etiquette at a swing club

friskymonkey · 10-26-2006, 02:14 PM

Hi, I'm completely new to the scene so I'm asking this because, honestly, I don't know if I'm nuts.

Here's what happened: My husband and I just attended our first swing party. We had a really great time. We went with another couple and the woman and I played together in the group room (I guess it's called) for an enjoyable while before they had to leave. After they split, my husband and I resumed with each other and were having an amazing time. Very erotic being around all the other couples having sex and we were all wound up from the girl/girl play with the other couple. Just when we were seriously getting into it and I was about an inch from orgasm (there was no mistaking this, my eyes were closed, I was moaning, my hair was falling in front of my face, I was in another world), out of nowhere someone said, "May I touch you?” I was jolted back to reality and looked up to see a couple that I'd never seen before and had had no previous interaction with. I mumbled something incoherent (like, "Huh?") but they just stood smiling and waiting and generally being very nice but here's the thing: I was right in the middle of something amazing.

OK. So, I know it's a swing party and people came to play. And I know I was in the group room, not off in private. And I understand that they were following the "ask first" policy. But. Is it customary to interrupt someone who is obviously in the throes of ecstasy to ask to join them? Like I said, I don't know what is considered polite. Maybe I'm timid, but I would have just watched and tried to make visual contact and hope to be invited over or at least get some indication that there was mutual interest. Or am I just being a ninny?

Anyway, I don't want to be a big complainer because I really had a great experience all around, but I never did get back to the place I was before approached by the (I'm sure very nice and well meaning) other couple.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. I appreciate all responses. If this has already been covered elsewhere on this board, please link me and sorry to repeat!

nice_cpl_n_bama · 10-26-2006, 02:29 PM

Often times people who don't know another person don't really know each others responses. For example, One lady I know starts moaning and screaming as soon as she's touched. Another lady I played with never made a sound except a little low moan from time to time. I was feeling bad because I thought I wasn't getting the job done.
Her husband must have noticed my concern because he came over and told me that she only ever makes a sound when she cums.
If the other couple was the moan and scream as soon as touched type they might have honestly not knows it wasn't a good moment to interrupt.
Also, At least they asked

intuition897 · 10-26-2006, 03:48 PM

As far as faux pas go, it could've been much worse. But I definitely think they could've timed it better. I know that no one is a mind reader, and being a woman probably makes me more aware of this, but people really should try to tune in to the fact that OFTEN orgasms are not automatic for women. Men have to think about Barney Gumble in a bikini to keep from going off...and some unfortunate women - like me - need to get totally "in the zone", into this almost meditative state. I read about other women who are multi-uncontrollably-orgasmic, and I'm jealous as hell. IT SUCKS to have to work so hard at getting off, and then right at the ripest moment, have someone come in and totally burst your bubble. It is VERY frustrating.

Not all female swingers are multi-orgasmic. We aren't broken, we don't need fixing, we are just wired differently. I know that when I do have an orgasm, it's usually off the Richter scale (...and then I just want to go to sleep

). I just think that perhaps others should be aware that this is a real issue for some women, and they should be sensitive to that fact. I've read in a recent thread about club etiquette that most of the playrooms tend to be "quiet spaces", and that it is considered rude to interrupt someone obviously in the middle of something. Having never been to an on-premises club, I can only hope that that is the standard.

**good times** · 10-26-2006, 03:58 PM

No, you are not being a ninny. In my opinion the time to ask someone to join them is well before you get to the play room. Were I in your place, I would have been pissed, and after they experienced my reaction to their interuption they probably would have spent the rest of the evening talking about what an asshole I was.

I will admit though, this or something similar has happened a few times to us. We have several clubs in our area that only have public play rooms, and this seems to happen quite often. My observation is that their are some couples that come to the club, usually from out of town, and they are bound and determined to hook up with someone that night. For various reasons they don't have any luck hooking up by mingling with folks, most often because they are obviously desperate to hook up which is a turn-off to most. So, they go to the public play room with the idea that they will be less likely to be refused by someone who is midplay and at the height of passion. What amazes me, is that even though this almost never works, we will still see these same people trying it again and again until they eventually get someone pissed enough that they get the hosts involved to give them an etiquette education.

