Taking a 1st date to a swinger's club

[De and Ci]

Last night we went to our local couple's club. We ended up sitting at a table with 3 other couples. One of the women seemed to be having fun, dancing with another guy, be-bopping around, etc. She started showing her boobs, another guy and I started playing with them a little bit (they also played around with my wife), all in good fun. Her boyfriend seem a little reserved but ok. They go to dance, then come back to the table, she starts telling everybody he's mad at her, that he has a problem, etc. He obviously was embarrassed but maintained his composure. Come to find out this was his first date with her and also his first time at a couple's club. I managed to speak to him in private, he said she brought him here, that she's been here before and while she told him what kind of place it was, her behaviour was too much for him to handle so he wanted to leave and suggested we take his date home. I empathized with him, suggested he enjoy his time at the club, milk it for all its worth, and blow her off. Anyway we got back to the table, after a few minutes, told his date he was leaving and if she wanted to stay she could ask us or another couple to take her home. She ended up following him out of the club and I assume end of story for them. The next day I told my wife we should've asked him to go home with us and for him to leave her there. She laughed and agreed with me but we didn't think of it at the time-oh well. This is the second time we've seen this happen, first time was a friend of ours who had a temp breakup with her regular boyfriend, took another guy to the club, he didn't want to see her again.

We think this is pretty uncool to take a first date to a swinger's club-of course the guy is likely to be turned off. Pretty stupid for the woman to do that-not exactly a "keeper". We were wondering, has anybody else ran into this? If so, we are also curious if its usually a girl doing this to a newbie guy or the other way around.

[JustAskJulie]

I guess it's one way to find out real quick if a guy is going to be open to such things, but I'd never do it. I don't really understand why anyone would.

[EternallySingle]

How come women are not told the same things men are when it comes to sex? No man in his right mind would ever think of taking a woman to a swing club on a first date unless he met her on a swing site or in a swing club and it was agreed that they would go to the club on their first date just so they would be on neutral ground AND be able to talk about swinging openly. I believe that the guy might have been someone she had several sexual flings with, maybe even a threesome, and she decided "Hey, he handled that well. Maybe I found my swing partner. I'm taking him to the club and introduce him around."

I don't think this woman showed anything close to consideration, maturity, or common sense when it came to bringing a guy to a swing club. Maybe he made a comment that he thought her being a swinger and bisexual was a turnon, so she decided to bring him to her favorite haunt. Since he reacted so badly, its very likely that he was unprepared for the fact that she would be engaging in foreplay WITH SOMEBODY ELSE on their first date. Maybe she actually didn't want to go out with him again and KNEW bringing him to the swing club would drive him away. Maybe she thought she would test him to see how open minded he really was.

Sorry, wrong answer. If she wanted to take a date to a swing club, she should have found a single guy actually looking for a swinging friendship with a woman, not a guy looking for a potential girlfriend. Even I would be offended if a woman took me to a swing club, even an off-premises club, on a FIRST date. Thats saying three things.

1 I'm only with you for the sex and everything we talked about was just to see if you would embarrass me in front of my swing friends, not because I was really interested in getting to know you.
2 I am going to have sex with someone tonight, but not neccessarily you. If you play your cards right, you might get to have sex with me. Regardless, I'm getting laid. Good luck to you.
3 Are you man enough to deal with the fact that I'm going to let other men AND WOMEN suck on my breasts and fondle my coochie in public? Are you man enough to join them? Are you going to get jealous and cry because someone else is going to play with me before you do?

She was just rude, insensitive, unrealistic, and a major jerk. You would almost think she was a single male. :LOL:

[Miss_Piggy]

What an excellent point, ES. If we think about a man doing such a thing to a woman is seems absolutely disgusting and thoughtless. With that in mind, that woman was absolutely disgusting and thoughtless.


Piggy

[curious24]

I agree totally with ES. If I was on a date with a woman and she said she wanted to go to a club and it ended up being a swinging club it wouldn't make me happy. Talk about having to take in a lot about a person in a short amount of time. It would definitely push me away real quick. Just my .02

[De and Ci]

Well, I guess the dude will have something to say Monday morning to his co workers

[curious24]

it definitely makes for an interesting story that's for sure!

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by De and Ci

I managed to speak to him in private, he said she brought him here, that she's been here before and while she told him what kind of place it was, her behaviour was too much for him to handle so he wanted to leave and suggested we take his date home....

The man new in advance it was a swingers club and that the woman had been there before. She had explained this in advance. He had agreed to go. I don't see him as the victim of unfair treatment. He simply discovered swinging wasn't for him when he got a taste of what goes on at a club. This happens many times with married couples who attend their first club.

I wouldn't call it the ideal first date. But the guy wasn't taken to the club by surprise.

I empathized with him, suggested he enjoy his time at the club, milk it for all its worth, and blow her off...

Milk it for all its worth, and blow her off? I think this was poor advice. When a person--male or female--has just observed something that is upsetting to them, you don't tell them to ignore their feelings.

Anyway we got back to the table, after a few minutes, told his date he was leaving and if she wanted to stay she could ask us or another couple to take her home. She ended up following him out of the club and I assume end of story for them.

I think this shows he was considerate and wanted to have the chance to talk with her in private about how he felt. Isn't that what we keep hearing on the board: communicate. The guy could have walked out in a rage, but he didn't. She could have refused to leave the club when he asked, but she went. Maybe they had a good converstion afterward and learned more about each other. I hope so.

