Club Behavior

[twoplayful2]

Didnt really hear anything specific, might just as well been misunderstanding of what he was getting into and then some hurt feelings or something. And I seriously, seriously doubt single males will ever be an endangered species in the lifestyle lol.

[good times]

I'll have to admit that, on further reflection, I would be interested in some specifics too.

The reason I say this is that I do believe that single males are treated differently at swingers clubs than they are at Vanilla clubs, especially if they aren't known by anybody. And I can see how one might get a similar impression as the one Marv got on ones first visit to a swingers club as a single male, even though by the way he describes it I still think what he experianced was not the norm.

So how about it Marv, can you gives us a few detailed examples of what you experianced?

[marvelousmarv]

Originally Posted by good times

I'll have to admit that, on further reflection, I would be interested in some specifics too.

The reason I say this is that I do believe that single males are treated differently at swingers clubs than they are at Vanilla clubs, especially if they aren't known by anybody. And I can see how one might get a similar impression as the one Marv got on ones first visit to a swingers club as a single male, even though by the way he describes it I still think what he experianced was not the norm.

So how about it Marv, can you gives us a few detailed examples of what you experianced?

Not a problem. The details of what happened are as I have stated. Others have said go to another club. In this town there are not many other clubs. Others laugh all they like, I said what I was told by the club owners about the single male problem from them-not by my own observation. I have been talking with other single males in the lifestyle and they have the same conclusions that I have. WHY BOTHER? It is easier to get a lady in a bar or cafe in this town then to go to a swinger club and play all you want to get laid. Have I ever scored off the web or at the club? No!! I have had better luck by using the local swinger paper. As far as I can see, the club owners have to let people know what is being planned. I was not informed before hand of what was expected for the evening. I know, this is just one gripe. It may be that it's me. I have to go internal with this and make my own mind up. So far, this is not what I expected or was told by the clubs owner in his indoctrination of what to expect. Surprise is not a spice in my life. I respect your comments as well as Spoomonkey's. Who knows, it may all be just a single males gripe. Have a good laugh at my rant. Marv

[twoplayful2]

If I were a single male I'd have to agree that, at least for myself, it would be a better idea to try and meet at the vanilla clubs. Other than that...you still said nothing.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by marvelousmarv

Have a good laugh at my rant.

We certainly don't want you to feel like this is what we are doing - or would do. We play with singles, and realize that good ones are worth their weight in gold... But good ones are also extremely rare...

Your experience at the club is valuable and I, for one, am glad that you are sharing. It just goes to show that not all clubs are the same - and makes me very glad that we have found the club that we attend. The owner is a great guy who will joke around with folks and be firm with people when he needs to, but otherwise, he stays out of the way. There are few "planned" activities - and those that are, are not sexual (i.e. no organized gang-bangs).

I'm sorry that you are having a bad experience with the club scene. Many single men will echo your frustration, but there are others who would swear by the club and/or ad site experience. My guess is, your experience is localized.

Spoomonkey

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by twoplayful2

If I were a single male I'd have to agree that, at least for myself, it would be a better idea to try and meet at the vanilla clubs.

The difference here is what is a single guys motivation?

I've said it before - but if it is to look for sex then going to a swing club is stupid... But - if it is legitimately out of an interest in swinging, then going to a vanilla club is equally as dumb.

Spoomonkey

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by marvelousmarv

As a single male, last night I had my first swing clup experience. It was a GANGBANGER SPECIAL. If I had known that this was the norm for male singles, I personaly would not have attended. . .

Please explain what "this" is. I don't have a clear understanding of what it was you experienced that upset you. It could help us better address your concerns.

Making your first club experience on a night when the theme is "GANGBANGER SPECIAL" was probably a big mistake. Did you understand what gangbanging is before you attended? Personally, it is not an activity that would interest me and I would not have attended the club that night because of it. I'm guessing that the behaviour you witnessed was shocking to you because of the nature of gangbanging.

I was not prepared for the behaviour or the way these women were treated. In fact, every don't was practised! The way the couples treated the single males told me that a single male is only there for them to be a cuckoled idiot.

Again, I think your terrible experience was due to gangbanging not being your cup of tea.

It can be shocking to observe--what some swingers consider very sexually stimulating and acceptable--an activity that disgusts you. You're left wondering if there is any credence to all these rules of respectful behaviour that swingers are suppose to adhere to.

Some swingers like to engage in sexual activities where they appear to be mistreated and shown no respect, when, in fact, this excites them and is being done at their encouragement.

Marv, I'd give yourself some time to let this bad experience pass, then try a different club and make sure the theme sounds acceptable to your interests and tastes. Don't let this first time be your last.

LM

[twoplayful2]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

The difference here is what is a single guys motivation?

I've said it before - but if it is to look for sex then going to a swing club is stupid... But - if it is legitimately out of an interest in swinging, then going to a vanilla club is equally as dumb.

