Family in Swinging

My wife and I are new to the lifestyle. My brother and his wife have been in it for years. My wife didn't know until we were headed to our first club. Needless to say she was dumb founded. By the way the wives do not get along.

My problem is my brother and his wife. He said that they do not want us to go to that club because it is the one that they always go to and to go to another one. I said I would defer to them since they had been in the lifestyle and we would not go to the club when they were there and would try another one. We did go to another club and my wife didn't like it at all. So we stopped for awhile.

Now she wants to try it again, but wants to go back to the 1st club. The one we're not "allowed" to go to.

I don't think that my brother and his wife have the right to tell us where we can and can't go. My sister-in-law also theatend to send a letter to my employer if we continued to go to this club.

Can someone give me some guidance on this.

[JustAskJulie]

Unfortunately, I think your brother is in the right here since the 4 of you obviously aren't comfortable together. Since they were at that club first they pretty much have dibs on it so to speak.

Of course, it would be great if the 4 of you could work things out and be friends so that you could all go to the same club without any issues, but if you don't get along outside of a club environment, it's probably best not to take those issues into a club.

Are there only two clubs in your area? Did you only try the second club once? If so, you might want to give it a second try. Depending on what you didn't like about it, it may have just been an "off night" for that club. It usually takes more than once visit to get people to warm up to you and to feel comfortable in general.

[thestars]

Families can be so much fun....

"My problem is my brother and his wife. He said that they do not want us to go to that club because it is the one that they always go to and to go to another one. I said I would defer to them since they had been in the lifestyle and we would not go to the club when they were there and would try another one. We did go to another club and my wife didn't like it at all. So we stopped for awhile. "

I can understand where both are coming from. I would not want to run accross my sis in law in a club either. But if they have been in the life for some years, they should know what the better club for someone who is new and maybe they should try and help you out.

"Now she wants to try it again, but wants to go back to the 1st club. The one we're not "allowed" to go to."

This here sounds like they are very controling people and personally i would not want to goto a club that it may be very clickish.This is America and we do have the freedom to choose where we want to go. I uld not let them stop you from going.But I would make sure they were not going the same night you want to go and do not tell them you are going.

As far as her sending a letter to your employer? That is low....
Who does she think she is? What makes her any more special than you?You can always come back to her with a add in the newspaper.. 2 can play vengance.
But that is not a way to treat another family member. She ought to know that.

If it were me I would go on a night they are not and not let the hosts know you are related...
then if you find it too clickish , do not go back.
Good Luck

[JustAskJulie]

My sister-in-law also theatend to send a letter to my employer if we continued to go to this club.

Ouch, I totally missed this part during the first time I read this and didn't catch it till I read the previous reply. Sounds like maybe they (meaning she) is a little scared knowing that someone in the family found out that they swing. She knows that a letter to your employer is one thing that would hurt you without pointing a finger at her at the same time (what would your employer care if she was there too in order to see you there). Whereas if she had threatened to tell you family it would just point fingers at her and your brother at the same time.

I still go with my earlier opinion. Your best bet is to avoid that club and give the second club another try.

[Sin D]

I know how my relationship with my brother is, so......is it possible for the brothers to come to an arrangement such as alternating weekends at the club? Just a thought, but it seems as if that would smooth things over maybe.

[RnKin Fla]

The Sister-in-Law definitely needs to be taken down a peg or two. Threatening someone in this lifestyle is NOT a good idea.

You may want to mention to your brother what she said, and then let him know that you will not tolerate that kind of threat, and tell him if she "outs" you to your employer, you will out them to everyone, since once your employer knows about you, you don't have much more to lose by letting everyone else in on it.

Just my .02.

Oh, and welcome to the board! Sorry we had to meet you under these circumstances!

[DragonsLair]

Clubs are open to everyone. No one has the right to tell you you can't attend a club just because they do. Yes, the fact that you're dealing with family makes things complicated. But like someone else suggested, you might be able to work out an alternating weekend arrangement. If not, just avoid your brother and sister in law if you see them at the club at the same time. No one says you have to associate with them there.

As for your sister in law threatening to tell your boss, that was low and uncalled for. She needs to be made aware that you could do the same thing to her, but won't because of being family. I also think your brother needs to be made aware of the threat.

Julie's suggestion of trying the other club again is a good one. Every club has an off night. The one my husband and I attended regularly before we moved had a few off nights. But most were terrific and alot of fun. It does take time for people to warm up and become friendly. Don't write the first club off without trying it again.

Best of luck. Let us know what happens. Curiousity killed the cat but satisfaction brought it back.

DragonsLair

He is T. I am A.

Thanks for all the advice, My brother and I agreed that we would only attend the club when they're not there and also go to other clubs. He also didn't think his wife would carry through with the threat, concidering he told her to grow up and that if she ever did something like that she'd be living in the street.


What is kinda funny about this is that my brother and I are twins and both are wives have asked at different times to have a 3 way. We said no, because it's not our thing, that's kinda why it surprised me she was so upset that we'd go to the same club.

thanks again.

[DragonsLair]

Twins, huh? Interesting twist.

Glad you and your brother were able to work out this issue amicably. And glad to hear your sister in law was put in her place about the threat.

Best of luck to you all. And have fun.

DragonsLair

He is T. I am A.

[licpl2cpl]

perhaps the lady was (is) simply upset that you both turned down her offer for a three way and there you are, in the lifestlye, swinging with "strangers" but not with family. Maybe you might reconsider. Families that play together..............

[DragonsLair]

All I can say to that suggestion is yuck.

DragonsLair

He is T. I am A.

[OhioCouple]

Agreed on that one Dragonslair, I can't think of anybody in my family that I'd wanna mess around with and I have a huge family. Hell, I don't even like to think about the fact that they probably did "something" in order to have children. No, No, not appealing at all.

Lori

[RnKin Fla]

ummm...ewwww, gross.

I am right there with ya, DragonsLair and Lori.

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by BostonDLT
In addition to the "yuck" factor is the little matter of threats. A person who would once threaten you will possibly do it again, or worse will carry out the original thraet without her husband's knowledge. It's a big world. Find new playgrounds and playmates.

I couldn't agree with this more. I was so focused on the family play aspect that I didn't even think about this. If your own family member would threaten you in such a way, chances are they will do the same again or find some way to retaliate. Since Ghostpa's brother has talked to the wife, it is likely that there is a harboring resentment since he sided with his brother against her childish antics.

I wouldn't want to play where my relatives play. if it ever came to that, but there wouldn't be any deep seeded resentment that would cause me to threaten them. This just sounds to freaky to me. Chances are, even if you are there on the nights they aren't that may be fine and dandy, but the odds are you will be meeting with people that know them and you won't be hard to pick out or get questioned about it since you are twins. I'll have to agree with BostonDLT, find a new playground and new playmates.

Preserve your sanity.

Lori

[DragonsLair]

I'm siding with Lori and BostonDLT here. The fact that you and your brother are twins really complicates this issue. People at the club are likely to confuse the two of you and you could end up talking to people who think you are your brother.

I'd find another club that your brother and sister in law don't attend. Find another group of playmates. Keep things simple. It might take time, but it'll be worth it in the long run.

And keep an eye on your sister in law.

Take care and let us know what happens.

DragonsLair

He is T. I am A.