More and more couples coming just to watch

[butterfly29]

I have watched at clubs, and I have been watched at clubs. I think if you want to watch some, that is fine, but it is not acceptable to go to these clubs just to watch. That is not why sincere couples go to this club. If they want to just watch, they could just buy a porn.

I feel if you are not there to participate or trying to met other couples, you don't need to be there. It can be a spectator sport sometimes, but every once in awhile you do have to throw in your ball. I can understand about being shy, but if your intentions are not to participate, you shouldn't take advantage of others'.

[WA_Cple]

What a great thread

I have to say that I find gawkers EXTREMELY annoying and that the best night we've had at clubs have always been couples only nights. We are going to a new club this weekend and its a club that has fewer restrictions on single men... so that sort of makes me wonder but we're willing to give it a try... so we may end up only having sex with each other or ... who knows? But I can tell you that we have been in situations like ppl are describing and it is a huge turn off... I feel like we're the stars of their live amateur sex show... and you know I am there to play and play with other people not to be gawked at... its a huge issue for me.

One time at a club... Mr. WA and I couldn't find anyone we were interested in having sex with but we were very horny none the less... so we went into a room and closed the curtain and proceeded to have very satisfying sex with each other. As we came out... there were a group of people complaining that we were in there having sex and we wouldn't even let them watch. I was like omigod give it a rest and fuck each other if you want to watch ppl having sex... GRRRR...

Anyway... for as mad as it makes me... here we are making plans to go to a new club on Friday... hehe but we are going with an open mind... no expectations and a willingness to LEAVE if things aren't going as we would like.

Thanks for starting a great thread ... and for those who don't play and only come to watch... FINE but don't be rude about it and at least have some decency to get involved at some point at least with each other or go home and watch a porn and give the rest of us some breathing room...

Wow... didn't know this was such a big deal for me until I got going...



Mrs WA

[mrs good times]

WA Cple,

Thank you. I was beginning to think that maybe I was making to much of this. You have definatley made me feel better. I like the club scene but I have been so frustrated with it lately also. I know I am going to have to learn to live with this situation and try to make the best of it but it's nice to know that I am not the only one that gets irritated with these people.

[RW1F]

Good thread, My wife and I just returned from our first swing club experience. I'll post a full review in the club section, but I just wanted to say I can now see why so many of the old time swingers have some frustration with the newbie voyeurs (like us). My wife and I were not there to play with others but would have played amongst ourselves if the right situation had been presented or even available. In a short and simple review, the few people that ventured off to the rooms were followed by couples and singles who preceded to stand and gawk. Pretty sad IMO and not what we were looking for.

[EternallySingle]

I'm starting to hate the internet when it comes to swinging. LOL Seriously, with all the cable TV specials and the ease of finding swing clubs online (I actually looked for an actual swing dance club where the do the jitterbug and Lindy Hop so I could work my way into the band) and found a dozen club listings I didn't find looking for swing clubs. Thats how easy it is now, and that brings in a lot of people who are just curious about everything and serious about nothing.

Well, I forget the name, but supposedly there's a club in NYC that is lifestyle swing music club. Maybe I'll forget camping and try to go there for my birthday. Hope its not couples and females only. I want to play my saxophone. LOL

[ChellyNKev]

My hubby and I went to a club once that had "grandstands" that faced a 2 way mirror. There were some that liked being the center of attention.. yet these viewing rooms were set up for it... But when you are in a room set up with mattresses and its kind of closed off this is a play only room..... duh! I have gotten rude with creepy watchers..... I can understand wanting to watch but DON'T be creepy!

[MN Tom]

Nice old thread you found .

Anyway, we frequently hear this discussion on the various websites we use in our area. Many of the "old timers" will lament the fact that the "modern" swingers aren't really swingers and are more of the "partygoer" types or even "peacocks".

And yes, we agree. A lot of parties nowadays are just that, parties. People go to be seen, they go to chat, they go to dance, they go to flirt and mingle, touch and kiss. And some go for sex.

I would say that at most larger parties (the 100-300 people ones) at least half of the people have no real intention on having sex. We know some of those people, and I wouldnt be surprised if some people put us in that category too.
And I admit, we like to go to parties to dance, flirt, mingle, chat, kiss and touch. Probably as much as we like to have sex at parties. We like it all.

If the party was just sex with none of the other social aspects, we probably wouldn't go. We dont have a problem with lingerie or less at a house party, and we dont have a problem with nudity required for play rooms to avoid having the lookie loos standing around. But for the larger parties, the lookie loos are a good chunk of the crowd, and they are there for that sort of fun. They want the fun that is too risky for a nightclub, but not quite enough for traditional swinging. To be honest they make a party of that size possible. Without their attendance (and money), the party would be much smaller, and there would be far less people dancing and dressing sexy.

And as long as they make their intentions clear when asked, we are fine with it. To each their own is what we say.

[weloveeachother]

Originally Posted by MN Tom

And yes, we agree. A lot of parties nowadays are just that, parties. People go to be seen, they go to chat, they go to dance, they go to flirt and mingle, touch and kiss. And some go for sex.

And as long as they make their intentions clear when asked, we are fine with it. To each their own is what we say.

We very much agree with all of this. I am ready to swap but my wife isn't there yet. She may never get there. However, we very much enjoy going to the club and dancing, flirting, touching, etc. We like to play too much to get away with it in a vanilla setting.

Experienced people here on SB are constantly advising to move at the slowest persons pace. Does that mean we are supposed to just stay home while we are finding our way? We went to an on-premise club out of curiosity or fantasy. We have found that as long as we communicate and stay within our own boundaries, we have a great time!

