Safe Words

[Sirena]

My friend and I wil be attending an on-site club this weekend. While we are going with no expectations we decided we should have a safe word or words in case either of us becomes uncomfortable with a situation.

How do you go about this? We've just begun our own dialogue about boundaries and such. Advice and recommendations welcome!

[JustAskJulie]

Come up with something you are both comfortable with that you can work into normal conversation. I know some couples opt for "I need a smoke break" or "I need to call and check on the kids", something like that to give them an excuse to walk away from the situation.

[Sirena]

Great idea Julie! Thanks! As for the boundaries I discovered some good points on a poll here for us to discuss. We are both very excited about our new adventure.

[MrNorthIndyCpl]

Sirena,

We also have several non-verbal signs that one of us is uncomfortable, as sometimes it can be intimidating or inconvenient to say a phrase that may be out of place.

For example, if you are sitting at a table smoking, it would certainly seem odd to say "I need a smoke break".

One of the signs we use is a slow double squeeze. So no matter where I may be touching Mrs. NIC I can give her 2 slow squeezes and she knows that I'm uninterested, or uncomfortable.

Hope that helps.

John

[Spoomonkey]

I say, "Hey - that tickles!" But, it often gets misinterpreted...



We use a drink code.

1. "I need a drink" means, "I need to talk this over, let's go to the cooler."
2. "Do you need a drink?" means, "I'm okay with this - you?"
a. If Mrs Spoomonkey says, "yes, I'll come with you." It means we need to
talk.
b. If she says, "I'm fine." It means that we are on the same page.

Simple, but effective. The key word is "need". In a normal course of the evening we are careful to say "want".

Bottom line? You have to use something that you and your SO are comfortable with, will seem natural in the setting and isn't so complicated that you get lost and end up with confused looks on your face - and in a room with a couple that neither of you like because your code went awry. Trust me - it happens. *shuddering at the painful memory*

If all else fails - "no" means "no" - and "that tickles" is laregly ineffective...

Spoomonkey

[NaughtyKitten]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

I say, "Hey - that tickles!" But, it often gets misinterpreted...



We use a drink code.

1. "I need a drink" means, "I need to talk this over, let's go to the cooler."
2. "Do you need a drink?" means, "I'm okay with this - you?"
a. If Mrs Spoomonkey says, "yes, I'll come with you." It means we need to
talk.
b. If she says, "I'm fine." It means that we are on the same page.

Simple, but effective. The key word is "need". In a normal course of the evening we are careful to say "want".

Bottom line? You have to use something that you and your SO are comfortable with, will seem natural in the setting and isn't so complicated that you get lost and end up with confused looks on your face - and in a room with a couple that neither of you like because your code went awry. Trust me - it happens. *shuddering at the painful memory*

If all else fails - "no" means "no" - and "that tickles" is laregly ineffective...

Spoomonkey

Since we are going to a club this weekend we found your code very helpful. One quesiton - What do you do if you have a full drink? Down it fast and get the hell out?

[graygo98]

One of us just says, "Oh, I love this song, can you excuse us, we just gotta dance." Then we can have a few quiet words and if its simply boredom we can stay up for a few songs and bump into someone else on our way back to the bar.

Of course, that might not work over dinner at the Keg or whatever, so thanks all for the othe tips. I really like the double squeeze, we can probably remember that. Other than that we would have to keep it pretty simple... I can just see us: "Is that one if by sea, or is that...."

We prefer to cut through the bullshit. Just say what you mean. My husband is well endowed and we have tried to generally swing with couples or single females who want a "hung guy" to fulfill their fantasy. He has always been very gentle, NEVER enters them until they have had at least one orgasm to relax and if necessary uses a little KY or emotion lotion to help. One chick met us at a party and pretty much followed us around the circuit to watch his technique until she decided she wanted some for herself. She was massaged, we made out. He ate and fingered her G-Spot as she came three times and begged him for his cock, but as he slowly entered her and withdrew and pushed in she started to wince and seemed uncomfortable. He asked her if she was comfortable and she just begged him to get it into her. He was able to get about 3/4 of his length in before "bottoming out" so he stayed with that and began to fuck her slow and then as she moved her hips he followed her speed. She got off several more times over the next 10 minutes and as he started to cum he asked her if she wanted him to cum inside her, to which she replied "of course." His orgasm usually lasts a minute or two before hitting the peak and like most guys his cock swelled as he asked her if she was enjoying it. Again she said "yeah." He came and continued thrusting for another three or four minutes and started to cum again but that time she said she needed to stop, so he did. Afterward they both took care of me with toys and her tongue and it capped off a great evening, but all of a sudden she stopped responding to our calls and E-mails.
I finally cornered her at another party and asked her what was going on. She'd had a few drinks and she started yelling about how my husband should have known by her reactions that he was hurting her and as far as she was concerned if she'd had the courage she'd have reported it as a rape. Both of us were stunned and could not believe it. I asked her if she had "safe words" or what we should have been aware of and she said that when my husband was cumming his cock swelled so much that there was blood on the sheets and we were insensitive and she was offended that we did not at least apologize for her discomfort. That was the LAST TIME we played using his cock and decided to stick to tongues and toys and fellatio if the other woman wants to do it but no more intercourse. My husband was literally crushed and has lost a lot of confidence. All we needed was for her to be honest and just tell us what happened. We found ourselves burned out on the scene for a while so I'm not sure when or if we'll ever go back. I just hope she's back to enjoying herself. We're not! Be honest folks!
Barbara