SexyDeuce · 10-26-2006, 04:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by good times

My observation is that their are some couples that come to the club, usually from out of town, and they are bound and determined to hook up with someone that night. For various reasons they don't have any luck hooking up by mingling with folks, most often because they are obviously desperate to hook up which is a turn-off to most. So, they go to the public play room with the idea that they will be less likely to be refused by someone who is midplay and at the height of passion.

Yet another example of people being rude and attempting to have an angle in order to advance their agenda in the lifestyle by taking advantage of others. It's a shame that stuff like this goes on. People like this should be thoroughly embarrassed in front of everyone. A few bad apples ...

ShellyM · 10-26-2006, 08:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by friskymonkey

Is it customary to interrupt someone who is obviously in the throes of ecstasy to ask to join them? Like I said, I don't know what is considered polite. Maybe I'm timid, but I would have just watched and tried to make visual contact and hope to be invited over or at least get some indication that there was mutual interest. Or am I just being a ninny?

Nope, that was just plain ass rude and inconsiderate. I mean, come on people! They see you absolutely enjoying yourself, why did they think you needed another person??? Duuuuuuuh! lol
I know, at the club we go to you always have the "coach" traveling from couple to couple. Okay, I've been screwing men long enough to go it alone, thanks but no thanks. I have never been approached, so they can tell I don't need help I suppose lol.

No girl, they should not have done that imo.

ShellyM · 10-26-2006, 08:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by intuition897

As far as faux pas go, it could've been much worse. But I definitely think they could've timed it better. I know that no one is a mind reader, and being a woman probably makes me more aware of this, but people really should try to tune in to the fact that OFTEN orgasms are not automatic for women. Men have to think about Barney Gumble in a bikini to keep from going off...and some unfortunate women - like me - need to get totally "in the zone", into this almost meditative state. I read about other women who are multi-uncontrollably-orgasmic, and I'm jealous as hell. IT SUCKS to have to work so hard at getting off, and then right at the ripest moment, have someone come in and totally burst your bubble. It is VERY frustrating.

Not all female swingers are multi-orgasmic. We aren't broken, we don't need fixing, we are just wired differently. I know that when I do have an orgasm, it's usually off the Richter scale (...and then I just want to go to sleep

). I just think that perhaps others should be aware that this is a real issue for some women, and they should be sensitive to that fact. I've read in a recent thread about club etiquette that most of the playrooms tend to be "quiet spaces", and that it is considered rude to interrupt someone obviously in the middle of something. Having never been to an on-premises club, I can only hope that that is the standard.

You and I are alot alike....I joke that my clitoris is pickier than I am!
But yeah, I would have been SO pissed off.....I can go from horny to pissed pretty quickly, and this would have been one of those times. Here I am, completely enjoying the attention this man or woman THAT I HAVE CHOSEN TO BE WITH is giving me, and some who ha decides to butt in. The nerve of some dumb people.

friskymonkey · 10-28-2006, 09:54 AM

Thank you!

Thank heavens the people I described were just (presumably well meaning) oafs, not indicative of the typical behavior at a club.

friskymonkey · 10-28-2006, 09:56 AM

Oh, and in the interest of full disclosure, I should say that the orgasm they interrupted wasn't my only orgasm of the night. But still! They couldn't know that.

NakedInSeattle · 10-29-2006, 07:11 PM

I gotta say that when you're in the "group room" there's nothing stopping anybody from joining in. They did ask.

