First Club Experience

[rm32506]

Well, we went to a club for NYE. T (her) was very nervous. The night was a disaster. First, R (me- him) neglected to inform T that the dress was formal. T wore a very sexy swuade (sp?) pantsuit outfit. We walked in and all the women were in formal dresses. I thought she looked gorgeous, but she was totally self-conscious all evening (which ended quickly as we left early).

The second problem was the crowd. We're early thirties and (no offense to anyone at all- please understand) the crowd was a bit older. It was a more late-40's and up crowd. To say we felt out of place was an understatement.

We had a couple of drinks and I was trying to get her to just loosen up and have fun. Just dance with me and not worry about where we were. It wasn't working. T was very insecure and had a difficult time understanding what attracted me to this lifestyle. Wasn't I getting enough at home? Wasn't it spicy enough? etc. etc.

Anyway, we talked about it at length the next day on our drive home. T isn't sure this lifestyle is for her (and by default- us). I reassured her that whatever she decided, I was okay with it.

I just really wish the first club experience would have been more relaxed and fun for her. *Just maybe* there will be another time.

RM32506 R & T

[NotsoNew]

Hello -

Sorry that your first club experience was not good for the both of you. It is difficult sometimes to know exactly what to expect.

What we do when we go to a club is to go without any expectations. We make it a point to chat with others - even if they are not folks that we would like to take home with us.

We take a club (we have never been to an on premise club) as an opportunity to enjoy each other. We like the open atmosphere and that is where we most always start. If we meet another couple, great. If not, we go home charged and enjoy a great night together.

Don't give up. Focus on her and just take it from there...

[WildMainePussy]

We're considering going to a off premise event this coming Saturday (first time also) at a local night spot and I'm still trying to figure the dress code out for the ladies.... WTF is South Beach?

We've been told about this particular lady's events as being very good when she had her own place. But you do have to get out and mingle. What we were told was - the crowd was a little 'self-contained' and wouldn't talk to new people that much until they'd seen you there 3 or 4 times..then you'd be approached or they'd be more receptive to being spoken to.

I'd hang in there and give it another try..sometimes that social ice can be miserable to crack when you're nervous to start with.

[inbeachcouple]

Normally, most women wear something real sexy to the clubs. Because New Year's is a good excuse for people to go all out, they usually do. Sounds like what she was wearing would be great for a 'normal' night. Don't give up after one bad experience. We've all had them, and it's really nothing to get all worried about.

[Denver2some]

I agree with the others, don't write off clubs due to one bad experience. And T's outfit does sound perfect for normal evenings at clubs.

But I do see some concerns here:

Originally Posted by rm32506

T was very insecure and had a difficult time understanding what attracted me to this lifestyle. Wasn't I getting enough at home? Wasn't it spicy enough? etc. etc.

It sounds to me like the two of you may have jumped in a little too fast. If you attended the club before you fully discussed the above questions, it's no wonder T had doubts and negative feelings. Before you try a second club you need to do lots of talking to make sure you truly understand each other's interests, feelings, and limits. Jumping in without these things address can lead to hurt and misunderstanding.

[jim-n-nicole]

The busy nights of the year (New Years Eve, Halloween, etc) are probably not the best nights for a first visit. The clubs will be very crowded which will not make it easy for a newbie to relax...and it will definitely mean you aren't seeing what a typical night at the club is like!

If I were you, I would probably talk through the questions she has and then I wouldn't even bring it up again for a few months. This would do two things...(a) let the shock of the idea wear off and (b) prove to her that you really, truly mean that you're fine with not swinging if that turns out to be what's best.

Take care,

Jim.

[rm32506]

Thanks for all the replies. As I mentioned in the first post, our only intention at this club was to go have fun. We had no intentions of hooking up or anything else. T just got a huge anxiety attack thinking about the whole concept and not feeling like she was ready for (or into) the concept.

RM32506

[JustAskJulie]

Was she this unsure before you attended the club? Or did the insecurity really just kick in after the night at the club and being uncomfortable?