The next day I told my wife we should've asked him to go home with us and for him to leave her there. She laughed and agreed with me but we didn't think of it at the time-oh well.

You are talking about a man who has never swung, has shown his discomfort with being at the club, and yet you wish you'd have talked him into coming home with you?

Please tell me you are joking.

LM

[EternallySingle]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

The man new in advance it was a swingers club and that the woman had been there before. She had explained this in advance. He had agreed to go. I don't see him as the victim of unfair treatment. He simply discovered swinging wasn't for him when he got a taste of what goes on at a club. This happens many times with married couples who attend their first club.

The fact that he knew he was going to a swing club doesn't negate the fact that this was a first date, meaning the first time they made plans to do some kind of structured activity together in an attempt to get to know each other better. If he were an experienced single male swinger (even if it just meant being turned down on every site he joined forty times a week), the swing club would have been an almost ok idea. A first date is not the time to start testing someone's sexual limits unless you really don't want the relationship to go past sex in the first place. I think that may have been her idea. She wanted a 'partner in crime'. He actually wanted a girlfriend, and thought he could handle her lifestyle. He should have declined going to the club, and she should have shown some more restraint.

But the bottom line (in my opinion) is that on a first date you DON'T do anything that might scare someone off unless you really don't care if you see them again. Taking a first date to a strip bar or swing club only works in the movies...unless you originally met the person in a strip bar or swing club. Even if they bring it up, what someone does alone or with their friends is very different than what they are comfortable doing on a date, even if the date is with one of their friends.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by EternallySingle

A first date is not the time to start testing someone's sexual limits unless you really don't want the relationship to go past sex in the first place. I think that may have been her idea. She wanted a 'partner in crime'. He actually wanted a girlfriend, and thought he could handle her lifestyle.

Unfortunately, we can only guess their motivations because this thread isn't written by the man or woman we are discussing.

I agree completely that this was a lousy and inappropriate choice for a first date, I just tried to word it more softly in my first post by saying "I wouldn't call it an ideal first date."

I could, however, comment on how De and Ci's handled the club situation; they were there; they wrote this post.

Taking a first date to a strip bar or swing club only works in the movies...unless you originally met the person in a strip bar or swing club.

And who knows? Maybe they did meet in a strip bar. We are at a disadvantage not being able to get their POV.

Even if they bring it up, what someone does alone or with their friends is very different than what they are comfortable doing on a date, even if the date is with one of their friends.

First dates are first impressions. A swing club is not a good first impression. I would love to know how the couple handled the rest of the evening once they left the club. If anything, they both should have walked away with a life's lesson under their belts: Don't make a swing club your first date.

LM

[De and Ci]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

I wouldn't call it the ideal first date. But the guy wasn't taken to the club by surprise.

I agree

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

Milk it for all its worth, and blow her off?[/i] I think this was poor advice. When a person--male or female--has just observed something that is upsetting to them, you don't tell them to ignore their feelings. LM

Basically I was telling him to make the best of it

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

Maybe they had a good converstion afterward and learned more about each other.LM

I hope so.

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

You are talking about a man who has never swung, has shown his discomfort with being at the club, and yet you wish you'd have talked him into coming home with you? Please tell me you are joking. LM

Not really, He would've known exactly what he was getting into.

This may have worked if she had just kept to him all night-not let anyone else touch her, maybe some under the table action with just him. However, she was acting like they had been doing this for a while. She was letting us guys fondle her, very flirtatious, etc. He was apparently looking for a girlfriend. So I'm sure it was a big let down for him.

Oh by the way, according to the couple next to us, he met her at a club a week ago, took her home-presumably got some booty, and this was their first "official" date. That's a very common scenario, I met my wife at a bar, got her phone number, next day we had sex, been married for 10 years now. I wouldn't have ever thought of taking her to swing club on a first, 2nd or 5th date. During the initial attraction, a normal guy is not thinking of anybody else but her.

[curious24]

Originally Posted by De and Ci

During the initial attraction, a normal guy is not thinking of anybody else but her.

You are so right about this! I've always thought that I wouldn't want to share my S/O for quite awhile. I also do think that later on in the relationship if she doesn't bring it up I would hint at swinging.

[twoplayful2]

Aah, mistake on her part, mistake on his part. Crazy idea either way, IMHO. But I really don't think it's shocking or disgusting, and I wouldn't think it was if it were the other way around (the guy taking her to the club). They're adults, they knew where they were going, they made the decision. If she just wants to make sure her future SO can handle the lifestyle and she's got some crazy plan to crash-course this so she's not wasting any time, I guess I can at least understand the motivation. He's going along with it for whatever reason and found he's not into it. If he's wise he realizes he's not into her either. At least he found out early on. It's definitely not a system I'd suggest though.

One trip the a club we met a couple that had only been on a couple dates previously. I think this was the first club visit for both of them also, pretty dumb. The guy was wandering all over trying to get laid and the girl was following us around all night cuz she sorta bonded with my wife early on and was getting upset with him. Kinda cramped our style cuz we couldn't shake her lol. Her BF didn't like us cuz of that and the fact that we obviously weren't interested in him (too creepy). Some people just sooo go to these places for all the wrong reasons!