Swinging with Ex husband ?

My husband and I have recently started discussing the idea of swinging. I'm am okay with it, but I'm unsure whether I want to do this with a strange couple.

We have a couple that we are friends with who are already involved in swinging. My husband and I have discussed the idea of of all 4 of us being together. We don't know how to bring up the topic to them.

There is one other slight complication. Although we are good friends, the woman is my husband's ex and they have a child. Would it be wrong to be intimate with this couple? I think we all have an attraction to one another, but I'm unsure about the morality of it all.

Should we suggest something or leave it a fantasy?

[Pixey]

Hello! This will be the first time I help someone on this board! People on here are very nice and genuine. They are a boat load of support! My husband and I have been swinging for about 3 months and only been with 2 couples intimately but have dated about a dozen. Meeting people in this lifestyle is easier than you might think. My husband and I have an ad on Swing Lifestyle.com. We have found lots of really nice people there.

Exploring the idea of swinging is an incredible and wonderful undertaking for your relationship/marriage and should not be taken lightly. As much as it has been a fanstasy for us to think about adding our "pre-lifestyle" friends to our lifestyle, it's best we don't. With your husband having a child with his ex is placing you in a situation of seeing them be intimate, may open up the possibility to emotions resurfacing that split them up in the first place. Trust us, with the wrong chemistry of people, emotions can run high and ruin already smooth running relationships. Will your husband be okay with his ex setting "rules" that the two of you will "abide" by since you are very new? If you start with people who are fresh to you, the experience can be that much better. Also, the same goes for, if things don't work out, you may leave the "relationship" without ruining any other relationship structure. Don't allow going out and meeting people in the lifestyle intimidate you! No one bites and reputation is everything in this community! Everybody is really polite. When setting up an ad to attract couples that you want, explain your interests (in and out of the bedroom). To our great surprise, we have found people that have alot in common with us. Sometimes, even more than our "pre-lifestyle" friends! There are lots of incredilbly clean, nice, attractive people in this lifestyle that you'll have tons of funs with. As always with everything, be careful when screening people. Your heart and intuition will lead you in the right direction.

Move into the unknown without trepidation, you won't be disappointed, I promise!

Good Luck!

[WesternSwing]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

There is one other slight complication. Although we are good friends, the woman is my husband's ex and they have a child. Would it be wrong to be intimate with this couple? I think we all have an attraction to one another, but I'm unsure about the morality of it all.

Should we suggest something or leave it a fantasy?

Everybody has their own situation, and what works for one doesn't always work for the other. But one of our rules is no ex's. No ex-girlfriends or boyfriends, no ex-spouses. Personally I would think it could open up a can of worms.

Mr. WS

[SexualPlaymate]

I have to say no. I would not be able to handle the implications of taking past lovers and putting them back in that situation...you love your man, and I think it would jepordise the relationship you have if you put him in a situation to re-live the feelings he used to have for his ex.

We are also on Swinglifestyle.com and think you should look there, don't get me wrong...not everyone there is looking for the same things you will be looking for, but you'll have the chance to meet people that you don't have a past with. The wrong past with the right future could end up cutting you out of the picture...I'm sure you don't want that!

Good luck! I hope you find what you are looking for!

-M&A

[corkwan]

i share your feeling about sex with strangers, and how it would be much nicer to have sex with friends. but, aside from the ex- aspect, there is also the risk to your friendship. if you want to read my tale of woe, click on my profile and find my earliest post. in short, friends may seem great to play with, and could be great, but if anything goes wrong, or you breach an inimate barrier which causes discomfort, then you risk loosing the friendship, and possibly a whole circle of friends.

many people don't like sex with strangers. so you'll see quite a few couples looking for friendship as well as sex. many like to build up some level of familiarity before jumping into bed. you just have to spend a lot of time and effort (don't kid yourself, it is not easy) finding the right people. that said, going on dates with your partner can be very fun and exciting.... and at the end of the day, you go home with someone no matter what.

[Sweet_Candy]

Welcome! Short and sweet...don't do it. The are to many issues that have the potential to explode with this arrangement. Take some time and meet others who are not within your circle of friends. Been there, done that...friendship destroyed.

Sweet

[midnight hour]

Every case would be different I would think...I have met some ex couples who have better relationships now then when they were married...I know the first MFM we did was with a ex boyfriend of mine...we had all become good friends, he was not attached, Mr. Midnight knew he would treat me with respect etc...and it worked out wonderfully...they become really good friends, and actually I think if he was still around it would have went poly...lol...but there was NO kids, no ex marriages there either....

Midnight Hour

[kevin&danielle]

Having sex with an ex, now that's just gross Well because we basically hate our ex's, we don't think that opportunity will pop up in our lifetime. Thank goodness

Kevin

[wolfnblu]

LOL, Kevin! My thoughts eggzactly!!! Gross!

[Mrs Spoomonkey]

I'm afraid I have to jump on the band wagon and say to the sex with ex's.

I don't even want to be friends with my ex let alone get into a swing situation with him. If you are friends with your ex or your husband's ex that is great. It can make life less miserable when there are kids involved. It just puts too much at risk for potential problems to arise in a swing situation. As others have suggested try Swing Lifestyle (Swing Lifestyle) or maybe even a club. Meeting someone one new can be intimidating but it can be very fun too.

Good Luck

Mrs Spoomonkey

[Spoomonkey]

It's hard to advise you guys because we just don't know how amicable the split was. I mean, I suppose it could be an okay thing - but it's hard to say that considering the fact that I have to agree with Kevin - my ex curdles my milk.

The best advice I could give you is that you really don't want that kind of complication. It is just a little too close to home - and if things go bad, with an ex, they could go really bad.

Spoomonkey

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by Mrs Spoomonkey

I don't even want to be friends with my ex let alone get into a swing situation with him.

He might not like it if he was standing there naked and I was just laughing and pointing...



Spoomonkey (Mrs Spoo's trade UP!)