We chickened out...

[warrencouple]

Last night the Mrs and I were intending to go to our first event (an off-premise club) Well, one thing and another, by the time we start to get moving (going to eat first) we realize it's already 7:00pm, the M&G starts at 8:00pm, and neither of us are dressed for it (me in jeans and t-shirt / sweatshirt, her pretty much the same) We both discussed it for a bit, and decided to bow out on the M&G, but we'd do a "drive by" of where the club is, to try to get a feel for "appropriate" attire for our next attempt.


Personally, I'd like to be able to just wear jeans (clean of course), and a collared polo style shirt, but it seems the suggested attire tends more towards "business casual" (docker style khakis, dress shirt)

Maybe in a week or two, we'll try again. The club in particular, next week is having a band night, open to the public, the week after that is a b-day party for one of the hostesses, so not open to the public. I'm going to discuss with the Mrs going for the b-day party.

Mr.

[magiriano]

There's nothing worst than not being confortable.
Confortable in general as in being yourself.
Last night we went out with a couple we were skeptical about. They're free spirited people, love their bike(s) and their tatoos........But the initial email we got from them was so sweet and so well written.
Anyway so off we went, to the bowling alley which is in a casino, fearing that we gonna meet the H A on wheels.
It wasn't so.
They were the sweetest couple we ever met, down to earth, what you see it what you get type.
We both loved the date.
Turns out that they're both proffessionals, family oriented people and honest to a fault.
If dressing casual is what makes you two confortable, then so be it, the ones that are not shallow will go past the initial appearances and see you for who you are, not who you pretend to be.
Just my 0.02

[fun4Ds]

Ya know, I found myself with the Aluras before a club visit once. I was "attire challenged" you might say...

The thing is, Al told me before we got there "If they didn't like what I had on, they weren't getting his 50 bucks either " No one even questioned me. I carry that idea with me now.

Don't let that hold ya back. If they say you cant get in, pull yer money out and let them see it, kind of flair it out (works better with 10's and 5's). Then fold it up, and put it in your pocket as your walking away...... with pride.

I have seen every kind of attire in a club.

[arvcpl]

Some time you're just going to have to grit your teeth and say 'torpedoes be dammed!' and go. You will never be 100% ready, there will always be something that will give you reservations. If you look for reasons to wuss out you will always find them.

Your real question to yourselves is do you want to try it..yes or no? If the answer turns out to be no then so be it. If the answer is yes than as long as neither of you is physically ill or otherwise completely impair and as long as there is no actual honest emergency taking place then put on something clean and comfortable and go.

Within a hour of arriving you will be kicking yourself in the ass for wussing out before.

[JustAskJulie]

It seems like most clubs encourage the dockers pants more to discourage the ratty jeans and tshirts that would walk in if they didn't encourage the dockers... that sais I haven't seen a club yet that actually enforces the "dockers" dress code. As long as you make an effort (and jeans and a nice polo are more effort than I've seen some people put in) you'll probably be fine.

[PB&J]

Just please don't wear running shoes.

[good times]

Unfortunately, it has been our experience that if a club doesn't have, or doesn't enforce a dress code, not much sex happens there. We have seen a couple of clubs not have a dress code, and the fact is, left to their own choice, we were surprised how many people show up to the club looking like slobs. How they expect to attract anyone, I have no idea. Of course these are the same folks that complain later that no one at that club is interested in playing. It never dawns on them that if you do not "dress to impress" no one will be impressed with you.

So, while I can understand folks that say you should dress in what you feel comfortable wearing, casual is for the beach not a swingers club.

That said, I too have never seen anyone turned away at a club unless they were violating the dress code pretty bad. But if you do show up in jeans and a t-shirt, don't be surprised if people aren't falling all over themselves to hook up with you, or even to get to know you.

