Local swingers group vs. swingers clubs

[gatorvol64]

Please help me with a few questions I have. Yesterday we attended a house party of the local swingers group. First off everyone was very nice and made us feel welcome even though we had decided beforehand that we weren't going to play. It was a big step for us and we wanted to be able to talk about it before we took the dive. There were 15 or so couples and a couple of single men and women. Part of the swing thing for us is the pleasure of watching each other and this did not seem important to them (we weren't there for the heavy playing). There were alot of crude comments that were a turn off for us. So, I want to know if this is anything like a public swingers club as we have never been to one or is this just the wrong group for us?
Gator

[VanHlebar]

Where the comments directed at you or just general comments that you found offensive? If they were directed towards you, I would have talked with the Host of the party and explained what happened. Public or private parties...if they were directed at you, that is not how parties should be done.

-Van

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by VanHlebar

Where the comments directed at you or just general comments that you found offensive? If they were directed towards you, I would have talked with the Host of the party and explained what happened. Public or private parties...if they were directed at you, that is not how parties should be done.

-Van

I agree with Mr. Van on this.
If they were personal comments than I am honestly surprised, most of the swingers we have met have been very understanding....you never know though. There are bad apples on every tree. I have never been to one, so I can't tell you anything from personal experience. Definately though if they were personal comments I would not return.

[Pepper & Drew]

The off premises club that we go to is not like that at all, since there's no one having sex there. Now, the crude comments......I dunno. I don't usually hear anything that offends me, but, then again, there's not a whole hell of a lot that DOES offend me. It's kinda like working on a construction site and being offended by hearing curse words.

Generally, the house parties we've been to have moved a bit faster just because 1) typically more people know each other and have played together before 2) often, there's sex happening right there, so it kind of lends itself to more comments, etc. 3) since people DO know each other, and because it's the same house, a lot of couples feel more comfortable going off by themselves.

I think you'll have a different experience than at your house party with a larger club--either off or on premises.

Pepper

[TNT]

Originally Posted by gatorvol64

(we weren't there for the heavy playing). There were alot of crude comments that were a turn off for us. So, I want to know if this is anything like a public swingers club as we have never been to one or is this just the wrong group for us?
Gator

Probably not the group for you.

The house parties that we have attended are definitely for "heavy playing"...the people go to fuck, not that there is no socialization involved at all but...basically they're fuckfests.

Someone who is new to swinging would not be pressured but, it's probably not a good place to start either.

What exactly were the "crude comments" that you are talking about?


Teresa

[gatorvol64]

First off, maybe a house party wasn't the best choice for group baptism. The couples there were comfortable with each other and there was definately going to be a fuckfest later which we weren't going to be able to attend because of my work schedule. We just wanted to get a feel for this and let them know this early on. Looking back the crude comments were made by just one person, and maybe crude wasn't the right word. We knew what to expect in general as this was a swingers party.

It wasn' that we left repulsed or anything. Overall, we had a nice time and do not regret going at all. I just wondered about other events. We had just agreed to try something like this. You don't know sometimes until you try. We will probably try a club too sometime. If we find that isn't for us either it isn't a big deal. We are happy with the way we do things now.

Thanks for your help.
Gator

[Menage_a_Trois]

First I think part of what you experienced, was like Teresa stated:

Originally Posted by TNT

The house parties that we have attended are definitely for "heavy playing"...the people go to fuck, not that there is no socialization involved at all but...basically they're fuckfests. Teresa

I would venture to guess that a good number of those at the party are there regularly and had the added benefit of a “comfort zone” with their surroundings and fellow party goers. I would also guess a majority of them were looking to make contacts like Teresa mentioned that would actually lead to hooking up.

Having attended a lot of house parties and clubs, while we never set an expectation that we will play, we do hope to hook up when we go. Most of us who are looking to hook up aren’t really interested in just standing around and watching (although that is fun!).

It would be helpful to know the jest of the “crude comments” in order to attempt to address what was going on there. I think on a positive note, that you found a place where the people were friendly and nice and did make you feel welcome. That is the first step in finding a house party/group you like. I wouldn’t necessarily throw in the towel on going but I would be up front with couples that you are only there getting your feet wet, etc. and when the moment is right for you both you will know.

Clubs tend to be somewhat the same, however you are likely to find a little more diversity in the crowd. It is possible you will find another couple who is new, and perhaps wanting to have sex with each other and only watch another couple while they are having sex. Again you expressing what you are looking for and not looking for is important and will save everyone from being uncomfortable or awkward later on. Just remaining open and positive and enjoying the moment is key, remember you are on an exploratory mission together. We have had fun in both the house parties and the club environment. Good luck.

The Other Mrs. Ménage

[Cuddly]

Originally Posted by TNT

Probably not the group for you.

The house parties that we have attended are definitely for "heavy playing"...the people go to fuck, not that there is no socialization involved at all but...basically they're fuckfests.

Someone who is new to swinging would not be pressured but, it's probably not a good place to start either.

What exactly were the "crude comments" that you are talking about?


Teresa

I don’t agree, House parties can be social also, not every comes to fuck. We have social house parties, we play games, dance, chit chat.... and all the things you can do at clubs. House parties are what you make them......... find out what kind of party you are going to before going. House parties can be loads of fun for both new and experienced swingers. Just my two cents…… Cuddly

[cuzzeyesaidso]

I never recommend house parties for first-timers. Generally the people there are more acquainted with each other and pretty much expect everybody that shows up to be ready and willing to play at the drop of a hat....or bra

I've always told people they should start at the local swing club. Even though most of the folks hang in their little cliques, the environment is alot less pressured and you're free to wonder around and watch in some of the open rooms and stuff.