We too have seen these 'gawkers' that sit around and watch and cheer on their favorite performers. Very distracting. Down right rude to me. We are into exhibitionism but come on people....be respectful of the people that are playing. There was one girl that came out and told us that she is only there to watch. That is fine but then she starts yelling and cheering on some people that were playing. I find that to be quite rude.

I guess I am trying to say that we are at a place where we do not go to have sex with others. In fact, we try to go without any expectations. That seems to work. Some bumps and bruises along the way but nothing good comes easy is how I was raised.

[MN Tom]

Originally Posted by weloveeachother

We very much agree with all of this. I am ready to swap but my wife isn't there yet. She may never get there. However, we very much enjoy going to the club and dancing, flirting, touching, etc. We like to play too much to get away with it in a vanilla setting.

Experienced people here on SB are constantly advising to move at the slowest persons pace. Does that mean we are supposed to just stay home while we are finding our way? We went to an on-premise club out of curiosity or fantasy. We have found that as long as we communicate and stay within our own boundaries, we have a great time!

We too have seen these 'gawkers' that sit around and watch and cheer on their favorite performers. Very distracting. Down right rude to me. We are into exhibitionism but come on people....be respectful of the people that are playing. There was one girl that came out and told us that she is only there to watch. That is fine but then she starts yelling and cheering on some people that were playing. I find that to be quite rude.

I guess I am trying to say that we are at a place where we do not go to have sex with others. In fact, we try to go without any expectations. That seems to work. Some bumps and bruises along the way but nothing good comes easy is how I was raised.

I see nothing wrong with what you are doing. It's how we were at the first several parties we attended. We weren't ready for sex at that time, we just went to the parties and tried to figure out what this was about and how it worked for us. By the 2nd party we were kissing others, flirting, and enjoying ourselves, and within a few more parties we were looking for more.

Yelling and cheering might be well received by some, but most probably wouldnt go for it I would guess. It would be distracting for us.

[s_couple]

We're still reading The Swinger Manual diligently. For now, both of us (especially Mrs s_couple) want to go to an on-premise club for our first experience. Once we're there, we definitely want to play with each other while being watched by other participants at the very least. That will get our feet wet and we won't be just passive by-standers. As for playing with others on our first visit, we're still undecided. Mr s_couple isn't sure his equipment will cooperate because of anxiety if he has to play with another lady on our first visit.

We think we will be open to it if there's no "malfunction" though.

[desiree]

Wow, this thread is really eye-opening to me! I got into swinging largely because I'm an exhibitionist, so I welcome voyeurs because I can't live out my exhibitionism without them! When my husband and I started swinging way back when, we mostly played with each other while others watched. We are both extremely picky so we don't play with others most of the times we go out. We've always enjoyed the club environment, however, because of the sexual openness.

I guess my feeling about things is, if I don't want people watching me have sex, I'll meet couples at a club and then go elsewhere. Or use a private room and close the door. But if I'm having sex in a public place, I don't get upset that some people choose to watch. They paid their admission like anyone else. Obviously, if there are specific rules (like you have to be naked in a playroom) then I'd expect people to follow them. And being loud and distracting is uncalled for. But I have no problem with people who just want to go to clubs to be voyeurs. Everyone's got their kink--I certainly can't judge anyone else's!

[Chicup]

Its amazing how 7 years changes things.

Originally Posted by Chicup

Being one of these 'internet' swingers I think I can at least speak for some of the less active crowd.

Now while we wouldn't go into a room to watch (that would be rude),

Update: Not rude, just not attractive

we are not into the 'sex club' concept either.

Update: Well about that...

We view clubs as a place we can relax, not worry about people thinking we are swingers, and a good place to meet other couples. The internet may make it easier to find swingers, but its a pain in the ass finding good ones. Hence going to a club lets us meet other couples without the fakes/email games.

Update: True

I've seen this lament for the last two years about the 'good old days' and I can understand how the new swingers are somewhat frustrating, but we are different in our desires. We are looking for friends, and 'private' sex in our homes, and in the long run this is good for swinging I think.

Update: Not so much about the private part being all that important...

The more people involved the less stigma attached and the less some local government can be a pita come election year.

Update: Same shit apparently anyways.

The all naked rule is probably a good one for people looking for old time swinging. I wouldn’t mind but I KNOW my wife wouldn’t do it.

Update: She's been there done that, got the t-shirt she didn't wear.

[Coupleerotic22]

We have not been to an on premise club, there are just none around here. We want to eventually, just to experience it.

But what I think turns off some, and this is true for us, is that we don't mind other swingers watching, but someone that is there just to gawk and never get involved is a turn off.

From what I have read about on premise clubs, that seems to be a real issue. If you want to participate, come on in, the water is fine. But if you just want to get cheap thrills, go rent a porno.

A lady I know in the LS likes to have fun with the gawkers at a club they go to in New Orleans. If she sees one following them around, she puts on the full court vamp press. If they are for real they know what to do, if they are just there show they run like frightened wildebeest in a stampede. She says she has yet to meet one that could make it past 30 second before bolting. I love her style.

[MN Tom]

I like that idea of giving a gawker a chance to act.

Im not against gawkers in all situations, but to be honest at times they are like SM's. A handful or so here and there are ok, but they can easily overwhelm an area if allowed to run unchecked.

One of the popular larger house parties here has curtains you can pull back, and that allows gawking to take place. But, you can easily just leave the curtains shut, which greatly reduces gawking. We like that setup.

[kellimc]

I certainly don't mind an audience, but it is annoying when you suspect or know that the people watching aren't really "players" but strictly voyeurs. I much prefer to be watched by people who I know are more than just lookie-loos.