[MrkLin]

I wear nice looking jeans (either blue or black) with a golf shirt all the time, and I've never had a problem. Nobody has ever commented on what I'm wearing, other than to say they want me out of my pants

About the only thing I've ever heard from any of the clubs we've been to is that one of them doesn't allow a shirt with no collar - read that as T-shirt. Even they suspend that rule when there are special events in town like hot rod shows or motorcycle shows.

The worst that can happen is that you're turned away at the door. And it's like fun4ds said - if they see your money first, they probably won't say a word.

[ownerspet]

I don't know that I've ever seen anyone ever turned away at a swingers club for not dressing up. I would check with the club by email or phone, to ask what level of dress is acceptable or more of what the average male and female patrons wear. For myself, most of the time I attend a club, I usually wear nice jeans and a button down shirt. Although, I have been known to show up to a club in a swingers board t-shirt on an occasion or two, but other than that, I wouldn't normally just wear any jeans and a t-shirt (not even a nice t-shirt). Most socials and/or clubs, we have been to, Nice Jeans and a button down or polo for guys is acceptable, and you have a few that dress up a little beyond that.

One more point: Keep in mind if the average patrons are dressed nicer than you, you may feel uncomfortable (as in under-dressed), and as someone already implied you may be considered to be less than attractive compared to some of the individuals/couples that are dressed a little nicer. As a result of being under-dressed in comparison, you may most-likely find yourself frustrated that no one spoke to you or seemed interested.

That's my 2 cents.....

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by warrencouple

Last night the Mrs and I were intending to go to our first event (an off-premise club) Well, one thing and another, by the time we start to get moving (going to eat first) we realize it's already 7:00pm, the M&G starts at 8:00pm, and neither of us are dressed for it (me in jeans and t-shirt / sweatshirt, her pretty much the same)

I wonder if you didn't really want to go in the first place.

I think all people sometimes subconsciously sabotage their plans because deep down they've had a change of heart.

To head out to eat an hour before an event knowing you aren't dressed for the event and would still have to go back home and change, that doesn't leave you near enough time.

I remember our first club night, we planned for days. Had the clothes pressed and ready, polished the shoes, got hair cuts, did all the primping that goes into heading to your first High School prom.

When you are truly ready, you'll probably be doing the same, even if you choose a clean pair of jeans and your best polo, you'll get everything lined up way in advance for take off.

LM

[warrencouple]

Thanks everyone!

No, I wouldn't wear a t-shirt to a club, in general. I might wear one going around with the wife to stores, but for something like this, I think I'd go for a little nicer.

Polo / golf shirt I'd be comfortable in, along with khakis, as that's my everyday work attire (casual Fridays allow jeans with same shirt style, although that is sort of changing for my dept), so no bother to me there. For some reason, I was thinking dressing *much* nicer, say dress pants, button down shirt. Then, I tend to get uncomfortable.

That being said, having looked at photos from the club in question, posted by the hostesses, I think the golf / polo shirt, nice jeans or khakis will be about average...

Thanks again all!

We're going to try again in two weeks, so wish us luck!


Mr.

[warrencouple]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

I wonder if you didn't really want to go in the first place.

I think all people sometimes subconsciously sabotage their plans because deep down they've had a change of heart.

To head out to eat an hour before an event knowing you aren't dressed for the event and would still have to go back home and change, that doesn't leave you near enough time.

I remember our first club night, we planned for days. Had the clothes pressed and ready, polished the shoes, got hair cuts, did all the primping that goes into heading to your first High School prom.

When you are truly ready, you'll probably be doing the same, even if you choose a clean pair of jeans and your best polo, you'll get everything lined up way in advance for take off.

LM

We actually decided before we left to eat to skip going the other night, but I see your point, and likely, you are correct. We both realize, regardless, we're taking a very big step. We're not going to go for full or even soft swap, and we were (and still are) fully expecting that likely, nothing will happen, anyways, not the first time or first several times, other than we'll end up meeting some new people, maybe becoming friends with some of them.