I'm missing something here (besides what the specific problem that Marv actually had). Is any single guys motivation in going to a swing club possibly not to have sex? True that maybe there are additional factors, like making friends, just having a good time out, etc. But c'mon now...

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by twoplayful2

I'm missing something here (besides what the specific problem that Marv actually had). Is any single guys motivation in going to a swing club possibly not to have sex? True that maybe there are additional factors, like making friends, just having a good time out, etc. But c'mon now...

Well - if it is JUST to have sex - why not go to the cheaper, easier environment of a vanilla bar? There has to be something else drawing these guys to a swing club. If, with twenty bucks and a shower ahead of time, I could walk into any vanilla bar in the country and get laid, paying fifty (plus) bucks for the rejection of the swinging community doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

Singles that we know in the lifestyle - who are successful - understand the difference between picking up a woman for sex and swinging.

Spoomonkey

[Just_us49]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

Singles that we know in the lifestyle - who are successful - understand the difference between picking up a woman for sex and swinging.Spoomonkey

Our limited experience at one club leads me to believe some singles realize they're not going to see women dressed like they do at a club nor will they observe the behavior exhibited at a swing club in the local vanilla bar.

That probably draws some singles that may not have as much of an interest in swinging as sex. I can even believe some, certainly not all, would draw the conclusion that these women want sex from whom ever.

As we have got to know certain people in the club we find they are very similar to us...careers, kids, moral standards, very reserved outside the club in many instances. And they are very discriminating as to whom they play with.

BUT...


If you don't have a good understanding of that, the casual observer could think that many of the women are "sluts" or "easy" or whatever labels the unlearned would tie to us.

In my mind that's where the single guy gets himself into trouble, thinking women swing because they want sex from whom ever they can get it or that swinging husbands are thrilled to share with anyone who comes along.



-D

[twoplayful2]

I'm sure it's not the pc view, but the primary interest/motivation of a single guy going to a swing club is to have sex, not to have friendships and create long-lasting relationships. I'm sure some may have interest in having an ongoing relationship with couples also, but that is most likely going to be so they can have sex more regularly (this isn't to say they don't also like the couple they're involved with). I don't necessarily agree that it's that much easier (or cheaper) at Club Vanilla than it would be at a swingers club but I still have to say that for myself it would be a more comfortable and positive situation. My opinion is that what draws single men to swingers clubs is they think it's going to be easier, wilder, more enjoyable sex than what they would be able to get at the vanilla place.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by Just_us49

In my mind that's where the single guy gets himself into trouble, thinking women swing because they want sex from whom ever they can get it or that swinging husbands are thrilled to share with anyone who comes along.

Exactly - which is why I said "successful" single males.

Originally Posted by twoplayful2

I'm sure it's not the pc view, but the primary interest/motivation of a single guy going to a swing club is to have sex, not to have friendships and create long-lasting relationships.

Well - I wasn't under the illusion that single guys want friendship - but they certainly want something other than the typical "roll in the hay", wouldn't you agree?

I mean, sex doesn't always include a husband in the room.

My point is - if a single guy is coming to a swing club - he needs to expect swign-type sex - group sex. And he needs to understand that there is a completely different set of expectations for him - his typical "pick up a chick" tricks aren't likely to work.

And how could swinging NOT be more difficult than picking up a woman in a vanilla bar? Not only are you one of many single males, you are also having to win the trust of a husband... That takes a different kind of man all together. In fact, I would say it takes a people skill that is quite a bit more advanced than just approaching a woman in the "real world".

Besides - if a guy can't get laid in a vanilla bar - he really needs to rethink plying his wares at a swing club.

Spoomonkey

[twoplayful2]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

My point is - if a single guy is coming to a swing club - he needs to expect swign-type sex - group sex. And he needs to understand that there is a completely different set of expectations for him - his typical "pick up a chick" tricks aren't likely to work.

Okay, if that was your point then I just missed it but I'm with ya!

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

And how could swinging NOT be more difficult than picking up a woman in a vanilla bar? Not only are you one of many single males, you are also having to win the trust of a husband... That takes a different kind of man all together. In fact, I would say it takes a people skill that is quite a bit more advanced than just approaching a woman in the "real world".

I think it depends on the type of person. I'm not someone who's great at approaching people to meet them so I don't have the best record in regular clubs. But I really think that if I was a single guy at the swinger clubs I've been to that I'd have a little bit better chance because not only are the people at swingers clubs generally more social, IMHO, but you might also just get lucky with some couple who was looking for someone very much like yourself While people at vanilla clubs like to find someone to go home with, I do actually know quite a few women who go there to dance and hang out with their friends. People at swinger clubs go to have sex.

[Iplay]

Wow I've learned something here. Thanks

[JustAskJulie]

I've rarely ever run into a guy at a club that would just reach out and grab a lady, they do exist. But then so do the women who will do the same. I think ladies are much more "forward" in those situations to the point of being innapropriate than the men are, sadly.

Most of the time, I think men end up going out of their way to behave appropriately because they are so worried about someone getting pissed off.