New Couple - First Time At Club

[Andres]

Hello there. We are a new couple here. My wife and I agreed last week to visit a lifestyle club in Houston (Encounters) for our first club experience. For some reason, after talking about all of the nerves we were having, we were perfectly calm as we walked in. We arrived about 9:45 which was about 15 minutes prior to the "crowd," which was just perfect.

Since it was our first time, we decided before hand that we would just watch. That decision wasn't really necessary. I do have to say that it was very fun watching some very hot dancing and I simply could not believe the number of pretty ladies in the crowd. (I kept saying to myself, do these ladies know what kind of club this is?). At any rate, my wife got pretty hot and we began making out big time in the club. Funny thing was, I think that we were the only ones making out. That's okay though, we were having fun. Next she strips her panties and we toss 'em on our table, and now I'm massaging her, and just generally enjoying the make out session. After an hour or so of this, she says that she needs me to f--k her and so we left and enjoyed ourselves in private.

The club was an off-premises club. Me and my wife are pretty good looking--not movie stars, but I'm 197lbs and muscular and a nice face/complexion. She's 5'7" 120lbs long-legged, nice face with a perfect arse to boot. I was a bit curious as to why we didn't catch a "hello" here and there. Question: since at least "I" think that we are pretty attractive, how does one go to the hook-up at such a club? I really didn't see too many hook-ups going on except for people who appeared to already know each other. Do you wait? Do you walk up to a table and ask both parties if they would like to chat? Perhaps asking a gal to dance while your girl sit with the hubby? How's it normally work? Now, before you answer: those who are "regulars" at clubs, etc., you probably don't have that issue because you will have 5 or 6 couples waiving at you as you walk in the door; but for us newbies, how is the ice broken? Thank you.

[intuition897]

Most swing clubs (at least the ones here in Canada) have at least one "host couple" whose role is to help newcomers get comfortable at the club, and help make introductions. This would be a good place to start. Next time you go, again, go early and locate your host couple(s) and ask for some help getting oriented. Another tip is to hang out at the bar, make eye contact, and try and engage in some small talk. And another idea is to ask someone you're interested in to dance. The worst they'll say is no thanks. If they do, just say, "That's cool. Have a good evening." or something like that. Not the end of the world. Two things about dancing: 1. Although I personally have not asked another woman to dance (I'm F) nor had another woman ask me, it's not uncommon. 2. If you're going to ask the opposite sex of another couple to dance, make sure you get the go-ahead from his or her partner; it's considered rude to wait until they're alone to ask (ie: don't wait until her husband has gone to the washroom to ask his wife to dance).

Remember dating? Sorta the same thing except two people come as a unit. Tandem dating Just be outgoing and remember to be yourselves.

Hope this helps a bit. Good luck!

[LikeMinds321]

Hi and Welcome

We are club newbies too. Only been to two different clubs, once each.

At one club they had a handful of people who were on the hospitality committee and they were right there with us, answering all the questions we had. We appreciated that.

We had people approach us, but not many. We found that you cannot just stand or sit in one place, you have to move around and introduce yourself. Then you wait and see where things go from there. Some people start up a conversation, others say only hello. It was dissappointing that more people didn't approach us. I can see why people call some clubs cliquish. But I also realize you can't be shy if you want to get involved with others at a club.

Here are some things you may already have done, but I'll mention them just in case you didn't:

1. Smile. This is very important if you want to look approachable. Smile warmly and look people in the eye when you glance around the room or walk around to introduce yourselves.

2. Do ask other women to dance. I also feel women can ask men to dance--and of course, if your wife wants to dance with women, she can join in with all the women on the dance floor.


You mentioned massaging your wife and making out with her. If I observed this, and it was all you were doing, I might think you wanted to be left alone, especially if you hadn't been moving around the room meeting people or asking others to dance anytime during the evening. Just my thought. But I may be way off here.

There is always the possiblity that you are so good looking that you are intimidating people. You know, they have fear of being rejected by you.

LM

[Andres]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

There is always the possiblity that you are so good looking that you are intimidating people. You know, they have fear of being rejected by you.

LM

Uhh, No, I'm not THAT good looking! I'm pretty good at being honest with myself. I believe that I rank a solid 7.0 on the looks scale--not an Adonis, but not someone a gal would do anything to avoid either, if you know what I mean.

Andres

[JustAskJulie]

First off Welcome to the board!

Be sure to take a moment and post a review of your experience with the club in our clubs section, if you haven't already.

To answer your question - all of the above. Every club is different, and every night is different at every club. Some clubs the people are just harder to click with and others everyone is like old friends the second you walk in the door. All of the options you gave for meeting people are good ones, and you should take the initiative if you see someone you are interested in, go up to them. Often with newbies people at clubs may not approach them for fear of scaring them off (some are ready to be approached, some aren't).

Next time you go, just ask the hosts when you sign in if they can introduce you to a couple of couples to get you started in getting to know people.

