What do we tell the in-laws?

[leftcoastcouple]

My wife have agreed that we'd very much like to visit one of the Hedonism resorts in the near future. Besides being excited about going for the obvious reasons, we feel we'd be able to let loose there. We love tropical locales, and we know from past vacations that we're much more relaxed when far from home.

We also figure that if against astronomical odds we ran into anyone we knew at the resort, it would be the ultimate "Oh, well" excuse--far easier for us to rationalize than if it happened close to home. I've explained in other threads that one of us works in a sensitive field with numerous contacts over a wide geographical area, which causes us a bit of paranoia about visiting a club closeby. I don't want to rehash that argument here--please just accept that the concerns are real. And yes, we've read enough about Hedonism, as well as talked to folks who've visited, to have realistic expectations about what may or may not happen there.

So here's a question: What do we tell my parents? They'd be watching our children while we are away, and we aren't sure what to tell them about where we'll be, how to contact us, etc.

They're straight-laced, older, old-fashioned people who've never quite cut the mental apron strings, and we're not about to tell them the truth. At the same time, giving them our cell phone numbers only would bring an immediate "Why?" as a response and cause suspicion. They're not stupid, and they went on an unbelievable tirade when one of my sisters confessed she and her husband had gone to a clothing-optional resort. There's no telling how they'd react about one that's known for swinging, and we don't want to find out. We love them dearly and accept them for who they are. But they're really our only option for watching the kids, so we need to find a solution.

Anyone dealt with this before? I'm considering booking a trip for this summer, and I appreciate any suggestions (besides saying "Suck it up and tell them!") anyone has to offer.

[fun_pairTX]

Well if you like you can explain the cell phone thing away by telling them you are going to a "zero stress" resort. A friend of mine is part owner of one of these in Fiji. "Zero Stress" means no phone, no TV, no radio, and in some cases no electricity. Just a shack that is literally ON the beach with no worries or cares.

[yawanna]

Can you tell them of the 'resort' part of things and leave out the dirty bits? Kind of gloss over those parts? I'm a lousey liar so I can empathize

I try to keep it to the sanitized G rated versions, but being honest about where we were and what we did as much as possible.

'yes Mom...we went swimming, and had buffet dinners, and dancing, and there was a hottub and we met some really nice people!'

Mom's don't usually ask 'did you wear a bathing suit?'.


I think. Not mine anyway. 'cause I might say no

[SexhoundDog]

Does the Hedonism resort by chance have another name as well? Anybody from the board who has been there care to chip in?

I would think that a club that caters to a swinging crowd would know the value of discretion, but I don't know the answer for certain.

Unless they're snoopy enough to go online, I would think you could just tell them that's the name of the place. You could do the calling on your cell, and the only time they'd probably call would be in the event of an emergency, and then you don't give a shit anyway. I think hedonistic doesn't necessarily mean sexual, it means pleasure seeking, and a nice beach resort definitely denotes pleasure.

Of course, a bunch of highly sexual charged people running around naked on a beach denotes even more pleasure!

[flassh]

Ask your travel advisor about retaining anonymity and maintaining emergency contacts for you at their local office. For example, say you book hedonism with xyz agency......tell xyz that your family will be given your itinerary but that you would like the agency to handle any contact with the resort via email or via concierge services at the resort for emergency purposes. Your family will thus contact the agency if they need to get a hold of you. (no cell phones available at Hedo, good internet email though if you can log onto your own server) By the way, if you are in Jamaica, you will be at least 5 hours away from LA assuming you can get back to the airport before the last flight out. Thus, it is likely that if you needed to get home it would be a 12-20 hour window. Additionally, you should give contact information to another set of adults as a backup. By a ATT calling card at Walmart too. You will burn up the minutes though.

[Triumphs]

I would just say, "We're going to Jamaica..." Can you watch the kids, because we need a break and the resort doesn't have anything for kids to do? Oh, and here's my cell, since we probubaly won't be in the room most of the time anyway.

Good luck and have fun,

The Triumphs

[MrYaWanna]

If you want to out and out lie, give them someone else's phone # in a far away area code who you trust. Give those friends the contact details at your resort and let them act as a go between. You call your parents yourself for regular updates and your parents have someone discreet to call in an emergency....sounds too simple....what have I missed?

[DandS]

We went on a vacation a couple of years ago in the mountains of South Carolina and it was a no stress environment. No tvs or phones in the rooms. My cell phone did'nt work up in the mountains either. I prearranged to call home (and the office) at a specific time each morinng just to check in and make sure everything was okay.

Mrs DandS

[Elusive BiFem]

Can't you just say you are going on an adult, man and wife type of vacation? My parents used to do that years ago, and I'd bet a dime to a donut they were NOT swingers. Just wanted to get away from us.