The Mrs states she has zero interest in other women, and no interest in sex with another man, but is willing to entertain the idea of having sex with another couple in the room, and possibly, maybe, someday, letting another woman "help" give me a blowjob. I'm not going to pressure her, at all. We're going forward at the pace of the slowest person, which right now is her.

Not that I wasn't a willing participant in bailing out on going last night...

[PB&J]

The first time we went to a club, walking through that door was probably the hardest thing I'd ever done. Seriously. And the countless stories of people sitting in the parking lot, trying to get enough courage to get in there... you're not alone. But believe me... it's worth the butterflies.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by warrencouple

That being said, having looked at photos from the club in question, posted by the hostesses, I think the golf / polo shirt, nice jeans or khakis will be about average...

Thanks again all!

We're going to try again in two weeks, so wish us luck!


Mr.

I think you'll be fine, and hopefully you'll feel a lot more comfortable about things now that you got that issue out of the way. Don't be scared, I've been to a few of the socials in your area and most of the people are quite friendly and the usual "northern chill" wears off inside a swinger social pretty quickly.

As you said, just go with no expectations other than a fun evening in a sexy atmosphere and you'll be fine.

[ncmd_couple]

When my wife and I went to our first swinger’s club, there was a lot of preparation. My wife loves to dress me up, a big contrast to my first wife which I love, it makes her happy, and it makes me happy to look good in her eyes. She sweated bullets over what she was wearing and I’m pretty sure that she had 10 outfits on the hook for a last minute change on her part any time during the night, and she did change several times, all of the outfits were sexy. She picked my dress slacks, my button down shirt, everything. And I wore what she picked for me. We had a great time and I was comfortable and loved the experience. She shops for me and picks out my clothes for parties. I love it! I have never looked better I think.

We went to a meet-n-greet at a bar in New York last year. Now two years into swinging I still ask her, “What do you want me to wear my love?” And I very happily wear what she picks out for me. The couples that were at that meet-n-greet were dressed in various clothes, but we were disappointed, shorts and a t-shirt on some of the guys were not impressive. Most of the ladies were dressed like they were going to Wal-Mart. We still had a good time, but there wasn’t any real attraction. There wasn’t that sexy atmosphere. After the M-n-G broke up, it moved to the hotel. My wife had a work problem that she had to check on her laptop, so I walked down to the room where everyone was supposed to meet. Jeans and t-shirts and dominoes’ pizza boxes all over the place at one in the morning are not a very sexy environment either. I still participate in that group on Swing Lifestyle. But they are all hunting for others to play with, but can never figure out why no one plays. They just talk about it. It is because there is no sexual tension in the room. They play games as mixers as all groups do. But the underlying sexual tension and desire is missing because almost none of them showed up looking sexy.

I think I prefer the Cottage, everyone dresses to impress. The ladies change into sexy clothes and hit the dance floor after dinner, they were sexy before, but the witching hour as I call it, had all the ladies going to the ladies room to put on their really sexy clothes. Dance some, and then go get naked in the hot tub with 3-7 couples. Then who knows what is going to be happening there or in the play rooms or on the dance floor. But I know it isn’t going to be dominoes’ pizza. Then go back up to the bar with a towel wrapped around your waist and have a drink and then dance some more. Then off to the play rooms again.

The great thing about a swinger’s club that is well run is the sexy environment. Everyone dressing their best, which best may be a see through negligee and high heels and nothing else. It might be a button down shirt unbuttoned. Looking sexy, feeling sexy. Jeans and a t-shirt for us don’t fit that. A towel wrapped around your waist after being in the hot tub is much better.

My personal feeling is that dressing to impress is what promotes the sexy environment of a club. Yes, if it is a motorcycle poker run that day, then it is a sexy biker night and yes we have the bike and dress the part. It is the creativity of playing the theme, looking sexy, feeling sexy, and being sexy that is important.

We have come to learn that it is different in different environments. To each their own, but this is what we have learned.

S