Club Behavior

[beaverz]

This thread was derived from Spoomonkey’s excellent thread (Caveman or Gentleman).

Mrs. Beaverz and I are contemplating starting our adventures at a club sometime in the next year. We are obviously not familiar with the club scene and have some concerns about the typical behavior.

We both would have a difficult time if it is common for men to take liberties (such as groping) without the consent of the women. We would hope that all the men would be gentlemen until the appropriate place and time. In the right setting we image it can be very erotic, but being new to this we would want to take it rather slow. We just don’t want to get in a situation that we’re not expecting.

We would appreciate input from those that have experienced clubs and can provide some insight on typical behavior.

I realize this may be a stupid thread, but we’re just trying to cover all the bases.
Mr. Beaverz

Not stupid at all!


I think the best place to start is an Off Premice club, which means No sex at the club. Less pressure that way. That's not saying there won't be any groping but the chances are much less since it is more of a regular club enviroment except everyone "Knows" what everyone else is about.

We had many,many questions just starting out about clubs 'n such.

Our Newbie club questions



After going to our first club:

First club experience

A side note on our first club expereince;

It was an off premice club but it had an upstairs if you wanted to get a little naughty. If you didn't you stayed down stairs. It worked rather well.

[twoplayful2]

We've gone to a lot of different clubs. The only place we've ever seen any touching without necessarily asking is in the group play areas, which pretty much all clubs have. But I've also seen ladies say a simple "no thank-you" at the first touch and that was that. I'd suggest a regular couples swingers club and just do some watching, maybe some conversing with others, then retreat to a private play area. Find out a little bit about the club first though, like reviews, rules, and make sure they actually have private play areas.

[Amy Blue]

As you may have read on another thread, I had my first introduction to an off-premise club last weekend...but it was surprisingly laid-back and there wasn't any pressure from the guys there that I could detect. A lot of overt staring, yes, but then I was running around topless and bald twins tend to invite attention Since you're going as a couple, I think the chances of something bad happening are slim.

But I also believe the atmosphere in any club probably varies each week based on the patrons, the theme (this club I attended has frequent and varied 'theme' nights) etc. You might want to ask folks who go there regularly which night is best for newbies.

I might add, my partner and I had agreed beforehand that we were just going to chat and observe others last Saturday, but we had a chance for a FMF threesome fairly early in the night. In this case, it was a woman who made it clear she was interested in us both. Neither of us was attracted to her so we just stayed polite but didn't invite anything more. She tried to pick us up three times during the night. I guess she was what one would term an "assertive bi chick" rather than an elusive hot bi babe! Now I realize this may be many couple's dream, but we would rather proceed with the right person, rather than grab anything we can get.

Good luck and have fun together

[good times]

I think this is a good question too. We are pretty avid club attendee's and have been going to our local clubs for about a year and a half. Most people at the club are very polite and will generally ask before touching but since we have been going we have ran into several people who took liberties that they didn't have permission to. In all but one case when we told them not to do that again that was the end of it. One time we did have to bring a particularly agressive person to the hosts attention and after the host talked to them they behaved better in the future. So if someone should happen to go further than you are comfortable with, speak right up and let them know you don't approve. Having said all that, I think it would be unusual for you to run into this behaviour on your first visit, as it is pretty rare to begin with, and most of the times we have run across this the person was usually doing inappropriate things to somebody because they saw someone else doing those things with that person and just assumed it was alright for them to do it too.

[LikeMinds321]

I've only been to two off-premise clubs.

I had a guy ask me to dance who was so uncomfortable that it took me back to thoughts of shy high school boys.

Another guy held me so tight when we danced I thought I'd pop. It would have been nicer if I had been given time to want him to do that, but because that didn't occur his squeeze was not a turn on.

Men can be way too aggressive or play it extra careful because they don't want to offend you.

Walk into the club knowing that if a man or woman (who can be more aggressive than men) does something you aren't comfortable with you don't have to put up with it. Communication is crucial. You can find ways to get a message across without being rude or offensive and everyone is better off.

Keepiing a smile on my face and using a little humor works well for me when keeping people in place.

Don't ever feel you are suppose to accept some form of behavior that you're not comfortable with just because you're at a swinger's club.