[WildMiCouple]

Being newbies, you have to make a concerted effort to meet people. I know it's a little hard to do with the nervousness of your first time though. If you see a couple chairs open at a table, ask if they mind if you join them. Unless there reserved for friends, they'll gladly let you join them. Then the normal conversation flows from there.

As others have suggested.....while standing in the drink line, compliment someone on their outfit or ask how their evening is going.

Easy for me(Brett) to say as Tammy is very outgoing. No matter where we go, she'll end up meeting others. Doesn't hurt that she's gorgeous with a personality to go along with it I'm the laid back reserved type and tend to let her "go" at a dance and just follow her lead It's all about the women anyway

Funny story... I had decided to make an effort to be more outgoing at a dance this last winter. I was determined to approach and engage some ladies in conversation.....be a flirt.....actually ask them to dance instead of waiting for them to ask me. Well, I was totally blown away with the results. Tammy actually called me a slut on the ride home :rollseyes Musta been the 3-way kiss on the dance floor with 2 hotties and all the attention I was getting at the table. Quite the ego booster. But, after all was said and done, I realized Tammy wasn't comfortable with my "new attitude". So, I gladly let her lead again

Brett (and Tammy)

[EvilMJ]

We were in the same situation our first time to the local dance. We went with the attiude that we were there to have fun, even if it was just with each other. We needn't have worried. I talked to the first people who ended up sitting next to us, he gave me the low down on who everyone was, and what happens after the dance (they have a little buffet in one of the hotel rooms). Then we ended up talking to a really nice guy when we lost our seats becuase we had been dancing. We met his wife and had a great time the rest of the dance.

I agree with what everyone says, you cannot sit in one place, we would not have met the other couple if we did, smile and have fun. Now we have become friends with them, and they have introduced us to a lot of great swinging couples, got us invited to some parties and are 'showing us the ropes' to the club. It has been a lot of fun.

I think you have the right attitude, sometimes it can just be a slow night, or perhaps people may not approach a new couple right away.

[DaveNSheila]

Hello and Welcome to the board. Understand where you are coming from. We as a couple have only been going to clubs for a couple of months now. We sat at one table and stayed there the whole night for the most part and we enjoyed ourselves but then again we are into each other and enjoy people watching. Now as time has gone by we have moved around a bit and end up having people sit at the table we are at or we bounce. One time we had a couple that was their first time to a club or anything to do with the lifestyle and they went table to table chatting with people. They threw themselves out there so to speak. I guess the thing to do is keep going to the same club. People there will see your faces and realize that you guys are interested. I (D) am following and going at S's pace and lead. It is fun to sit back and watch that is for sure. Hope the next time people come up to you folks and say howdy. D

[NaughtyKitten]

We are new too and will have our first club night in a week. I am nervous and excited but trying not to have any expectations. It is an on-premise club so if nothing else we will have fun together and maybe get to watch others having fun too! I have heard really good things about the club and the hosts so we will definately ask them to show us around and introduce us to a few couples.

I never thought about being too attractive....hmmm. I do get a lot of attention in the vanilla world so I hope I don't fall into the intimidating category. It is hard to judge one's attractiveness since everyone has their own preferences. I'd like to think I'm friendly and approachable and I do like to flirt, so maybe my personality will make them comfortable.

Good luck on your future club encounters. Take the advice on the board. There is a lot of it and it seems like everyone has the best of intentions in trying to help others. We have read many threads that opened our eyes to things we hadn't considered. This is a good place to be!

[MsBlue]

Yep, what everyone said!

Here in South Africa, the clubs usually have a theme on a party night: anything from Black Fetish, to Red Lingerie, to Masks etc. Now, we only go about once a month and I make an effort to always dress up according to the theme (he he - I usually win the prize too, as I dress up - or down- wholeheartedly!) I have found that the usual guests expect me to dress up each time we go and they are always sure to compliment me on my effort. A great conversation-starter, of course.
Also, my husband and I enjoy hanging around the bar-area, where we strike up conversations with everyone around us. By doing this, we meet new people all the time AND we get to know the regulars. We only go to one specific club here and have been there all of 5 times, and already we are regulars. It is great to massage and play and all that, but my suggestion is, try and go that route a bit later during the evening. Try and enjoy a good time on the dance floor and chatting to other guests first. This way, others guests will realize you are not only there to make out, but also to make friends.

I have found that, especially in the case of newbie couples, we have the tendency to not approach if they sit alone and huddled together, just chatting with one another. To us it seems they are not welcoming any approaches as they may just be checking out the scene. I have no intention of coming across as intrusive.

A tip: If you and your wife are sitting alone at a table, make sure to make eye contact with others. Guests are forever scanning the room and when you see someone is looking at you, smile. Also, when you recognize any one from the previous party, wave, smile, pretend you know the whole world and its friend. By doing this you will look as if you belong there. Good luck.