HappyPeople · 10-29-2006, 07:21 PM

MAle half says:

sounds like they followed all proper policies and procedures appropriately. feel free to move to the nearest available private room to avoid further encounters of this sort.

friskymonkey · 10-29-2006, 08:17 PM

I just started reading a wonderful book (which probably is not new to many of you) called The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Catherine Liszt. It calls itself a "guide to infinite sexual possibilities". Basically it's a great guide to all things swing/lifestyle/polyamorous.

I skipped to the section entitled "Group Sex Etiquette" (I'm not making this up!) and here's what it says about this very situation:

Consent is an absolute requirement...and the people who you tried to join will have to stop whatever they are having so much fun doing to deal with you, and then they will be justifiably angry. At you. And how are you going to get consent from people in the middle of a hot fuck? Tap them on the shoulder and say, "Will you please stop a moment so I can ask if I can join you?"

OK, so that's just the author's opinion but since we were on the subject, I thought I'd share it.

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10-26-2006, 02:14 PM	#1 (permalink)
friskymonkey Here to Stay Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 20 Location: SF bay area Status: couple	etiquette at a swing club Hi, I'm completely new to the scene so I'm asking this because, honestly, I don't know if I'm nuts. Here's what happened: My husband and I just attended our first swing party. We had a really great time. We went with another couple and the woman and I played together in the group room (I guess it's called) for an enjoyable while before they had to leave. After they split, my husband and I resumed with each other and were having an amazing time. Very erotic being around all the other couples having sex and we were all wound up from the girl/girl play with the other couple. Just when we were seriously getting into it and I was about an inch from orgasm (there was no mistaking this, my eyes were closed, I was moaning, my hair was falling in front of my face, I was in another world), out of nowhere someone said, "May I touch you?” I was jolted back to reality and looked up to see a couple that I'd never seen before and had had no previous interaction with. I mumbled something incoherent (like, "Huh?") but they just stood smiling and waiting and generally being very nice but here's the thing: I was right in the middle of something amazing. OK. So, I know it's a swing party and people came to play. And I know I was in the group room, not off in private. And I understand that they were following the "ask first" policy. But. Is it customary to interrupt someone who is obviously in the throes of ecstasy to ask to join them? Like I said, I don't know what is considered polite. Maybe I'm timid, but I would have just watched and tried to make visual contact and hope to be invited over or at least get some indication that there was mutual interest. Or am I just being a ninny? Anyway, I don't want to be a big complainer because I really had a great experience all around, but I never did get back to the place I was before approached by the (I'm sure very nice and well meaning) other couple. Thanks for taking the time to read this. I appreciate all responses. If this has already been covered elsewhere on this board, please link me and sorry to repeat!

10-26-2006, 02:29 PM	#2 (permalink)
nice_cpl_n_bama Where's the party! Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 198 Location: Huntsville, AL Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:nice_cpl_n_bama	Re: etiquette at a swing club Often times people who don't know another person don't really know each others responses. For example, One lady I know starts moaning and screaming as soon as she's touched. Another lady I played with never made a sound except a little low moan from time to time. I was feeling bad because I thought I wasn't getting the job done. Her husband must have noticed my concern because he came over and told me that she only ever makes a sound when she cums. If the other couple was the moan and scream as soon as touched type they might have honestly not knows it wasn't a good moment to interrupt. Also, At least they asked
	__________________ FATAL ERROR: WITTY LINE NOT FOUND (A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail

10-26-2006, 03:48 PM	#3 (permalink)
intuition897 Canadian, eh? Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 2,633 Location: Kingston, ON Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:intuition897	Re: etiquette at a swing club As far as faux pas go, it could've been much worse. But I definitely think they could've timed it better. I know that no one is a mind reader, and being a woman probably makes me more aware of this, but people really should try to tune in to the fact that OFTEN orgasms are not automatic for women. Men have to think about Barney Gumble in a bikini to keep from going off...and some unfortunate women - like me - need to get totally "in the zone", into this almost meditative state. I read about other women who are multi-uncontrollably-orgasmic, and I'm jealous as hell. IT SUCKS to have to work so hard at getting off, and then right at the ripest moment, have someone come in and totally burst your bubble. It is VERY frustrating. Not all female swingers are multi-orgasmic. We aren't broken, we don't need fixing, we are just wired differently. I know that when I do have an orgasm, it's usually off the Richter scale (...and then I just want to go to sleep ). I just think that perhaps others should be aware that this is a real issue for some women, and they should be sensitive to that fact. I've read in a recent thread about club etiquette that most of the playrooms tend to be "quiet spaces", and that it is considered rude to interrupt someone obviously in the middle of something. Having never been to an on-premises club, I can only hope that that is the standard.
	__________________ Fear is a symptom of ignorance. Knowledge is the cure.

10-26-2006, 03:58 PM	#4 (permalink)
good times Mod Squad Member Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 6,919 Location: Reno, Nevada Status: Married to Mrs Good Times Swing Lifestyle Name:randp	Re: etiquette at a swing club No, you are not being a ninny. In my opinion the time to ask someone to join them is well before you get to the play room. Were I in your place, I would have been pissed, and after they experienced my reaction to their interuption they probably would have spent the rest of the evening talking about what an asshole I was. I will admit though, this or something similar has happened a few times to us. We have several clubs in our area that only have public play rooms, and this seems to happen quite often. My observation is that their are some couples that come to the club, usually from out of town, and they are bound and determined to hook up with someone that night. For various reasons they don't have any luck hooking up by mingling with folks, most often because they are obviously desperate to hook up which is a turn-off to most. So, they go to the public play room with the idea that they will be less likely to be refused by someone who is midplay and at the height of passion. What amazes me, is that even though this almost never works, we will still see these same people trying it again and again until they eventually get someone pissed enough that they get the hosts involved to give them an etiquette education.
	__________________ R (He is R, she is P)

10-28-2006, 09:54 AM	#8 (permalink)
friskymonkey Here to Stay Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 20 Location: SF bay area Status: couple	Re: etiquette at a swing club Thank you! Thank heavens the people I described were just (presumably well meaning) oafs, not indicative of the typical behavior at a club.

10-28-2006, 09:56 AM	#9 (permalink)
friskymonkey Here to Stay Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 20 Location: SF bay area Status: couple	Re: etiquette at a swing club Oh, and in the interest of full disclosure, I should say that the orgasm they interrupted wasn't my only orgasm of the night. But still! They couldn't know that.
	Last edited by friskymonkey; 10-28-2006 at 09:58 AM. Reason: cuz I spelled wrong

10-29-2006, 07:11 PM	#10 (permalink)
NakedInSeattle Loving life (style) Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 449 Location: Seattle, WA Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:NakedInSeattle	Re: etiquette at a swing club I gotta say that when you're in the "group room" there's nothing stopping anybody from joining in. They did ask.

10-29-2006, 07:21 PM	#11 (permalink)
HappyPeople Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 390 Location: Tampa	Re: etiquette at a swing club MAle half says: sounds like they followed all proper policies and procedures appropriately. feel free to move to the nearest available private room to avoid further encounters of this sort.

10-29-2006, 08:17 PM	#12 (permalink)
friskymonkey Here to Stay Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 20 Location: SF bay area Status: couple	Re: etiquette at a swing club I just started reading a wonderful book (which probably is not new to many of you) called The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Catherine Liszt. It calls itself a "guide to infinite sexual possibilities". Basically it's a great guide to all things swing/lifestyle/polyamorous. I skipped to the section entitled "Group Sex Etiquette" (I'm not making this up!) and here's what it says about this very situation: Consent is an absolute requirement...and the people who you tried to join will have to stop whatever they are having so much fun doing to deal with you, and then they will be justifiably angry. At you. And how are you going to get consent from people in the middle of a hot fuck? Tap them on the shoulder and say, "Will you please stop a moment so I can ask if I can join you?" OK, so that's just the author's opinion but since we were on the subject, I thought I'd share it.

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