Only do what feels right and you'll enjoy yourselves.

LM

[macallan_neat]

We've found a marked difference in the amount of uninvited touching at clubs (or nights) that restrict admittance to couples (and single females). That doesn't mean that all singles are drooling mouth breathers with nothing better to do with their hands (nor that couples are guaranteed to be polite), but we've found the groping problem is greatly reduced when its couples only.

[Spoomonkey]

Beaverz

I think the thing that Mrs Beaverz will quickly learn - regardless of the "climate" of the club, is how to artfully rebuff. Mrs Spoomonkey started out, like most club going women, being unsure of how to act when approached by a man. Granted, she never had a guy just walk up and grope - but they can be aggressive in other ways. Now, she can rebuff a guy so hard his mother feels rejected

But - I had a playmate once who I was getting fairly familiar with in a more public area (kissing her breast). While I was "getting to know her" another guy walked up and started kissing the other one. I didn't care for it, but they aren't my boobs, so I didn't say/do anything. Later, when we were more "alone" she told me how much it bothered her that the guy did that. I was surprised because she acted like she enjoyed it. I asked her about this and she said that she just didn't know what to say.

"No STILL means no in a swing club," I told her.

I swear I actually saw the light go on!

Surprisingly, some women don't know that! They figure, they are in the club, they need to go with the flow. They quickly learn, but oddly, it isn't common sense.

Personally, I think a woman who is a challenge is so much hotter than a woman who is pretty much a free-grope-zone. Their aura is just so much sexier to me...

Besides - I like a challenge, just look at Mrs Spoo's avatar and you'll know what I mean

Spoomonkey

[good times]

Originally Posted by macallan_neat

We've found a marked difference in the amount of uninvited touching at clubs (or nights) that restrict admittance to couples (and single females). That doesn't mean that all singles are drooling mouth breathers with nothing better to do with their hands (nor that couples are guaranteed to be polite), but we've found the groping problem is greatly reduced when its couples only.

Dito that, we've noticed the same thing.

[BiloxiCouple]

There is always going to be someone who doesn't know the expected behavior (sooner or later).

I believe the way you handle it will say alot about you to other people. If you give them a no thank you and it should end with that. If it doesn't, I would suggest getting up and finding someone in management at the club and let them know and deal with it.

If you react to the point of yelling and fighting. It's going to let alot of other people in the club know there maybe more than one set of problems. One with the person doing the groping or other negative act and there maybe a problem with you also.

The lifestyle is a community where most of the people get to know each other at some level. Information does get passed along. Both positive and negative.

[beaverz]

Thanks for everyone’s posts!!!

We kind of figured it was how everyone has described. We just wanted to make sure it isn't a groping free for all.


Mr. Beaverz

[twoplayful2]

Well, that's not entirely true either. If any of the ladies here ever see me at a club, feel free to grope all you want! Yes, I am willing to be a groping-free-for-all victim

[marvelousmarv]

As a single male, last night I had my first swing clup experience. It was a GANGBANGER SPECIAL. If I had known that this was the norm for male singles, I personaly would not have attended. I was there for a couple of hours and walked out. The club owner was upset as he said he needed every single male there. I told him to keep the 50.00 I gave him to attend as this was not or ever will be MY Thing. After spending three hours at the club before it opened for orientation on the does and don'ts, I was not prepared for the behaviour or the way these women were treated. In fact, every don't was practised! The way the couples treated the single males told me that a single male is only there for them to be a cuckoled idiot. Again, not me. There was absolutely no respect shown to anyone except the club owner and his wife. I hope the rest of you have had a better experience then I have in this. No wonder the single males are becoming an endangered species in the lifestyle. WE are not wanted. Marv

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by marvelousmarv

If I had known that this was the norm for male singles, I personaly would not have attended.

What you are describing is certainly not the norm that we have experienced - though we have only attended two clubs (one regularly). While it is tough for a single guy in these places - it is not impossible - they are wanted - and they are not treated with the disrespect that you described.

One club is not in any way indicative of the lifestyle as a whole...

Spoomonkey

[good times]

Dito what spoomonkey said, we attend two clubs pretty regular and if this was the accepted behaviour at them we wouldn't attend any more either.

I would suggest trying some different clubs.