Were They Any Good?

[phreakykouple]

Hello all, we are Zell and Thea. We have been in the lifestyle for three years and love it. We like to perform oral on each other and fell comfortable that we know what we are doing. We were wondering if you in your experiences, had any experience with a person(male or female) that didn't know what they were doing orally or intercouse?

[SW_PA_Couple]

Originally Posted by phreakykouple

Hello all, we are Zell and Thea. We have been in the lifestyle for three years and love it. We like to perform oral on each other and fell comfortable that we know what we are doing. We were wondering if you in your experiences, had any experience with a person(male or female) that didn't know what they were doing orally or intercouse?

Well, yeah, I guess. I encountered a woman who couldn't take my penis into her mouth without sinking her teeth into my pork sword. I diplomatically suggested that she should turn over so I could do her doggie style. The evening ended well. JoAnn encountered a man who seemed to think foreplay consisted of laying on his back and waiting for her to "do something". That evening did not end well.

I guess you have encountered one or more inept sex partner. In way ways have they fallen short?

~Michael -- a man who wants to know so that he makes no similar mistakes

[exploringRM]

On the other side of this issue, and being relatively new to swinging, it's sometimes hard to adjust to a new person, nerves, different response from wife, differences in size/body type..and basically just different. Viva la difference but sometimes there's a learning curve

[sweet_tna]

Yep, it happens. As a wise friend once told me, "bad sex it is a toxic byproduct of of the lifestyle."

You do what you can to "help" your partner find his or her way, and either you're willing to give 'em another go or you're not.

Hope your next experience is a much better one.

=)

[siren52]

I've been lucky I guess, unless I was the badly skilled one. Now I'm paranoid.

[TNT]

Originally Posted by phreakykouple

We were wondering if you in your experiences, had any experience with a person(male or female) that didn't know what they were doing orally or intercouse?

I'm not so sure it's a matter of them not "knowing" what they're doing but, more so of them not doing what it is that I enjoy.

Everyone is different and everyone likes different things. Just because someone does something that you don't necessarily like or makes you "think" they don't know what they're doing, does not mean that they aren't doing exactly what someone else thinks is perfect.

For example: I've had men that just didn't eat pussy the way I like it, which could be interrupted as they didn't know what they were doing. However, just because I didn't like it doesn't mean that they wouldn't have been doing it just right for someone else.

The only time I would seriously think someone didn't know what they were doing is if they just laid there like a dead fish.


Teresa

[IvoryTowers]

Well, there may be people out there who are actually 'bad' by all accounts (chewing on a penis is always bad!), but I think it is more likely that styles don't match.

We swapped with a couple a while back who were charming, sexy and attentive. But when he started going down on me it was like he was trying to jackhammer through my clit! I practically jumped off the bed! Meanwhile, Mr. Ivory is getting no response from the female half of the couple with his oral efforts. Well, written up like this, it's obvious what was going on, but in the heat of the moment, with two women who were trying to be polite and subtle in their cues, it took a while to make everyone happy!

Since then, we've been much more upfront about asking for and giving directions. We try to be sexy rather than drill sergeant-esque, but we've realized that there's enough variation in what people like that it's just better to ask and tell (and show).

[socolais]

No one wants to be involved with "bad sex" when it's happening, but even bad sex really aint all that bad. I know my contributions sometimes fall short of perfect for my playmate but it's always a fun time. I'm beginning to think it's all about how comfortable we are communicating with each other. The times when communication was "easy" were much more satisfying.

[SecretAsianMan]

I've had very few "bad" sexual experiences - but most of those I can attribute at least partially to my own lack of communication to my partner about what I enjoy.

I've found that MOST people I'm with are very open to suggestions & encouragement on how they could improve what they're doing to make my experience better. And I always try to word it in a positive way...

After all... there's really no single technique which works for EVERYONE. And what I like may not be what this person's past partners have enjoyed.

[Chicup]

Perhaps the most often comparison I've heard to good sex is playing a musical instrument. I also think its not quite right and its cliched.

I think of it more like cooking. Anyone can learn, no matter how bad a cook, to make ONE good dish, through practice and trial and error. Eventually, if you work hard enough at it, you will be able to please one partner. I find this applies more to women then men. Men are far more straight forward on what gets them off.

So your wife may require a certain type of stimulus to get off, which is different from the next woman you try to sexually please.

What makes a good lover is NOT having to be told what to do. Sure when we are not finding the right spots, we men appreciate some help, but no one wants to have to tell you how to have sex with them, and a good lover (in the most loose use of the term) will be able to figure out from visual/physical cues whats working. Lets be honest ladies would you rather lead a guy into it like someone directing an aircraft to the terminal, or would you rather just lay there and have him know what to do?

This is where skill, experience, and attention to detail comes into play for the man. He needs to be able to tell whats not working, and know where to experiment to find out what does work. Does her breathing change? Does she clamp down on her vaginal muscles? Is her back arching slightly? Is she turned on to start with? And a 100 other subtle clues that will let you know if you are doing the right things.

Some men, only know how to please their one partner (if that) so they will need explicit guidance. Some men will be more like a good cook and not know what to do completely, but if you tell them what you need done, they will be able to do it at the right time with a good result. Some men are the chefs, who always know how to adjust to their particular ingredient and don't need much in the way of feed back.

[wlhotwife]

This is an interesting issue, and one that I've been thinkng about a lot lately, because I've had a few less than explosive encounters lately.

Chicup, I love your response. You really hit the nail on the head.

Personally, I don't really like telling someone what to do, because that can be somewhat limiting. I don't want to miss out on a new technique or style that really gets me off, because my partner is sticking to something that I've found to work time after time.

So the first time I play with someone, I like to see what they like to do, and give minimal guidance. That's not to say I won't speak up if something hurts, or I really don't like what they are doing. I'm not sure this is the best approach, because sometimes this leads to frustration, when things just aren't working right. (I have to say my partners have been more bothered than I have when I haven't reached orgasm.)

I agree that good communication leads to good sex. Being comfortable enough with a partner to discuss what you like and need is essential to a healthy sexual relationship. But there is also value in being open to new experiences.

[JustAskJulie]

Sadly, I've encountered more people who have no clue what they are doing orally than I have those that do. What surprises me the most is that so many women know what they enjoy orally but can't seem to perform the same actions on someone else.

I should add that I have encountered a rare few that REALLY knew what they were doing.

[wlhotwife]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

Sadly, I've encountered more people who have no clue what they are doing orally than I have those that do. What surprises me the most is that so many women know what they enjoy orally but can't seem to perform the same actions on someone else.

I should add that I have encountered a rare few that REALLY knew what they were doing.

Wow, Julie...I admit I'm probably one of those women in the former category. I love receiving oral, it totally rocks my world, so much so that I don't really know exactly what my partner is doing to elicit such a response.
In the few instances when I've found myself face to pussy, I didn't really know what to do. Oh, i know...kiss and lick and suck, but beyond that--how fast, how much pressure, exact spot to focus on, etc. I really had no clue, and felt too self conscious to ask questions. I mean shouldn't a woman know how to please another woman?
I'm still pretty new to the lifestyle, and have very little experience with other women, and to be totally honest, I'm not even sure how sexually attracted I am to women. I love the idea of girl on girl, but I don't crave pussy like I do a nice hard cock.
So am I hopelessly hetero, or is it just a comfort level thing?

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by wlhotwife

So am I hopelessly hetero, or is it just a comfort level thing?

Only you know the answer to that. And even if you aren't into women.. there's really nothing wrong with that.