- EBF

[leftcoastcouple]

Originally posted by fun_pairTX
Well if you like you can explain the cell phone thing away by telling them you are going to a "zero stress" resort. A friend of mine is part owner of one of these in Fiji. "Zero Stress" means no phone, no TV, no radio, and in some cases no electricity. Just a shack that is literally ON the beach with no worries or cares.

Wow, thanks for all the responses, everyone. I should have known we could count on you! But I was afraid all I'd get were "be honest and deal with it" type answers.

Lots of good (and creative) ideas here, but so far, I think "stress-free resort" suggestion is the most intriguing. With any other explanation, I have a hard time explaining to the folks WHY they can't have the name and number of the resort--which they're likely to press for, particularly since they'll have our kids. Even with this excuse, they're bound to, but at least this provides a feasible explanation why not. I didn't even know such places existed. Sounds like heaven of a different sort for a later vacation!

Thanks, everyone!

PS--EBF, while we sure ought to be able to use your advice, the fact is that even suggestion of "adult...man...woman" or anything else veiled in secrecy would have them jumping to conclusions. And we could obviously go ahead and do it anyway, we'd have them bringing it up for years to come, pressing.

[Tom & Bonnie]

I hate to rain on your parade, but the most important fact is that your cell phone may not work at hedo II or III.

Having been to both we had no luck getting ours to work at either.

I've heard rumblings that AT & T will work sometimes but I would check this out with Super Clubs before building your story.

[wildchld97]

Woo Hoo! More Hedonists! LOL

My husband and I are going to Hedonism III May 15th-23rd. We had this same exact dilemma about what to tell the anally conservative folks who are watching the kids.

We got a lot of great ideas on what to tell the folks from a message board that is available from the person who booked the group we're going with.

Ok..Hedonism II and III both have fax numbers. You can give your folks THAT number with the explaination that faxes are the best way to make sure that you get an emergency message, because it will either be delivered to you on resort property personally...or it will be left in your room.

Cell phones are notoriously unreliable in Jamaica. If you *really* want them to get ahold of you while you're there, don't chance it.

You could also tell them that you're staying at the Breezes resort and claim ignorance when the resort answers "Hedonism"...

You could give them the resort phone number in a *sealed* envelope with instructions NOT to open it unless there is a REAL emergency because you want a vacation without any interruption for you and your wife....

You could take the chance and tell them you're staying at Hedonism because chances are they won't know what the heck kind of resort it is anyway. If they pick up on the *word* "Hedonism" , then you could simply give them the true definition of a hedonist..."a person who believes that pleasure or happiness is the highest good".

OR...you could tell them that YOU will call at a scheduled time each day to check up on the kids and if there is an emergency to try and wait for your scheduled call...since chances are you won't be on the property anyway.

Personally, we are giving the actual resort number to most everyone because they're either not aware of what the resort IS...or they don't care. (whew) We're going to go with the "fax us in case of a REAL emergency...because it is the most reliable form of communication anyway...you don't have to worry about the Jamaican accent screwing up the message. LOL We're also planning on emailing the kids and calling home once a day at a preset time. Bases covered. Woo Hoo!

However...I have the added pressure of my sister and brother in law(ultra conservative) coincidentally taking a caribbean cruise that conveniently stops in Jamaica during the same time I'm there. She wants to meet me for lunch. Now tell me that YOU have problems. At least your folks are staying at HOME!

[b_and_sc]

We went to Hedo 3 last year, and we have a child with special needs, so it was necessary for the in-laws to have numbers, etc. We took our cell, and checked it once a day, but honestly, I have no idea if it would have received a call anyway. We told them that we were going to "a SuperClub resort, you know, one of those pay one price and everything is included places..." THAT seemed to satisfy them, UNTIL we came home, then they wanted MORE details...we ended up telling them that we paid for a 'suprise club' (which Superclubs DOES have), you pay a reduced rate and THEY get to pick which club you go to and we 'ended up at this place called Hedo...funny name but boy did we have fun..." and left it at that

one note though, make sure you take an afternoon to take some 'g-rated' pics to share with the folks at home...we spent a couple of hours on teh prude side taking pics of the pool table in the pool, etc so we'd have something to share lol

b

[2cute2care]

tell them a close area to where u are going, and leave out the details, u got a amazing deal on a trip and want to take some alone time away from the kids to relax and connect, strengthen ur relaitonship. allthough i do ask what happens if one of ur kids get hurt while u are away? i think u should have a cell they can leave a voicemail or something if need be but let them know u prolly wont be able to get outgoing service with it there and to call just to say hi would be to lengthy in a phone bill. what u two do on the side is ur business, u go have fun and let them have fun with the grandkids. enjoy ur trip

[C&D]

I know this doesn't help with your decision but thought it relative. We have no problem in that area. You may find this hard to believe but C's dad and stepmother know all about our lifestyle and her bisexuality. He's actually a little jealous because we are living out something we enjoy. Pretty cool huh!


D