are primarily there to meet potential play partners. The people we already know are great to hang out with but the reason we are at the club is to meet new people, in other words, strangers.

So when you see those groups of people hanging out together, go up to them and introduce yourselves. More often than not, they are their for the same reason you are. The biggest advantage to doing this is that often times you will be able to meet a lot of people at once with very little effort on your part. We know several couples we have met this way that we only see at the club once or twice a year. Yet when they do come, they are part of the regular group just like the ones that go every week.

[Tybee Swing]

GT, thanks for your thoughts. We do go up to groups of people and say hi, if they look friendly and fun. But, if we get a vibe that we're intruding on their pre-arranged date or special-friends arrangement, we subtly move on. It's pretty common that people will only play with their own special circle, or with people they already know or at least have seen several times before (regulars).

We understand, we're okay with that. Some people at clubs are interested in meeting out-of-towners/newbies for potential play partners (like you), but others aren't.

We look forward to the day that we can move to a more metropolitan area and enjoy a more social/regular kind of situation.

[mrs good times]

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

GT, thanks for your thoughts. We do go up to groups of people and say hi, if they look friendly and fun. But, if we get a vibe that we're intruding on their pre-arranged date or special-friends arrangement, we subtly move on. It's pretty common that people will only play with their own special circle, or with people they already know or at least have seen several times before (regulars).

We understand, we're okay with that. Some people at clubs are interested in meeting out-of-towners/newbies for potential play partners (like you), but others aren't.

We look forward to the day that we can move to a more metropolitan area and enjoy a more social/regular kind of situation.

It is true that sometimes we take a "date" to the club with us and I'm sure it is pretty obvious so others may seem reluctant to say hi, but we still enjoy meeting others even when we are there with a couple because it may lead to a future meeting. We have had couples approach us when we are on a "date" and we are happy to introduce them to the couple we are with and visit for awhile but we will let them know that we are busy for the evening and perhaps trade phone numbers or Swing Lifestyle names.

The point being that if we didn't want to be approached by others we wouldn't be at the club we would have gone to dinner or to our house for the "date". Most of the people we know that enjoy clubs feel the same way.

[VegasLee]

We are kind of with Goodtimes on this one.

We see about 400 tourists a week at the club. After being in the same club for over ten years we are glad so see new people each week with a chance to play with them.

One of the problems we run into though is that in Vegas our club has become a bit of a tourist attraction for people that are not swingers. They have heard about the place and they just want to come see what it is all about. That "Sin City" thing, people want to see something they would never think of checking out at home. Now many of them are Swingers and that is great but when you spend a couple hours talking to people then find out they are not swingers but tourists playing the Vegas games it can get a bit old also.

We have found it is best to try to get to the point early on with the new people to see what they are there for. We don't mind talking to the tourists for some time but we are also there looking for the players.

It is also nice when the players are a bit more out going and introduce their self around so you have an idea what they are there for.

We did spend a week in Florida and went to a club. No matter how many regulars we tried to talk to though we got shut out. There are some places that are Cliques. When we went into the clubs play area a few times we found we where the only ones back there. Some places are more night clubs then swing clubs. Not the place for us.

[LOL_OMG]

After starting out on the newbie side, and progressing to...where we are now, heh. I think it's up to the couple that is more experienced to bring up the question of, do you want to play?" It's not always easy to break that barrior, but once you do things just flow. To us games would only be needed if both couples are new, or someone requests them. We have spent nights where we wanted to play, and later on the couple told us they wanted to play, and nothing ever happened sexually. It's not always a bad thing though, if you have a good time and make friends, then play later, it's usually a really good experience, at least from our view.

Mr. Lol